Things my mother taught me:

[Tombstone]

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going

kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of

the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up,

I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear,

in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you

something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth

and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you *look* at the dirt

on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that

spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept

through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled

because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've

told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this

world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like

your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate

children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

[woppy71]

As funny as ever, Tombstone!!:wah::wah:

[Marie5656]

My mom taught me patience:"Just wait till your father comes home!