The Value of Honesty In a Relationship

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Feb 05, 2005 4:21 am

Charlie wrote: I think we can all agree that honesty is the foundation of a solid relationship, but to what extent is it compulsary? Every guy in here will agree that 'honestly' telling your girlfriend she doens't look good in something she's just purchased is probably not a relationship strengthener. Conversely, us fellas do not love being told that you care not at all for our sports, video games, and other such activities.

So my question is this, at what point, and under what circumstances is it okay to lie in a relationship?
Deciding not to be brutally honest, does not create a liscence to be dishonest.

It is sometimes wiser to keep painful observations to ones self. Lying causes pain when the truth is revealed. Distinguishing between the two is a fine line. It is the ability to discern which is acquired by a moral concience as we live and learn.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Feb 05, 2005 7:20 am

The trick is to be honest without being visicious. I'd rather my husband tell me that I don't look good in something, than to have my best friend tell me after he's let me wear it 10 times.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Feb 05, 2005 7:26 am

hi Charlie, and welcome to FG! as to honesty, i just hook 'em up to the polygraph! :wah: just kidding!

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat Feb 05, 2005 9:31 am

Honesty is the most important thing to me in a relationship. Tact is helpful but not essential. If my partner lies about liking a bad haircut I can understand that the haircut can not be returned or the hair put back on my head so stating dislike is rather pointless. But if they dislike it and tell me I don't mind either. The more honest someone is the more you can be sure where you stand with them. But everyone is different. I like blunt honesty because I am bluntly honest. To a fault.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Feb 05, 2005 10:20 am

Without HONESTY you can't have any kind of relationships..!!

, and that includes yourself.

It is the first thing we all look for in people, if they aren't honest, then there will never be trust, and if you can't trust someone, you can't continue a relationship with them for very long. Well at least I can't

Der Wulf · Post by **Der Wulf** » Sat Feb 05, 2005 10:47 am

I think that honesty per se, is a moot issue. The primary issue has to be respect. If you truely respect your mate, you will consistantly do what's in her best interest. Using the example of appearance, would you be less honest with your mate, than you would be with your male buddy's?

Truth is, if she's not your best buddy, then your relationship has little chance of survival. :-6

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Feb 05, 2005 10:57 am

DER WULF,

I agee with you, respect is crucial, without it no relationship lasts very long...

How do you respect someone who isn't honest?? Honesty is the cornerstone for all relationships.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sat Feb 05, 2005 11:25 am

lady cop wrote: hi Charlie, and welcome to FG! as to honesty, i just hook 'em up to the polygraph! :wah: just kidding!

HA! And then you come across someone like Gary Ridgeway who aces one

of those suckers... only to be found out what 20 years later that he did it?

(Green River Killer)

My husband and I are honest with each other and respect each other, but

when it comes to some things like "fashion" I don't worry too much about

what he says 'cause the poor dear doesn't really have that much hmmm

how to say it... artistic sense? If he told me something looked awful but

I knew it looked good, I would go with my gut. Not that I'm a fashion plate

or anything, but I've caved sometimes on household stuff that I forever after

surely wish I hadn't!!

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Feb 05, 2005 12:27 pm

If i ask B/F "do you like it" or ask him what he thinks he always says yes or its nice, my next question is "Now what d'ya REALLY think" inevitably he'll tell the truth, dont know why we play this game but he seems to think i have inbuilt radar and i know that he's lying!!

I suppose some may say that if your partener can lie about little things then they can lie about anything, i dont see it i just call it tact.

Der Wulf · Post by **Der Wulf** » Sat Feb 05, 2005 10:51 pm

abbey wrote: If i ask B/F "do you like it" or ask him what he thinks he always says yes or its nice, my next question is "Now what d'ya REALLY think" inevitably he'll tell the truth, dont know why we play this game but he seems to think i have inbuilt radar and i know that he's lying!!

I suppose some may say that if your partener can lie about little things then they can lie about anything, i dont see it i just call it tact.
Or trust, whatever the term, I would consider the lack of it to be a fatal defect.:yh_peace

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:20 pm

I guess if you ask for an opinion you had better be prepared for an honest answer. If you know your partner and they are going to gloss over it to be kind then you better be prepared for that kind of answer. 2 very different expectations and you have to decide on one or the other.

Honesty is key in a relationship, brutal honesty can be harsh but you then develop a thicker skin and accept the pure truths.