Lost Soul

[shadow man]

:-The story of shadow man.:-1

They was once a young country boy who just wanted friends

he went to all lengths to acheave this goal,

but this was not ment to be

what ever he did, or how ever hard he tried

is was never good enough for any one.

he was a small boy and just got to be to but of

all jokes and always ending up in the headmaster room

NOT YOU AGAIN HE WOULD SAY.

but...never mind he would say youg man you always are

telling on others, Yes this was the story of my life, i got pick on

and fun made of him most days. As this was a depresing time

his school work sufferd, and as a restult let everyone down,

not only people he wanted to be his friend but now he has

started to let his Folks down, so after many of hours of hassel

at school the , mental bullying has now reached home,

You'll never amount to anything son his farther would say

day after day after day, to a point of unhappiness and pain.

In his teanage years he suddnley found he could get one with

girls better than boys as they tend not to judge as much, he

was a nice lad a heart BUT nice didnt seam to get him anywere

all he wanted was some one to love , but the more and more he

tried he turned into some one he wasnt, he ran with a few gangs

and started getting into trouble not in a big way but never the less

this was a bad path, and in his heart new it, consiquently his life

was getting worse at home, so one day up't and left with no one

to turn to palledup with a nother rough crowd,

But allass things were looking up, he found a girl at first she didnt realy

like him but then found out he was not like the others, he was realy a kind

gental guy who appered to be on the wrong side of the street, after a few

months things moved to another level with this girl and finaly was invited

to stay with her family, this was all new to him, the first time in his life, he

had been realy like for who he was , BUT..this was not going to be all sweetness

and light, he was in rough part of town with a bad brother to contend with,

Things were realy going great with his new girl and he was so happy, after a year

or so the brother started to get into trouble with the law mainly for steeling, to get away form this all he moved out for a while with his girl to her family caravan.

things were great they were on there own and enjoying life,

But while he was away stories reached them or the brother up to his usual trick

but they had got worse he had now started to deal drugs from the family house,

so a jouney back was in order, ( this bit i am leaving out ) no he is OK..for now

after a while, and at the age of 18 His girl got pregnant and months later a baby

girl was born. this was a happy time but at way the wrong age, this were all to

much for the youg couple and after a year they split. :-1

he is now nearly 20 with no were to go, jobs have never been good as if you remember his school days were not so good. and ended up on park benches

But finaly got taken in my one of his ex girlfriends nabours, she was a nice lady

about 10 years older and divored, yep you guessed it more trouble, the ex husband, he didnt take to kindly to the youg boy moving in. so allass this didnt

last long either, and was finaly rescued by his family.

With his heart in the wright place and wanting to try and mend things that had

been broken so many years ago, things did improve, but still he was trying too hard, again he was never hiself always try and trying to impress his family

and at the age of 24 turned to drink, for three years this went on but he maitained his false life, suddenly at he age of 28 found a old school friend

( girl ) and within a year they were married, but as this was a old school friend

the family were a little worried about this marrage, as she was a reasonably

wealthy girl now marrying the teanage reble. all ways trying to fit in and prove them wrong , he started his own bussiness for a while this went well but after

a few years this started to take a dive. BIG PROBLEM. As he had borrowed big time from the bank and got a ten year shop lease. this was just another mountain in this guys life a a big fall was comming. the close of his bussiness

put the guy into 4 months of depession pills drink and sleep , finaly dragging him self out of this found that he had lost a big part of his soul, he had lost abbition

and the will to suceed with years of dead end jobs has now brought his life to a big question mark........Were to go from here, driffted apart from his wife with nothing in common, ( he prob. never did ) He is sort of at peace with him self at

40 now. But Stands on the edge of the tallest mountain in life.....THE END OF A 40 YEAR LIFE AND STILL NEVER FOUND HAPPINESS OR HIM SELF.

You can probably see now why the Name Shadow man

i know this person very well and if i were to try and discribe him in a few words

I would say a nice guy, No Brad Pit. but with a heart of gold but sadly he has lost

all determination , and the will to succeed happy to plod along day by day.

[shadow man]

if what your saying is trure ' then that would be ok if the person was happy with themselves, after years of being mental bullying one becomes to actualy belive

that they are not good enough no matter what they do.

this, i have real proof is trure.

i belive know one is qualified to make a assumsion like this unless

they have been in this situation

But its a interesting quote you have made,...

shadow.

[shadow man]

you cann't say its self pitty............I dont feel sorry for my self.

No were in my story . unhappyness is a different thing alltogether

shadow

This would be the sort of comment i would expect from some one who

doesnt understand. The cruelty have have suffered

[shadow man]

[QUOTE=flopstock]The cool thing about self pity is that you become quite sure that no one has possibly had as bad or worse a time then you have, whether that is in fact the case or not.



Oh No.

i do belive that people have had the same or worse,

and i think my self a very lucky person to have survived as well as i have, if you read , my post fully you will have read at the end , i am now at piece with my self and do belive i am a good and nice person,

i also belive that the people involved in the bad in my life are a lower life, i am the better person because i see good in people not bad, it has also given me the ability to judge people very well.

But this is not what this is all about...........My story has not been posted not to agree or disagree with peoples comments,

i have never told this story of my life to anyone or nor does anyone realy know how i feel.

i am just a observer of my post to see how people react , and felt it would make me feel better to get this off my chest it has been buried for way to long.

Shadow.

[jennyswan]

Hey Shadow

You're story is quite moving but what do they say, life begins at 40 and how exciting a new beginning can be.

Go back to college, do something that you're really interested in.

Don't find too much peace with yourself until you've found happiness first...



Love Jen xxxx

[shadow man]

jennyswan wrote: Hey Shadow

You're story is quite moving but what do they say, life begins at 40 and how exciting a new beginning can be.

Go back to college, do something that you're really interested in.

Don't find too much peace with yourself until you've found happiness first...



Love Jen xxxx


Hey Jenny long time no speak. you must PM some time for a chat.

Shadow,;)

Thanks for your understanding, but College is the last thing on my mind,

its hard to explain but i have a real problem with learning, after my depresion

the pills and boose its left me with a learning dificulty, its wierd, i am quite

inteligent in many ways but come to tests and i go to pieces my mind just

goes blank. my current job is a every changing industry and i have

to set simple tests every week to update us on products and stuff . i do quite

well in my job, my be not excell but i do ok, but come to thiose test and it takes

a bit of doing.

I am hoping to do some traveling and see what becomes of me. i might end back

here at square one or i may find what i am looking for.

Shadow

[jennyswan]

Hey Shadow

Travelling is a great idea. It's loads of fun to see what other cultures are like.

Sometimes it amazes me how other lands are so different in their behavious and things that we would consider outrageous here in Ireland keeps other lands running perfectly.

Any ideas where you are going to go?

[shadow man]

jennyswan wrote: Hey Shadow

Travelling is a great idea. It's loads of fun to see what other cultures are like.

Sometimes it amazes me how other lands are so different in their behavious and things that we would consider outrageous here in Ireland keeps other lands running perfectly.

Any ideas where you are going to go?


think i may stick to english speaking countries, i have a real passion

for wildlife, so The Keys , Canada and australia apeal, I would love Africa

But i am a little worried about surviving there as a lone wolf in a

untamed country.

Shadow

[jennyswan]

think i may stick to english speaking countries, i have a real passion

for wildlife, so The Keys , Canada and australia apeal, I would love Africa

But i am a little worried about surviving there as a lone wolf in a

untamed country.




Ah somehow I think you'd manage

Sounds like great places. New Zealand is supposed to be gorgeous. :-6