Dear Dogs and Cats

[Peg]

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The

other

dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print

in

the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming

your

food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the

slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating me

to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I

fall

faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry

about

this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure

your

comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

It

is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to

the

fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out

and

having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing

but

sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by

some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is

not

necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw

under

the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same

door

I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or

feline

attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's

butt. I

cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on

our

front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About our

Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the

furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter

who is

short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and

cats

are better than kids .they eat less, don't ask for money all the time,

are

easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't

hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry

about

having

to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a

gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell

the

children.

[OpenMind]

Can I be your elephant?:) :-6

[nvalleyvee]

Amen..............

[Rapunzel]

tmbsgrl wrote: That is the cutest.. Thanks for posting it!:-4


Agreed. Thanks Peg, I chortled aloud over this one and have added it to my jokes collection! hehe