Galbally's Advice Column for FG.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 3:24 am

This is a classic and interesting moral question first posed by Heinrich Himmler in 1937. In his case the advice was yes and make sure its made of lead and fired from a battleship. In your case I would advise you to certainly crease her with a good dirty snowball while standing behind a more junior member of your team, when she turns around in rage, simply point at the junior collegue from behind their back, roll your eyes to heaven, and mutter "so childish, so childish, tut tut".

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 3:38 am

I can do that !

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 6:27 am

Galbally wrote: I3. Single moms should behave as little as possible when they go out, and they should dress like princesses, as being a single mom is hard work, and they deserve to have a laugh once in a while.

Are you suggesting I should dress like this to go pubbing and clubbing

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Wed Nov 16, 2005 10:24 am

Betty Boop wrote: Are you suggesting I should dress like this to go pubbing and clubbing

Perfect Betty Boop, that is exactly what you shoud wear! You will look very graceful down the local Witherspoons.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 7:39 am

ArnoldLayne wrote: Is there any milage in me tracing back my ancestry, since I have just discovered that Brian May of Queen can trace his hair back to Louis XIV

Indeed, your hair is often a good indicator of your ancestry, for example it is not commonly known that Kerry Jones of Sterophonics is a close relative of Abraham Lincoln, or that Madonna is a descendent of Elenor of Aquitane. BTW, I was listening to that song Pink Floyd wrote about you, its quite good! Of course everyone knows that Rodger Waters is the great, great (x18) grandson of Charlemange.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 10:16 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Hello Dr Galbally,

I was drinking rum last night, and discovered something had slipped down past my mattress that required me to extend my right arm into a deep crevass to reach it. Now my right ribs hurt. Is it liver damage or have I just hurt myself while being in a drunken stupor?

It wasn't that bikers helmet by any chance? This may be carpal tunnel syndrome; however, that is unlikely, it is more probable that you have been gored on a danish cow horn from said gentleman's helmet, again, this goes to prove that your Danephobia was no accident but actually a highly accurate premonition of your future. Whatever the cause it is vital that you do not strain the affected area any further, therefore you must veg out and do nothing for at least the next 12 hours.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 3:46 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: Well since you ask. Arnold has left me to join a band after taking piano lessons from the late Les Dawson ( they met on a recent time shift phase on his way to Basingstoke). My question is, he has written to me requesting I roadie for him on his "Arnold unplugged " tour. I'm not sure my knees are up to it but you know how close dopplegangers are , I wouldnt want to let him down

...:yh_rotfl

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 3:48 pm

Galbally wrote: I have decided that my complete lack of empathy for all human suffering and cruel sense of humour will make me the perfect agony aunt (well uncle) for you people. So if you have any problems, prefferably something that I can get a laugh out of, don't hestitate to write.Another Irish?:wah:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 3:55 pm

capt_buzzard wrote: Another Irish?:wah:

Absolutely. Your back I see! I've been trying to keep them entertained with my paddywhackery, to what extent I this has been sucsessful is uncertain.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 4:01 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: Well since you ask. Arnold has left me to join a band after taking piano lessons from the late Les Dawson ( they met on a recent time shift phase on his way to Basingstoke). My question is, he has written to me requesting I roadie for him on his "Arnold unplugged " tour. I'm not sure my knees are up to it but you know how close dopplegangers are , I wouldnt want to let him down

Indeed, this is an interesting development. Your case has many similarities to a problem that Eric Clapton had with his own time-phased alternate-universe Anti-Clapton, who as people don't often realize was the one responsible for that unplugged b*stardization of "Layla". That matter was eventually resolved using a 12-bore shotgun and a disused quarry in Suffolk. In your case, however, I detect a fondness between your goodself and the anti-arnold. Seeing as it is an unplugged tour and will involve nothing more streuous than a takamine acoustic and a mike, I don't see a problem. However, it is vital (I cannot stress this enough) that you do not touch the anti-arnold at any time as this could give rise to.......................complications.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 5:02 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: Im not really sure if you stressed enough, how much we should not touch, so to be on the safe side I wont. I have however been to see the show. His version of the country classic "I gave her my heart and a diamond but she clubbed me with a spade", brought me close to tears. Hes been snapped up by a top record producer and would like to know which song to bring out as a single

"I wanna beer as cold as my ex-wife's heart" or

"If my nose were full of nickels , I'd blow it all on you "

With your musical background I feel sure you will either help us make a choice or perhaps we could cover one of yours

Excellent, this is an interesting challenge. I will begin work immeadiatly in the key of Z minor (he is an anti-arnold after all) the working title will be "I wana be your only quasi-dimsensional, phase-realigned, temporally adjusted, star lover......baby" it is quite catchy I think.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 6:01 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: Well, the upshot is, we've been given a lot of money to do a duet. The name we've been given is The Arnolds, strangely enough, dont know why, cant see it myself.

Our next release is a ditty called "She Offered her Honour, He Honoured her Offer, and All Through the Night it was Honour and Offer"

We would like you to write the instrumental version , cos you were instrumental in getting us where we are

You sir, have a rare wit. I shall of course do the twidily instrumental bit, it shall be a work to compare with stravinski on angel dust.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 6:14 pm

Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain---unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt. Does this ever happen to you or am I just whacked ?

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 6:24 pm

Your friend Snooze told me to check your thread out, so here I am!

Question: Why am I ambidextrous? Is this normal?

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 7:26 pm

My husband and I love each other very much and have a great marriage. What is wrong with us?

TenneseeGirl · Post by **TenneseeGirl** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 1:56 am

nvalleyvee wrote: My husband and I love each other very much and have a great marriage. What is wrong with us?

Well.... I could name a few things LMFAO!!!! but i think ill refrain! hehehehe jk i love ya mom

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:37 am

Nomad wrote: Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain---unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt. Does this ever happen to you or am I just whacked ?

Nomad, you are suffering from seperation anexiety, this is a serious problem, but not fatal, you may also be slightly "whacked" which complicates matters. It is very important that you reconnect yourself with reality. To this end you need to first remove yourself from society completely. I advise a brief trip to the Amazon Basin, where you should try and make contact with the gonaderieri tribe of hunter gatherers in the northwest of the region. They will instruct you on the basics of human society, (ignore their lessons regarding cannibalism and head-hunting). Upon your return to the U.S. you will feel a new regard for the achievements of modern society, such as your car.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:43 am

Lil~Basco wrote: Your friend Snooze told me to check your thread out, so here I am!

Question: Why am I ambidextrous? Is this normal?

Lil Basco, you are very welcome to the thread, I am always anxious to find new peolpe suffering in various ways as I find such suffering a great source of comfort. It is important that you disregard all advice offered here as I am not a qualified medical practioner, that said, as a disclaimer.

You are ambidexterous, this is normal, as long as you are currently a member of the Harlem Globe Trotters basketball team. If not, then it may be a sign that you are suffering from a social disease. You must immeadiatly desist from using one side of your body, you can achieve this by using novocaine in small quantities. Ignore people's mistaken belief that you are suffering from a stroke, and inform them you are undergiong a "renormalization" procedure. With several years of traiing you will be fit to rejoin normal life once again.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:45 am

nvalleyvee wrote: My husband and I love each other very much and have a great marriage. What is wrong with us?

Your joint belief in your happy maraige is a halucination brought about by inhaling paint fumes. It would be useful for you to engineer a small argument regarding money and then bring this problem to the court of Judge Judy, where that woman will do her upmost to disabuse you of your belief in the possibility of happiness between married couples.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:50 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Woo hoo! She mentioned me.:-4 :p

(OMG, I'm such an attention junky...sorry)

Do not apologize for something beyond your control, however, it would be adviseable for you to seek help with this need for universal acclaim, there are 2 paths you can go by. One, join Nomad on a journey of self-discovery in South America, or 2. start your own religion, (lets call it Snoozism) where the unconditional adoration of your eventual millions of followers will grafitfy your insatiable lust for glory. The details of the religion can be decided upon by yourself, though I am willing to give advice if required.

P.S. Keep an eye on the Danephobia as the 2 conditions can interact creating what is known as a Sweilstig-Holstein complex in which the sufferer becomes convinced that they are the mad king Ludwig of Bavaria, and have an insatiable deire to eat pickled herring. Just something to keep in mind.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 11:15 am

ArnoldLayne wrote: What was the best thing before sliced bread and before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to ?

Sliced bread was invented in the late 19th century (an Englishman I think) so before that, I do not know what people regarded as the best thing going, I shall enquire, though I persolly would have said cheese, wonderful invention. Before there were drawing boards, hmmn, well paper is a chinese invention, adopted by Europeans in the middle ages. So before that they used parchment, papyrus, and vellum etc. So it was back to the "supporting frame for the streched writing medium" I guess.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 3:24 pm

I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap! How should I deal with these self centered cheapos ?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 3:32 pm

Nomad wrote: I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap! How should I deal with these self centered cheapos ?

Yes a common problem, a good way would be to borrow as much money as you can from as many sources as possible, set up a gambling scam, and rake in the rewards. Publicize your success locally. Distribute a small, but decent amount of your winings amoungst the local gambling community, as these people are profligate and generous in general, whilst only paying back the sums you hav borrowed from the meanies to the tune of 1 dollar a month. Write an article in your local newsletter, explaining why you have chosen to punish these destroyers of human (and more importantly your) dignity. You will be feted by your community for years to come.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 3:35 pm

If you're at Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, would it be ok to just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!".

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 3:52 pm

Nomad wrote: If you're at Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, would it be ok to just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!".

That would be an excellent method for dealing with a perennial and annoying problem. Another would be to invite the main sauce and stuffing offenders to your own Thanksgiving, use clotted pigs blood instead of cranberry sauce and rotten fish entrails as the stuffing of an otherwise exquisite meal. If they demur from eating such filth, threaten them with legal action over defamation of character, if this is not effective, then use an assault rifle as a means of coertion. Enjoy your moment of victory as they gag on this banquet of corrupted flesh. It will be hard on them, but they will learn the error of their insidious ways.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 10:00 am

Do you suppose the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 10:49 am

Dear Dr. G:

How much longer must I sit at the kid's table at Thanksgiving dinner?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 11:21 am

Nomad wrote: Do you suppose the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

In my opinion Sparrows are not capable of such sophistry.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 11:24 am

SnoozeControl wrote: LOL, you're such a goofball.

Indeed.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 11:27 am

chonsigirl wrote: Dear Dr. G:

How much longer must I sit at the kid's table at Thanksgiving dinner?

Until you recognize the importance of fully embracing your adulthood. It is important that to this end you stop watching "Bear in the Big Blue House" sell your Barbie collection, and get life insurance.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 11:30 am

Galbally wrote: Indeed.

She meant you and you agreed. HA HA HA HA !

HA HA HA HA HA !

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 11:34 am

Nomad wrote: She meant you and you agreed. HA HA HA HA !

HA HA HA HA HA !

Did I?, I think you may have misjugded the situation.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 11:44 am

Oh.....................never mind.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 12:04 pm

Galbally wrote: Until you recognize the importance of fully embracing your adulthood. It is important that to this end you stop watching "Bear in the Big Blue House" sell your Barbie collection, and get life insurance.
I still have my barbie collection too-the original series.

I'll never give her up!

*resigning myself to kid's table for eternity*

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 12:06 pm

chonsigirl wrote: I still have my barbie collection too-the original series.

I'll never give her up!

*resigning myself to kid's table for eternity*

Well, I did my best.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 12:07 pm

Galbally wrote: Well, I did my best.
*sitting at kid's table reading comic books*

Now, if you still have your matchbox cars orhotwheels you can join me at the kid's table.....

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 12:20 pm

chonsigirl wrote: *sitting at kid's table reading comic books*

Now, if you still have your matchbox cars orhotwheels you can join me at the kid's table.....

I'm more a lego man myself, but if you insist.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 12:23 pm

*laughing*

I have giant legos here, very theraputic for those certain days.

*building a castle*

santa · Post by **santa** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 1:13 pm

*writing down Christmas hints*

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 3:53 pm

Why is it that Jives thinks people only play the word games to chalk up fast posts?