I'll try anything right now, my son has Autistic Traits (but apparently that doesn't make him Autistic )
This past weekend I had a feeling he wasn't well, which makes his already sensitive nature even more sensitive. He was taken to see the new Wallace and Grommit film at the cinema (not by me - it wouldn't occur to me to take him to a film with werewolf in the title :-5 )
Apparently he was absolutely terrified by one part of the film and as a result wouldn't go to bed that evening. He came back to me on Sunday evening looking terrible, he had a temperature and I dosed him with paracetemol and tucked him up in bed. He still had a temperature on Monday morning so he didn't go to school.
He's still off school now, he isn't eating much at all, even turned down chocolate and sweets, I've noticed nothing passes his lips after dark, and he refuses to go anywhere in the flat unless all the lights are turned on. I've even been having to accompany him to the bathroom.
I'm confused now whether this is a physical illness and he's just not feeling well or if it is something going on mentally. Both my daughter and I have also been under the weather but nothing major.
How do you reassure an eight year old (mental age of 5-6) that
Yes. I've been fighting with the LEA since he was four and at pre-school.
He currently gets 15 hours a week but needs FULL Time help.
I am fighting again to get some sort of diagnosis other than Dyspraxia, he has seen so many health professionals, I am sick of hospitals and of him being poked and prodded. The problem is is he's an angel, the sweetest boy you could meet, so the little boy who presents in a doctors surgery, consulting room is not the frustrated, anxious, angry little boy at home. The anger is a recent thing which is no doubt because of all the upheaval in our lives recently.
If he went to school and attacked the teacher he'd have all the help thrown at him but because he sits quietly at his desk and daydreams half the day away he is not seen as a problem.
sherry wrote: It's so difficult to get the help you need it makes me so angry.
Is he seeing a school pyschologist? Or has it even been suggested that he might benefit from seeing one?
At the end of the day the school have a responsiblity of care for your child and if it's not being forfilled then you need to do something about it.
I'm afraid you are going to have to get very pushy and start demanding help.
I really feel for you.
The school are brilliant, they have done over and above what the ELA set down. They have provided him with his own computer, and for three years have paid for extra help out of their own budget.
He does see a school pyschologist along with a pyhsiotherapist, paedatrician, occupational therapist, school doctor, GP, etc etc the list is endless and I guess we're just being passed from pillar to post, apparently we are next going to see a geneticist (sp?) Another two hour trip to a hospital for him to be poked and prodded.
Basically the LEA are letting my son down, and I think I'm about to fire off another letter to them whilst I'm angry!
Some behaviors that are labeled autistic are really OCD - obsessive compulsive disorder. I see this in the special ed kids since they usually have a combination of problems. It is what the specialist at the school pointed out to me otherwise I would have thought they were all autistic.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
My dad did that to me when I was about 7. He took me to see Dont Look in the Basement which when you did look in the basement there was some gruesome stuff going on. Chainsaws and axe murdering. I still wonder why he did that. It was really upsetting and I had to leave the theatre. Talk to dad and make sure hes more sensitive next time because I know hes got such a big heart anyway. :-5
my son was diagnosed with "Dyslexic Tendencies" when he was 2 1/2. Apparently they have a list and they need to tick every box on it in order for him to be officially "dyslexic!" Well only half to 3/4 of the various boxes got ticked so he cannot be statemented. However, he did get some help via his doctor, therapist, speech therapist, occupational therapist, paediatrician and psychologist.
Like your son he is a dreamer and also a happy child. He is a large child, very tall for his age and also bulky, and he was once accused of bullying because of his size! But his headmaster said of ALL the kids in the school, my son was the ONLY child that he absolutely KNEW was not a bully! He's always been known as a 'gentle giant'. Although I sent him to a Catholic Primary school, when he got to Secondary School age I sent him to a school which teaches a wide range of children from normal mainstream kids to those with special needs including blind and deaf children. I thought they would be more aware of his problems and more able to deal with them, and he has actually progressed in leaps and bounds!
He has also always been 2- 2 1/2 years behind his peers and finally THIS YEAR he has actually started to close that gap. I was always told he would catch up - first they said when he started school, then when he was 7, then 9, etc. He's 14 now. He doesn't talk as well as his friends, he hasn't got their huge vocabulary or their street-wise knowledge of the world they live in. But I always said that if those kids all leave school at 16 and he leaves at 18, then he will have caught up the 2 years he was behind!
I also worry A LOT about him and how his life will be. But in fact he has an awful lot of friends now at this school because he is honest and friendly when so many kids of that age are rude and mean. (There is a BIG bullying problem at the school!) He is also VERY popular with the girls because he is always nice and polite to them, never rude or foul-mouthed. I think he has a lot going for him and your son sounds just the same.
I know it is tough going through all the problems and seeing all the specialists, especially as they don't really seem to make any difference to your child! But it DOES get better as they get older and you can hold proper conversations with them and explain things more clearly to them.
My son also gets scared of films, but with him its Harry Potter! He was especially scared of the spiders and snake in the second film - we had to leave the cinema halfway through! My hubby does get annoyed with him when he gets scared, he thinks he's being silly. Its difficult to tread the central path and try to keep things calm between them. However, we're planning to go and see the new Harry Potter film next week. My son is going to watch as much as he can and if he gets too scared he's going to quietly play his DS and put the headphones on! So he doesn't have to look at the screen!
I KNOW its a neverending task watching over them and worrying about them, but I'm SURE things will improve for him and you! He was probably scared of the film and didn't understand why it was scary and not feeling well wouldn't have helped! I would give him a few spoonfuls of Calpol at bedtime and a warm milky drink. My kids hated Calpol for age 6+ so they used to have 3 or 4 spoonfuls of the baby calpol (sugarfree). My health visitor said 1 spoonful was the equivalent of 1/8 of a paracetamol so you can't overdose him by giving a few spoonfuls. Calpol eases them so they become more relaxed and ready for sleep and stop being tense and fretful. Maybe you could also read him a bedtime story in a calming and peaceful voice. And I also leave the bathroom light on, so the kids are not in total darkness. They like their bedroom doors to be wide open, which suits me because I can keep an eye on them without disturbing them.
Hope some of that helps. You sound like you're used to worrying about him (I know that feeling) but sometimes you need to step back and think "It IS just a cold and a scary film and nothing more unusual or worrying than that).
Lots of hugs and kisses and reassurance, as Floppy said, are also a good thing and maybe chat to his dad about it as some men are just less sensitive to their kids needs and feelings. Doesn't make them bad dads, they're just not as sensitive as their kids. Best of luck and I hope your son is feeling better and happier soon. Much love to you both.
flopstock wrote: Have you tried telling him about something similar that happened to you when you were younger. Something that in the daytime, you didn't hardly ever think about, but at night you'd just be scared silly? Then ask if he ever feels like that.
Watch a movie or show with obvious stunts and keep wondering how they did it, because you know it can't be done in real life and get him to help figure it out. Let him help you understand how the makebelieve was created. And then ask how he thinks they created cartoon characters to makebelieve that was real too.
If he comes to the solution himself, he can learn from it. And if this is what is upsetting him, keep in mind that while the character may be fictional, the fear is very real.
And if he's just feeling ill, a few dozen hugs ought to do it, eh?
No, I haven't tried either of those Floppy, I do remember being scared of the dark though and sleeping with the light on. He has a night light in his room but this isn't reassuring enough for him, so we're off to buy a lamp for him today. He also wants his bed moved, so I'll see if that helps.
Nomad wrote: My dad did that to me when I was about 7. He took me to see Dont Look in the Basement which when you did look in the basement there was some gruesome stuff going on. Chainsaws and axe murdering. I still wonder why he did that. It was really upsetting and I had to leave the theatre. Talk to dad and make sure hes more sensitive next time because I know hes got such a big heart anyway. :-5
Love him B Boop, he'll be ok in time Im sure.
I don't think there will be any more trips to the cinema for a long time. Sensitive is his middle name!! :rolleyes:
I'm sure he'll be ok in time, I just wish the here and now wasn't so hard.
Like your son he is a dreamer and also a happy child. He is a large child, very tall for his age and also bulky, and he was once accused of bullying because of his size! But his headmaster said of ALL the kids in the school, my son was the ONLY child that he absolutely KNEW was not a bully! He's always been known as a 'gentle giant'. Although I sent him to a Catholic Primary school, when he got to Secondary School age I sent him to a school which teaches a wide range of children from normal mainstream kids to those with special needs including blind and deaf children. I thought they would be more aware of his problems and more able to deal with them, and he has actually progressed in leaps and bounds!
Thats brilliant for your son.
My son is in mainstream primary school, but I have questioned his suitability,
targets were set for him back in reception class and he still hasn't reached these.
Rapunzel wrote:
He has also always been 2- 2 1/2 years behind his peers and finally THIS YEAR he has actually started to close that gap. I was always told he would catch up - first they said when he started school, then when he was 7, then 9, etc. He's 14 now. He doesn't talk as well as his friends, he hasn't got their huge vocabulary or their street-wise knowledge of the world they live in. But I always said that if those kids all leave school at 16 and he leaves at 18, then he will have caught up the 2 years he was behind!
I have been told he will continue to mature to a certain extent. I dread to think what will happen when he gets to secondary school age.
Rapunzel wrote:
I also worry A LOT about him and how his life will be. But in fact he has an awful lot of friends now at this school because he is honest and friendly when so many kids of that age are rude and mean. (There is a BIG bullying problem at the school!) He is also VERY popular with the girls because he is always nice and polite to them, never rude or foul-mouthed. I think he has a lot going for him and your son sounds just the same.
My son has lots of friends too, the rest of the class have accepted him and help him a lot but it's getting to the point where he is being helped too much and not being independant, he's quite lazy so will sit back and let others do things for him.
Rapunzel wrote:
I know it is tough going through all the problems and seeing all the specialists, especially as they don't really seem to make any difference to your child! But it DOES get better as they get older and you can hold proper conversations with them and explain things more clearly to them.
I can't wait to have a proper conversation with him!!
Rapunzel wrote:
My son also gets scared of films, but with him its Harry Potter! He was especially scared of the spiders and snake in the second film - we had to leave the cinema halfway through! My hubby does get annoyed with him when he gets scared, he thinks he's being silly. Its difficult to tread the central path and try to keep things calm between them. However, we're planning to go and see the new Harry Potter film next week. My son is going to watch as much as he can and if he gets too scared he's going to quietly play his DS and put the headphones on! So he doesn't have to look at the screen!
I don't understand why my son wasn't taken out of the cinema the minute he showed signs of fear, it's not an unusual reaction for him to have!! My ex is the same, gets annoyed, I think thats why he probably made him sit through the rest of it!
Rapunzel wrote:
I KNOW its a neverending task watching over them and worrying about them, but I'm SURE things will improve for him and you! He was probably scared of the film and didn't understand why it was scary and not feeling well wouldn't have helped! I would give him a few spoonfuls of Calpol at bedtime and a warm milky drink. My kids hated Calpol for age 6+ so they used to have 3 or 4 spoonfuls of the baby calpol (sugarfree). My health visitor said 1 spoonful was the equivalent of 1/8 of a paracetamol so you can't overdose him by giving a few spoonfuls. Calpol eases them so they become more relaxed and ready for sleep and stop being tense and fretful. Maybe you could also read him a bedtime story in a calming and peaceful voice. And I also leave the bathroom light on, so the kids are not in total darkness. They like their bedroom doors to be wide open, which suits me because I can keep an eye on them without disturbing them.
Hope some of that helps. You sound like you're used to worrying about him (I know that feeling) but sometimes you need to step back and think "It IS just a cold and a scary film and nothing more unusual or worrying than that).
Lots of hugs and kisses and reassurance, as Floppy said, are also a good thing and maybe chat to his dad about it as some men are just less sensitive to their kids needs and feelings. Doesn't make them bad dads, they're just not as sensitive as their kids. Best of luck and I hope your son is feeling better and happier soon. Much love to you both.
Do you know what, as I sit here typing this I'm beginning to think that the real reason I'm not coping with this situation as well as I normally would is guilt. When my son was dropped back to me the ex laid it on thick how my sons behaviour is actually a delayed reaction to me taking the children away from him. How dare he put the blame on me!!:mad:
Far Rider wrote: Betty... Love ya by the way! I think youre a great Mom, fantastic.
Youre doing everything you can...
Some kids understand reality different than others...what could be is much more important than what is.
First off you said it best..hes an 5yo in an 8yo body...
I grew up fearless, cause i had to understand fast that my brothers fibs werent real or die of a heart attack before I was old enough to walk!
Every chance you get take whatever fear he has and ground him in reality...
Go buy him a battery lantern... xtra batteries... give him permission to turn it on whenever hes scared.... have him sit in a place wheres hes afraid to be withotu you in the borad daylight... then you go away to the farthest place in the house and let him call for you...run to him when he calls. make him know that he IS safe no matter what...and that you are there whenever he needs you.
Go to the store, buy the wallace and grommet toys..the smaller the better... show him how small they are compared to him... let him stomp on them... if it makes him feel better... he will want to know when he is scared that those things he is scared of are smaller than him and insignificant. again its an object lesson...it teaches that we are bigger than what we fear...
each night he succesfully is not eaten by the bears of vampirs or whatever point that out... get a calander..each morning he id alive let him x off the night before..he made it hooray nothing ate him... more reality... when he has many days even weeks xed off and is still whole...start showing him... reality is he is not being eaten each night...
for a five year old reality will be the teacher...
give me your husbands email.... ill be happy to tell him what an ass he is.
in short, each day find one small way to show him he is conquering his fear, everytime he shows fear ground him in the reality and show him there is nothing there. tangible evidence..see hear touch smell all the stuff he is able to rely on as a 5 year old.
Let me know what happens!
Thanks Far!! I think he has actually been ill, he's seeming better this morning, but he's still extremely anxious, so we're off to buy a lamp and some batteries for his torch.
Will give the reality checks a try, problem is come the weekend he'll be with you know who again!!
)
