Looking after yourself

magentaflame · Post by **magentaflame** » Wed Mar 14, 2018 4:11 pm

Im not sure if this translate to males .

Ive found that since being on my own i dont know how to plan or look after myself.

I dont mean showering etc. I mean financial planning and just general spending.

I have no problem giving others(family) sound advice ...... but what stops me from planning for myself? Is this part of the empty nest syndrome? Or are we more switched on and protective of our offspring rather than ourselves?

Post by **LarsMac** » Wed Mar 14, 2018 7:01 pm

Most mothers are all about looking out for the kidlings.

It is almost scary, sometimes.

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Thu Mar 15, 2018 1:40 am

It's a way of not moving on. If you don't start doing these things then being on your own hasn't really happened and nothing has really changed.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Thu Mar 15, 2018 2:46 am

I'm aware of several examples of that. I think there are a few ways you can be at that point and that LarsMac is right about maternal instinct being one of them. I think it certainly boosts it, anyway.

But not only women get this and in some cases it can be slightly lower self esteem or perhaps just less ego playing a part, with it being easier to do things for other people than for yourself. I'm not sure the latter is entirely healthy but there are worse side effects of issues.

Being highly empathic can also play a part, I suspect.

Orion79 · Post by **Orion79** » Fri Mar 16, 2018 6:06 am

We should all remember the wise principle:

Take care of yourself. No one else will.......

Saint_ · Post by **Saint_** » Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:05 am

magentaflame;1518285 wrote: Im not sure if this translate to males .

Ive found that since being on my own i dont know how to plan or look after myself.

I dont mean showering etc. I mean financial planning and just general spending.

I have no problem giving others(family) sound advice ...... but what stops me from planning for myself? Is this part of the empty nest syndrome? Or are we more switched on and protective of our offspring rather than ourselves?

I noticed the same thing about myself when I was a bachelor for many years. There just didn't seem to be an urgency to change my situation or make long term plans. It took a crisis to shake me out of my ways and force change.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Mar 16, 2018 1:55 pm

Does it make you happy to look after the offspring before yourself? Then there is nothing wrong with it. Do you have a good relationship with them? Do you think it will come full circle when it comes time for you to be looked after.

I feel blessed, I am very close to my daughters and used to do just as you Mag, give to them ahead of my needs. They were always very gracious receivers. And both to this day remind me that if hubby goes before me, I will be well looked after.

I think its just what parents do. But make sure you do not put yourself into the poor house.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Sat Mar 24, 2018 5:29 pm

God's own truth: I've just watched someone lose their home and kids by not paying enough attention to the "bigger picture" like rent.

Devastation.

FourPart · Post by **FourPart** » Sat Mar 24, 2018 6:35 pm

Clodhopper;1518419 wrote: God's own truth: I've just watched someone lose their home and kids by not paying enough attention to the "bigger picture" like rent.

Devastation.

Another victim of Tory Austerity.

"We're all in it together".

cars · Post by **cars** » Mon Apr 02, 2018 3:06 am

magentaflame;1518285 wrote: Im not sure if this translate to males .

Ive found that since being on my own i dont know how to plan or look after myself.

I dont mean showering etc. I mean financial planning and just general spending.

I have no problem giving others(family) sound advice ...... but what stops me from planning for myself? Is this part of the empty nest syndrome? Or are we more switched on and protective of our offspring rather than ourselves?

Empty Nest syndrome does take some getting used to. It did for me.

Now that you're on your own, you need to put yourself first, and concentrate on taking care of yourself, and your needs first. And it may be wise to seek out a financial adviser to help you sort out your financial planning. Good luck.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Mon Apr 02, 2018 3:52 am

There's another side to empty nest too, the realisation that your child will quite possibly never leave home.

I'm not talking about the cost of living and being unable to afford to move out. I'm talking about an invisible disability that means they are just simply unable to cope independently for any length of time.

Guilt is a never ending thing to endure, made worse by judgemental people who perceive you live a wonderful life as a carer. There's never a moment when you're not worried about what might happen next as it's all so unpredictable.

April is World Autism Awareness month, I'd like to get to a time when people don't just brush off my children as not being that bad, they look ok after all. Until you live with Autism people have no clue what it's actually like.

Looking after ourselves is something us Autism Mum's dream of and we'd probably struggle to cope with all the free time we might suddenly have :wah: Hell, we'd probably all be able to stop taking the happy pills too.

Orion79 · Post by **Orion79** » Mon Apr 02, 2018 4:49 am

Betty Boop;1518564 wrote: There's another side to empty nest too, the realisation that your child will quite possibly never leave home.

I'm not talking about the cost of living and being unable to afford to move out. I'm talking about an invisible disability that means they are just simply unable to cope independently for any length of time.

Guilt is a never ending thing to endure, made worse by judgemental people who perceive you live a wonderful life as a carer. There's never a moment when you're not worried about what might happen next as it's all so unpredictable.

April is World Autism Awareness month, I'd like to get to a time when people don't just brush off my children as not being that bad, they look ok after all. Until you live with Autism people have no clue what it's actually like.

Looking after ourselves is something us Autism Mum's dream of and we'd probably struggle to cope with all the free time we might suddenly have :wah: Hell, we'd probably all be able to stop taking the happy pills too.

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â€œIt is not how much you do, but how much love you put in the doing.â€

â€” Mother Theresa