Dear Red States

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Sun Nov 18, 2012 8:02 pm

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving: "Legitimate rape." is almost reason enough!

We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that the E.S.A. will be anti war and we're going to want all our citizens back from Afghanistan at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Afghanistan, and possibly Iran as well, but we're not willing to spend our resources in these sorts of pursuits.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Citizens of the Enlightened States of America

AnneBoleyn · Post by **AnneBoleyn** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:43 am

Lovely sentiment!

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:47 am

Great post!

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 9:48 am

Where is it from, Lon?

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 9:51 am

valerie;1410818 wrote: Where is it from, Lon?

It was emailed to me-----can't locate the source.

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 10:03 am

I love this line:

We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 10:09 am

mikeinie;1410821 wrote: I love this line:

We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

After googling, it seems as that last line was added later. May as well have the stoners on your side.

Bruv · Post by **Bruv** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 10:29 am

Lon;1410819 wrote: It was emailed to me-----can't locate the source.

Tut tut.....

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:14 am

Well, seems you didn't try to hard:

“Dear Red States” (A Letter From The Blue States) « American HeathenÂ®

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:14 am

Sorry, DP.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:29 am

valerie;1410828 wrote: Well, seems you didn't try to hard:

â€œDear Red Statesâ€ (A Letter From The Blue States) ï¿½ American HeathenÂ®

Well---I get on average 14,000 emails every day----don't have time to check out all but half of them :wah:

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:42 am

Lon;1410832 wrote: Well---I get on average 14,000 emails every day----don't have time to check out all but half of them :wah:

Backpedaling, you are.

Not asking you to check out all 14,000 Mr. Popular (or even 7,000)

but you really DO need to check out the ones you're going to share

with us, that's not too much of a burden.

(Dear God, now I'm starting to sound like you-know-who!)

:wah:

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:51 am

valerie;1410834 wrote: Backpedaling, you are.

Not asking you to check out all 14,000 Mr. Popular (or even 7,000)

but you really DO need to check out the ones you're going to share

with us, that's not too much of a burden.

(Dear God, now I'm starting to sound like you-know-who!)

:wah:

I thought the CESA at the end of the letter would be sufficient. I get 14,000 emails wanting to sell me something, not because I'm popular, though that's true as well.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:56 am

Yeesh.

Alright then let's just say this is notice that the signature isn't/wasn't sufficient, and

again, a quick search would have given you a name at least.