Depression, a horrible place to be

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Aug 25, 2012 3:14 pm

How do you define depression?

How do you snap yourself out of it?

I've been low for quite some time now and seem to be getting more and more upset that I can't snap myself out of it. It's a whole load of stuff going on around me I think, at the moment if it were not for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all.

I can sit back and see that I have three lovely children and as some people say that should be enough to make me happy. Right now they are the only reason I get out of bed each day.

If I could have a pound for every time a friend or acquaintance says 'well you look ok', I'd be a rich depressed person instead of a poor one. :rolleyes: I think maybe they are of the opinion that because you put on a show of being ok then you must be.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sat Aug 25, 2012 3:20 pm

Will PM you.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Sat Aug 25, 2012 3:24 pm

You don't snap out of it. It ends when it ends. But one day you will look outside and spontaneously smile. If you are truly depressed, you won't believe that, but it will happen.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Aug 25, 2012 3:50 pm

Clodhopper;1402004 wrote: You don't snap out of it. It ends when it ends. But one day you will look outside and spontaneously smile. If you are truly depressed, you won't believe that, but it will happen.

It's not my first brush with it, that was back when I was 19 and I remember one doctor telling me to pull my socks up and go and play a game of tennis.

I've been low in the years since but not like this, Doctors won't give you anything now like they did in the time I was low when every time I went they were throwing anti-depressants at me which I refused. I hit a point a few months ago when I would have happily taken anything they gave me. My Doctor remembers my point black refusal when he tried prescribing them before and told me he wasn't going to give me any as I was stronger than that, not sure if that helps or not.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sat Aug 25, 2012 5:07 pm

Here's a hug for you, Betty.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sat Aug 25, 2012 6:09 pm

It could be post-partum this time. If you want medical treatment you might convince him that you're strong enough this time as you believe it's connected to child birth.

Otherwise, the best natural battle tools are a really good vitamin B complex therapy and you could try adding vitamin D as that's sometimes the deficiency area.

theia · Post by **theia** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 12:16 am

Betty Boop;1402001 wrote: How do you define depression?

How do you snap yourself out of it?

I've been low for quite some time now and seem to be getting more and more upset that I can't snap myself out of it. It's a whole load of stuff going on around me I think, at the moment if it were not for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all.

I can sit back and see that I have three lovely children and as some people say that should be enough to make me happy. Right now they are the only reason I get out of bed each day.

If I could have a pound for every time a friend or acquaintance says 'well you look ok', I'd be a rich depressed person instead of a poor one. :rolleyes: I think maybe they are of the opinion that because you put on a show of being ok then you must be.

I don't think you can snap yourself out of it...and I think we make it harder for ourselves when we think we can. And other people's comments are not always helpful because they are not going through the experience with you. In truth there can't be any "shoulds" in depression, these can make you feel worse than you do already. If you're going through a period of depression, then that is how it is..."shoulds" don't help.

Medication isn't for everyone but why not have another chat with your G.P. and see what s/he suggests?

:-4

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 4:44 am

I would distinguish between clinical depression and just feeling a bit fed up. some people are just miserable.

Depression self-assessment - Health tools - NHS Choices

Snowfire · Post by **Snowfire** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 5:26 am

Please don't think for one minute that I'm making light of depression but Stephen Fry once said that the old wives tale of going for a brisk walk to clear the cobwebs, so to speak, really did work. He insisted that there was a very definite benefit to the very bad "downs" he had with his bi-polar condition and would go for long brisk walks

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 8:56 am

Snowfire;1402102 wrote: Please don't think for one minute that I'm making light of depression but Stephen Fry once said that the old wives tale of going for a brisk walk to clear the cobwebs, so to speak, really did work. He insisted that there was a very definite benefit to the very bad "downs" he had with his bi-polar condition and would go for long brisk walks

Maybe it's just the male urge to find a solution rather than just sympathise, but it seems to me this has to be worth a try - and you are in a truly great place for brisk walks or slow ambles. And if you just think "No" without really knowing why then I'm certain you should give it a go.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 9:02 am

Snowfire;1402102 wrote: Please don't think for one minute that I'm making light of depression but Stephen Fry once said that the old wives tale of going for a brisk walk to clear the cobwebs, so to speak, really did work. He insisted that there was a very definite benefit to the very bad "downs" he had with his bi-polar condition and would go for long brisk walks

You have something there Snowman...

I would take myself off with the dogs for a couple of hours just to be alone with my thoughts The more I walked and the faster I walked, the better I felt.

Exercise releases Endorphins which Is the body's natural feel good factor.

Once home, I felt charged enough to carry out chores I really didn't want to do. I started sleeping better which was extra beneficial.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 11:50 am

gmc;1402091 wrote: I would distinguish between clinical depression and just feeling a bit fed up. some people are just miserable.

Depression self-assessment - Health tools - NHS Choices

wondering now if gmc thinks I'm just miserable.

I score 22 on the 0-27 scale on that site, done others similar to it too when I realised I was miserable. Then I thought seriously about how long I've been feeling like this and realised it's been for a long time so I took myself off to the doctors.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 12:03 pm

Snowfire;1402102 wrote: Please don't think for one minute that I'm making light of depression but Stephen Fry once said that the old wives tale of going for a brisk walk to clear the cobwebs, so to speak, really did work. He insisted that there was a very definite benefit to the very bad "downs" he had with his bi-polar condition and would go for long brisk walks

I do go out, sounds like an excuse but I live at the top of an awful hill. It's do-able on foot and I do it. But factor in pushing a buggy in and remember my year old son is a bit of a bruiser, the push back up is a killer, especially loaded with shopping. I can't afford to take the car out on every trip out nowadays either. Whichever way you head once out of my front door it's all hills, even a walk round the block is like climbing Snowdonia. I need to move house, I need to sell my car to get costs down.

Over a year on and I'm only just physically able to walk down and back up the hill without feeling like I'm going to pass out, but that's down to a really bad recovery from the caesarian and some other complications as a result of the op. I'm not at all used to having to take things easy but I am working my way back up to being semi fit again. It's just a slow process which is depressing in itself.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 12:17 pm

It's a serious condition. My ex is still struggling to find the right medication and has been on disability for most of this year. He was taking medication many years ago then went off the meds, thinking he could handle it, and suffered more severely every year until his partner at the time talked him into going to the hospital after three days of not wanting to get out of bed. They committed him as extreme suicidal and tried to talk him into electro-shock therapy. He's glad to be out of the hospital but faced with an uncertain future, living alone again and not sure he can maintain a job.

It's important to have yourself assessed and get resources to help you. His favourite book on the subject is Noonday Demon, An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon. He gave us a copy so we could understand what he's going through a bit better.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 12:42 pm

Betty Boop;1402172 wrote:

wondering now if gmc thinks I'm just miserable.

I score 22 on the 0-27 scale on that site, done others similar to it too when I realised I was miserable. Then I thought seriously about how long I've been feeling like this and realised it's been for a long time so I took myself off to the doctors.

Sorry gmc... but Betty.... Ignore all that bollocs...your GP has a form far more In depth that they will assess you on.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 1:40 pm

Having caught up with this thread, it seems to me that being depressed is an entirely reasonable reaction to the tough time you've had. And I know those West Country hills...need calves like footballs...

But it does sound as though you are making progress.

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 2:55 pm

Betty Boop;1402172 wrote:

wondering now if gmc thinks I'm just miserable.

I score 22 on the 0-27 scale on that site, done others similar to it too when I realised I was miserable. Then I thought seriously about how long I've been feeling like this and realised it's been for a long time so I took myself off to the doctors.

I don't know you but no I don't think you are just miserable. I live with someone that suffered from depression so I know more about than than I actually want to. I posted the link just out of interest not as a serious tool for anyone to use. One of the side effects of the birth control pill, I forget which version, is full blown depression caused by the chemical imbalance. I reckon it's the cause of many a marriage breakup - you marry someone and then find yourself living with someone you don't recognise and end up not being able to put up with. Too many doctors don't bother to read up on the side effects of what they are prescribing and compound the problem by prescribing drugs to treat what is actually a side effect of the one they are already prescribing.

Mental illness is a funny thing, people have little sympathy or understanding that chemical or hormonal imbalances can affect your behaviour or how you feel but somehow manage to believe that going out and getting drunk is a completely different kind of thing. I'm not addicted I just like smoking - how often have you heard that one.

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 2:59 pm

Betty Boop;1402172 wrote:

wondering now if gmc thinks I'm just miserable.

I score 22 on the 0-27 scale on that site, done others similar to it too when I realised I was miserable. Then I thought seriously about how long I've been feeling like this and realised it's been for a long time so I took myself off to the doctors.

I don't know you but no I don't think you are just miserable. I live with someone that suffered from depression so I know more about than than I actually want to. I posted the link just out of interest not as a serious tool for anyone to use. One of the side effects of the birth control pill, I forget which version, is full blown depression caused by the chemical imbalance. I reckon it's the cause of many a marriage breakup - you marry someone and then find yourself living with someone you don't recognise and end up not being able to put up with. Too many doctors don't bother to read up on the side effects of what they are prescribing and compound the problem by prescribing drugs to treat what is actually a side effect of the one they are already prescribing.

Mental illness is a funny thing, people have little sympathy or understanding that chemical or hormonal imbalances can affect your behaviour or how you feel but somehow manage to believe that going out and getting drunk is a completely different kind of thing. I'm not addicted I just like smoking - how often have you heard that one.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 3:08 pm

Depression so often can be triggered by a major event In your life. Even If you think you have coped with that major trauma to your life fine, It can cause the chemical Imbalance that triggers depression.

You don't notice It at first, It creeps up on you until life Is a struggle and you can't motivate yourself to do anything.

I bet with anyone with depression, If you look at their life, there has been a major event that has triggered It. It can be death In the family or a loss of a job but something that puts you way out of your comfort zone.

In BB's case I am guessing It was the extremely traumatic birth of her son on a year ago.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 3:11 pm

gmc;1402203 wrote: I don't know you but no I don't think you are just miserable. I live with someone that suffered from depression so I know more about than than I actually want to. I posted the link just out of interest not as a serious tool for anyone to use. One of the side effects of the birth control pill, I forget which version, is full blown depression caused by the chemical imbalance. I reckon it's the cause of many a marriage breakup - you marry someone and then find yourself living with someone you don't recognise and end up not being able to put up with. Too many doctors don't bother to read up on the side effects of what they are prescribing and compound the problem by prescribing drugs to treat what is actually a side effect of the one they are already prescribing.

Mental illness is a funny thing, people have little sympathy or understanding that chemical or hormonal imbalances can affect your behaviour or how you feel but somehow manage to believe that going out and getting drunk is a completely different kind of thing. I'm not addicted I just like smoking - how often have you heard that one.

Hmmm you've given me something to ponder. I'm not on any birth control pill, not been since teen years and I can totally identify with what you are saying, it made me hell to live with. But, six months after having Jowan I was still heavily bleeding, no one seemed to care or to be bothered that this was happening every day, day after day. It appeared to be something I just had to put up with. After many trips to the doctor questioning why my body wasn't going back to normal it was decided that the way forward was to fit a coil. Out of desperation I had one fitted, it didn't really help at all, the bleeding continued until Jowan was over a year old. These things are meant to lessen blood loss etc, that's a pile of crap it's doing bugger all for me. I did get scanned eventually a while back and it's been noted that the coil is not positioned correctly, so now it's questionable if it's working properly although the doctor thinks so as it's still delivering a dose of hormones. Which makes me wonder now, have I been feeling worse since that fitting? I really don't know, all the other stuff made life miserable as it was. Could the hormones from the coil make me worse.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 3:23 pm

oscar;1402206 wrote: Depression so often can be triggered by a major event In your life. Even If you think you have coped with that major trauma to your life fine, It can cause the chemical Imbalance that triggers depression.

You don't notice It at first, It creeps up on you until life Is a struggle and you can't motivate yourself to do anything.

I bet with anyone with depression, If you look at their life, there has been a major event that has triggered It. It can be death In the family or a loss of a job but something that puts you way out of your comfort zone.

In BB's case I am guessing It was the extremely traumatic birth of her son on a year ago.

That fits too, I seriously thought I'd never recover. Coming home from hospital three days later I felt like I'd been in an horrific car crash, every bit of me hurt. Three weeks later every bit of me still hurt and I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting better faster. I guess five days of grumbling labour followed by drugs to speed up the process which made me labour harder but still with nothing happening took it's toll on all the muscles in my body. Then the fact no one would listen to me requesting a caesarian, I sensed something was wrong, but no I was just trying to get out of the pain of childbirth according to them! Eventually they operated under emergency conditions, with me cursing the lot of them. A few months ago I also found out I was borderline for a blood transfusion at the time so I guess that all adds to the recovery time too, maybe they should have transfused. It's also amazing to think that no matter what after your op you are sent home after three days, you go from liquid morphine pain relief to ibuprofen in the blink of an eye, you may as well be taking calpol for all the effect it has.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sun Aug 26, 2012 3:26 pm

Betty Boop;1402208 wrote: That fits too, I seriously thought I'd never recover. Coming home from hospital three days later I felt like I'd been in an horrific car crash, every bit of me hurt. Three weeks later every bit of me still hurt and I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting better faster. I guess five days of grumbling labour followed by drugs to speed up the process which made me labour harder but still with nothing happening took it's toll on all the muscles in my body. Then the fact no one would listen to me requesting a caesarian, I sensed something was wrong, but no I was just trying to get out of the pain of childbirth according to them! Eventually they operated under emergency conditions, with me cursing the lot of them. A few months ago I also found out I was borderline for a blood transfusion at the time so I guess that all adds to the recovery time too, maybe they should have transfused. It's also amazing to think that no matter what after your op you are sent home after three days, you go from liquid morphine pain relief to ibuprofen in the blink of an eye, you may as well be taking calpol for all the effect it has.

About 15 years ago I had major bowel surgery and I was In for a month. When my husband had major open surgery to remove the cancer which Included re-plumbing, he was home In 4 days. I was horrified. He was cut from his anus to his navel. I had help from nurses who came to the house twice a day to help bathe him but It was bloody ridiculous.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Mon Aug 27, 2012 3:18 am

...saw a news story mentioning an escaped lion near St Osyth and mistakenly thought St Osyth was a Cornish village. Just imagined Betty's day being topped off by being eaten by an escaped lion while going for a bracing, healthy walk...

ennysmith · Post by **ennysmith** » Mon Aug 27, 2012 4:30 am

I am in depression then i meet my friends.I discuss my problem with my friends

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Sep 11, 2012 2:56 pm

Took myself along to the Doctors today. After a few nights of meltdowns I realised I need to do something. I don't know what I'm not an expert. Anyway I wrote down how I've been feeling and tucked it in my handbag to take with me.

Never met the Doctor before that I saw today, and he had a third year medical student with him who was attempting to 'take' the appointment. I almost backed out of saying anything and was ready to go to plan b and just ask for some eczema ointments instead. But I knew I had to bite the bullet so I just handed over the paper and said I couldn't get the words out.

Don't think the student knew quite what to do with herself, or me, poor girl, she also had to leave part way through as she had a train to catch, bet she was glad to get out that room.

Doctor was ok about it, said it's wonderful that I arrived with things written down as it's a great help as they know patients don't always say what they meant to say or they decide to hide things. I have to stay in contact with him whilst he gets counselling set up. He doesn't feel it's 'chemical depression' so he won't prescribe. He did say that if he'd gone through half of what has happened to me lately he'd be feeling depressed too. He said it was ok to be down and it was ok to ask for help, the only thing I'm wondering about is whether he took on board how long I've been feeling like this, it's a good couple of years. Which then just makes me try and remember when I was 'happy'. Sadly happy may have been a few years ago, but sadness surrounds it on each side.

At least he wasn't horrible like a doctor a few years ago who told me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

It's probably high time I told my family how bad I've been feeling too, that's a tough one.

AnneBoleyn · Post by **AnneBoleyn** » Tue Sep 11, 2012 3:16 pm

Betty, I really feel for you & I understand depression. I think your doctor is very wrong not to prescribe something like Lexapro or Prozac. I know in the US, doctors over-prescribe any and all meds, but, as oscar pointed out, there are brain changes when one has been in a depressed state for years, a chemical depression does develop. Lexapro in particular has been a life-saver for so many suffering needlessly. It doesn't take away, but alleviates, & you deserve to feel better.

Betty, I wish I could hug you for real. I hope the talk therapy helps, & I hope the docs listen to your needs.

Perhaps if you arm yourself with the information, a small dosage can do wonders.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:56 pm

Well done you. A very difficult step taken. Impressed.

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Tue Sep 11, 2012 6:24 pm

Betty Boop;1404295 wrote: Took myself along to the Doctors today. After a few nights of meltdowns I realised I need to do something. I don't know what I'm not an expert. Anyway I wrote down how I've been feeling and tucked it in my handbag to take with me.

Never met the Doctor before that I saw today, and he had a third year medical student with him who was attempting to 'take' the appointment. I almost backed out of saying anything and was ready to go to plan b and just ask for some eczema ointments instead. But I knew I had to bite the bullet so I just handed over the paper and said I couldn't get the words out.

Don't think the student knew quite what to do with herself, or me, poor girl, she also had to leave part way through as she had a train to catch, bet she was glad to get out that room.

Doctor was ok about it, said it's wonderful that I arrived with things written down as it's a great help as they know patients don't always say what they meant to say or they decide to hide things. I have to stay in contact with him whilst he gets counselling set up. He doesn't feel it's 'chemical depression' so he won't prescribe. He did say that if he'd gone through half of what has happened to me lately he'd be feeling depressed too. He said it was ok to be down and it was ok to ask for help, the only thing I'm wondering about is whether he took on board how long I've been feeling like this, it's a good couple of years. Which then just makes me try and remember when I was 'happy'. Sadly happy may have been a few years ago, but sadness surrounds it on each side.

At least he wasn't horrible like a doctor a few years ago who told me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

It's probably high time I told my family how bad I've been feeling too, that's a tough one.

If you don't feel he really got how serious you feel this has become, you head back and see someone else until you feel that they ARE getting it.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Fri Oct 05, 2012 5:44 pm

flopstock;1404308 wrote: If you don't feel he really got how serious you feel this has become, you head back and see someone else until you feel that they ARE getting it.

Still not been back, might attempt to go and see my actual Doc soon.

Isn't it funny that certain people just 'know' you're not right, yet many around me think all is ok.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:28 am

I have not read every post in this thread, Betty...but here is the thing. You do not just snap out of it. If it were that simple, there would not be so many meds on the market to help us out. I have been there, for many years, and it is not fun. Mine is coupled with anxiety and the occasional panic attack. Yes I am on meds, but some times they are not enough. If I am going through a particularly trying time, like now (won't go there) I feel I need more, and there is nothing out there to help me out.

Wandrin · Post by **Wandrin** » Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:41 am

I have a close friend who suffers through protracted bouts of depression. It nearly ruined her career and cost her a great job that she enjoyed.

From what she told me, the benefits of medication and the benefits of counseling are about equally effective and even better if the two are worked in conjunction with each other. There are many different types of anti-depressant meds, that fall into different families that act differently. For the meds, it was a long process to find the right one and then the right dosage, since it takes weeks of taking one to evaluate.

She was lucky enough to get into a university research program for the non-meds part of the equation. One of the things that helped was based on the kinetic theory. Since those suffering from depression don't feel like moving their bodies much, the theory was that it is a two way street. They would go, as a group, to things like an all-day gospel sing where everyone was up on their feet clapping and moving to the music. That seemed to help quite a bit.

The bottom line is that it took time and persistence to find meds and activities that worked for her. She needed to find a doctor that was experienced and had the right approach and go through the process of discovering what did and didn't work for her particular brain biochemistry.

AnneBoleyn · Post by **AnneBoleyn** » Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:38 am

As Richard Farina wrote: Been Down So Long It Feels Like Up to Me

I understood every word you wrote Marie. I'm actually surprised I am writing. I am ashamed of my chronic sadness & depression. Ashamed.

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:23 pm

i have been depressed for many, many years. went to 4 different theripst. finally took the bull by the horns and checked myself into the best mental health hospt. plan in the state. i don't regret a thing accept. not doing it years earier. this may or may not be for u. but if all else has failed. look into programs in your area. there are good ones out there.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Tue Oct 16, 2012 10:19 am

I just called my employer's Employee Assistance Program, to schedule some appointments. We get 6 per year with no co pay. I do not have to have my insurance through my employer, also.