Married Older Woman/Single Younger Man

[pccs]

Quick background. Im 51, grew up with an absent alcoholic dad. Thank god my mother had the strength to get out. I vowed never to let my kids grow up without a dad because as a little girl I longed for that. So as we all know history repeats itselfs and I am married to an alcoholic who kicked up a notch to also being a drug user. My daughter is an adult now and is out on her own. Looking back I realize I should have left years ago as she has issues of her own which I feel are directly linked to his drinking, my weakness to leave and stubborness because I wanted her to have her dad in her life since I never had my dad that was big for me. Was a def mistake staying with her father. We have been married over 25 years and have a thriving business together. Another reason its hard to leave. Our marriage is basically sexless since I cannot bring myself to be with a drooling drunk. He is not or never has been physically abusive, but def verbal and certainly emotional. His daily drunkeness is intolerable and he constantly babbles about nothing for hours on end, its painful to be around daily.

Last spring I met a man who is 14 years my junior, we had a business deal going that eventually fell through but we remained in touch through emails. During that time he asked me to lunch and to go here and there, which I did. I really liked talking to someone who is coherent, intelligent and has it going on. We became friends and the relationship has progressed to a physical one during the last few months. I see him when I can, I love being with him. He makes me feel alive and appreciated. I know what I am doing is wrong. The strange thing is that the first time it happened I was consumed with guilt until my husband came home with his daily dose of booze, which consists of 2 to 3 bottles of wine a night. After that I just go with my heart and it tells me to go see my guy. I have no guilt, what does that make me? I know this new situation wont amount to anything. He is younger and has told me he def wants a family and I certainly will not have any more children. I also feel his parents would never accept the relationship and I cant blame them at all. We dont speak about the relationship (if thats what its even called, I call it an affair of the heart) or about what will happen in the future. Its just about the time we have when we are together, its glorious. When I see him I just lose all my stress and fall into his arms and its wonderful. When I come home and see my husband I tense up and cringe. I want to leave and its not about leaving because of this new man. Ive wanted to leave for years, never had the courage and I honestly dont think I have the courage now. I know I cant keep going on like this and Im not really asking for an answer. Im wondering your thoughts on this situation. Like I said, I know what I am doing is very wrong and my husband prob doesnt deserve it but from all his drinking and drugging just pushes me away and I really dont like being near him at all. Its very difficult for me to leave since my job is at his business and could be difficult for me to get another job at that payscale. I have been saving money and have a significant amout stashed. If anyone has any thoughts bad or good, please share them with me. I appreciate all you do!

[CARLA]

It just a matter of time and you will leave your husband your moving towards that each and every day. Your husband doesn't sound like he values you, your daughter or the life you have created its time to move on. It doesn't matter about the business together when you have had enough you will be gone its in the cards as they say.

The relationship on the side has come along at a time when you need a boost to your self esteem. Nothing wrong with that as long as both parties know exactly what it is about enjoying the good feelings. :-6

Life is to short to be miserable time to consider where you want to be for the second half of your life.