trouble with inlaws

poo burt · Post by **poo burt** » Tue Sep 06, 2005 4:54 am

My mother in law and I have had problems with eachother every since my marriage 5 years back. She feels the usual mother in law (mil) emotions about how her son has been taken away from her and doesnt attribute anything good to me. She is forever correcting me about things and in turn I get rude.

A few months back we had a huge fight and the crux of the matter was that I have my husband in my control and do not look after him well. Both me and my husband feel that he is no child and that my mil should stop thinking like this. After 5 months of not talking to my mil, we had a confrontation with everyone in the family involved. I felt that my husband didnt take any stand during this, and was quite a meek mouse which left me feeling very abandoned. However, between me and my mil, we decided to put things behind us and move on. My husband came out very happy from the conversationa and I very depressed. We had rehersed what he is going to say, but he landed up putting everything very mildly. I am terribly angry with him about this. Please advice.

No I dont live in a joint family... but my husband, our child and I live a few apartments away from my inlaw's place.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Tue Sep 06, 2005 6:05 am

It sounds like you and the MIL are on the right track. Let's hope you two can make a fresh start. Sometimes things just get off on the wrong footing. As for your hubby, I hope he finds some backbone where his Mom is concerned. I know my brothers have a much harder time dealing with our Mom than I do. Good luck.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Sep 06, 2005 6:10 am

Maybe you should move a greater distance away-that will help both sides keep their distance, and their love for each other.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:29 am

Who ever invented mother -in- laws should be shot...(joke... before i get lynched) i had the worst MIL a few years ago - god did that woman need a bitch slap i think you just have to do your best and accept it will never be good enough for the MIL. Stop worrying he married you, she has to accept that. I just kept my distance i found it pointless trying to get him to stand up to his mother (they never do) be your self and be happy and if things get rough tell her to bugger off ....ps my MIL died so did my ex so my story had a happy ending - good luck!!

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:32 am

pantsonfire321@aol.com wrote: Who ever invented mother -in- laws should be shot...(joke... before i get lynched) i had the worst MIL a few years ago - god did that woman need a bitch slap i think you just have to do your best and accept it will never be good enough for the MIL. Stop worrying he married you, she has to accept that. I just kept my distance i found it pointless trying to get him to stand up to his mother (they never do) be your self and be happy and if things get rough tell her to bugger off ....ps my MIL died so did my ex so my story had a happy ending - good luck!!

Strangest happy ending story I've ever heard that

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:34 am

Chris- she was an evil witch !!

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:36 am

I'll take your word for it, hope I don't get a MIL like that then!!!

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Sep 06, 2005 8:25 am

I am happy to report... I divorced my MIL ahahaha happy day for me. Ok seriously you are stuck with your MIL for all your married life, likely the 3 of you, yourself, MIL and husband need to set some guidelines. Or else.....

Tell MIL she looked after hubby for x number of years it is only fair she let him go and allow you and him to look after your future. If she can't then tell her to go away.

CountryDweller · Post by **CountryDweller** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 4:05 pm

flopstock wrote: isn't there some saying about guys marrying women like their mothers?
OMG! If this were true, my husband would have divorced me years ago!

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 6:54 pm

In-laws can be a slippery slope.

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 9:33 pm

I have always said - if it wasn't for my X mother in law we would still be married..She rearranged my furniture, she would bring him something different to eat after she would call and I would tell her what we were having for supper..(her boy needed meat and potatoes EVERY NIGHT - he would let her tell me what to do- how to raise the kids etc...finally I grew a back bone and started to stand up to her - and he ended up starting to drink just to not deal with me and her...LOL well - now we are divorced and I am happy with my new MIL and she loves me too! Just be firm from the get-go cuz I let her walk on me way to long and it was worse trying to reestablish my rights as his wife and her grand children's mother..She has chased away every woman he has tried to date since....EVIL I tell YA!:sneaky:

So good luck to you - try your hardest to tell him that you need to know he is supporting you..it is so hard for the sons to do that to their mother and I have no idea why....Good luck and BE STRONG!

poo burt · Post by **poo burt** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 11:00 pm

flopstock wrote: had you rehearsed what you were going to say?

yes we had.. but my husband didnt remember his lines

poo burt · Post by **poo burt** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 11:02 pm

Thanks so much.. that sounds like what i have been through.. but I hope things dont crash further.

poo burt · Post by **poo burt** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 11:05 pm

mominiowa wrote: I have always said - if it wasn't for my X mother in law we would still be married..She rearranged my furniture, she would bring him something different to eat after she would call and I would tell her what we were having for supper..(her boy needed meat and potatoes EVERY NIGHT - he would let her tell me what to do- how to raise the kids etc...finally I grew a back bone and started to stand up to her - and he ended up starting to drink just to not deal with me and her...LOL well - now we are divorced and I am happy with my new MIL and she loves me too! Just be firm from the get-go cuz I let her walk on me way to long and it was worse trying to reestablish my rights as his wife and her grand children's mother..She has chased away every woman he has tried to date since....EVIL I tell YA!:sneaky:

So good luck to you - try your hardest to tell him that you need to know he is supporting you..it is so hard for the sons to do that to their mother and I have no idea why....Good luck and BE STRONG!

Thanks so much.. that sounds very much like what I have been through.. but I hope things dont crash further. Some MILs think no woman is really as good as them when it comes to their sons!!

poo burt · Post by **poo burt** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 11:06 pm

flopstock wrote: had you rehearsed what you were going to say?

Yes we had, but my husband forgot his lines and I wasnt prompting from behind the scenes...:-5

poo burt · Post by **poo burt** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 11:07 pm

flopstock wrote: isn't there some saying about guys marrying women like their mothers?

but like minds dont attract i guess

poo burt · Post by **poo burt** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 11:09 pm

chonsigirl wrote: Maybe you should move a greater distance away-that will help both sides keep their distance, and their love for each other.

Sadly enough thats tough.. we have already purchaced an apartment next to theirs

poo burt · Post by **poo burt** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 11:11 pm

canaan wrote: yeah. I had the same problem with my MIL. Turns out, she is nuts. :wah: Well, not diagnosed as such but we are pretty sure. Your husband will have to be the one to stand up for you. If he lets her run over you then she will continue. But, you would be surprised at how much easier it is for the MIL to hold her tongue when she thinks it will hurt her relationship with her son.

That sounds like a perfect solution but husband will have to go through some major surgery to fortify his spine