Oil Change Instructions:

[Kindle]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change: $20.00

Coffee: $1.00

Total: $21.00



Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store

and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand

cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop and buy a case o f beer, write a check for

$20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack

stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11 ) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot

oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of

face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter

splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide

old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid

environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin

coat of oil to gasket surface.

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on

the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill.

Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes.

Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.

Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain

plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any

excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

28) Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to

stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to

fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under

the influence.

38) Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts: $50.00

DUI: $2.500.00

Impound fee: $75.00

Bail: $1,500.00

Beer: $20.00

Total: $4,145.00

But, you know the job was done right!

[Odie]

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl



soooooo true!:wah::wah: