eh...

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:45 pm

I'm not sure the point of this but here goes.....

I have a lot of issues and i don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm a Christian... I strongly believe God has everything in control and knows my future... I don't have a problem with any of that... it's what i believe... But my past has put me in a place where i can't be happy no matter how hard i try. The happiest i really ever am is temporal. I can't seem to move on with my past. I say i have so my mom will not freak out. I'm in college now and I'm alone almost all the time... I always feel people are out to get me... I've created unbreakable walls... At times i feel like i have moved on... that i can be happy but it's in the alone times i can't seem to forget.... Most the time i just want to tear a part something... punch something... cry... I'm so screwed up and I always feel like no one understands me... but then there are times where I'm like... "God i know you are there" and that seems to be my only comfort other times i just feel like I'm lost... messed up and on the brink of falling a part.... I just feel like getting this out... I don't care if anyone reads this really... i just want to get it out.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:57 pm

Omni_Skittles;1007249 wrote: I'm not sure the point of this but here goes.....

I have a lot of issues and i don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm a Christian... I strongly believe God has everything in control and knows my future... I don't have a problem with any of that... it's what i believe... But my past has put me in a place where i can't be happy no matter how hard i try. The happiest i really ever am is temporal. I can't seem to move on with my past. I say i have so my mom will not freak out. I'm in college now and I'm alone almost all the time... I always feel people are out to get me... I've created unbreakable walls... At times i feel like i have moved on... that i can be happy but it's in the alone times i can't seem to forget.... Most the time i just want to tear a part something... punch something... cry... I'm so screwed up and I always feel like no one understands me... but then there are times where I'm like... "God i know you are there" and that seems to be my only comfort other times i just feel like I'm lost... messed up and on the brink of falling a part.... I just feel like getting this out... I don't care if anyone reads this really... i just want to get it out.

Correct me if I am wrong, but not being able to get beyond your past seems to indicate that there is guilt associated with something in your past. Is it possible that if there is guilt associated with your past, that it has been brought about by your being a student at a "Assemblies of God University". Is that possible?

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:58 pm

Lon;1007280 wrote: Correct me if I am wrong, but not being able to get beyond your past seems to indicate that there is guilt associated with something in your past. Is it possible that if there is guilt associated with your past, that it has been brought about by your being a student at a "Assemblies of God University". Is that possible?
absolutely not.... my issues aren't religious.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:13 pm

Omni_Skittles;1007284 wrote: absolutely not.... my issues aren't religious.

I don't think that I indicated that your issues, whatever they are, were religious. Generally, when someones past affects them as your past seems to affect you, guilt of some kind is involved, otherwise, why would anything in your past upset you.?

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:16 pm

Oh wow i see where you are coming from now in relation to my recent post in another thread.

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:16 pm

Lon;1007308 wrote: I don't think that I indicated that your issues, whatever they are, were religious. Generally, when someones past affects them as your past seems to affect you, guilt of some kind is involved, otherwise, why would anything in your past upset you.?i don't think i so much feel guilt... or maybe i do... I don't really know. Maybe religion is it and i'm just trying to defend it like i always do... I'm honestly not sure... I know i can't move on... i know i'm angry... and i know i feel helpless...

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:23 pm

i've decided i should of stayed in counseling hahaha

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:30 pm

Hi Skittles,

I don't know anything about your past but I know we all have issues from time to time that when they prevent us from enjoying our lives and our friends and family, then they need to be worked out. One at a time is a good idea. You can always talk to your God. God hears all and will direct you in the way you are meant to go. But sometimes you need a human friend to talk to as well.

I don't know why you feel people are out to get you but I do understand the feeling and it's not a good one. Is this because of stuff in your past? Have people tried to hurt you or have they been unkind to you? Or do you not know why you feel that way?

Would you consider talking with a professional? Maybe a school counselor or someone in your church? Sometimes just getting out what is bothering you rather than keeping it stuffed inside can be a big help.

How can we help?

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:30 pm

If I remember correctly, Omni, you are a young person. If that is the case, all of your feelings are fairly common as you mature. I think they call it "angst." We start to question the "norm" and question ourselves. We are not sure exactly what our place in the world is. I have been there. Don't be too hard on yourself. Talk to friends. That does include us.

Take a deep breath. Look around. Thinking of others can take your mind off yourself.

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:32 pm

along-for-the-ride;1007339 wrote: If I remember correctly, Omni, you are a young person. If that is the case, all of your feelings are fairly common as you mature. I think they call it "angst." We start to question the "norm" and question ourselves. We are not sure exactly what our place in the world is. I have been there. Don't be too hard on yourself. Talk to friends. That does include us.

Take a deep breath. Look around. Thinking of others can take your mind off yourself.;)Thank you... i needed that oh so much!!!! i can sometimes get in a woe is me attitude... and forget that other people exist

cars · Post by **cars** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 3:03 pm

Sorry to hear the road has some bumps in it for you Omni, AFTR hit it right on the head! That was good sound advice!!!

There's a corny saying (but it really is true, really) that goes: "And this too shall pass"!!! As bad as things seem to be, "they" just really do seem to pass over time, & get better, they just do. You'll see. Just don't dispair, I know it's easier said then done, but try to always just keep looking for the brigher side of things, & they will eventually overcome the darker side!!! You'll see! Really!

Good Luck- keep on truckin!

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 3:07 pm

Omni_Skittles;1007325 wrote: i've decided i should of stayed in counseling hahaha

I'd rather you joined a gym, if I get to vote..

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 3:26 pm

If it is about something you've done in the past, you need to learn how to forgive yourself...which is harder than forgiving someone else. If it's something someone else has done to you, then don't let them win by keeping it inside of you...it'll eat you up.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 4:37 pm

Omni_Skittles;1007249 wrote: I'm not sure the point of this but here goes.....

I have a lot of issues and i don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm a Christian... I strongly believe God has everything in control and knows my future... I don't have a problem with any of that... it's what i believe... But my past has put me in a place where i can't be happy no matter how hard i try. The happiest i really ever am is temporal. I can't seem to move on with my past. I say i have so my mom will not freak out. I'm in college now and I'm alone almost all the time... I always feel people are out to get me... I've created unbreakable walls... At times i feel like i have moved on... that i can be happy but it's in the alone times i can't seem to forget.... Most the time i just want to tear a part something... punch something... cry... I'm so screwed up and I always feel like no one understands me... but then there are times where I'm like... "God i know you are there" and that seems to be my only comfort other times i just feel like I'm lost... messed up and on the brink of falling a part.... I just feel like getting this out... I don't care if anyone reads this really... i just want to get it out.
I suggest you tear a part something... punch something... cry...

If there's someone to be there when you do, to hug you or just hold you without speaking, that's even better. :yh_flower

You're strong, far stronger than most teenagers your age. That doesn't mean you're invincible. Rest, cry, ... punch if you have to.

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 5:28 pm

Accountable;1007470 wrote: I suggest you tear a part something... punch something... cry...

If there's someone to be there when you do, to hug you or just hold you without speaking, that's even better. :yh_flower

You're strong, far stronger than most teenagers your age. That doesn't mean you're invincible. Rest, cry, ... punch if you have to.
thank you... but i don't think i'm stronger then anyone else or i wouldn't be freaking out every few months....

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 5:29 pm

flopstock;1007407 wrote: I'd rather you joined a gym, if I get to vote..

actually that's not a bad idea... when i'm running or something to that extent i feel happier...

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 5:34 pm

Skittles

I veguely remember - and many suggested writing down those emotions, journal.

At your alone times - anxious feelings - frustrating, why not tear something up or cry.?

Or as Flop suggested - exercise? or start a journal on those anxious feelings/mad. it's surprising what you can find out about yourself.?

Could you be applying to much responsibility on yourself.? stress?

We love you Skittles - Venting is a great release toooooo.

Patsy

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 6:39 pm

Hoss;1007529 wrote: Hi Omni!

Chin up!

When I get like you are I go back and make sure my conscience is clear, usually when everything is clear those feelings go away.

What I do is get alone in an undistracted place, get into my praying position, close my eyes and then ask God to show me in my minds eye any offenses I hold. Usually the first two or three things that come up are it, but I usually argue with God for a while about each one and justify my actions or motives, so I have to do this three or four times to get it right. I will tell you that mostly for me anyway its one I don't really want to make right. Generally speaking a clear conscience is when you can look everybody you know in the eyes and confront them knowing they cannot point a finger at you to accuse you without you having at least tried to make it right. If after that youâ€™re still tormented, it may be that your holding onto a concept that is worldly that God is bringing you to change and let go, the only way to be free form the feelings you have under that circumstance is to give into God. Remember we are being transformed into the image of Christ, its not easy all the time.you sound too much like your father lol

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 6:40 pm

Sorry about this, just checking something:wah:

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 6:43 pm

JAB;1007531 wrote: Skittles, the fact that you're going through "this" doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Feeling sometimes are just feelings. They don't have to be indicative of something in your past nor do they have to indicate someone is out to get you.

I too sometimes feel a good cry coming on and even when I don't know where it's coming from, I say 'bring it on!' and let's get it over with. Often times those tears never come.
Shouldn't you hit a point where you don't feel like crying for no reason? I get sometimes i'm just being over emotional, but there has to be something wrong with it... at some point... ya'll have known me since i was like 15? things haven't changed since then... i still feel the same crappy way i did then... sometimes when i pray is the only time i feel any comfort... i've been to counseling so many times... isn't there a point when i just say... this is how i feel... i just need to get over it... crying hasn't helped before so why cry now? insanity is defined by some people as doing the same thing and expecting different results...

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 6:44 pm

christmas did this work?

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 6:49 pm

Hoss;1007538 wrote: He taught me since before I was born! And you know what, when I have a problem and I go to him, he opens the bible and finds a verse that instantly reminds me of whatâ€™s right.

Go back to our Father and ask him for wisdom, and he will give it to you, he always does.

We are called according to the scripture and we have the Holy Spirit, go pray, bury yourself in the truth, the answer will come. It may be that God just wants you to be more thankful for all those around you that help you. It may not be that youâ€™re doing anything wrong at all, God just wants you to spend more time spiritually baptized into the truth.

:)sometimes christianity becomes a ritual to me... i mean i'm around it 24/7 i practically am in church everyday praying reading the bible worshiping... doing all night prayers reading my bible more... going to bible classes and it all just becomes routine.... like it's just who i am... so i kind of feel bad when i feel this way... it's like God i talk to you everyday and do everything a good christian should but sometimes i can't get past my own emotions... i'm reminded always to just cast your cares on him and that should suffice right? My human side of me says no...

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 6:51 pm

JAB;1007540 wrote: Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps whatever it is that is making you cry still hasn't been confronted. You mention that you should have stayed in counseling - why did you stop going?I don't know. i just stopped...

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 6:57 pm

JAB;1007544 wrote: Do you want to go back? Did it help?no not really... I mean by the time i went to counseling i had felt better and by that night i felt worst.... so i figured this was something God wanted to deal with.... which for a while i did feel great... it has just been this past two weeks...

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 7:34 pm

Omni_Skittles;1007533 wrote: you sound too much like your father lol

don't he just.

Aw Skittles being human is certainly a challenge and being a youth of today is even more so. Hun remember to take time to enjoy the joy.... lean on friends and family (gosh didn't we just finish telling Woppy this same thing (minks scratches head)) Take comfort where you can and in whomever you can. Remember you are not alone and remember that no matter how hard it seams there is always somebody way worse off than you are. Not to sound mean but like along for the ride said, think of others.

Hunny I have to share a little story with you here today... my friend committed suicide yesterday morning. No matter how bad he thought his life was he just made life hell for his wife, his 5 year old and his 3 year old.... Always always think of others hun...

And remember you are loved here and you can come here and talk out loud all you want.

Huge Huggs

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 7:36 pm

Omni_Skittles;1007542 wrote: sometimes christianity becomes a ritual to me... i mean i'm around it 24/7 i practically am in church everyday praying reading the bible worshiping... doing all night prayers reading my bible more... going to bible classes and it all just becomes routine.... like it's just who i am... so i kind of feel bad when i feel this way... it's like God i talk to you everyday and do everything a good christian should but sometimes i can't get past my own emotions... i'm reminded always to just cast your cares on him and that should suffice right? My human side of me says no...

Skittles---------I do not at all question your belief, but do you really enjoy your 24/7 daily ritual of bible reading, bible classes, night prayers? Be honest now, because when I read your post I get the feeling you are resentful of your overwhelming exposure to religion to what seems to be the exclusion of everything else. For those of faith there is certainly nothing wrong with prayer, bible reading etc., but you seem to being going through a bit of overkill.

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 7:38 pm

minks;1007580 wrote: don't he just.

Aw Skittles being human is certainly a challenge and being a youth of today is even more so. Hun remember to take time to enjoy the joy.... lean on friends and family (gosh didn't we just finish telling Woppy this same thing (minks scratches head)) Take comfort where you can and in whomever you can. Remember you are not alone and remember that no matter how hard it seams there is always somebody way worse off than you are. Not to sound mean but like along for the ride said, think of others.

Hunny I have to share a little story with you here today... my friend committed suicide yesterday morning. No matter how bad he thought his life was he just made life hell for his wife, his 5 year old and his 3 year old.... Always always think of others hun...

And remember you are loved here and you can come here and talk out loud all you want.

Huge HuggsSee this is exactly what need to hear! That it's not that bad... that i am being selfish by being so obsessed with myself... I'm not going to lie... suicide has crossed my mind a few times... but when i hear stuff like this i'm like... WHAT THE CRAP IS WRONG WITH YOU TIFFANEY!!!!

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 7:39 pm

You do need to have friends.........that along could be alot , are there any clubs you can join?

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 7:42 pm

Lon;1007584 wrote: Skittles---------I do not at all question your belief, but do you really enjoy your 24/7 daily ritual of bible reading, bible classes, night prayers? Be honest now, because when I read your post I get the feeling you are resentful of your overwhelming exposure to religion to what seems to be the exclusion of everything else. For those of faith there is certainly nothing wrong with prayer, bible reading etc., but you seem to being going through a bit of overkill.It just becomes routine and i become numb.... self absorbed... they warn us about this every semester and you always think... that's not going to be me... until it happens and you don't even realize it. I sometimes do resent religion... but i'm not in it for religion... i'm in it because i believe in God. i know no matter what happens he will be there... he accepts me as his daughter when i don't pray or when i screw up... he will always be there for me. I'm sometimes the dumb one.... like today....

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 7:43 pm

Odie;1007588 wrote: You do need to have friends.........that along could be alot , are there any clubs you can join?
i have friends... i just have been avoiding them for the last two weeks...

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 7:48 pm

Go read my new post about my SOB friend.

Skittles you are young, you are confussed, life is a myrid of confussion hang in there dear girl. Go to the church and ask if you can volunteer and help others. Keep yourself busy and do things that assure you that you are a good person. We here know you are.

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 11:28 pm

I put up a thread about this statement a while back, but a former preacher of ours used to always say, leave the skeletons in the closet, lock the door, throw away the key, and get on with your life! I really liked that statement, i think God doesn't want us worrying about the past. I know it can be hard but try to forget the past darlin and look to the future! We are here for you if you need to talk!

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 3:11 am

Omni_Skittles;1007542 wrote: sometimes christianity becomes a ritual to me... i mean i'm around it 24/7 i practically am in church everyday praying reading the bible worshiping... doing all night prayers reading my bible more... going to bible classes and it all just becomes routine.... like it's just who i am... so i kind of feel bad when i feel this way... it's like God i talk to you everyday and do everything a good christian should but sometimes i can't get past my own emotions... i'm reminded always to just cast your cares on him and that should suffice right? My human side of me says no...

And thus where lies the problem:

Counselling keeps you living in the past as it keeps you dwelling on all the things that have gone wrong in the past, forget it live in the now and prepare for the future. Sorry, but you canâ€™t change the past, you canâ€™t make it right.

Religion teaches you guilt.

You are suffering because you are not allowing yourself to be free of the chains that bind you.

Break free, run for you life.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:02 am

Change your Avatar! Don't let your mood dictate your behavior, use your behavior to influence your mood.

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 5:29 pm

mikeinie;1007743 wrote: And thus where lies the problem:

Counselling keeps you living in the past as it keeps you dwelling on all the things that have gone wrong in the past, forget it live in the now and prepare for the future. Sorry, but you canâ€™t change the past, you canâ€™t make it right.

Religion teaches you guilt.

You are suffering because you are not allowing yourself to be free of the chains that bind you.

Break free, run for you life.haha "my chains are gone... I been set free" sorry that's what this made me think of... you have a point...

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 5:29 pm

Accountable;1007774 wrote: Change your Avatar! Don't let your mood dictate your behavior, use your behavior to influence your mood.
I was like... "what does my avatar look like?"

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Sat Oct 04, 2008 5:47 pm

I'm doing better today...... I don't feel horrible... just a little apathetic... but soon i'll be back to normal... I know I'm a bit emotional... over dramatic... but sleep tends to change me sometimes after a crappy day or weeks...