Unexpected company
- Oldschoolguy
- Posts: 83
- Joined: Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:53 am
Unexpected company
We have friends who come to town, often unexpectedly.
They call at the last minute, (sometimes on their way) and let us know they need to stay with us. Okay, fine.
We can usually accomodate them, but it is usually awkward.
The problem is, when they come to town they want to invite all their family and friends (who live nearby) to also come to our house. This can be up to 10 or 12 adults and several small children. They just figure the more the merrier, but we are the ones that have to scramble to buy groceries, cook and clean, etc. just to make it all go smoothly.
Also, if we do plan a meal or a get together they never show up when they say they will and often bring other people we did not expect. It can be very frustrating and awkward.
It just hapened again yesterday. Our friend called and said she was on her way to town and wanted to see us. Fine. Then, she tells us there will be NINE people coming as she wants to bring both her two daughters, a son-in-law, their three kids and another couple that we barely know.
My wife had been out of town the past few days and was going back out of town tomorrow. We had plans to spend the day together and did not expect a houseful of unexpected guests. Our friend just texted us and said "When should we be there"?
We told them we could not get together today and we hoped to see them next time they were in town.
So, are we just terrible friends/people, or were we right to tell them we could not accomodate them?
It would be alright, it's just that these folks always travel in a pack and we never know how many there will be, or when they will show up.
Any advice?
They call at the last minute, (sometimes on their way) and let us know they need to stay with us. Okay, fine.
We can usually accomodate them, but it is usually awkward.
The problem is, when they come to town they want to invite all their family and friends (who live nearby) to also come to our house. This can be up to 10 or 12 adults and several small children. They just figure the more the merrier, but we are the ones that have to scramble to buy groceries, cook and clean, etc. just to make it all go smoothly.
Also, if we do plan a meal or a get together they never show up when they say they will and often bring other people we did not expect. It can be very frustrating and awkward.
It just hapened again yesterday. Our friend called and said she was on her way to town and wanted to see us. Fine. Then, she tells us there will be NINE people coming as she wants to bring both her two daughters, a son-in-law, their three kids and another couple that we barely know.
My wife had been out of town the past few days and was going back out of town tomorrow. We had plans to spend the day together and did not expect a houseful of unexpected guests. Our friend just texted us and said "When should we be there"?
We told them we could not get together today and we hoped to see them next time they were in town.
So, are we just terrible friends/people, or were we right to tell them we could not accomodate them?
It would be alright, it's just that these folks always travel in a pack and we never know how many there will be, or when they will show up.
Any advice?
Unexpected company
You were more polite than I would have been.
I expressly forbid the use of any of my posts anywhere outside of FG (with the exception of the incredibly witty 'get a room already' )posted recently.
Folks who'd like to copy my intellectual work should expect to pay me for it.:-6
Folks who'd like to copy my intellectual work should expect to pay me for it.:-6
Unexpected company
About time you said NO. I would say they have taken advantage of the situation 1 to many times. If they don't like it sorry not their home, not their food, not their decision to make. Have you ever done this to them? Why don't they have these hoards of people to their own home? Or better yet if distance is the problem have everyone book rooms at a local Hotel or Motel and let them entertain them on their own time and money. I would say don't feel guilty about your decision it was long overdue and don't back down or let them take advantage of you again. Might mean the end of your friendship if so it wasn't a real friendship in the first place.
Sorry I have no patience for people who take advantage of others good manners and nature shame on them they are not good friends in my opinion just using you.
Sorry I have no patience for people who take advantage of others good manners and nature shame on them they are not good friends in my opinion just using you.
ALOHA!!
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
- chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
Unexpected company
You were very polite to refuse their company.
Unexpected company
You need you privacy and it is your home. They should respect that.
I am currently in a tough situation with a friend of ours too. We have a mother and 2 children staying with us (a 10 and a 13 year old) due to their fathers drinking. He is currently on a 7 day binge and as of last night is apparently not even aware his wife and children have gone. Another friend is keeping an eye on him.
I am beginning to wonder just how long he can do this before he kills himself. I also think me and a few other guys need to give him a thorough beating.
I am currently in a tough situation with a friend of ours too. We have a mother and 2 children staying with us (a 10 and a 13 year old) due to their fathers drinking. He is currently on a 7 day binge and as of last night is apparently not even aware his wife and children have gone. Another friend is keeping an eye on him.
I am beginning to wonder just how long he can do this before he kills himself. I also think me and a few other guys need to give him a thorough beating.
Unexpected company
So, are we just terrible friends/people, or were we right to tell them we could not accomodate them?]
IMO, you did the right thing. You should have also added though, that the next time they want to take advantage of you, to give you a more advanced notice and ask them what they intend to contribute towards feeding the company they invited.
If you don't speak up, you'll be walked on every time.
IMO, you did the right thing. You should have also added though, that the next time they want to take advantage of you, to give you a more advanced notice and ask them what they intend to contribute towards feeding the company they invited.
If you don't speak up, you'll be walked on every time.
Unexpected company
Mustang;1338059 wrote: IMO, you did the right thing. You should have also added though, that the next time they want to take advantage of you, to give you a more advanced notice and ask them what they intend to contribute towards feeding the company they invited.
If you don't speak up, you'll be walked on every time.
I agree. It's a nightmare being used like this. If they 'get the hump' then they are not real freinds.
If you don't speak up, you'll be walked on every time.
I agree. It's a nightmare being used like this. If they 'get the hump' then they are not real freinds.
A smile is a window on your face to show your heart is home
- Kathy Ellen
- Posts: 10569
- Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 4:04 pm
Unexpected company
You did the right thing OSG,
Some people will always take advantage if they know that they can.
You have to learn how to say no more often.
I learned how to say no, and I'm happier now:-6
I live in a wee, fix me up, handy-man's special home. I live a block away from the beach in a resort town. Somehow, I had become everyone's holiday. I'd no sooner have company leave and others would arrive uninvited or earlier than expected.
I sometimes work 3 jobs during the fall, winter and spring. I need a break during the summer months..some alone time. Now I have it because I say no or limit their time.
You don't have to explain why you say no...just say it and feel good about it. If the shoe were on the other foot, I wonder how often they would say no.
Good on you !!!!!
Some people will always take advantage if they know that they can.
You have to learn how to say no more often.
I learned how to say no, and I'm happier now:-6
I live in a wee, fix me up, handy-man's special home. I live a block away from the beach in a resort town. Somehow, I had become everyone's holiday. I'd no sooner have company leave and others would arrive uninvited or earlier than expected.
I sometimes work 3 jobs during the fall, winter and spring. I need a break during the summer months..some alone time. Now I have it because I say no or limit their time.
You don't have to explain why you say no...just say it and feel good about it. If the shoe were on the other foot, I wonder how often they would say no.
Good on you !!!!!
- Betty Boop
- Posts: 16934
- Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 1:17 pm
- Location: The end of the World
Unexpected company
Good on you, I would have done the same. Anyone should try to provide at least a weeks notice before descending on you like that. Next time I would have the house ready for them etc but would not have any groceries in, they would be told 'feel free to use the kitchen, sorry not got much in, maybe you would like to do a quick grocery run....' They're getting free accommodation, the least they can do is buy and prepare their own food, otherwise you need to start presenting them with a bill on their day of departure!
Unexpected company
What every one else said!!
Absolutely. One time for an old friend to drop by for an unexpected visit is COOL!!
But then, what your friend is doing is called taking advantage.
Hell! they got family around? They should impose on THEM, not their friends.
Sounds like they just like to use your house to visit their family.
Refer them to the local hotel, and tell them you wouldn't mind meeting them somewhere for dinner.
YOUR home is sacred ground. Anyone who disrespects that is not really your friend.
Absolutely. One time for an old friend to drop by for an unexpected visit is COOL!!
But then, what your friend is doing is called taking advantage.
Hell! they got family around? They should impose on THEM, not their friends.
Sounds like they just like to use your house to visit their family.
Refer them to the local hotel, and tell them you wouldn't mind meeting them somewhere for dinner.
YOUR home is sacred ground. Anyone who disrespects that is not really your friend.
The home of the soul is the Open Road.
- DH Lawrence
- DH Lawrence
- along-for-the-ride
- Posts: 11732
- Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 4:28 pm
Unexpected company
Sounds to me like your "friends" want to use your home to hold their family reunions....at no cost and no inconvenience to them. It is one thing to have one or two friends unexpectedly drop by for a brief visit, quite another to have a bunch of people come by and expect to be accomodated.
You did good. Keep it up.
You did good. Keep it up.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
Unexpected company
Oldschoolguy;1338050 wrote: We have friends who come to town, often unexpectedly.
They call at the last minute, (sometimes on their way) and let us know they need to stay with us. Okay, fine.
We can usually accomodate them, but it is usually awkward.
The problem is, when they come to town they want to invite all their family and friends (who live nearby) to also come to our house. This can be up to 10 or 12 adults and several small children. They just figure the more the merrier, but we are the ones that have to scramble to buy groceries, cook and clean, etc. just to make it all go smoothly.
Also, if we do plan a meal or a get together they never show up when they say they will and often bring other people we did not expect. It can be very frustrating and awkward.
It just hapened again yesterday. Our friend called and said she was on her way to town and wanted to see us. Fine. Then, she tells us there will be NINE people coming as she wants to bring both her two daughters, a son-in-law, their three kids and another couple that we barely know.
My wife had been out of town the past few days and was going back out of town tomorrow. We had plans to spend the day together and did not expect a houseful of unexpected guests. Our friend just texted us and said "When should we be there"?
We told them we could not get together today and we hoped to see them next time they were in town.
So, are we just terrible friends/people, or were we right to tell them we could not accomodate them?
It would be alright, it's just that these folks always travel in a pack and we never know how many there will be, or when they will show up.
Any advice?
Your far from being terrible friends!
I'd never have put up with that...even once.
Sounds to me like they're using your place to entertain and eat....friends don't do that.
It's time your friends should know to phone way ahead & shouldn't be inviting everyone into your home.
They call at the last minute, (sometimes on their way) and let us know they need to stay with us. Okay, fine.
We can usually accomodate them, but it is usually awkward.
The problem is, when they come to town they want to invite all their family and friends (who live nearby) to also come to our house. This can be up to 10 or 12 adults and several small children. They just figure the more the merrier, but we are the ones that have to scramble to buy groceries, cook and clean, etc. just to make it all go smoothly.
Also, if we do plan a meal or a get together they never show up when they say they will and often bring other people we did not expect. It can be very frustrating and awkward.
It just hapened again yesterday. Our friend called and said she was on her way to town and wanted to see us. Fine. Then, she tells us there will be NINE people coming as she wants to bring both her two daughters, a son-in-law, their three kids and another couple that we barely know.
My wife had been out of town the past few days and was going back out of town tomorrow. We had plans to spend the day together and did not expect a houseful of unexpected guests. Our friend just texted us and said "When should we be there"?
We told them we could not get together today and we hoped to see them next time they were in town.
So, are we just terrible friends/people, or were we right to tell them we could not accomodate them?
It would be alright, it's just that these folks always travel in a pack and we never know how many there will be, or when they will show up.
Any advice?
Your far from being terrible friends!
I'd never have put up with that...even once.
Sounds to me like they're using your place to entertain and eat....friends don't do that.
It's time your friends should know to phone way ahead & shouldn't be inviting everyone into your home.
Life is just to short for drama.
- Oldschoolguy
- Posts: 83
- Joined: Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:53 am
Unexpected company
Thanks to all that posted. I feel much better knowing everyone felt the same way I did.
Whenever I go "back home" to see friends/family I always get a room somewhere near where I want to hang out. Even if someone says you are not "imposing" I still feel after a day or so that they would rather have their home to themselves.
Thanks again for letting me off the hook.
Oldschoolguy
Whenever I go "back home" to see friends/family I always get a room somewhere near where I want to hang out. Even if someone says you are not "imposing" I still feel after a day or so that they would rather have their home to themselves.
Thanks again for letting me off the hook.
Oldschoolguy
Unexpected company
Nobody I know, including family, would even think of doing that. Not even for the couple to drop in, but expecting to bring their multitude of family and guests too! Unthinkable! You certainly did the right thing. Having said that and assuming that they get the message, you may now have an opening around Thanksgiving and I would like to bring 6 of my family and one small dog.
- Oldschoolguy
- Posts: 83
- Joined: Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:53 am
Unexpected company
ZAP;1338192 wrote: Nobody I know, including family, would even think of doing that. Not even for the couple to drop in, but expecting to bring their multitude of family and guests too! Unthinkable! You certainly did the right thing. Having said that and assuming that they get the message, you may now have an opening around Thanksgiving and I would like to bring 6 of my family and one small dog.
Ummm... What KIND of dog? LOL!
Ummm... What KIND of dog? LOL!
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- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
Unexpected company
Did it ever occur to you why they have family in the area and yet they don't stay with family? Maybe family woke up to their shananigans a long time ago.
- Oldschoolguy
- Posts: 83
- Joined: Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:53 am
Unexpected company
fuzzywuzzy;1338280 wrote: Did it ever occur to you why they have family in the area and yet they don't stay with family? Maybe family woke up to their shananigans a long time ago.
My thoughts per-zactly!!
My thoughts per-zactly!!
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- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
Unexpected company
Although in saying that I'm going to be needing a bed/couch/deck chair when I'm over that way :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
- Oldschoolguy
- Posts: 83
- Joined: Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:53 am
Unexpected company
FW, We have a new "24 hour rule". You can stay up to 24 hours. It starts as soon as you call .:yh_rotfl:driving:
- Oscar Namechange
- Posts: 31842
- Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am
Unexpected company
Oldschoolguy;1338286 wrote: My thoughts per-zactly!! I have 3 dogs and when we go to visit the family, we will always offer to take a hotel room that takes dogs. It rarely comes to that as all my family will say there Is no need as our dogs are part of the family. However, It would be rude to just assume and land 3 mental canines on them.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
Unexpected company
Oldschoolguy;1338291 wrote: FW, We have a new "24 hour rule". You can stay up to 24 hours. It starts as soon as you call .:yh_rotfl:driving:
24 hours is good and a greyhound bus stop
It's not really enough time to get some friends together for the orgy though. Geesh some people are just not hospitable .
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
24 hours is good and a greyhound bus stop
It's not really enough time to get some friends together for the orgy though. Geesh some people are just not hospitable .
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl