My best friend is not my friend anymore. How can I forget him ?

justf0rnow · Post by **justf0rnow** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:46 am

First of all, i want to apologize for my English, as its not my first language.

So, what is the meaning of Best Friend ?

1. A close friend who you talk to and share with and he/she talk and share to you.

And he/she thinks you are his/her best friend as well.

2. A close friend who you talk to and share, but he/she never talk and share to you.

And he/she dont even think you as his/her best friend.

so which one ?

I have a friend, and we've been together for more than 6years.

He is 2years younger than me, and he was my neighbor 4years ago.

Even after he moved out, he still come to my house almost every day and stay over every weekend to play this online game called World of Warcraft.

He is the only guy friend and the closest friend i ever have, even closer than my own family.

I talk to him everything, from someone who i hates, to someone who i have a crush on.

He knows everything about me and all my dirty little secret.

I'm not smart, handsome, good at sports, Im a little short and i don't have much friends like normal people usually had.

But he still wants to hang out with me, thats why i like him so much.

We've been travel to different country together for the past 2 years.

We took a languages class together.

I love him so much that i pay those all (because he's less fortunate).

I even gave him my cellphone, so we can text and call each other.

When we go to the cinema, i pay for his ticket. When we feel hungry, i pay for his food.

Only with him, i feel home.

Only with him, i feel happy and appreciate my life.

He fills my days with happiness.

For me, he's like the only true friend i ever had and we will always be BFF. at least thats what i thought.

He's like my own little brother that i never had.

I know he don't think me as his best friend.

He never talk about his day to me, someone who he has a crush on, etc...

He never text me like my regular friends did.

My friends usually text me like "hey, how are you ? wanna hang out ?", "hey, did you hear about him?" and other friends stuff.

While all he did was "yo, can i come over?" or "wanna play ? can you pick me up in 10min ?" or "sorry, i have an exam tomorrow. but can i come tomorrow?". but i dont mind with that.

He never swear or talk bad words in front of me. I thought he just a really nice guy.

But a year ago, i accidentally check his phone, because he ask me to check his message from his mom and i found couple of message that he send to his school friends (or maybe his best friend).

And he said a lot of bad words!! like "did you know that *some girl name* has a huge boobs? damn, she makes me so h*rny", "yeah, i want to make her lick my ...", "***** that son of a b*tch, tomorrow im gonna talk to that mother *******" and a lot more like that.

And he didn't text that to just 1 person, but more than 4 persons.

He never talk like that when im around.

He always act nice in front of me, but that was a wake up call.

That time i realize he just pretending to be someone nice.

But i still love him (as a brother), so i ignore those bad things about him.

And lately, he only come and play with me every saturday and sunday.

It's like he found a new friend.

He never text me everyday anymore (he always text me at least once a day before), but now he only text me on saturday, when he got bored and has nothing to do, saying "can i come ?"

When I call him on weekdays, he gave me some excuses like "sorry i have a lot of homework/exams", "my dad is sick, i have to take care of him", "my mom ask me to drive her", etc..

And sometimes he won't even pick up the phone, and sometimes he text me 3 hours after i called and said "sorry, i left my phone at home", "my battery is low", or "i'm still on class".

The thing is, his school ends at 1.30pm and i called him at 2pm, which is impossible if he still on class.

And when i call at 6-7pm, the phone ring for about 6sec, then he reject it and turn off the phone.

Then he text me said "sorry i'm on library/Buddhist temple", but i know he lied and he was at his at his friend's house because when i called his home, his brother and his sister was there.

And he once told me that he always go to Buddhist temple with his whole family.

It's like he has slowly starting to out of the picture

what did he think of me ? someone who he can shelter with when he got bored ?

Is he really my Best Friend ?

I think he only play with me because i always pay for everything.

then, what should i do ?

and it worse, everyday i feel so lonely without him.

I don't want to lose him as my friend.

But i feel so mad when he lied to me.

what should i do to move on ? i want to forget him, but it's really hard.

I dont know why, but i don't think i can trust him anymore.

I still want him to be my friend, but it just don't feel the same anymore.

I mean, i still happy when he's around but not as much as before.

I still don't mind paying for his everything but its like he's a different person.

But when i hang out with my other close friends, i still feel lonely and im not that happy when he's not around.

I hate him so much that i hurt when he's around me, but i miss him so much that i hurt when he's not around.

Should i ask him if he still wants to be my friend, why did he wants to play with me and why did he lied to me ?

But i don't want to sound like his girlfriend or his mother.

Some people said i should join an organization of something that interests me and get a new friends, but i'm a shy person.

Even when i join those things, those people are only my friends in class, when the class ends, i dont have the nerve nor they ever ask them to hang out or grab some coffee.

5 months ago, we both learn to speak Japanese in a Japanese class together.

We met new friend and i'm so happy that he's there with me.

With him, I'm no longer shy, i can talk and share my thoughts.

But at the end of the class, we both resign because he has to study for his final exams and i don't want to left him behind.

And i now, want to start over again, alone.

But it always reminds me of him, and i can't concentrate on my study.

Sometimes, i get jealous of other persons where they have a lot of friends.

But thinking about that, makes me sad even more.

Please, tell me what should i do ?

Post by **spot** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 9:59 am

You'll get several opinions here on what action you should take. Ignore them all, nobody here is qualified to advise you. People have registered to ask for advice before and it's invariably failed to produce useful suggestions.

justf0rnow · Post by **justf0rnow** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:24 am

spot;1335284 wrote: You'll get several opinions here on what action you should take. Ignore them all, nobody here is qualified to advise you. People have registered to ask for advice before and it's invariably failed to produce useful suggestions.

But im really lost here, i don't know what should i do.

It's like i want to do this, but then i change my mind.

There must be someone who had the similar problem and moved on.

But how

Post by **spot** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:55 am

justf0rnow;1335290 wrote: But im really lost here, i don't know what should i do.

It's like i want to do this, but then i change my mind.

There must be someone who had the similar problem and moved on.

But how :(Most of the active posters here went through that stage of life forty years ago or more, they can't remember beyond the vaguest outline. I'm sure your school has a spiritual adviser with local cultural experience.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:26 am

Spot Is right... We all went through this years ago and I take It that you are very young. I can tell you some-thing that my Father told me as a child that has stayed with me all of my life however and I hope It helps.

I had become upset that a girl at my school did not like me when I was a kid. My Father told me that all through your life, you can not make people like you or want to be your friend. As to the girl In question, my father said ...' So she does not like you ???.... So What?... Other people do....' and never a truer word was said.

He also told me that wasting your emotions and energy trying to get some-one to be your friend Is a waste of life and to concentrate on the people who do like you and the new friends you will make down the line In life.

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:46 pm

I’ll give it a go…

Dude, you sound like you are married. The problem here is that as they say in English: ‘all your eggs are in one basket’.

What does that mean? You have one close friend, if anything goes wrong with that friendship then you have nothing, therefore it is a high risk relationship for you.

He sounds like he has many friends, therefore if anything goes wrong with your friendship it is not such an impact on him, his eggs are not in one basket, therefore he is in a low risk relationship.

The fact is that you do sound like a girlfriend or a mother, and that if nothing else will push him away from your friendship and you being in the high risk category means it will impact you more than him.

Start building a life aside from the one you have with him, develop other friendships, grow other interests, or you will find yourself very hurt.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 5:23 pm

He needed you for some time, but has moved to a different place. You are on your own again. For a while. There is no rush (though it may feel there is to you at the moment). Sometimes things move fast. Sometimes things move slow.

Be yourself. You are unique. There never has been and never will be another person just like you. Understand that you are valuable in every way. Take all the time it needs.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 5:34 pm

Clodhopper;1335414 wrote: He needed you for some time, but has moved to a different place. You are on your own again. For a while. There is no rush (though it may feel there is to you at the moment). Sometimes things move fast. Sometimes things move slow.

Be yourself. You are unique. There never has been and never will be another person just like you. Understand that you are valuable in every way. Take all the time it needs.
That Is a nice thing to say,

Post by **spot** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 5:44 pm

oscar;1335419 wrote: That Is a nice thing to say,

There never has been and never will be another person just like you either, Oscar. I know, I know, if you can't say something nice then don't say anything, I keep getting reminded.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 5:46 pm

That Is a nice thing to say,

Thank you. (hugs for all sorts of reasons)

...I must emphasise that I said it because it is true, not because it is nice.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue Sep 28, 2010 5:52 pm

Clodhopper;1335424 wrote: Thank you. (hugs for all sorts of reasons)

...I must emphasise that I said it because it is true, not because it is nice.
I like to point out good things when they are due and I just thought that was a good thing to say to a youngster who Is suffering with angst at the moment.

Hugs recieved Thank You... I know why. :-4

CinnamonBear · Post by **CinnamonBear** » Wed Sep 29, 2010 4:43 pm

spot;1335284 wrote: You'll get several opinions here on what action you should take. Ignore them all, nobody here is qualified to advise you. People have registered to ask for advice before and it's invariably failed to produce useful suggestions.

Greetings Spot. If I may disagree with you on this remark. If you'lll visit the "Lonely" threads started by Lexylex and Boogalett you'll see the members here were very compassionate and sincere in their advice.

Boogalett spoke of killing herself and the members worked her through it and spoke out. Lexylex received the same compassion and advice though he or she didn't speak of suicide. Still.

OK, granted, I don't understand why people don't have others in their real lives to talk to; I don't walk in their shoes. Maybe this forum is their last straw. It seems like it with all the sad stories being told here.

TO justfornow, I would refer you to Lexy and Booga's threads. They were given some good advice. Take that advice and be well. Be better than well.

Saint_ · Post by **Saint_** » Wed Sep 29, 2010 7:26 pm

The sign of a true friend, and not a "frenimy" is that they like you and care about you as much as you care about them. That's not what I'm seeing here. What it sounds like is that you became too much of a "resource" for him, and less of a "friend."

CinnamonBear · Post by **CinnamonBear** » Sun Oct 03, 2010 9:32 pm

hmmmm, something strange going on here. In the short time I've been here, I've noticed people dropping in to type out long tales of personal woe and not coming back to check out the good advice given.

Things that make you go hmmmmmmm.

Post by **spot** » Mon Oct 04, 2010 4:49 am

The benefit is quite often in typing out the long tale of personal woe rather than the subsequent advice.

CinnamonBear · Post by **CinnamonBear** » Mon Oct 04, 2010 5:06 pm

spot;1336593 wrote: The benefit is quite often in typing out the long tale of personal woe rather than the subsequent advice.

Interesting, compares to scripting a letter never sent.

Scrat · Post by **Scrat** » Sat Oct 09, 2010 8:52 am

Justfornow. Don't sweat the small stuff in life, move on.

healthylife · Post by **healthylife** » Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:42 pm

Time is the best treatment... try to find another friend....

Mia · Post by **Mia** » Sun Mar 06, 2011 1:59 pm

Very hard to move on but we have to for our own sanity, we get over these emotions in time.Just try and keep busy with whatevere you like to do. One day you will meet a guy who deserves you xx

junexpress · Post by **junexpress** » Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:52 am

I understand what you've felt 'justfornow'.. I have same experience like you too, and it's really sad that even how good you are to him, you're now stranger for him after all. It's my first time to feel like these too, one time it come up in my mind "I am gay for acting like this to him?" , "No I'm not, it's just happened that I'm comfortable with him." and I really value our friendship.

So just be strong 'justfornow', open your hearts for new set of friends, you don't deserve to be hurt by losing a fake friend. Just like what I'm doing now, I'm trying to forget him and trying to have new friends..