Heartbroken
Heartbroken
My husband of 11 years has just told me he has been having an affair for nearly 2 years,my world is destroyed.
Heartbroken
I'm sorry to hear that Sweety but then again it's better to hear it now than if you were to waste more of your life on him.
I personally think anyone that cheats on a woman can never rightfully consider himself a man. Perhaps you'll do better to find someone that truly cares about you and I couldn't think of a better time than now.
He'd ripped your heart out and he'll do it again if you give him the chance
I personally think anyone that cheats on a woman can never rightfully consider himself a man. Perhaps you'll do better to find someone that truly cares about you and I couldn't think of a better time than now.
He'd ripped your heart out and he'll do it again if you give him the chance
Heartbroken
jule;1318105 wrote: My husband of 11 years has just told me he has been having an affair for nearly 2 years,my world is destroyed.
I'm so sorry jule, it happened to me a year ago.
You did nothing wrong, he is the one that destroyed your world.
save yourself more heartache and move on without him.
I know you think you need him......you don't.
I'm so sorry jule, it happened to me a year ago.
You did nothing wrong, he is the one that destroyed your world.
save yourself more heartache and move on without him.
I know you think you need him......you don't.
Life is just to short for drama.
Heartbroken
@jule: So sorry to hear that.
His actions does not define who you are, it defines who he is.
His actions does not define who you are, it defines who he is.
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
Heartbroken
I'm sorry to hear such sad news, but you are better off without him. As time goes by, you will see this.
Heartbroken
So sorry to hear this, Jule. As the others have said, he will not change. Let him go. You are devastated now, and you will feel sh!t for some time, but if he wants to come back, don't even consider it as he will only do it to you again, like he will do the same to the one he is having an affair with! He is not to be trusted any more. Just go out and mix with your friends and get your life back.
In a while, you will realise that he just isn't worth thinking about any more, particularly if you find a fella who loves you for who you are, and most of all respects you. I don't know if there are children involved. If there are, then they will be devastated too, and they will need their strong mum.
I despair at some men, they can be so selfish and can have little self control. You may not feel it now, but it looks as if you are well rid of him - he'll only do it again and again.
All the best to you. Be strong Jule. You'll get through this awful time and come out a winner in the end. Take care. :-6
In a while, you will realise that he just isn't worth thinking about any more, particularly if you find a fella who loves you for who you are, and most of all respects you. I don't know if there are children involved. If there are, then they will be devastated too, and they will need their strong mum.
I despair at some men, they can be so selfish and can have little self control. You may not feel it now, but it looks as if you are well rid of him - he'll only do it again and again.
All the best to you. Be strong Jule. You'll get through this awful time and come out a winner in the end. Take care. :-6
I'm a Saga-lout, growing old disgracefully
Heartbroken
Sorry to hear that. Take K.Snyder's advice and waste no more time on him. I invested 18 years in marriage only to be kicked to the curb so I know what you are experiencing.
Heartbroken
[QUOTE=Odie;1318109]I'm so sorry jule, it happened to me a year ago
I am so scared my children are my world(3 of them) and I honestly dont think I can do this on my own
I am so scared my children are my world(3 of them) and I honestly dont think I can do this on my own
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
Heartbroken
Yes you can Jule . I'm in a horrible situation at the moment but it's amazing the kind of strength you can accrue to move on if he isn't trully sorry for his actions.
Life is **** sometimes and more often than not people close to us let us down . If you need to move on then you have all my prayers and thoughts .....If you decide to stay, again you have all my prayers and thoughts.
Just do me one favour ......don't stay because you are frightened of what might happen if you don't . Don't allow him to have the upper hand in this and think he can trap you because of what may be economic hardship or what you may percieve as loneliness. If he thinks you're staying on those grounds then you'll be caged and he'll do it again. Demand that he apologises and makes up for it . Demand that he see you as more than what he sees' at the moment.
and try your hardest not to exclude the children from this hurt if they are old enough . I'ts okay for children to see that their is something worng or something has upset you. lets not be hysterical but it's okay to show emtion and hurt in front of them.
Only you can decide what you need to do .........take some time out to think about it .....and then take some more time out to think more.
don't allow anyone to pressure you. I'ts your life and with all the hurt and crap feelings, only you can decide.
o:o
good luck
Life is **** sometimes and more often than not people close to us let us down . If you need to move on then you have all my prayers and thoughts .....If you decide to stay, again you have all my prayers and thoughts.
Just do me one favour ......don't stay because you are frightened of what might happen if you don't . Don't allow him to have the upper hand in this and think he can trap you because of what may be economic hardship or what you may percieve as loneliness. If he thinks you're staying on those grounds then you'll be caged and he'll do it again. Demand that he apologises and makes up for it . Demand that he see you as more than what he sees' at the moment.
and try your hardest not to exclude the children from this hurt if they are old enough . I'ts okay for children to see that their is something worng or something has upset you. lets not be hysterical but it's okay to show emtion and hurt in front of them.
Only you can decide what you need to do .........take some time out to think about it .....and then take some more time out to think more.
don't allow anyone to pressure you. I'ts your life and with all the hurt and crap feelings, only you can decide.
o:ogood luck
Heartbroken
K.Snyder;1318107 wrote: I'm sorry to hear that Sweety but then again it's better to hear it now than if you were to waste more of your life on him.
I personally think anyone that cheats on a woman can never rightfully consider himself a man. Perhaps you'll do better to find someone that truly cares about you and I couldn't think of a better time than now.
He'd ripped your heart out and he'll do it again if you give him the chance
:-4:-4
Don't we wish all men were like this!
Jule - you can cope, you will cope - you have to for your children.
An affair doesn't mean the end of every marriage - some survive, lots don't.
Take care of yourself and your children, get whatever help is offered by friends, family, counsellors, any thing really.
Mostly remember that he is a git for doing this to you and don't let him make you feel at fault for his inability to keep his wang in his trousers.
(and I hate to say it but a visit to get your sexual health checked may be a good idea too)
I personally think anyone that cheats on a woman can never rightfully consider himself a man. Perhaps you'll do better to find someone that truly cares about you and I couldn't think of a better time than now.
He'd ripped your heart out and he'll do it again if you give him the chance
:-4:-4
Don't we wish all men were like this!
Jule - you can cope, you will cope - you have to for your children.
An affair doesn't mean the end of every marriage - some survive, lots don't.
Take care of yourself and your children, get whatever help is offered by friends, family, counsellors, any thing really.
Mostly remember that he is a git for doing this to you and don't let him make you feel at fault for his inability to keep his wang in his trousers.
(and I hate to say it but a visit to get your sexual health checked may be a good idea too)
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
Heartbroken
Imladris;1318260 wrote: :-4:-4
Don't we wish all men were like this!
:yh_kiss :yh_kiss :yh_kiss :yh_kiss
Don't we wish all men were like this!
:yh_kiss :yh_kiss :yh_kiss :yh_kiss
Heartbroken
jule;1318183 wrote: [QUOTE=Odie;1318109]I'm so sorry jule, it happened to me a year ago
I am so scared my children are my world(3 of them) and I honestly dont think I can do this on my own
It is hard to do it when you have children,.
Have you talked to each other about the affair?
communication plays a huge role in any marriage.
a lot of marriages can be saved.
I am so scared my children are my world(3 of them) and I honestly dont think I can do this on my own
It is hard to do it when you have children,.
Have you talked to each other about the affair?
communication plays a huge role in any marriage.
a lot of marriages can be saved.
Life is just to short for drama.
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Peter Lake
- Posts: 1031
- Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:02 pm
Heartbroken
I would imagine the lady is confused having read two posts from the same poster giving contradictory advice, one saying forget him and move on and the next saying her marraige could be saved by talking.
An affair does not have to be the end of any marraige and trust can be regained but it depends on the individual who's had the affair. What worked in one marraige may not work in another and only the people who're involved will know if they can save their marraige or not. If the affair was out of character and a one off, there's hope but a serial cheat will not change.
Sometimes an affair can, not always, but can make a marraige stronger so there's hope for the lady if she can find out the root cause of why her husband strayed. If my wife cheated on me, the first thing i would do is look to myself and ask had i failed her somewhere? That's not to say this lady has failed her husband in any way. If she can get him to open up and find the root cause of his straying, they can both work on that and move on.
An affair does not have to be the end of any marraige and trust can be regained but it depends on the individual who's had the affair. What worked in one marraige may not work in another and only the people who're involved will know if they can save their marraige or not. If the affair was out of character and a one off, there's hope but a serial cheat will not change.
Sometimes an affair can, not always, but can make a marraige stronger so there's hope for the lady if she can find out the root cause of why her husband strayed. If my wife cheated on me, the first thing i would do is look to myself and ask had i failed her somewhere? That's not to say this lady has failed her husband in any way. If she can get him to open up and find the root cause of his straying, they can both work on that and move on.
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along-for-the-ride
- Posts: 11732
- Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 4:28 pm
Heartbroken
Welcome to the forum, jule. Sorry it is under these circumstances.
I know you are hurting. So what does your husband want to do? Stop the affair?
Keep having the affair and stay married to you? What do you want to do? You have choices. Some choices are more difficult to make than others. They effect not just you, but your children as well.
Believe me, this is not the end of the world. Your life may change from now on, but this can and may be for the better.
I know you are hurting. So what does your husband want to do? Stop the affair?
Keep having the affair and stay married to you? What do you want to do? You have choices. Some choices are more difficult to make than others. They effect not just you, but your children as well.
Believe me, this is not the end of the world. Your life may change from now on, but this can and may be for the better.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
Heartbroken
Peter Lake;1318301 wrote: I would imagine the lady is confused having read two posts from the same poster giving contradictory advice, one saying forget him and move on and the next saying her marraige could be saved by talking.
An affair does not have to be the end of any marraige and trust can be regained but it depends on the individual who's had the affair. What worked in one marraige may not work in another and only the people who're involved will know if they can save their marraige or not. If the affair was out of character and a one off, there's hope but a serial cheat will not change.
Sometimes an affair can, not always, but can make a marraige stronger so there's hope for the lady if she can find out the root cause of why her husband strayed. If my wife cheated on me, the first thing i would do is look to myself and ask had i failed her somewhere? That's not to say this lady has failed her husband in any way. If she can get him to open up and find the root cause of his straying, they can both work on that and move on.
not that's it any of your business, I just read she had children.
let's try and stick to the topic and not take the thread off topic.:rolleyes:
An affair does not have to be the end of any marraige and trust can be regained but it depends on the individual who's had the affair. What worked in one marraige may not work in another and only the people who're involved will know if they can save their marraige or not. If the affair was out of character and a one off, there's hope but a serial cheat will not change.
Sometimes an affair can, not always, but can make a marraige stronger so there's hope for the lady if she can find out the root cause of why her husband strayed. If my wife cheated on me, the first thing i would do is look to myself and ask had i failed her somewhere? That's not to say this lady has failed her husband in any way. If she can get him to open up and find the root cause of his straying, they can both work on that and move on.
not that's it any of your business, I just read she had children.
let's try and stick to the topic and not take the thread off topic.:rolleyes:
Life is just to short for drama.
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Peter Lake
- Posts: 1031
- Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:02 pm
Heartbroken
Odie;1318360 wrote: not that's it any of your business, I just read she had children.
let's try and stick to the topic and not take the thread off topic.:rolleyes:
Who's taking anything off topic? I only pointed out the contradiction and pointed out that not all marraige's are the same needing her to get to the root cause. What's off topic about that? :rolleyes:;)
let's try and stick to the topic and not take the thread off topic.:rolleyes:
Who's taking anything off topic? I only pointed out the contradiction and pointed out that not all marraige's are the same needing her to get to the root cause. What's off topic about that? :rolleyes:;)
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
Heartbroken
Jule
Sorry for this strain in your relationship.
I don't feel the news warrants you to run.
You'll need to discuss & get all your questions answered.
Why did your Husband decide to tell you?
Did you ever think by your Husband telling you - that He wants to try & He wants his marriage back . It's not always the Mans fault.
I'm assuming his regret since very little is posted.
Take your time - discuss - no hasty decisions - running is always there as a option.
Patsy
Sorry for this strain in your relationship.
I don't feel the news warrants you to run.
You'll need to discuss & get all your questions answered.
Why did your Husband decide to tell you?
Did you ever think by your Husband telling you - that He wants to try & He wants his marriage back . It's not always the Mans fault.
I'm assuming his regret since very little is posted.
Take your time - discuss - no hasty decisions - running is always there as a option.
Patsy
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Peter Lake
- Posts: 1031
- Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:02 pm
Heartbroken
Patsy Warnick;1318376 wrote: Jule
Sorry for this strain in your relationship.
I don't feel the news warrants you to run.
You'll need to discuss & get all your questions answered.
Why did your Husband decide to tell you?
Did you ever think by your Husband telling you - that He wants to try & He wants his marriage back . It's not always the Mans fault.
I'm assuming his regret since very little is posted.
Take your time - discuss - no hasty decisions - running is always there as a option.
Patsy
Excellent advice Patsy.
Sorry for this strain in your relationship.
I don't feel the news warrants you to run.
You'll need to discuss & get all your questions answered.
Why did your Husband decide to tell you?
Did you ever think by your Husband telling you - that He wants to try & He wants his marriage back . It's not always the Mans fault.
I'm assuming his regret since very little is posted.
Take your time - discuss - no hasty decisions - running is always there as a option.
Patsy
Excellent advice Patsy.
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Clodhopper
- Posts: 5115
- Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:11 pm
Heartbroken
I've been through this (without kids, but I know what you are feeling). Some years later I have recreated my life and have managed to find happiness again on my own.
It takes time. But it does get better. I don't know if you can save your marriage, or even if you want to, but either way, there is happiness in your future if you can just keep going.
I really wanted to die. I'm glad I didn't. :-6
It takes time. But it does get better. I don't know if you can save your marriage, or even if you want to, but either way, there is happiness in your future if you can just keep going.
I really wanted to die. I'm glad I didn't. :-6
The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"
Lone voice: "I'm not."
Lone voice: "I'm not."
Heartbroken
So peeps after spending the last 2 days crying,being sick and generally wanting to wake up from the bad dream we have talked and talked again but I still dont feel in the right frame of mind to come to any decisions....ahh if only we cud go back to when the tough decisions was what colour crayon to pick not what way to face the rest of our lives:(
Thanks for all ur lovely,kind and from the heart replies
Thanks for all ur lovely,kind and from the heart replies
Heartbroken
jule;1318553 wrote: So peeps after spending the last 2 days crying,being sick and generally wanting to wake up from the bad dream we have talked and talked again but I still dont feel in the right frame of mind to come to any decisions....ahh if only we cud go back to when the tough decisions was what colour crayon to pick not what way to face the rest of our lives:(
Thanks for all ur lovely,kind and from the heart replies
trust me, I've been there with my first X, its going to take you a long time, as your still in shock.
does he want to save your marriage?
Thanks for all ur lovely,kind and from the heart replies
trust me, I've been there with my first X, its going to take you a long time, as your still in shock.
does he want to save your marriage?
Life is just to short for drama.
Heartbroken
Jule - Because trust is so critical to a relationship, especially because of the intimate details you know about each other's lives and the desperate responsibilities you both share, cheating is the death of a relationship.
"But we can get back together, I forgive him/her!" you might say. But the painful truth is, you'll never be absolutely sure that it's not happening again. More than that, its obvious to me that someone who really loves you, wouldn't be able to cheat and love MUST be a two-way street. You might love them, but if they cheat on you, they are trying to tell you that they don't love you.
It's over, better to move on.
"But we can get back together, I forgive him/her!" you might say. But the painful truth is, you'll never be absolutely sure that it's not happening again. More than that, its obvious to me that someone who really loves you, wouldn't be able to cheat and love MUST be a two-way street. You might love them, but if they cheat on you, they are trying to tell you that they don't love you.
It's over, better to move on.
Heartbroken
jule;1318553 wrote: So peeps after spending the last 2 days crying,being sick and generally wanting to wake up from the bad dream we have talked and talked again but I still dont feel in the right frame of mind to come to any decisions....ahh if only we cud go back to when the tough decisions was what colour crayon to pick not what way to face the rest of our lives:(
Thanks for all ur lovely,kind and from the heart replies
Perhaps you should try and find the time to be good to yourself. If someone can look after the kids and you can either spend time alone doing something you enjoy or spend it with a close friend. I think if you could just step out of the situation for a while, it might just help?
This must be very hard, hang in there and keep believing in yourself. As Odie said, this is not your fault.
Take your time and make the right decision. Actually the better one, I think a perfect choice is not available.
Thanks for all ur lovely,kind and from the heart replies
Perhaps you should try and find the time to be good to yourself. If someone can look after the kids and you can either spend time alone doing something you enjoy or spend it with a close friend. I think if you could just step out of the situation for a while, it might just help?
This must be very hard, hang in there and keep believing in yourself. As Odie said, this is not your fault.
Take your time and make the right decision. Actually the better one, I think a perfect choice is not available.
Heartbroken
Dixie;1318567 wrote: Perhaps you should try and find the time to be good to yourself. If someone can look after the kids and you can either spend time alone doing something you enjoy or spend it with a close friend. I think if you could just step out of the situation for a while, it might just help?
This must be very hard, hang in there and keep believing in yourself. As Odie said, this is not your fault.
Take your time and make the right decision. Actually the better one, I think a perfect choice is not available.
great advice Dixie!
This must be very hard, hang in there and keep believing in yourself. As Odie said, this is not your fault.
Take your time and make the right decision. Actually the better one, I think a perfect choice is not available.
great advice Dixie!
Life is just to short for drama.
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Peter Lake
- Posts: 1031
- Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:02 pm
Heartbroken
jule;1318553 wrote: So peeps after spending the last 2 days crying,being sick and generally wanting to wake up from the bad dream we have talked and talked again but I still dont feel in the right frame of mind to come to any decisions....ahh if only we cud go back to when the tough decisions was what colour crayon to pick not what way to face the rest of our lives:(
Thanks for all ur lovely,kind and from the heart replies It's hard at the very moment to believe that one day you'll both be talking about crayons again but you'll be surprised at how quickly you'll both adapt. I'm gleaning from your posts that your husband is still around and that's a good thing as it's when they actually leave for that other woman that's so devastating. I've known people lose three or four husbands and wives to infidelity yet they've gone on to find lasting love.
As a man, can i advise you to give him time? Don't bombard him with questions just yet but make it clear to him that you need answers at some point before you can move on. This may sound daft but be supportive to him because if you rant and rave he'll likely go to the other woman for tea and sympathy hurting you all the more. Just for now, concentrate on your children putting their needs first and he'll see what a great woman and mother he stands to lose. Sometimes calm, poise and composure is all it needs and i wish you the very best and as little heartache as possible.
Thanks for all ur lovely,kind and from the heart replies It's hard at the very moment to believe that one day you'll both be talking about crayons again but you'll be surprised at how quickly you'll both adapt. I'm gleaning from your posts that your husband is still around and that's a good thing as it's when they actually leave for that other woman that's so devastating. I've known people lose three or four husbands and wives to infidelity yet they've gone on to find lasting love.
As a man, can i advise you to give him time? Don't bombard him with questions just yet but make it clear to him that you need answers at some point before you can move on. This may sound daft but be supportive to him because if you rant and rave he'll likely go to the other woman for tea and sympathy hurting you all the more. Just for now, concentrate on your children putting their needs first and he'll see what a great woman and mother he stands to lose. Sometimes calm, poise and composure is all it needs and i wish you the very best and as little heartache as possible.
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
Heartbroken
Jule
Absorb & learn. This is Lifes way to grow.
stop crying - don't discuss the Other Woman & compare.
Discuss what you both need and want in the marriage.?
Marriage is a job - and sometimes we take advantage of our JOB.
Appreciate eachother and work on the hurdles.
Good Luck
Patsy
Absorb & learn. This is Lifes way to grow.
stop crying - don't discuss the Other Woman & compare.
Discuss what you both need and want in the marriage.?
Marriage is a job - and sometimes we take advantage of our JOB.
Appreciate eachother and work on the hurdles.
Good Luck
Patsy
Heartbroken
this is more than likely going to sound a tad crazy but I have found over the last 2 days a strenght I thought was well gone,I think knowing I could never feel hurt like that again is making me fnd a person in myself I had lost years ago thru death of parent and total change in life.My husband wants his future with me and the children,who thankfully I have managed to protect from all this(eldest is only 9,so at young stage alot can still be kept hidden),problem facing us know is the other person in the affair has become a bit obsessed and unstable and he is terrified if she does anything drastic he is going to have that blame(trust me I have no feeling of sympathy here,she was sleeping with my childrens father and any woman who can do that,well they dont have any respect or compassion from me.Its a messy time at the moment.Maybe its pure trying to keep me sweet but the love and friendship my husband has being showing me the last 2 days has me wanting to forgive but my heart sti has the fear of is it a big act:-3
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
Heartbroken
YEAH..!!!!!
This is good - That hurt - that's growth. Realising/ eye opener - that's finding Jule.
As I said - Marriage is a job, when you hear of couples celebrating their "60th" anniversary how do you think they got there.???
I hope we've been of some help & welcome to FG
Patsy
This is good - That hurt - that's growth. Realising/ eye opener - that's finding Jule.
As I said - Marriage is a job, when you hear of couples celebrating their "60th" anniversary how do you think they got there.???
I hope we've been of some help & welcome to FG
Patsy
Heartbroken
jule;1319060 wrote: this is more than likely going to sound a tad crazy but I have found over the last 2 days a strenght I thought was well gone,I think knowing I could never feel hurt like that again is making me fnd a person in myself I had lost years ago thru death of parent and total change in life.My husband wants his future with me and the children,who thankfully I have managed to protect from all this(eldest is only 9,so at young stage alot can still be kept hidden),problem facing us know is the other person in the affair has become a bit obsessed and unstable and he is terrified if she does anything drastic he is going to have that blame(trust me I have no feeling of sympathy here,she was sleeping with my childrens father and any woman who can do that,well they dont have any respect or compassion from me.Its a messy time at the moment.Maybe its pure trying to keep me sweet but the love and friendship my husband has being showing me the last 2 days has me wanting to forgive but my heart sti has the fear of is it a big act:-3
I'm glad you found such strength, more power to you and you now control that power.
pity she became obsessed over a married man, such an idiot she is.
not your problem as you said, just make sure he cuts off all ties with her.
no excuses.
I'm glad you found such strength, more power to you and you now control that power.
pity she became obsessed over a married man, such an idiot she is.
not your problem as you said, just make sure he cuts off all ties with her.
no excuses.
Life is just to short for drama.
Heartbroken
Saint_;1318566 wrote: Jule - Because trust is so critical to a relationship, especially because of the intimate details you know about each other's lives and the desperate responsibilities you both share, cheating is the death of a relationship.
"But we can get back together, I forgive him/her!" you might say. But the painful truth is, you'll never be absolutely sure that it's not happening again. More than that, its obvious to me that someone who really loves you, wouldn't be able to cheat and love MUST be a two-way street. You might love them, but if they cheat on you, they are trying to tell you that they don't love you.
It's over, better to move on.:oThis is absolutely the worse and most reckless thing a person can say to anyone suffering the devastation of marital infidelity. It indicates a total disregard for boundaries and a complete void of empathy.
"But we can get back together, I forgive him/her!" you might say. But the painful truth is, you'll never be absolutely sure that it's not happening again. More than that, its obvious to me that someone who really loves you, wouldn't be able to cheat and love MUST be a two-way street. You might love them, but if they cheat on you, they are trying to tell you that they don't love you.
It's over, better to move on.:oThis is absolutely the worse and most reckless thing a person can say to anyone suffering the devastation of marital infidelity. It indicates a total disregard for boundaries and a complete void of empathy.
“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities,â€
Voltaire
I have only one thing to do and that's
Be the wave that I am and then
Sink back into the ocean
Fiona Apple
Voltaire
I have only one thing to do and that's
Be the wave that I am and then
Sink back into the ocean
Fiona Apple
Heartbroken
We can only give advice you have to do what your heart tells you. If it works out for the both of that's great. If it doesn't and you have gained the strength you said you lost that's wonderful as well. Just treat yourself with the upmost respect and kindness during this time and it will come to you how to deal with it. We don't know, you may have to take him back to find out you really can't live with the man any longer. It is a process that only you can experience with your husband. :-6:-6 GOOD LUCK..
ALOHA!!
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
Heartbroken
I hope it all works out for you.:-6
It's nice to be important,but more important to be nice.
Heartbroken
jule;1319060 wrote: this is more than likely going to sound a tad crazy but I have found over the last 2 days a strenght I thought was well gone,I think knowing I could never feel hurt like that again is making me fnd a person in myself I had lost years ago thru death of parent and total change in life.My husband wants his future with me and the children,who thankfully I have managed to protect from all this(eldest is only 9,so at young stage alot can still be kept hidden),problem facing us know is the other person in the affair has become a bit obsessed and unstable and he is terrified if she does anything drastic he is going to have that blame(trust me I have no feeling of sympathy here,she was sleeping with my childrens father and any woman who can do that,well they dont have any respect or compassion from me.Its a messy time at the moment.Maybe its pure trying to keep me sweet but the love and friendship my husband has being showing me the last 2 days has me wanting to forgive but my heart sti has the fear of is it a big act:-3
It does not sound crazy to me at all. Call me old fashioned but you are in a marriage in other words a partnership. That is what it is about. Together you and your husband can overcome this. The crucial thing is together. If you and him can (again) make a close, exclusive team, you will succeed.
He will have to understand that certain boundaries need to be set and also that it will take an effort from him to make you feel you can trust him.
Take this step by step, one day at a time. If you (not him) want this route, then I wish you all of the best.
It does not sound crazy to me at all. Call me old fashioned but you are in a marriage in other words a partnership. That is what it is about. Together you and your husband can overcome this. The crucial thing is together. If you and him can (again) make a close, exclusive team, you will succeed.
He will have to understand that certain boundaries need to be set and also that it will take an effort from him to make you feel you can trust him.
Take this step by step, one day at a time. If you (not him) want this route, then I wish you all of the best.
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tonnywillgram
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 12:21 am
Heartbroken
jule;1318105 wrote: My husband of 11 years has just told me he has been having an affair for nearly 2 years,my world is destroyed.
I'm sorry to hear that... it must be really hard for you but i would like to encourage you to be strong...
relationship help
relationship counseling
I'm sorry to hear that... it must be really hard for you but i would like to encourage you to be strong...
relationship help
relationship counseling
Heartbroken
jule;1318105 wrote: My husband of 11 years has just told me he has been having an affair for nearly 2 years,my world is destroyed.
Its really bad to hear that. i have full sampathy with you.
________________
[link removed]
Its really bad to hear that. i have full sampathy with you.
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[link removed]
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CinnamonBear
- Posts: 174
- Joined: Thu Sep 16, 2010 5:08 am
Heartbroken
Saint_;1318566 wrote: Jule - Because trust is so critical to a relationship, especially because of the intimate details you know about each other's lives and the desperate responsibilities you both share, cheating is the death of a relationship.
"But we can get back together, I forgive him/her!" you might say. But the painful truth is, you'll never be absolutely sure that it's not happening again. More than that, its obvious to me that someone who really loves you, wouldn't be able to cheat and love MUST be a two-way street. You might love them, but if they cheat on you, they are trying to tell you that they don't love you.
It's over, better to move on.
Jule, it's hard to say what I would do in that situation since I haven't been in your shoes. That said, out of all the advice you've been given, the above makes the most sense to me. I can't fathom the idea of working it out after it's over because the memories of this will always be there. It's not fair to you or the children.
Move on, girl. You have worth and value, hold your head up and drive on. You'll be OK, and better than OK. Self respect goes a long way. I'm pulling for you. :-6
"But we can get back together, I forgive him/her!" you might say. But the painful truth is, you'll never be absolutely sure that it's not happening again. More than that, its obvious to me that someone who really loves you, wouldn't be able to cheat and love MUST be a two-way street. You might love them, but if they cheat on you, they are trying to tell you that they don't love you.
It's over, better to move on.
Jule, it's hard to say what I would do in that situation since I haven't been in your shoes. That said, out of all the advice you've been given, the above makes the most sense to me. I can't fathom the idea of working it out after it's over because the memories of this will always be there. It's not fair to you or the children.
Move on, girl. You have worth and value, hold your head up and drive on. You'll be OK, and better than OK. Self respect goes a long way. I'm pulling for you. :-6