Realising that I am very lonely

Boogalette · Post by **Boogalette** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:54 pm

I just re-read this thread, and I have to say that I am floored by the kindness of strangers.

What a nice bunch of people.

I am in the middle of a funk, but it`s OK. It`s depression and it waxes and wanes, it`s the nature of the beast.

I got warm and fuzzy reading this. The sense of community is awesome. FG really is one of a kind. I`m honored to be a part of it.

Thank you.

claire101, just read what everyone offered to me, there is some sound advice there. You`ll solve this.

Boogie

Boogalette · Post by **Boogalette** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:56 pm

oh, and we have KITTENS!

Momma had 4 little ones 2 weeks ago. It`s pretty adorable. :-6

Boogalette · Post by **Boogalette** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:58 pm

mike, that is pretty awesome, actually. I`ve never heard it before.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 2:04 pm

Boogalette;1340080 wrote: I am in the middle of a funk, but it`s OK. It`s depression and it waxes and wanes, it`s the nature of the beast.

You may enjoy the following article.

Depression's Evolutionary Roots: Scientific American

Boogalette · Post by **Boogalette** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 2:12 pm

Ahso!;1340085 wrote: You may enjoy the following article.

Depression's Evolutionary Roots: Scientific American

thank you, ahso!

I appreciate the article. I read what I can about it, but there is so little `new` on this topic that I have very little lately. this looks intersting.

recovering conservative · Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:18 am

Boogalette;1340080 wrote: I just re-read this thread, and I have to say that I am floored by the kindness of strangers.

What a nice bunch of people.

I am in the middle of a funk, but it`s OK. It`s depression and it waxes and wanes, it`s the nature of the beast.

I got warm and fuzzy reading this. The sense of community is awesome. FG really is one of a kind. I`m honored to be a part of it.

Thank you.

claire101, just read what everyone offered to me, there is some sound advice there. You`ll solve this.

Boogie

I just read most of the thread myself, and since you started it some time back, I hope you feel less lonely now than when you posted your first comment. The OP seemed that you were filled with self-doubt that something was wrong with you, or you were doing something wrong, and I'm inclined to think that neither is the case!

There are a lot of people (even on this thread) who are busy all their lives, and approach middle age with feelings of loneliness and isolation. Modern life: longer working hours, longer commuting times to and from work, the layout of suburban neighbourhoods, all seem to be conspiring against us to make us feel more isolated from each other. We have lots of friends from school that we carry through young adulthood, but working and raising children takes up so much time, that a lot of those ties are lost over the years.

The first thing that popped into my mind is that this is the same thing my wife has been telling me lately! She's 8 years younger than me, and needs to be around people a lot more than I do. This has been a problem in the last couple of years, since our youngest is 17 years old, and teenagers are never home unless they're sick! Her friends seem to be drifting away....some have moved, one is having health problems. For myself, I need to have periods of solitude, where I get away from everyone and go out and run several miles along a rail trail, -- and we're actually having a little bit of friction right now because her feeling of loneliness means she wants me hanging around more often, so I seem to be having a harder time getting away.

Well, I don't know if any of this is of any help! One thing that helps a bit when the kids get older and are off doing other things is to get a pet...or pets. It's not exactly a replacement for children, but our dog and our cat are great company to have in what would otherwise be an empty house. Others have suggested outside activities like joining a political party or getting involved in church. If you have the time, getting involved in a larger cause can provide greater satisfaction, along with the opportunity to meet new people.

Violet · Post by **Violet** » Tue Nov 23, 2010 7:58 pm

Boogalette;1246965 wrote: You have been helpful , replying to me means lots.

I too envy the ones that have maintained such friendships.

My goodness, all of my feelings about this are right there and set off easily. I'm feeling very sensitive today, well, most of the weekend actually.

Yoga, I feel yoga may be the hobby I will pursue. I have asked several people if they would like to join me, and I have been

politely refused. I will do this on my own.

Yoga is more a personal experience than a group hobby anyways. Hows it coming along?

* 15 min of asanas if nothing else. * Namaste!

Violet · Post by **Violet** » Wed Nov 24, 2010 6:19 am

Hows it coming along?

Asanas for your depression Yoga for Depression

* Namaste! *

Boogalette · Post by **Boogalette** » Thu Jun 23, 2011 1:31 pm

It's not too bad, although I'm not as bendy as I want to be! LOL

life is good. I realized that the job I was in was killing my spirit. I've been home now and I am happy, busy and happy, social and happy, with my family and happy.

Quite the difference from when I initially posted. I also realized that my friends were in the same position as I was, working for the same sociopath woman, and were going thru the same issues I was. They are no longer working under her and we are all starting to come around. I can't lay all of the blame on that, but it was a large part of things.

Summer is here, and the kids and I will be spending much time at the beach after I do the morning job hunt LOL

nok · Post by **nok** » Fri Jun 24, 2011 2:41 am

Boogalette;1362024 wrote: It's not too bad, although I'm not as bendy as I want to be! LOL

life is good. I realized that the job I was in was killing my spirit. I've been home now and I am happy, busy and happy, social and happy, with my family and happy.

Quite the difference from when I initially posted. I also realized that my friends were in the same position as I was, working for the same sociopath woman, and were going thru the same issues I was. They are no longer working under her and we are all starting to come around. I can't lay all of the blame on that, but it was a large part of things.

Summer is here, and the kids and I will be spending much time at the beach after I do the morning job hunt LOL

I'm glad you're allright and that you're happy. Working under a sociopath woman can not only dampen your self confidence , it can also hamper your spirits - I'm glad you're no longer working under her. I have been there, done that and even though my salary in that company was relatively high, it wasn't worth it to undergo all that stress she put upon me on a daily basis. That is good that the sociopath is no longer a part of your life.

Good luck with your morning job hunt.

bobmielke · Post by **bobmielke** » Fri Jun 24, 2011 5:22 am

I'm 62 right now and recently retired. I've been married three times yet am single now. There was a point in my life where I was so lonely that I made poor choices for a wife. I craved companionship so much I married women that just needed me to get something for themselves. I was used. I guess, with age and experiece I've learned a thing or two about living alone. For one thing there are much worse things than being alone, been there, done that. Secondly there's a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be lonely in a crowded room full of your best friends. Can you relate?

First, understand that unless you are happy with yourself that you can't make others happy. If you're content and confident with life you project that personality. There's an old saying that rings home so true: there are only two kinds of people, those you want to be around & those you don't. If you find happiness alone others will be naturally be attracted to you. Get a best friend, a puppy, a kitty or a parakeet. Animals love you unconditionally. Get a hobby. Hobbies build self confidence and inner joy. Volunteer! If you think your life is so bad share in the life of giving, discovering you need to actually count your blessings.

Hi, I'm Bob. I live alone in a 182 square foot apartment. I don't know the face or name of a single person in my two story apartment house. I bring joy to all who know me and are willing to chat. I give more than I receive and therefore consider myself rich.

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Fri Jun 24, 2011 6:06 pm

bobmielke;1362049 wrote: I'm 62 right now and recently retired. I've been married three times yet am single now. There was a point in my life where I was so lonely that I made poor choices for a wife. I craved companionship so much I married women that just needed me to get something for themselves. I was used. I guess, with age and experiece I've learned a thing or two about living alone. For one thing there are much worse things than being alone, been there, done that. Secondly there's a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be lonely in a crowded room full of your best friends. Can you relate?

First, understand that unless you are happy with yourself that you can't make others happy. If you're content and confident with life you project that personality. There's an old saying that rings home so true: there are only two kinds of people, those you want to be around & those you don't. If you find happiness alone others will be naturally be attracted to you. Get a best friend, a puppy, a kitty or a parakeet. Animals love you unconditionally. Get a hobby. Hobbies build self confidence and inner joy. Volunteer! If you think your life is so bad share in the life of giving, discovering you need to actually count your blessings.

Hi, I'm Bob. I live alone in a 182 square foot apartment. I don't know the face or name of a single person in my two story apartment house. I bring joy to all who know me and are willing to chat. I give more than I receive and therefore consider myself rich.

well said!

Your lucky Bob, as you have met so many friends and meet at McDonalds for coffee and particpate in trips with them.

Meeting people is what is hard for me to do as I have no friends around where I live.

I do have some really nice neighbours, one with whom I do go out now and then.

I have my cats that keep me company, but everyone needs adult conversation.

Volunteering? they now want experienced people.

bobmielke · Post by **bobmielke** » Fri Jun 24, 2011 6:40 pm

Experience? I've got 62 years of experience. It's called life. I'm a recovering alcoholic that hasn't touched a drop since 1978. I spent 10 days in a nut ward for suicidal depression. I've got plenty of experience there. I've had three failed marriages. Plenty of experience there. Through it all I've come out happy and joyful. I can teach folks how to cope with life's curve balls. I've been there.

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Fri Jun 24, 2011 7:03 pm

bobmielke;1362062 wrote: Experience? I've got 62 years of experience. It's called life. I'm a recovering alcoholic that hasn't touched a drop since 1978. I spent 10 days in a nut ward for suicidal depression. I've got plenty of experience there. I've had three failed marriages. Plenty of experience there. Through it all I've come out happy and joyful. I can teach folks how to cope with life's curve balls. I've been there.

I've been there to Bob, but I don't wish to share it here.

M.A.S · Post by **M.A.S** » Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:17 pm

to be honest with you, i didn't read all the replies but what i know is that people need to be alone sometimes , also you aren't old so you still can make new friends

sometimes i feel the same way you're feeling

BeccaRachel · Post by **BeccaRachel** » Sun Jun 26, 2011 11:49 am

M.A.S;1362087 wrote: to be honest with you, i didn't read all the replies but what i know is that people need to be alone sometimes , also you aren't old so you still can make new friends

sometimes i feel the same way you're feeling

I didn't read them either but it still leaves me baffled. There should be a study of the people who go to the interwebs to say how lonely and out of control their lives are. Maybe a place they can all gather to sort it out.

BeccaRachel · Post by **BeccaRachel** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 12:51 pm

humour

Breeder Brothers Ecards, Encouragement - "Breeder Brothers", Funny Animated Ecards for Birthdays and more

BeccaRachel · Post by **BeccaRachel** » Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:03 pm

Breeder Brothers Ecards, Gimme Day - "The Breeder Brothers", Funny Animated Ecards for Birthdays and more

Boogalette · Post by **Boogalette** » Sun Jul 03, 2011 5:46 pm

thank you.

it's been quite a realisation that my work enviroment was as toxic as ity was, kwim? BUT now that I know it, I have moved forward. I have had quite a nice time decompressing and it is good for everyone.

Life is great.

Boogalette · Post by **Boogalette** » Sun Jul 03, 2011 5:50 pm

M.A.S., it's all good. I have used this opportunity to relax and do what I need to do and it has been a good thing. I did get to spend most of the mornings on my own, until the kids got home and that was the perfect balance.

And I have made new friends too, reconnected with some older ones, it has been a good period of my life.

I am full of gratitude.

Boogalette · Post by **Boogalette** » Sun Jul 03, 2011 5:55 pm

BeccaRachel;1362101 wrote: I didn't read them either but it still leaves me baffled. There should be a study of the people who go to the interwebs to say how lonely and out of control their lives are. Maybe a place they can all gather to sort it out.

That is what THIS place is.

I would like to add that if you feel the need to be disparaging to those who have had a bump in their life, then maybe you should be a bit more introspective of yours.

Personally, I'd rather critque my own life rather than a complete strangers. I don't care what others do unless it directly impacts the well being of those I love or my well being.