Erinna1112 wrote: You know...I see a lot of hypocrisy and double standards on this thread. When the subject is Bullet's girlfriend that nobody on here knows, it's "Cut your losses and get out, she can't be saved." When someone that we all enjoy reading and interacting with admits to the problem (BabyRider asking if her b/f should kick her to the curb), the reaction is, "Oh, no, he shouldn't desert you, you can change, with help."
Makes it harder to be a bossy, hard-assed, judgemental know-it-all jumping to conclusions when you personalize it a little, doesn't it?
Erinna, i've looked through the thread at posts since Babyriders confession & i can't see any members changing their opinions
Erinna...Conflicting opinions are what discussing is all about. It isnt hypocricy.
it is differances in opinion. Dependant on the circumstances. I asked if you were having a bad day because you dont usually sound hostile. You are usually opened minded.
Well if she cant admit it to her seld that she'a an alcholic she will not be able to move on. You have only being with her for 7 months. Can you see this relationship going any further thats what you should be asking you'rer self. Is she going to change??? If the answer is no then their is no future for the both of you. I hope this helps.
[QUOTE]:DLive Everyday Like It's Your Last :-6[/QUOTE]
ilona17 wrote: Is she going to change??? If the answer is no then their is no future for the both of you. I hope this helps.
Let's not forget if she does recognize it, that there is the moving on with getting herself together. Alcohol, as a lot of people here know first-hand, is a personal demon. Each of us, in our own way, overcomes or doesn't in our own way. If there was an easy solution then we wouldn't be here trying to thrash it out. The main point is it takes time.
I don't envy the person that has to get over their yearnings while pouring out the libations that others will take. Seeing people being happy while imbibing can lead you to think that maybe some of their happiness will rub off on you. It will until you realize that you are only fooling yourself. Then the guilt, loss of self-esteem, broken promises or what have you becomes full blown and as bad as it has always been.
A modicum of positivity cost nothing and gives opportunity to reassess and reassert the will to move on with your life into the life that you want for yourself.
My experience with Alchol is that it makes us act more like what we really are.
Some people get mean when they drink while others get happy.
And even a happy drunk can be problematic. I ended a relationship with a gal who had told me she was pregnant. When she was drinking while pregnant that was to much eventhough she was a happy drunk. She wasn't really preggnant so I exeted the relationship due to the lying factor at that time.
More then 4 and it is a binge.
If someone asks me if they should end a relationship then I think the truth is that they already see red flags.
"A love that was is a love that is" or something like that is from All Lovers are Deranged by David Gilmore and Pete Townshed. Once your to the point of being married than I think you need to stick it out for better or for worse.
I love my wife but she has a mean streak and I first saw it when she was drinking. I tried to leave her then before we were married but was unable. Alchol just makes us more of what we already are.
well this thread was posted in january...10 months ago. some people here know Bullet is not on FG any longer, and that in fact his girlfriend was/is BR. BR has been very forthcoming about her problem since then. but in my personal opinion there was no point in bringing this old thread to the fore, that it may cause BR embarrassment,i hope not.... it is water over the dam. there was another thread in the thread graveyard called simply 'alcoholism'.
Wow, it sure was a shock to see this ancient thread pop up. For those who don't know....yes, Bullet used this thread to get a message to me about what my drinking was doing to us. It was almost a year ago, but that never seems to stop people from digging up old threads. If only there was a way to note how old a thread is.... :yh_think
Well, by golly there is!! They have the date posted right there, on EVERY SINGLE LAST RESPONSE! What a brilliant, innovative, yet shockingly simple little feature. How long have we had this ingenious little addition?
Sorry, I tend to lay on the sarcasm a TAD thick when I believe a person's intent is malicious.
If the intent here was to embarrass me, sorry, you missed your mark by a mile. I have not had trouble talking about my addiction for a long time. Damn near 10 months. :yh_doh
LottomagicZ4941 wrote:
I love my wife but
That's all I needed to see. An expert, you ain't.
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price. ~Darrel Worley~ [/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
OpenMind wrote: It also helps to adjust your options in "my settings" so that only recent posts are visible.
Ignoring stuff like this has never been a strong point of mine. :yh_eyebro
How's the smoking going? :-6
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price. ~Darrel Worley~ [/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
Gee...I'd love to post in this thread (which is so old it even predates me on this forum) since I know everything there is to know about alcohol and alcoholism.
But that would most definitely be the pot calling the kettle black. So I'm shutting up.
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players...Shakespeare
nvalleyvee wrote: Rehashing this thread can only serve as an inspiration to others struggling with alcohol. I'm proud of you BR.
Well thanks, NV. You and I both have beat the demon. :yh_bigsmi
If I believed that the thread was bumped for inspirational purposes, I'd have no problem with it at all. I don't have much problem with it anyway, except a minor irritation that someone thinks they are getting one over on me, when they aren't. :yh_wink
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price. ~Darrel Worley~ [/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
BabyRider wrote: Well thanks, NV. You and I both have beat the demon. :yh_bigsmi
If I believed that the thread was bumped for inspirational purposes, I'd have no problem with it at all. I don't have much problem with it anyway, except a minor irritation that someone thinks they are getting one over on me, when they aren't. :yh_wink
Shame on them then............
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
BabyRider wrote: Ignoring stuff like this has never been a strong point of mine. :yh_eyebro
How's the smoking going? :-6
Thanks for asking BR. As per my last post on "I'm Quitting", I got a copy of the book "The Only Way to Stop Smoking Permanently". He claims that he can get anyone off cigarettes as long as his instructions are followed exactly and that there will be no cravings, desire or wish to ever smoke again.
I have continued to smoke (particularly as last weekend turned hectic from the moment I finished work on Friday). I am half way through the book, and I have become highly conscious of how foul they taste and smell. I'm acutely aware of the smoke in my lungs, and how weak they make me. I am smoking less and stubbing them half way through. Half way through the book, and I haven't reached the instructions yet which are in chapter 38. The awareness is just from the book's discussion of smoking.
I remember when I stopped in January, I found it so easy. In March, I suffered a triple whammy and I started smoking again. I haven't been able to get back to the same level I was at in January. The book should help me to get back there again and I'm beginning to understand why I found it easy then. It has also already covered how to deal with traumatic experiences.
I am not jumping any pages or chapters. There are another 13 chapters before I reach Chapter 38. I'm not sure if I can actually keep smoking that long. It is interesting how he deals with all the different scenarios that can get an ex-smoker puffing again.
I know what you're going through. My girlfriend for 7 years and I just broke up because of a few reasons related to drinking. I tried and tried to help her but what am I to do when her mom is an alcoholic and her step mom is too? Every person in her life that she looks up to is an alcoholic and no matter what I did, I was the ahole for bringing it up.
Since you just started seeing her a little while ago, I would seriously think twice about staying with her. She will ruin every wedding, party or outing you ever bring her too because she will take it as an opportunity to drink. Mine did. The first wedding I ever brought her too, she got blasted in one hour and couldn't even walk at the end of it. I was sooooo embarrassed. As i'm writing this I'm thinking about all the weddings, parties, family gatherings, HOLIDAYS, I have gone too that ended up with me having to baby sit her and drag her ass home..
Unlike you, I didn't ask for advice from those who have been with a drinker. I feel like a baby sitter and I noticed many on here have done it much longer than me. My father was an alcoholic and I think thats why I feel like i had to help her like my mom did with my dad. It was hell for her.
Now, 7 years later, I'm the ahole for not wanting to sleep with her or wondering where she is after she gets out of work as a BARTENDER.... Yes, she bartends and stays late with all the other drunks till 4 or 5am in the morning as I'm home sleeping and waking up every 2 hours wondering if she's alive or not.
Trust me, I love her and I love many qualities about her, but don't make the same mistake I and many others here have made. Addiction is so much more influential on them than you ever will be and until you realize that, you will continue to be heartbroken or dissed for liquor. The best thing you can do for her, which took me 7 years to realize, is to let her fall on her face. Even if it means she hooks up with an abusive male or has a kid with one, you have to let her fall or succeed on her own. As of today, I am no longer her baby sitter or daddy. She's on her own and lifes about to get 10x harder.
BabyRider;148182 wrote: Wow, it sure was a shock to see this ancient thread pop up.Completely surreal, given how much happened since!
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left. When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious. Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
spot;1305312 wrote: Completely surreal, given how much happened since!
The other day someone called me beelzebub now I feel like satans little helper. That is surreal but do I bring it up to be rehashed about? No I dont. I keep it to myself.
Also sometimes I like to pretend Im the captain of a ship and I call people matey or say swab the deck. I think they really like it when I do that.
Nomad;1305346 wrote: Also sometimes I like to pretend Im the captain of a ship and I call people matey or say swab the deck. I think they really like it when I do that.
It's impossible to live in Bristol and not behave that way, perhaps you're a closet Bristolian. We don't say Hello, we shout Ahoy at each other from across rooms. Everywhere else in the world Avast Behind is a cruel insult but here it just means stop doing that, you on the back row. We keep very quiet about doing things Bristol Fashion though.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left. When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious. Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
I guess my question is, with only 7 months invested, am I foolish to stick it out, for a while longer to see if she will come around or should I cut my loses now?
Your girlfriend is the Titanic. She's going down and taking you with her. Grab some deck chairs and jump over the side.
Hopefully, you can find a lifeboat (in the form of a decent woman) that will save you.
Saint_;1305398 wrote: Hopefully, you can find a lifeboat (in the form of a decent woman) that will save you.:)The strange thing is that she really did, she moved heaven and earth to get him out of his subsequent predicament and against all the odds she succeeded. There aren't many like BR.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left. When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious. Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
Addiction is so much more influential on them than you ever will be and until you realize that, you will continue to be heartbroken or dissed for liquor.
Hmmmm addiction comes in many forms .....anyone who disses you for anything else they find more important, should be gotten rid of.
I've known people who have missed/turned up late to their own weddings because of a football game ...or men who "need" to play golf.
fuzzywuzzy;1305515 wrote: Hmmmm addiction comes in many forms .....anyone who disses you for anything else they find more important, should be gotten rid of.
I've known people who have missed/turned up late to their own weddings because of a football game ...or men who "need" to play golf.
The list can go on and on.
I wasn't talking about many forms, I was talking about alcoholism. There are sports fanatics, sex fanatics and many many more but my story is about alcohol. I didn't notice this thread was 5 years old already before I posted so sorry for that. Many alcoholics turn to other addictions when they get themselves clean so I agree with you. I know another guy who has been clean for 22 years but he is now a sex addict and can't get enough of internet porn and hookers. Either way, many addictions are bad for the partner that has to deal with them. After living with an alcoholic for 7 years, I can honestly say that booze is #1 in their life no matter what demands you put on them. Alcoholics aren't bad people, I love my ex to death. If she wasn't an addict, I would have married her and had children by now, but who in their right mind would have children or want to marry an addict?
but who in their right mind would have children or want to marry an addict?
Ahhh Utopia.....havent found that place yet.
I know quite a few people married to alcoholics ......they are not violent , they work , they take their kids to sport....etc etc. They are alcoholics though and admit .
Youv'e just mentioned Addicts in general....................what are your bad qualities that another would have to put up with for the rest of their lives? Are they qualities that are delipitating to another individual?
I knew a man who complained his wife was a 'sex addict' I was prepared to ask was she having affairs etc. .....nope, she wanted sex more than three times a week. In his mind that's a sex addict.
mgilbo1;1305624 wrote: I didn't notice this thread was 5 years old already before I posted so sorry for that.
I was wondering mildly how you ever found it at all, given that Friends, Relationships, & Advice isn't accessible to offsite search engines. None of the post content in here can show up on a Google search, for example. Being from 2005 I don't actually know how I'd have gone about re-reading it myself if I'd remembered it was here to be found in the first place. One has to skip past 870 subsequent threads in the Forum Area Index to unearth this one, that's a lot of skipping. Not that I mind. There's a huge irony in picking BR out as an example of "addiction bad for their partner", it can also lead to never giving up despite the impossibilities involved.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left. When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious. Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
spot;1305415 wrote: The strange thing is that she really did, she moved heaven and earth to get him out of his subsequent predicament and against all the odds she succeeded. There aren't many like BR.
I'll drink to that!!!
[quote=spot;1305415]The strange thing is that she really did, she moved heaven and earth to get him out of his subsequent predicament and against all the odds she succeeded. There aren't many like BR.
I agree with you Spot. Even though I did not get the chance to converse with BR much as I think she left not too soon after I joined, I felt that she was a wonderful person who supported her man. That's special.
I miss a lot of members who have left or were banned, but luckily I got to know them before they left. I wish that I had gotten to know Lady Cop better, but I think she also left soon after I arrived.
