ryk22 wrote: has anyone been successful in removing their wife from the marital home? It seems wrong to me that someone can decide to end a marriage (having agreed at one point till death us do etc.)and go on to eject their spouse who in the eyes of the law has committed no criminal or civil offense? :-5
You're in the UK, aren't you? There will be all sorts of factors to consider,
including (and especially, from the legal angle) any children. Yes, divorce
is IMO very unfair "over here". It can also be expensive, but it is best to
minimise this by "arbitration", if possible. Settlement will include taking
into account each of your situations re. assets and resources. A 50:50
split is likely if you have been married longer than a few years - pensions
also come into the equation. Your first step is to not do anything hasty,
nasty, or move out, or whatever - your next is to see a solicitor for a
preliminary interview to look at the situation. There're many resources
on the 'net that may be interesting/useful.
getting her out of the house?
-
Bill Sikes
- Posts: 5515
- Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 2:21 am
getting her out of the house?
be fair, accept defeat, move on and start a new life, you may be happier, it just takes time & patience. get off the computer now, and give your wife a hug. maybe that would help? hugs are free...its not fun when there is (1) place to live and (2) people don;t get along, is there a basement or attic? get an RV. for temporary living, or a cheap mobil home, get creative and move on. :-5 :-5 get your mind off the problem & repair it somehow. :-2
Everyone has these on their face? TULIPS.
-
Bill Sikes
- Posts: 5515
- Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 2:21 am
getting her out of the house?
ryk22 wrote: thanks bill/paula,
is it neccessary to use the legal system to reach a conclusion(yes I'm in the uk). the fees for mediation let alone solicitors are prohibitive..what happens if no agreement has been reached re property and children before it reaches court?
You can DIY the job, but it will be very helpful indeed if you can co-operate.
Mediation fees should not be *that* bad, but you would still need solicitor's
advice as well. Re. property/children, you have to reach an agreement that
will be acceptable to the court. If your children are still minors, you will find
(unless they are over the age where they can make an informed decision,
say about 11/12) the court will greatly favour their staying with their mother
in their home.
Do some research on the 'net. There's a "Which?" book about divorce that
you may find very helpful. You can see a solicitor, if you haven't already,
for a reduced fee for an initial consultation.
I will try to pass on more as I find out about it
is it neccessary to use the legal system to reach a conclusion(yes I'm in the uk). the fees for mediation let alone solicitors are prohibitive..what happens if no agreement has been reached re property and children before it reaches court?
You can DIY the job, but it will be very helpful indeed if you can co-operate.
Mediation fees should not be *that* bad, but you would still need solicitor's
advice as well. Re. property/children, you have to reach an agreement that
will be acceptable to the court. If your children are still minors, you will find
(unless they are over the age where they can make an informed decision,
say about 11/12) the court will greatly favour their staying with their mother
in their home.
Do some research on the 'net. There's a "Which?" book about divorce that
you may find very helpful. You can see a solicitor, if you haven't already,
for a reduced fee for an initial consultation.
I will try to pass on more as I find out about it
getting her out of the house?
I feel it would be in your best interest to consult an attorney to get answers to your questions. I wouldn't concern myself too much at this time with all your wife is stating she wants. She may want the world ....... but, it doesn't mean she will get it.
Now, the important part. The children must be the number 1 priority. They can be lost in the shuffle when a couple is going through a divorce. And, if you succeed in moving your wife out of the house, wouldn't you be moving your children out too? Why traumatize them any more than necessary by forcing them to move away from their friends, schools and adapting to a new home.
Divorce is hard and the heartache does not end the day one is granted. Expect at least a year (or even 2) to elapse before your heart feels divorced. One day you will wake up and realize you are content and happy with your life again.
And, stay civil with your ex-wife, because later on you can be friends. This is very important for your children's' sakes and grandchildren (when that time comes).
I wish you best ....... just hang in there
It does get better!
Babs
Now, the important part. The children must be the number 1 priority. They can be lost in the shuffle when a couple is going through a divorce. And, if you succeed in moving your wife out of the house, wouldn't you be moving your children out too? Why traumatize them any more than necessary by forcing them to move away from their friends, schools and adapting to a new home.
Divorce is hard and the heartache does not end the day one is granted. Expect at least a year (or even 2) to elapse before your heart feels divorced. One day you will wake up and realize you are content and happy with your life again.
And, stay civil with your ex-wife, because later on you can be friends. This is very important for your children's' sakes and grandchildren (when that time comes).
I wish you best ....... just hang in there
It does get better!
Babs
-
Bill Sikes
- Posts: 5515
- Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 2:21 am
getting her out of the house?
ryk22 wrote: :guitarist thanks Bill,
ok I'm wondering what happens if the divorce arrives at court and there has been no acceptable agreement reached for both parties? Does a judge then decide what happens property/children wise?
My impression is that you must have an agreement before the case will
be heard. Th judge will effectively OK that agreement, if it meets what he
considers to be acceptable. The most important thing will be the children.
How many, how old? How long have you been married? He will assess
what resources you have *between you*, and your plan for allocating
them.
ryk22 wrote: :guitarist And who pays.my wifes scenario is that she has the house ,I pay her maintainance which would leave me with about enough cash to rent a small bedsit and be unable to have my kids to stay...
It depends on your resources. If she is divorcing you, and has few assets,
she may be able to get legal aid. If you have few resources, then so might
you. If she "has the house", that may be permenant, or until your children
are independant when there will be a re-allocation - it's hard to know. Re.
maintenance, that depends on several things including her capability to
support herself, whether she will be on her own or strikes up a new
relationship, etc. etc.
You may possibly get some mileage by posting to newsgroups uk.legal,
or uk.people.parents (may be a little OT), or uk.people.fathers, where
you are very likely to receive advice (or advice on where to get advice),
but you must be very careful not to become embittered as there may be
people there who have been very unfairly treated, and will tell you that
it will go that way for you. You must, must, must try to be civilised re.
your dealings with your wife, even if it really sticks in your craw. If
she can be the same to you it will help enormously, too.
It will help you to see a solicitor, you may be able to get one at around
£80/hour, give or take. You want to maximise their value, so prepare
a list of your combined assets and their value, as accurate as possible,
to get a rough idea of what may transpire. I realise this may be difficult
if you haven't much spare loot. Realise that a solicitor is a business,
tell them you need to reduce costs as much as possible, and don't try
to discuss your relationship any more than the things they will ask
you about. They're there to do legal stuff, not to chat.
Also, dig about on the 'net, and see if you can peruse that book in
Smiths or wherever - a library might have/get a copy, too.
ok I'm wondering what happens if the divorce arrives at court and there has been no acceptable agreement reached for both parties? Does a judge then decide what happens property/children wise?
My impression is that you must have an agreement before the case will
be heard. Th judge will effectively OK that agreement, if it meets what he
considers to be acceptable. The most important thing will be the children.
How many, how old? How long have you been married? He will assess
what resources you have *between you*, and your plan for allocating
them.
ryk22 wrote: :guitarist And who pays.my wifes scenario is that she has the house ,I pay her maintainance which would leave me with about enough cash to rent a small bedsit and be unable to have my kids to stay...
It depends on your resources. If she is divorcing you, and has few assets,
she may be able to get legal aid. If you have few resources, then so might
you. If she "has the house", that may be permenant, or until your children
are independant when there will be a re-allocation - it's hard to know. Re.
maintenance, that depends on several things including her capability to
support herself, whether she will be on her own or strikes up a new
relationship, etc. etc.
You may possibly get some mileage by posting to newsgroups uk.legal,
or uk.people.parents (may be a little OT), or uk.people.fathers, where
you are very likely to receive advice (or advice on where to get advice),
but you must be very careful not to become embittered as there may be
people there who have been very unfairly treated, and will tell you that
it will go that way for you. You must, must, must try to be civilised re.
your dealings with your wife, even if it really sticks in your craw. If
she can be the same to you it will help enormously, too.
It will help you to see a solicitor, you may be able to get one at around
£80/hour, give or take. You want to maximise their value, so prepare
a list of your combined assets and their value, as accurate as possible,
to get a rough idea of what may transpire. I realise this may be difficult
if you haven't much spare loot. Realise that a solicitor is a business,
tell them you need to reduce costs as much as possible, and don't try
to discuss your relationship any more than the things they will ask
you about. They're there to do legal stuff, not to chat.
Also, dig about on the 'net, and see if you can peruse that book in
Smiths or wherever - a library might have/get a copy, too.
-
Bill Sikes
- Posts: 5515
- Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 2:21 am
getting her out of the house?
ryk22 wrote: I have a letter from a mediator who states her fees and then goes on to state that if I don't take her on then the likely costs would be much greater. ( hers £600 others 6000!) Far from friendly advice this seems to be rather coersive and thats being polite! What I'm getting to is does anyone know if I don't take legal advice what costs would I be liable for and would the outcome be any different ,ie would a judges decision be different from one arrived at via solicitors or mediators. :driving: :driving:
Mediation should be cheaper as the process involved is different. You and your
wife will discuss the matter in the prescence of the mediators (two generally)
and arrive at a decision on what's going to happen to your assets, children,
any maintenance, etc. The mediators will help control the discussion. This is
what I've found so far, anyway. You will still need other legal advice to make
sure this agreement is acceptable to a court, and acceptable to you.
See: http://www.nfm.u-net.com/
Mediation should be cheaper as the process involved is different. You and your
wife will discuss the matter in the prescence of the mediators (two generally)
and arrive at a decision on what's going to happen to your assets, children,
any maintenance, etc. The mediators will help control the discussion. This is
what I've found so far, anyway. You will still need other legal advice to make
sure this agreement is acceptable to a court, and acceptable to you.
See: http://www.nfm.u-net.com/
getting her out of the house?
all inclusive paid vacation for her and friend, bye, bye..... :-6 anything else needed? just say you have to leave now...
Everyone has these on their face? TULIPS.
getting her out of the house?
A close friend of mine has STILL not managed to "get her out of the house" a year after their separation. There are self help kits (in Canada, anyway) that can help reduce fees if you can agree on anything. If she wants the house, generally, you own half and she has to buy you out...or you can offer to buy her out. My friend's wife was not approved for a sole mortgage from the bank so she couldn't buy him out and he agreed to pay the mortgage until it sold...which she has successfully prevented so far. He is struggling to get the money to buy her out now so he can take charge of the sale. You can get court ordered sales but the court fees and lawyers have to be paid on top of a possible reduced sale price.
It doesn't sound like she is being very friendly about the situation if she is asking for everything and she is the one who cheated. If she was so unhappy, you would think that ending the marriage would be her big reward. My friend spent a lot of time hating his wife. He was, in every way he could be, the perfect husband. The hardest part was the rejection. Eventually he realized that no one could make her happy and it had nothing to do with him after all.
It is going to cost money and lifestyle changes no matter what action is taken. Deal with it one dollar at a time. My ex husband actually cost me a hell of a lot more money every year than the divorce cost in total. Unhappy people are expensive. The best you can hope for is to try and get to a point where you can talk to each other about what your needs are and develop a sense of compassion that will allow some understanding and agreement as to what is fair. The kids are going to be hurt no matter what. Even in this age with a huge divorce rate the number one problem is: If Mom and Dad can stop loving each other, can they suddenly stop loving me too? Maybe discussing your childrens' needs will help you to work together for the best resolution. You can, at least, for their sakes, agree to be civil to each other and to not say negative things about each other to them. A child who has to choose between parents is traumatized.
It doesn't sound like she is being very friendly about the situation if she is asking for everything and she is the one who cheated. If she was so unhappy, you would think that ending the marriage would be her big reward. My friend spent a lot of time hating his wife. He was, in every way he could be, the perfect husband. The hardest part was the rejection. Eventually he realized that no one could make her happy and it had nothing to do with him after all.
It is going to cost money and lifestyle changes no matter what action is taken. Deal with it one dollar at a time. My ex husband actually cost me a hell of a lot more money every year than the divorce cost in total. Unhappy people are expensive. The best you can hope for is to try and get to a point where you can talk to each other about what your needs are and develop a sense of compassion that will allow some understanding and agreement as to what is fair. The kids are going to be hurt no matter what. Even in this age with a huge divorce rate the number one problem is: If Mom and Dad can stop loving each other, can they suddenly stop loving me too? Maybe discussing your childrens' needs will help you to work together for the best resolution. You can, at least, for their sakes, agree to be civil to each other and to not say negative things about each other to them. A child who has to choose between parents is traumatized.