it's not mine and apparently it has nothing to do with "running"
I Run
I Run. And I Run Some More.
Across The Fields Where Trouble Is No More.
I'll Live In Peace Away From Here.
Away From Trouble Away From Fear.
They Never Knew It, They Never Realised It.
That I Had Left. To Run. And Run. And Run.
And Now It Gets Dark And I Feel Scared, I'm full of fear.
A Soft Water Trickle, Flows Down My Cheek. A Tear.
The Thunder Crashed. The Lightning Bashed.
I Ran. And Ran. The Rain It Smashed.
The Moon Had Quickly Disappeared.
I Was Lost As I Quickly Peered, Through The Night
To See A Small Light Up Ahead.
I Ran. And Ran, Craving For My Bed.
When I Arrived. I Hurried In.
Mother Hadn't Noticed, Nor Did Father.
Today I Rest. Tomorrow I Run. And Run Some More.
May I have an opinion on this poem please?
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
May I have an opinion on this poem please?
It's been awhile since I've looked at my sons writings I tend not to interfere, but this one has made me cry. Looking at the date it was written, it was just after a boy at my sons school was killed in an accident. He was 11 then. I don't edit my boys things to show others, so bare with it .
I looked at my sisters motionless body on the dark gravel road. The ambulance siren split through the night air. I did nothing. I didn't move. Didn't cry. Didn't talk. The flashing blue and red lights came closer and quickly stopped with quiet skid. This was the worst football training ever. A man was watching, shaking uncontrollably and trying to make excuses for how he hit her. His car had a small dent in it. "She just jumped out and I hit her" he began before changing to his story that he accidentally put his foot on the pedal. My mum’s car pulled up quickly and she raced to my sister’s side. "Ebony!" she screamed. The cold night air prickled my throat. I didn't care. My other older sister was clutching me tightly. She was sobbing uncontrollably. "Its okay Tabitha" I managed to choke out.
She was 13 and one year older then me. She had blonde hair, like me. And blue eyes, like me. I hugged her tightly. Mum was in Hysterics. Some on-lookers were crying. i was guessing they were Ebonys friends. Then came the words that made my heart stop. "I'm sorry, Shes gone..." Mum was screaming her head off. She ran at the man who had hit Tabitha. I couldn't believe it. my sister, and tabithas twin. Dead....
The ride home from the hospital was terrible. Mum was in the front passenger seat crying her eyes out. Mums friend, Lizzy, was in the front seat driving. Tabitha and I were in the back sobbing quietly. The tears were cold and prickled down my cheeks slowly, but yet they seemed so fast. I saw a flasback of her body in the morg. Hey blonde hair was mangled and was slightly red from the a scar that came across your forehead. It was deep. We spent the rest of the night in a police station. I don't remember much of that, only the part when we got there and when we were leaving. I looked across the car towards tabitha. She was wearing a pink top and shorts. She was staring out the window at the flashing street lights. I reached out and held her warm, soft hands. She looked at me and tried to smile but wasn't very good at it. I looked at my watch. It read in bulky letters 3:00 AM I tried getting to sleep but i couldn't. I just wanted this car ride to end.
I awoke with a fright. I was sweating all over. i sighed and slumped in my bed. i looked across at my alarm clock. It read in large, glowing red numbers, 10:56. I was late for school. i rushed down stairs. I couldn't find mum in the kitchen. I heard her sobbing in her room. Why was she crying? I found tabitha on the couch with the television on but she wasn't watching it. She was sobbing into a pillow. Then it hit me. It wasn't a dream. I started to feel dizzy as i ran up to my room. I didn't like to cry. No one does. I fell onto my bed and screamed into my pillow. It was all my fault. I should of stayed with her and made sure she looked out for the car, but insteda i played that stupid claw machine game! She died becuase i wanted to win a stupid prize that would only last 10 minutes!!! I sobbed heavily into the pillow. Slowly i nodded off to sleep...
I awoke to darkness. i looked out my window into an empty street. Strange it was never empty at 9:00. I went down stairs wiping the tears off my face as i went. I'll miss Ebony, but i won't always cry becuase of what happened. I saw the kitchen table and saw a lot of plates of food, some small knick knacks and a few useful electronics, like a blender. I guessed that it was presents for what had happened, to try cheer us up, some people are so stupid. We want to be left alone... I picked up my mobile phone and looked at it. '23 new messages' it said. I entered the messages. They all said stuff about what had happened. i read through them all. Some were telling how good Ebony was as friends. Others trying to comfort me. I put the phone down and made some dinner. i couldn't find mum or Tabitha anywhere. I ended up fniding a note that said mum was staying at a friends house for a few nights. Tabitha was in her room reading a book. She looked extremly tired. "Hey" she said unhappily. "Hi" i said comfortably. I sat on her bed talking to her for a long time. By the time i left becuase she had fallen asleep, it was well past midnight. I couldn't get to sleep. I put on a black hoodie and some track suit pants and went outside. The ice cold wind sent a chill up my spine. it made my straw coloured hair float above my forehead freely. I opened the gate and walked out into the street.
I looked at my sisters motionless body on the dark gravel road. The ambulance siren split through the night air. I did nothing. I didn't move. Didn't cry. Didn't talk. The flashing blue and red lights came closer and quickly stopped with quiet skid. This was the worst football training ever. A man was watching, shaking uncontrollably and trying to make excuses for how he hit her. His car had a small dent in it. "She just jumped out and I hit her" he began before changing to his story that he accidentally put his foot on the pedal. My mum’s car pulled up quickly and she raced to my sister’s side. "Ebony!" she screamed. The cold night air prickled my throat. I didn't care. My other older sister was clutching me tightly. She was sobbing uncontrollably. "Its okay Tabitha" I managed to choke out.
She was 13 and one year older then me. She had blonde hair, like me. And blue eyes, like me. I hugged her tightly. Mum was in Hysterics. Some on-lookers were crying. i was guessing they were Ebonys friends. Then came the words that made my heart stop. "I'm sorry, Shes gone..." Mum was screaming her head off. She ran at the man who had hit Tabitha. I couldn't believe it. my sister, and tabithas twin. Dead....
The ride home from the hospital was terrible. Mum was in the front passenger seat crying her eyes out. Mums friend, Lizzy, was in the front seat driving. Tabitha and I were in the back sobbing quietly. The tears were cold and prickled down my cheeks slowly, but yet they seemed so fast. I saw a flasback of her body in the morg. Hey blonde hair was mangled and was slightly red from the a scar that came across your forehead. It was deep. We spent the rest of the night in a police station. I don't remember much of that, only the part when we got there and when we were leaving. I looked across the car towards tabitha. She was wearing a pink top and shorts. She was staring out the window at the flashing street lights. I reached out and held her warm, soft hands. She looked at me and tried to smile but wasn't very good at it. I looked at my watch. It read in bulky letters 3:00 AM I tried getting to sleep but i couldn't. I just wanted this car ride to end.
I awoke with a fright. I was sweating all over. i sighed and slumped in my bed. i looked across at my alarm clock. It read in large, glowing red numbers, 10:56. I was late for school. i rushed down stairs. I couldn't find mum in the kitchen. I heard her sobbing in her room. Why was she crying? I found tabitha on the couch with the television on but she wasn't watching it. She was sobbing into a pillow. Then it hit me. It wasn't a dream. I started to feel dizzy as i ran up to my room. I didn't like to cry. No one does. I fell onto my bed and screamed into my pillow. It was all my fault. I should of stayed with her and made sure she looked out for the car, but insteda i played that stupid claw machine game! She died becuase i wanted to win a stupid prize that would only last 10 minutes!!! I sobbed heavily into the pillow. Slowly i nodded off to sleep...
I awoke to darkness. i looked out my window into an empty street. Strange it was never empty at 9:00. I went down stairs wiping the tears off my face as i went. I'll miss Ebony, but i won't always cry becuase of what happened. I saw the kitchen table and saw a lot of plates of food, some small knick knacks and a few useful electronics, like a blender. I guessed that it was presents for what had happened, to try cheer us up, some people are so stupid. We want to be left alone... I picked up my mobile phone and looked at it. '23 new messages' it said. I entered the messages. They all said stuff about what had happened. i read through them all. Some were telling how good Ebony was as friends. Others trying to comfort me. I put the phone down and made some dinner. i couldn't find mum or Tabitha anywhere. I ended up fniding a note that said mum was staying at a friends house for a few nights. Tabitha was in her room reading a book. She looked extremly tired. "Hey" she said unhappily. "Hi" i said comfortably. I sat on her bed talking to her for a long time. By the time i left becuase she had fallen asleep, it was well past midnight. I couldn't get to sleep. I put on a black hoodie and some track suit pants and went outside. The ice cold wind sent a chill up my spine. it made my straw coloured hair float above my forehead freely. I opened the gate and walked out into the street.
May I have an opinion on this poem please?
It sounds like the words of a child who has been scolded, who then run away, but became frightened and crept back home again.
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
May I have an opinion on this poem please?
We were talking about bullying in another thread . Well, have a look at this.
poignant I think...............
There taunts bombarded me like bullets. I just stared. It was his fault. All his fault. He started this. He had been picking on me for years now. Making my life [so miserable but,] I used to be popular, but when he turned up to the school that all changed. He would encourage others to yell things at me, beat me up, and make my life bad. Then, the school night function came up. It was like a huge party for the year twelve’s leaving the school. Everyone got involved, from year seven (Me) to adults. I thought I’d go just to see my other friends, which hadn’t turned against me. Then it came down to this. I was at the drinks table when they surrounded me and yelled things like “Zack has no friends†or “Zacks weirdâ€. Then they started to hit and punch me. I ran. I pushed past people with tears almost about to burst from my ears. I crashed through an emergency exit and ended up in a dark alley way, under a flickering street light. Why was my life so terrible. I sat on the back steps looking down at the wet ground from the drizzling rain. I thought I saw a shadow move at the end of the alley. I didn’t care. “I wish I could just die!†I screamed kicking over a trash can and littering the street with rubbish. I turned to see a man standing a few meters from me. He was dressed in black. I could just make out his face under the large black hat he was wearing. “What do you want!†I yelled. “Do you want to call me names to!†then, sheer panic. He pulled out a small revolver from inside his large jacket. The last I saw of him was his face covered in a black, or what looked to be black, beard. The shot rang out through the night, piercing the loud noise of the music thumping on the other side of the wall. I fell to the ground. The pain in the stomach shot through my body quickly. I let out a gasp as he disappeared into the darkness. The emergency door swung open. Kids flooded out. Some gasped, others screamed, an adult I didn’t recognize ran to my side. Everything was blurry. I was going to die. Why me? “Zack!†screamed a girls voice. It was my sister. She ran to my side crying. I looked at her. I could barely see her through the blurriness. “Goodbye Jessica…†I gasped as everything went black.
poignant I think...............
There taunts bombarded me like bullets. I just stared. It was his fault. All his fault. He started this. He had been picking on me for years now. Making my life [so miserable but,] I used to be popular, but when he turned up to the school that all changed. He would encourage others to yell things at me, beat me up, and make my life bad. Then, the school night function came up. It was like a huge party for the year twelve’s leaving the school. Everyone got involved, from year seven (Me) to adults. I thought I’d go just to see my other friends, which hadn’t turned against me. Then it came down to this. I was at the drinks table when they surrounded me and yelled things like “Zack has no friends†or “Zacks weirdâ€. Then they started to hit and punch me. I ran. I pushed past people with tears almost about to burst from my ears. I crashed through an emergency exit and ended up in a dark alley way, under a flickering street light. Why was my life so terrible. I sat on the back steps looking down at the wet ground from the drizzling rain. I thought I saw a shadow move at the end of the alley. I didn’t care. “I wish I could just die!†I screamed kicking over a trash can and littering the street with rubbish. I turned to see a man standing a few meters from me. He was dressed in black. I could just make out his face under the large black hat he was wearing. “What do you want!†I yelled. “Do you want to call me names to!†then, sheer panic. He pulled out a small revolver from inside his large jacket. The last I saw of him was his face covered in a black, or what looked to be black, beard. The shot rang out through the night, piercing the loud noise of the music thumping on the other side of the wall. I fell to the ground. The pain in the stomach shot through my body quickly. I let out a gasp as he disappeared into the darkness. The emergency door swung open. Kids flooded out. Some gasped, others screamed, an adult I didn’t recognize ran to my side. Everything was blurry. I was going to die. Why me? “Zack!†screamed a girls voice. It was my sister. She ran to my side crying. I looked at her. I could barely see her through the blurriness. “Goodbye Jessica…†I gasped as everything went black.
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
May I have an opinion on this poem please?
OpenMind;1334132 wrote: It sounds like the words of a child who has been scolded, who then run away, but became frightened and crept back home again.
That's what I thought at first, but apparently it's just about life itself.
That's what I thought at first, but apparently it's just about life itself.
May I have an opinion on this poem please?
The first thing that came to mind was that this is a very dramatic account. It is good, though. You can feel the boy's torment and his fears. You can sense the underlying sense of his disgust of himself but also how he is questioning why he is being picked on.
The ending is over-dramatic though. Most people survive being bullied and usually learn to fight back.
The ending is over-dramatic though. Most people survive being bullied and usually learn to fight back.
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
May I have an opinion on this poem please?
Yeah I think it's more "feeling" than literal.
May I have an opinion on this poem please?
I've only just seen your second post. It's very intense.
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
May I have an opinion on this poem please?
he's an intense little fella
He wrote a really funny one recently I'll try to find it. something about a school project. The ending was unexpected and hysterically funny
He wrote a really funny one recently I'll try to find it. something about a school project. The ending was unexpected and hysterically funny
May I have an opinion on this poem please?
fuzzywuzzy;1334145 wrote: Yeah I think it's more "feeling" than literal.
The ending of the last one has a 'what-if' feel about it. This creates a message that bullying must be stopped at all costs. It has been known for children to commit suicide because of bullying.
The ending of the last one has a 'what-if' feel about it. This creates a message that bullying must be stopped at all costs. It has been known for children to commit suicide because of bullying.