Alzheimer’s

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YZGI
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Alzheimer’s

Post by YZGI »

I don't normally say much about my personal life but this is getting old. My father in law has alzheimer's, we were told about it around 3 years ago. They both had known he was in early onset for around a year before that. The last 4-5 months have been hell for my wife and my MIL. For most of the 3 years we were all happy that he had been a "happy" alz patient. Well that changed. He became aggressive not only to others but also to his wife.

In July he got bad enough that it was decided that he should be put into a nursing home. First they put him in a hospital to decide what his drug regime would be, he was there for 3 weeks then moved to a nursing home. About 10 days into the nursing home he began attacking other patients (biting & threatening) then the staff. They sent for a transport bus and when he boarded it he began choking out the driver while my MIL tried to subdue him. After 10-12 days more in the dementia ward to try and get his drug regime "right", they sent him back to the nursing home. After a couple of weeks we got a call that he had escaped through a window and was in a neighborhood banging on peoples windows and doors telling them people were after him. At this point I need to let you know that he was lifetime law enforcement. He sometimes goes into other peoples rooms and sits on them to protect them from the bad people. etc. etc.

So, the nursing home said unless the family were willing to babysit him in the evenings until he went to sleep at night that they would have to kick him out, because they couldn't handle it. So we as family (most of the time my wife and MIL) had to go nightly to the nursing home and stay with him until he went to sleep. He has been getting more and more agitated lately. He remembers My MIL, wife and me sometimes but thats about it. The other night he raised his hand to my MIL like he was going to hit her.

I just got a call a few minutes ago from my wife. They are sending him back to the dementia care at the hospital again for evaluation. She has to go to home and ride in with him.

This whole time they are paying the home $4,000.00 a month for care not to mention the hospital costs,drug etc etc. Lucky they have Government insurance or they would be bankrupt already.

This is getting really old. I feel sorry for my wife and MIL. And I'm gettin pissed off about it.

Sorry for the long post, be happy this is the short version..
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valerie
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Post by valerie »

After dealing with this disease when my Mom had it for so many years, I really,

really feel for you, and your whole family.

Hopefully the doctors will be able to figure out enough meds to bring this

under control, they really should be, it's ridiculous to not give him enough.

If they have to 'snow' him, even.

That nursing home doesn't sound good, either. I know they are incredibly

difficult to find but they should be equipped better than having to have family

members to the job they are being paid four grand a month for.

Sorry Wisey, I really am.
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YZGI
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Post by YZGI »

valerie;1407550 wrote: After dealing with this disease when my Mom had it for so many years, I really,

really feel for you, and your whole family.

Hopefully the doctors will be able to figure out enough meds to bring this

under control, they really should be, it's ridiculous to not give him enough.

If they have to 'snow' him, even.

That nursing home doesn't sound good, either. I know they are incredibly

difficult to find but they should be equipped better than having to have family

members to the job they are being paid four grand a month for.

Sorry Wisey, I really am.


Thanks Valerie but its my wife that has to deal with this the most.

Another thing I keep bringing up to no avail. He is now 75. When he was 42 he had 5 bypass heart surgery, around 4 years ago he had a pacemaker installed, now he takes all kinds of heart medication that if nothing else costs the insurance company hundred of dollars a month. Why? Wouldn't it be the right thing to do to just quit the heart meds? I mean wouldn't that at least be a natural death? Instead they keep him alive artificially, trust me when I say this..He would ask me to kill him if he could. I know him well he would not want to do this to his family.
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Snowfire
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Post by Snowfire »

Wow !

Don't apologise for the post at all. I only wish I had something helpful or positive to say.

As me and my wife get older we have discussed often about growing old together. It's a dream. It's something we want so very much but very often we get to the point where we discuss the possibility of one of having some sort of dementia and whether either of us could cope. Of course it isn't a laughing matter at all but we do joke about it.

The worst thing about Alzheimer's disease is the way it affects everybody so deeply. All the family. I have limited personal knowledge of it bar my grandmother wondering off and disappearing, even getting on a plane to the Channel Islands. I can't begin to imagine the turmoil you and your family must be going through and I can only offer my best wishes and hope you find the strength to cope
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Winston Churchill
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Scrat
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Post by Scrat »

I hope I never have to deal with this with my parents. They are both 75 now and still able to care for themselves, I doubt they would accept it any other way.

I have a very mixed set of feelings about this. We weren't meant by nature to live as long as we do. It's hard to wrap your mind around. Best of luck YZ.
koan
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Post by koan »

What a horrible disease that is.

I know what you're saying. My grandfather was kept alive while he slowly had to have limbs amputated and spent most of his life in a wheelchair. He looked at our dog with envy when my mother announced we were having her put down. I don't know if anyone else noticed the look but it is the moment I always remember when euthanasia comes up.
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YZGI
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Post by YZGI »

Thanks all,

the last couple of years we always had a few chuckles over some of the things he said or did. We figured it was better to laugh at them than to cry about it. We also figured that it's the way he would want it. One time we were walking through Walmart and a big burly dude was coming the other way and he grabbed the hat off his head and hid it under his coat. The dude got super pissed, I went over and got the guys hat and apologized and told the guy that he had alz. He said he didn't care what he had no one puts a hand on him and he was going to kick his ass. I told this dude he would not only have to kick my ass but he would also have to kick my wife's and MIL's ass if he tried. I'm pretty sure he knew he could take me but he decided against the wife and MIL.
Ahso!
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Post by Ahso! »

I'm sorry for the ordeal your wife and MIL are faced with.
“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities,”

Voltaire



I have only one thing to do and that's

Be the wave that I am and then

Sink back into the ocean

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YZGI
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Post by YZGI »

Ahso!;1407560 wrote: I'm sorry for the ordeal your wife and MIL are faced with.


Thank you Ahso.
koan
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Post by koan »

YZGI;1407558 wrote: Thanks all,

the last couple of years we always had a few chuckles over some of the things he said or did. We figured it was better to laugh at them than to cry about it. We also figured that it's the way he would want it. One time we were walking through Walmart and a big burly dude was coming the other way and he grabbed the hat off his head and hid it under his coat. The dude got super pissed, I went over and got the guys hat and apologized and told the guy that he had alz. He said he didn't care what he had no one puts a hand on him and he was going to kick his ass. I told this dude he would not only have to kick my ass but he would also have to kick my wife's and MIL's ass if he tried. I'm pretty sure he knew he could take me but he decided against the wife and MIL.
What a great story!

Sounds like, for all he is suffering, he at least has an awesome family helping him out.
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YZGI
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Post by YZGI »

koan;1407563 wrote: What a great story!

Sounds like, for all he is suffering, he at least has an awesome family helping him out.


It's funny, my wife and me have been around them the most in the last few years especially in public. They go to my sons wrestling tournaments around the country with us. I think most people just think he is drunk sometimes. Another time he kind of got away from us and he had a big 350lb black guy up against the wall wanting him to take his hat off so he could see his hair. I'm like holy crap I'm sorry, told him about his alz. The guys says, hell I knew he had to be crazy cause (at this time he took off his hat) I aint got no hair.. We both laughed and I bought him a beer at the bar.
Bruv
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Post by Bruv »

I feel for you.

My Father went that way, so know how everyone suffers.
I thought I knew more than this until I opened my mouth
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Wandrin
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Post by Wandrin »

I can't even imagine what you must be going through. He is lucky to have a supportive family.
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along-for-the-ride
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Post by along-for-the-ride »

I agree with Wanderin.



Many of us think about this at one time or another..happening to ourselves or a loved one. What would we do?
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valerie
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Post by valerie »

I forget who it was, but someone said that once you met one person

with Alzheimer's... you'd met one person with Alzheimer's. They are

all just a little bit different. And, I'm sure, sometimes the same.

My Mom was a little combative at points, too.

I thought I would mention a book that really helped me. It's called

Learning to Speak Alzheimer's by Joanne Koenig Coste. I got it

from my local library, but they are around at used book stores.

Sort of a newer approach, I know one thing that struck me is it

used to be they said try and orient the patient as to time and place,

and now they don't.
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Peter Lake
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Post by Peter Lake »

YZGI;1407549 wrote: I don't normally say much about my personal life but this is getting old. My father in law has alzheimer's, we were told about it around 3 years ago. They both had known he was in early onset for around a year before that. The last 4-5 months have been hell for my wife and my MIL. For most of the 3 years we were all happy that he had been a "happy" alz patient. Well that changed. He became aggressive not only to others but also to his wife.

In July he got bad enough that it was decided that he should be put into a nursing home. First they put him in a hospital to decide what his drug regime would be, he was there for 3 weeks then moved to a nursing home. About 10 days into the nursing home he began attacking other patients (biting & threatening) then the staff. They sent for a transport bus and when he boarded it he began choking out the driver while my MIL tried to subdue him. After 10-12 days more in the dementia ward to try and get his drug regime "right", they sent him back to the nursing home. After a couple of weeks we got a call that he had escaped through a window and was in a neighborhood banging on peoples windows and doors telling them people were after him. At this point I need to let you know that he was lifetime law enforcement. He sometimes goes into other peoples rooms and sits on them to protect them from the bad people. etc. etc.

So, the nursing home said unless the family were willing to babysit him in the evenings until he went to sleep at night that they would have to kick him out, because they couldn't handle it. So we as family (most of the time my wife and MIL) had to go nightly to the nursing home and stay with him until he went to sleep. He has been getting more and more agitated lately. He remembers My MIL, wife and me sometimes but thats about it. The other night he raised his hand to my MIL like he was going to hit her.

I just got a call a few minutes ago from my wife. They are sending him back to the dementia care at the hospital again for evaluation. She has to go to home and ride in with him.

This whole time they are paying the home $4,000.00 a month for care not to mention the hospital costs,drug etc etc. Lucky they have Government insurance or they would be bankrupt already.

This is getting really old. I feel sorry for my wife and MIL. And I'm gettin pissed off about it.

Sorry for the long post, be happy this is the short version.. Dementia is a heavy load for any relatives and i really don't know what wise words i can say that you haven't heard already.

By coincidence where Oscar was working today an elderly lady kept asking her every thirty minutes or so if she'd seen her cat. She said it went on all day but on one occasion some idiot came over and told her to ignore the old woman because she was mental. She was outraged at the callous remark and apparently fired off both barrels. In the end Oscar said she downed tools and went and found the cat nearby and carried it back into her house for her. Oscar thought that was it but then she came out again and asked if it was alright to give the cat tuna for his tea. Then it started up again with her coming back asking the same question every thirty minutes. It takes patience with dementia but i know it's worth it when they have their moments of clarity and you see the person you know again albeit briefly. I wish you and the family the very best.
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Post by Patsy Warnick »

There are some terrible stages with aging.

Not sure why the elderly get mean, but I survived my in-laws.

I consider myself a survivor & perhaps YZGI you will too.

Your episodes have just begun - I survived @ 5 yrs of episodes & thousands of dollars wasted.

Just support your wife - and realise the in-law situation will be disrupting Your life DAILY until they pass on.

I wish some one would of told me this - I had no idea..! - nearly caused a divorce for a loving couple with no problems.

I'll pray for you & your family

This will be tough on every one.

Patsy
koan
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Post by koan »

YZGI;1407565 wrote: It's funny, my wife and me have been around them the most in the last few years especially in public. They go to my sons wrestling tournaments around the country with us. I think most people just think he is drunk sometimes. Another time he kind of got away from us and he had a big 350lb black guy up against the wall wanting him to take his hat off so he could see his hair. I'm like holy crap I'm sorry, told him about his alz. The guys says, hell I knew he had to be crazy cause (at this time he took off his hat) I aint got no hair.. We both laughed and I bought him a beer at the bar.
I'm sure he's a lot of work and it's very stressful but he sounds so adorable the way you tell it. Made me think of the grandmother in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when Toula sees her creeping out in the middle of the night, thinking she's still trying to escape the war or something, and the sprinklers go off. Grandma's arms fly half way up then she turns and creeps back into the house. The actress was hilarious. No dialogue necessary.

Anyway, these stories will be wonderful to remember him by, along with the ones from before he was ill. If I have someone telling folks the fun stories from my life after I pass I hope they do it as brilliantly as you do.
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Post by gmc »

You have my sympathy been that route myself although luckily not, as it turned with alzheimers We eventually got my mother in to sheltered housing and then a long term care home. Granny farms as they are known colloquially. It can be incredibly destructive to family life for close relatives as they take turns looking after someone in our case it was worse as one of my brothers just wouldn't accept that she could no longer take care of herself and effectively delayed blocked getting her in to sheltered housing and then made things worse by never visiting ( favoured elder son and all that). It's a way of coping, pretend it's not happening. For all the faults of the NHS at it's heart is a duty of care we didn't have the worry about the cost of care or medication. She was of the generation that fought through the war and made sure the welfare state was brought in and paid in to it all her life as do her family. It's an odd situation when our politicians bang on about the cost of the NHS but can always find enough money to invade other countries.

It's a horrible situation - it's like looking at someone that is already dead.

posted bt yzgi

Another thing I keep bringing up to no avail. He is now 75. When he was 42 he had 5 bypass heart surgery, around 4 years ago he had a pacemaker installed, now he takes all kinds of heart medication that if nothing else costs the insurance company hundred of dollars a month. Why? Wouldn't it be the right thing to do to just quit the heart meds? I mean wouldn't that at least be a natural death? Instead they keep him alive artificially, trust me when I say this..He would ask me to kill him if he could. I know him well he would not want to do this to his family.


We had powers of attorney as she was no longer compos mentis, one of the questions we had to decide on was what we wanted the home to do in the event of a heart attack --- whatever. Resuscitate or not. Do they not have something similar in the states where they will act on instructions to let someone die rather than resuscitate? I don 't mean stop their medication or anything but in the event of heart failure let him die peacefully.
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YZGI
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Post by YZGI »

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I just got upset yesterday that the family will have to go through the process of finding a home that will take him again.

Yes GMC they have what is called a DNR (Do not resuscitate) He does have that.
gmc
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Post by gmc »

YZGI;1407601 wrote: Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I just got upset yesterday that the family will have to go through the process of finding a home that will take him again.

Yes GMC they have what is called a DNR (Do not resuscitate) He does have that.


Hellish question to have to ask a parent, especially if the answer is i don;t know what do you think I should do..
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YZGI
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Post by YZGI »

gmc;1407614 wrote: Hellish question to have to ask a parent, especially if the answer is i don;t know what do you think I should do..
I think my MIL and him had the conversation a few years ago when he was still coherent during the early onset period.

On another note.

We were out of town with them last year and went to an Applebees for dinner. John was always a huge Packers fan so even though it was around 70 degrees out he had a big packers coat on. We went into the restaurant and the host asked him if he used to play for the Packers. John's response. "No I'm a ballerina" then he put his hand on top of his head and started dancing around the restaurant. We all cracked up and I looked at the host and said "He is either drunk or he has Alzheimer's" I then went after him and escorted him to the table. We got the fastest service I ever remember.
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YZGI
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Post by YZGI »

Rest In Peace John. It was a pleasure knowing you and you gave me a wonderful woman to marry,love and have my children.
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Oscar Namechange
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Post by Oscar Namechange »

YZGI;1410067 wrote: Rest In Peace John. It was a pleasure knowing you and you gave me a wonderful woman to marry,love and have my children. So sorry to here that Wisey .

My condolences to you and your family xxx
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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AnneBoleyn
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Post by AnneBoleyn »

(((yzgi)))
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Snowfire
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Post by Snowfire »

oscar;1410068 wrote: So sorry to here that Wisey .

My condolences to you and your family xxx


I will echo that
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Winston Churchill
Ahso!
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Post by Ahso! »

My best to you, your partner and your family.
“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities,”

Voltaire



I have only one thing to do and that's

Be the wave that I am and then

Sink back into the ocean

Fiona Apple
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YZGI
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Post by YZGI »

Thanks all. It's appreciated.
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tabby
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Post by tabby »

My condolences to you and your family, YZGI.
Bruv
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Post by Bruv »

I would like to add my own commiserations.
I thought I knew more than this until I opened my mouth
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valerie
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Post by valerie »

He IS resting in peace, Yzgi. I am sure of that.

My thoughts will be with you and yours, I know the pain

must be great right now.

:yh_flower
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stacyjmes1
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Post by stacyjmes1 »

Really a great story. God saves everybody from this kind of diseases. God Bless All the people.!!!

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