Self Expression

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OpenMind
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Self Expression

Post by OpenMind »

Preamble.



For most people, self-expression is not a problem. They are able to express their feeling freely. But for some, like myself, self-expression has been an acquired skill. Let me give you some background to why I cannot express myself freely.

If ever I received my mother’s love, I cannot say I know. I know I received her hatred. Perhaps I wasn’t the source of her hatred, but I received it nonetheless. By the nature of the nightmares I remember and certain images that are stuck in my memory, I know there was a lot more besides that I endured while I was in my mother’s care. So much for mother’s love then. And yes, that was meant as a sardonic comment.

When I was five years old, I was given into my grandparents care. As an indication of my condition, I relate what my grandmother once told me. She told me that whenever I’d hurt myself, I would take myself into a corner and, while trying not to, I would quietly whimper and hold myself where I had hurt myself.

Slowly, I improved and when I was 8 years old, my grandparents adopted me. And there is no doubt in my mind that my grandmother brought me up as one of her own as I feel no doubt that I am her son. Yet, that relationship has been fraught with difficulties – more for my Mum than for myself. My grandparents became my Mum and Dad.

My natural father disappeared from my life before I was old enough to retain a memory of him. My resentment towards him stands only with regard to the fact that that he left me nothing by which I could trace him. His surname is a common one, which makes it more difficult to trace. Mum always spoke highly of him to me. But, that never made me feel any better.

My grandparents – my Mum and Dad – raised me, at expenses to themselves and I am ever eternally grateful to them. They always have been and always will be special in my heart. Nonetheless, their idiom didn’t help me when it came to self-expression. Theirs was a way of life that preceded a time that was rapidly changing and challenging life’s values. They were the proud nation. For them, you put your problems aside and got on with it.

Through this idiom, I neglected my self-expression. All of my life, I have placed other people’s feelings before my own and have felt both selfish and ignorant to do otherwise.



Such then, is the situation that led to my anger that has led to my present situation. I was unhappy but to express this would have been at odds with my partner’s happiness. I could not put my unhappiness before her happiness. Of course, I have realised other things since, but this is beside the point.



However, my thoughts on the subject have led me to realise that there is more to anger than meets the eye. In The Celestine Prophecy, anger is an intimidatory control. Yet my anger throughout my life has never been aimed to intimidate anyone rather than to draw attention to myself. In the terms used by this book, it is a ‘poor me’ control. If it was otherwise, I’m pretty sure my present circumstances would be very different.



Recently, I posted my thoughts and feelings on here in a post that was deleted. It was deleted because there was too much personal information. It was posted because I needed to express myself.



This is the thing about expression. Expression is always a two-way thing. When a person expresses their selves, their expression has to be accepted. If it is not, then that expression has to find another way out. In my case, it found its way out through FG. Though the post was deleted, in the time it was up my expression was accepted. It took two years of bottled up emotion to achieve this release. A release prompted by external forces.



I still have not had satisfaction with regard to my concerns. Further, there is a strong synchronicity between my life and that of my daughter. My natural mother married a RAF officer and this occurred before I was sent to my grandparents.

The important thing was to be able to express myself and where it couldn't be expressed to the person concerned, it was then presented to the world at large i.e. the Forum Garden in this case. Now that it has been expressed and accepted, I am able to move on.



End to preamble.
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OpenMind
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Self Expression

Post by OpenMind »

While I was looking up courses on aromatherapy, I came across this article. This article is about anger in self-expression.



http://www.cygnus-books.co.uk/creative- ... -a434.html
qsducks
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Self Expression

Post by qsducks »

I don't know about you folks, but my self expression is coming through loud and clear.
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buttercup
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Self Expression

Post by buttercup »

I never seen your post but have to be honest i dont enjoy seeing the laundry hung out to dry so glad i missed it.

I feel for your past, its not unlike my own, i found my own self expression through hair & beauty, my anger must have shown itself in my work during the punk phase, i created some pretty wild looks :wah:
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OpenMind
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Self Expression

Post by OpenMind »

JAB;1153155 wrote: I think you'll find Open Mind, that others have various degrees of having their self-expression stifled. In my case, it was a matter of not drawing attention to oneself as that was being boastful. I managed to find my outlets but it wasn't until as an adult that I learned the nuances of self-expression vs. showing off.



I'm sorry for the rough start you had. However, it seems that you've learned something and with that learning comes an ability to change things from the way they have been to what can be.


Life as a whole is a learning process and what I have presented here is just a part of that. A lot of assumptions are made simply as a part of the process of growing up. As we go through life, we grow further.



My post is about self-expression. For those that do nothing but express themselves and, more importantly, in the case of rthis post, for those who find it hard to express themselves.

When I have my daughter with me, we often have the TV on. The programs have narrators for the deaf. These are exemplified and I work through these expressions with her as well as speaking them. The deaf should not be forsaken simply because we can't be arsed.
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OpenMind
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Self Expression

Post by OpenMind »

buttercup;1153159 wrote: I never seen your post but have to be honest i dont enjoy seeing the laundry hung out to dry so glad i missed it.

I feel for your past, its not unlike my own, i found my own self expression through hair & beauty, my anger must have shown itself in my work during the punk phase, i created some pretty wild looks :wah:


I gotta say it took me a while to get used to the punk vision. Once I got there though,I enjoyed it as much as my own era. In all honesty though, I've not seen anything since that represents the youth. Other, that is than a mad rush to screw everything in sight.
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OpenMind
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Self Expression

Post by OpenMind »

JAB;1153164 wrote: Does FG help you, OM?


There's no shadow of a doubt that if it weren't for FG, I wouldn't have had somewhere to express my feelings.

In Dewsbury, where I moved to after splitting up, I made many friends, yet most of them have moved on also since I left that godforsaken town. for some reason, i feel that I served a purpose there.

At the moment though, I don't know where I stand in the universe in general. Yet, I don't foresee a departure from FG unless I can't pay my subscription next year.:)
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buttercup
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Self Expression

Post by buttercup »

This is me back then OM - Trying to express myself, oh lordi how my grandparents hated those years :wah:

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OpenMind
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Self Expression

Post by OpenMind »

buttercup;1153179 wrote: This is me back then OM - Trying to express myself, oh lordi how my grandparents hated those years :wah:


I don't know, maybe it's just me. I don't get out so much this last year.

I spent 2007 living in a pub in the cente of Dewsbury. The Punk era presented some grotesque images, but they said something. I was in my 30s then, and I found the common theme was simply about individual expression. Yet, my day was about rights. Never mind personal expression, my day was about what the common man needed. Since then, the common man has received his due but he's still being screwed, full time; big time.
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