Rape

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:57 pm

I'm curious how many of you know a woman who says she has been raped?

I'm also curious how many of you know a man who says he has been raped?

I'm 51 years old and up until the last few years I've spent my entire life thinking that women get raped and molested and it's time society did something about it. Once in a while we hear that a male might suffer the same fate, but it is a rare event, by comparison, to what happens to women.

Now, I'm not so sure, anymore. I've just learned of a 3rd man that I know personally, that I see in my daily world - who says he was raped as a young boy/man. That's more then the number of women I know who say they have been raped or molested (if I exclude my own sisters).

I've not been shy or reticent about discussing my childhood for a long long time... but I can remember how I felt before I realized in my soul, that it was not my fault, in any way, shape or form. And now I can only sit and hold a hand or offer a hug with a promise to never tell anyone what they shared with me..

And how sad is that?:-1

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 3:01 pm

Yep floppy been there done that.

so Yes

and Yes

It's rare, no wrong word ....uncommon for a grown man to be raped unfortunetly it usually happens when men are vulnerable at an early age.

Kindle · Post by **Kindle** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 3:37 pm

I know of two women (one was 12 and the other 17 at the time), but no men.

I think this is their's to tell if they choose, not mine to repeat.

It was shocking to learn of it and is still as disturbing today. I can't imagine how these memories may still impact them today.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 3:43 pm

Personally I don't know or haven't been told of any.

o

Yes Floppy its very sad...

Post by **Ally** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 11:44 pm

flopstock;1138232 wrote: I'm curious how many of you know a woman who says she has been raped?

I'm also curious how many of you know a man who says he has been raped?

I'm 51 years old and up until the last few years I've spent my entire life thinking that women get raped and molested and it's time society did something about it. Once in a while we hear that a male might suffer the same fate, but it is a rare event, by comparison, to what happens to women.

Now, I'm not so sure, anymore. I've just learned of a 3rd man that I know personally, that I see in my daily world - who says he was raped as a young boy/man. That's more then the number of women I know who say they have been raped or molested (if I exclude my own sisters).

I've not been shy or reticent about discussing my childhood for a long long time... but I can remember how I felt before I realized in my soul, that it was not my fault, in any way, shape or form. And now I can only sit and hold a hand or offer a hug with a promise to never tell anyone what they shared with me..

And how sad is that?:-1

VERY SAD FLOPSTOCK,WE HERE IN OZ HAD A SENERIO NOT TO LONG AGO ABOUT YOUNG BOYS IN THE CARE OF THE CHURCH BEING RAPED AND MOLESTED,THEY WERE CHILDREN,BUT ITS LIVES WITH THEM TO THIS VERY DAY.i ALSO THINK THAT MALES CAN BE RAPED AND MOLESTED IN PRISON U SEE IT IN MOVIES ALL THE TIME.i ALSO HAD A CLOSE FRIEND THAT WAS MOLESTED BY HER FATHER.nONE OF IT IS GOOD.

Amber Sun · Post by **Amber Sun** » Wed Feb 18, 2009 12:22 am

flopstock;1138232 wrote: I'm curious how many of you know a woman who says she has been raped?

I'm also curious how many of you know a man who says he has been raped?

I'm 51 years old and up until the last few years I've spent my entire life thinking that women get raped and molested and it's time society did something about it. Once in a while we hear that a male might suffer the same fate, but it is a rare event, by comparison, to what happens to women.

Now, I'm not so sure, anymore. I've just learned of a 3rd man that I know personally, that I see in my daily world - who says he was raped as a young boy/man. That's more then the number of women I know who say they have been raped or molested (if I exclude my own sisters).

I've not been shy or reticent about discussing my childhood for a long long time... but I can remember how I felt before I realized in my soul, that it was not my fault, in any way, shape or form. And now I can only sit and hold a hand or offer a hug with a promise to never tell anyone what they shared with me..

And how sad is that?:-1

Actually, thinking about it I know very few women who have not been raped. I don't mean molested as children, but full blown rape that is very savage and sadistic. A few have had guns pressed against their head while the rape took place and I know of another who was bound and gagged while he literally sewed up her vagina while she was totally conscious. In other cases it was just plain rape without the torture. I consider myself very fortunate to have never have had this happen to me. When I hear stories like this and see the look in the women's eyes, my mind just kind of freezes up.

There are not only crisis centers for women who have been raped. There are now centers for adult men who have had bitter experiences at the hands of other men. Shame and loss of 'ego', (for lack of a better word'), form a ring of silence around these centers. For some reason that is beyond me a percentage of these adult male rapes are during a robbery. (It's the robbers that go after the person being robbed). I know that rapes take place in prisons and have to wonder if it is that kind of male that also takes it into his mind to rape the man he is robbing.

In university in one particular class I took (Deviance and the Criminal Mind) I learned that studies have shown that a percentage of rapists need to feel 'powerful'. They need to experience the feeling of 'control' over something or someone, it's not necessarily sex they are after. This makes sense since there is almost always some place a man can 'buy' sex.

Sad world we live in.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:19 pm

I consider myself very fortunate

Isn't it an indictment on our world that the average woman considers herself "fortunate" rather than appalled that this could happen to them. It happens all the time . It is considered the most under reported crime of all crimes..................and we just accept it. We accept that one day it could happen to us.

what are we doing about it? Or do we sit back and just accept the inbred fear and the inbred notion that men can act this way?

Post by **Betty Boop** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:27 pm

fuzzywuzzy;1152592 wrote: Isn't it an indictment on our world that the average woman considers herself "fortunate" rather than appalled that this could happen to them. It happens all the time . It is considered the most under reported crime of all crimes..................and we just accept it. We accept that one day it could happen to us.

what are we doing about it? Or do we sit back and just accept the inbred fear and the inbred notion that men can act this way?

Personally for me the day my ex husband threatened to take his 'marital rights' was the day I walked out, I had no doubt in my mind that he would.

I know a few women and men that have been raped, I have sat and cried with a grown man as he has re-lived the memories of the abuse that took place during his childhood, it's the most horrific thing I have ever had to listen to

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:35 pm

Oh I'm so sorry Betty . This makes you a 'secondary' Betty, and it's important that you get relief from the stress of what's being told to you as well.

I've sat with three men as they have recounted their stories and the anger and sorrow inside of me has welled up to the point of distraction. Anyone who sits with a survivor of rape or molestation needs to take a break too. It helps you cope with the sorrow and anxieties that you're feeling.

Listening to a person who has had any traumatic experience is traumatic for the person listening . We often hear how a 'smile' is contagious, but so is sorrow and stress. And relief needs to be looked into . Especially if you're a relative or parent of an abused individual.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:39 pm

I don't know what we can do about it, Fuzzy. People commit crimes of violence against other people. I don't condone murder, or rape or assault or bullying on anyone. How do you change human nature? You can get the message out that this kind of behaviour towards women, kids, men is completely unacceptable and try to get more appropriate penalties for breaches, but will that stop it?

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:48 pm

How do we change sociopathic behaviour.? Well if we ever find out we should bottle it, sell it, and make a fortune. <-----------There in itself is another point of human behaviour. We always want to make a profit and therefore will never get a handle on the causes or the answers...........*shrugs*:o

Post by **Betty Boop** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:50 pm

fuzzywuzzy;1152617 wrote: How do we change sociopathic behaviour.? Well if we ever find out we should bottle it, sell it, and make a fortune.

We live in a society where one person has to have some form of control and power over another, not much different to any other animal really...

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 4:52 pm

I disagree there, Betty. I think animals are just not capable of the level of cruelty deliberately and consciously inflicted by humans on other humans.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 5:05 pm

AussiePam;1152623 wrote: I disagree there, Betty. I think animals are just not capable of the level of cruelty deliberately and consciously inflicted by humans on other humans.

Maybe they are not....but then do animals have a conscious mind to hold themselves accountable as we do. My point being that we are meant to be the intelligent species.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 5:18 pm

Hmmm these bushfires and the resulting town meetings have taught me a great lesson . I've seen humans at their best and least .

There was, within the stress of the situation an overwelming sense of entitlement and self importance like these people were owed not only reassurance but also precise accuracy when it came to detail. They wanted everything to be perfect"............." why do I not have control" ..............that was the overwelming sense I got from people ........."why isn't everything perfect?" It couldn't be given to them and in responce it made people extremely demanding, arrogant and self centred .

It also made me wonder if there were rapes and violence in households because of this stress of not having outer control?

I wonder if in society people feel this way generally?

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:21 am

One can never really know how rape affects an individual victim unless you have suffered it first hand. One can never really know how rape affects a child at the time and throughout the rest of their life, unless you are that child.

Chockygirl · Post by **Chockygirl** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 5:56 am

Rape has little to do with sex and everything to do with power,and for some reason,some men think they have that right to violate a woman.

And,of course,we have those extra *special* charmers who rape children as well-girls and boys- they're not usually too fussy.

I've dealt with women and children who have been raped,and their stories make you cry from the anger and frustration that such atrocious acts occur.

I've accompanied women to court, where many times I've witnessed them *raped* again by the legal system.

G-man · Post by **G-man** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:15 pm

Rape/molestation affects both men and women. I've never thought that it affected either sex more or less, personally. I believe that statistics are somewhat inaccurate as it's rather difficult to determine exactly how prevalent it truly is, as many don't report such matters.

Victoria · Post by **Victoria** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 11:12 pm

Chockygirl;1199972 wrote:

Rape has little to do with sex and everything to do with power,and for some reason,some men think they have that right to violate a woman.

And,of course,we have those extra *special* charmers who rape children as well-girls and boys- they're not usually too fussy.

I've dealt with women and children who have been raped,and their stories make you cry from the anger and frustration that such atrocious acts occur.

I've accompanied women to court, where many times I've witnessed them *raped* again by the legal system.

Well said.. the reason many people dont report is because of the secondary trauma of the court case, in a lot of countries it is not the victim who is the accuser its the state/CPS so the victim beomes a witness and has to prove that the rape took place and prove that it was not consensual.

The victim's sexual history can be cross examined and making them look promiscuous is a common defence.

The way the victim dressed or where they were at the time of the offence can be used as a defence.

Rape is one of very few crimes where the mindset is that the victim in some way asked for or deserved to be victimized and it is the victim who must prove themselves to be above reproach.

There have been changes rape units and councillors are now widely used but until there has been a major re-working of the way rape is tried and sentanced then this will continue to be a largely un-reported crime.