Real Texan Looking for a Real Cowgirl

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 2:53 pm

I have been told that some people think that I am a reincarinated cowboy. The more I hear it, the more I believe them. I own 8 ranches down here in Texas. I am a multi-millionaire looking for a darling cowgirl (no motorcycle riders need to apply!) I also write books. You don't need to buy it, but to prove my point, the name of it is, 'Billy the Kid, His Real Name Was ....', Please don't buy it because I don't believe in spamming and that would be spamming, I think. In fact, I won't sell it to anyone that is a member of this forum. You are excluded from my customer list. Now, I can't stop you from buying it, but please don't say that you heard about it on this forum. OK? Deal?

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 2:55 pm

the "history" forum was a good place to post your personal ad. :yh_cowboy

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:08 pm

But, I like it here now! Please let me stay! I love you lady cop!:wah:

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:10 pm

texasjim wrote: But, I like it here now! Please let me stay! I love you lady cop!:wah:you are freaking hilarious! signed, the :yh_pig . but it's not my call. :p

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:27 pm

No! No! Please don't buy my book! You are going to get me in real trouble and millionaire Texas Cowboys don't like to be in trouble. I don't know who you are and don't tell me . I will not turn you in to that Lady Cop though. She's not fair. She judges you before she gets to know you. I'm in the outhouse, or hen house. or dog house, or whatever it is that you are put in when you get in trouble. Just put another post on this thread to say that you made a mistake saying you were going to buy my book. (just go out and get it, but if you are afraid, I'll send you a free one. OK?):wah:

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:28 pm

i Thought You Loved Me :-1

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:36 pm

How do you know it not Kinky himself? :wah:

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:46 pm

I'm kinky, but I am not Kinky. I am a REAL live Texas man, who enjoys life and having fun. I am going to run that Lady Law, or Cop, or Policewoman, or what ever she is down and tame her. Now, that ought to challenging!:-4

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:46 pm

Welcome Tex. Hope you like it here. Just to let you know, I'm NOT a cowgirl, or a girl cow.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:48 pm

texasjim wrote: I'm kinky, but I am not Kinky. I am a REAL live Texas man, who enjoys life and having fun. I am going to run that Lady Law, or Cop, or Policewoman, or what ever she is down and tame her. Now, that ought to challenging!:-4 :Dthere's only ONE man who can do that.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:57 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Jeez LC! You get all the guys.:rolleyes:it's only because they want to be patted down.

in detail. when i was in academy our LT. gave all the females hell for being shy about searching certain areas. i never had that problem. kind of like a doctor, keep professional and lift 'em.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:58 pm

lady cop wrote: it's only because they want to be patted down.

in detail. when i was in academy our LT. gave all the females hell for being shy about searching certain areas. i never had that problem. kind of like a doctor, keep professional and lift 'em.

Bodily??

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:59 pm

You gotta butter these Lady Cops up. Don't worry, it ain't serious yet. Now, about you ........?:-4

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:00 pm

texasjim wrote: You gotta butter these Lady Cops up. Don't worry, it ain't serious yet. Now, about you ........?:-4

You'd better not be lookin' at me buster.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:01 pm

texasjim wrote: You gotta butter these Lady Cops up. Don't worry, it ain't serious yet. Now, about you ........?:-4you talking to Open Mind? he's a guy. well that explains a lot. and OM, yes bodily, how else?

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:05 pm

lady cop wrote: you talking to Open Mind? he's a guy. well that explains a lot. and OM, yes bodily, how else?

Just wondered, LC. Thought you might use a fork lift for personal hygiene purposes.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:07 pm

OpenMind wrote: Just wondered, LC. Thought you might use a fork lift for personal hygiene purposes.:Dmost don't need a fork lift except in their fantasies, latex gloves work fine. :p

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:10 pm

lady cop wrote: most don't need a fork lift except in their fantasies, latex gloves work fine. :p

You mean to tell me that fork lifts feature in people's fantasies and latex gloves don't?

Now I know you're kidding me.:rolleyes:

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:11 pm

Well, he had a sexy name. I starred in 'Brokeback Mountain' and got sick. I just couldn't make myself kiss that guy. He was purdy, but for some reason, I have always enjoyed ladies.

Well it's been nice talkig to you all. I've been kicked off this forum for spamming. So, you all forget about my new book, 'Billy the Kid, His Real Name Was ...'. It's not for SALE.:-5

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:13 pm

Diuretic wrote: Now why is it that a female officer can search a male prisoner but a male officer can't search a female prisoner? because of the potential for sexual accusations. it's not equitable, but it's smart policy. the men never complain a female officer molested them.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:13 pm

I think it's time somebody made a few phone calls... we oughta be able

to get Jim oh, say, 3 hots and a cot somewhere? And maybe TINY as a

"roomate"?

Free taxi included...

:D

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:14 pm

texasjim wrote: Well, he had a sexy name. I starred in 'Brokeback Mountain' and got sick. I just couldn't make myself kiss that guy. He was purdy, but for some reason, I have always enjoyed ladies.

Well it's been nice talkig to you all. I've been kicked off this forum for spamming. So, you all forget about my new book, 'Billy the Kid, His Real Name Was ...'. It's not for SALE.:-5what are you talking about? you're not banned.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:15 pm

lady cop wrote: because of the potential for sexual accusations. it's not equitable, but it's smart policy. the men never complain a female officer molested them.

That's probably because female officers don't give males that pleasure.:sneaky:

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:24 pm

A Fork Lift????

Latex Gloves?????

And you Snooze..... HI JIM?????? I am DYING..

He is going to TAME LC/ This is unbelievable!!!!

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:26 pm

weeder wrote: A Fork Lift????

Latex Gloves?????

And you Snooze..... HI JIM?????? I am DYING..

He is going to TAME LC/ This is unbelievable!!!!NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS :wah:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 8:39 am

Dear millionaire Texas Jim. Wow ! That is so cool that you write books. Its also very cool that your a millionaire rancher from Texas. Its also totally way cool the debonair way you have with women. If I could reinvent myself I would be a debonair millionaire, author Texas rancher. As it is reality for me is nothing like that. Im not a total lost cause though, oh who am I kidding, yes I am.

You have set the bar and the bar is beyond my reach. I accept that.

Need me to scoop some poop and mend some fences ?

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 8:41 am

I thought you were going to do limbo with that pole for a minute, Nomad..............

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:47 pm

I don't hire pooper scoopers. I just let it lie in the pasture to refertilize them. I did always want to crossbreed my cows with a stud to see what was hatched and you do sound like a stud. And, you wouldn't be a loser anymore. If you do well, I'll move you up to my goats. Maybe we could hatch our own billie the kid.

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:52 pm

Chonsigirl, Nomad needs help. Can you help him? He seems to have lost his way in life. He sounds like a guy who wants to sit on his a** and wish for everything. He doesn't realize that it takes hard work and dedication to achieve something and be a financial success. He thinks I write books for a living. I write books for a hobby sign onto forums to heckle men and flirt with the women.:-6

.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 12:53 pm

jIM! YOU SAID YOU LOVE ME!! I AM CRUSHED BEYOND RECOGNITION. :yh_cry

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:01 pm

lady cop wrote: jIM! YOU SAID YOU LOVE ME!! I AM CRUSHED BEYOND RECOGNITION. :yh_cry

CBR!! :yh_rotfl

(Wait, thought it was FUBAR?)

:D

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:05 pm

texasjim wrote: (no motorcycle riders need to apply!)
Don't flatter yourself, Jimmy, you couldn't handle me.

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:07 pm

Now Lady Cop, Hold on there. Don't get too upset. I like coming to this forum every once and a while to see what I might run into. You got some great people , but you do have a few doosies (spelling). If I can't spell right, maybe I should tried some smaller, simpler words, maybe like weidos or losers. Naw, they are OK. They just don't know how to communicate well. They think they have to be sarcastic and belittling to make some points. Nomad may be beyond help, but I don't give up easy. He does say something every once in a while that makes sense; I think.:-5

.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:08 pm

texasjim wrote: Chonsigirl, Nomad needs help. Can you help him? He seems to have lost his way in life. He sounds like a guy who wants to sit on his a** and wish for everything. He doesn't realize that it takes hard work and dedication to achieve something and be a financial success. He thinks I write books for a living. I write books for a hobby sign onto forums to heckle men and flirt with the women.:-6

.
Oh, Nomad is a good guy and a cool thinker, but you got the woman thinking!:)

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:11 pm

Red Ryder, I am not trying to flatter myself, especially with you. I figure a lady that rides a motorcylce would be too tough for me to handle. I would probably have to adopt her motorcylce and even ride the darn thing. I believe could handle a wild bronco a lot easier.:-5

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:17 pm

texasjim wrote: Red Ryder, I am not trying to flatter myself, especially with you. I figure a lady that rides a motorcylce would be too tough for me to handle. I would probably have to adopt her motorcylce and even ride the darn thing. I believe could handle a wild bronco a lot easier.:-5

You get anywhere near my bike and you'll find a 9 mm in your face. You try to ride it, and your braking foot will be shot. Sorry 'bout your luck.

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:32 pm

Now valerie, If you are going to pick on me, use Texan because I don't understand sign language. What the heck is CBR? It has to be a low blow or you would have said it in Texan. When I say low blow, I don't mean blow low, you know like what our great President Clinton did in that round room on the people's property. But, remember that was not sex and has nothing to do with sex. He said, "I never had sex with that woman." All the adults didn't believe him, but our kids believed him and now that is routine among a lot of them. During his term of Presidency, this country's morals went from an all time high, down to the gutter.

And, there are some people who wants his wife to become our President. How can they even consider that? She stuck her finger in our face and said , "this is just a right-wing conspiracy going after my honorable and truthful husband." And, then we elect an honorable and religious man as our President, and he is a liar and a weido. He lied about the Iraq War, orchestrated the 9/11 attacks, and even caused Katrina. But, Gore invented the internet, so what? That's enough politics. I hate politics. Why am I talking about politics?:-5 :wah:

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:36 pm

Clancy, This is my normal life. I want people to know who I am because I don't consider myself any better than anyone on this forum. I'm just one of the guys. I'll talk to anyone, anytime. Bring it on!:D

texasjim · Post by **texasjim** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:38 pm

Low Rider, Now, I feel better! Your threats don't bother me. I just thought you might try to make me ride it. Thanks! I'm relieved!:D

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 1:50 pm

texasjim wrote: Low Rider, Now, I feel better! Your threats don't bother me. I just thought you might try to make me ride it. Thanks! I'm relieved!:D
Nope, no low-riders here, bonehead. A Honda 1100 and a Suzuki 450GS.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 2:32 pm

Teejay, didn't pick on you at all. If you'll take a look at that post again,

I quoted Lady Cop. She said "Crushed Beyond Recognition" that's where

the CBR came from.

FUBAR, to put it gently, is Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition. I was

trying to make a funny, and apparently failing miserably.

I don't speak Texian anyways.

Well, coupla words, maybe.

Longhorn.

;)

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sun Apr 23, 2006 2:34 pm

valerie wrote: FUBAR, to put it gently, is Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition. I was trying to make a funny, and apparently failing miserably.
Nope, you didn't. I got it right away!