I have heard of modern blood drinking cults that consider themselves "vampyres", apparently there's a big underground movement of vampires in New York...watch out Jack Sprat. Absolutely had to share it when I discovered tonight - they have a support line website! Vampires from all over the world can now link up at www.sanguinarius.org and whine about their everyday problems. "Just lost another donor. It's hard to just stay friends with them." "Coach won't let me wear sunglasses when I play football".
These, from the sounds of it, kids, actually believe they are vampires...luckily there's an ad at the top of the page directing them on how to buy realistic fangs. Guess they don't grow them like they used to. :wah: :wah: Ooooh. Bet I'll get bitten for that one.
Vampires alive and not so well
Vampires alive and not so well
koan wrote: I have heard of modern blood drinking cults that consider themselves "vampyres", apparently there's a big underground movement of vampires in New York...watch out Jack Sprat. Absolutely had to share it when I discovered tonight - they have a support line website! Vampires from all over the world can now link up at www.sanguinarius.org and whine about their everyday problems. "Just lost another donor. It's hard to just stay friends with them." "Coach won't let me wear sunglasses when I play football".
These, from the sounds of it, kids, actually believe they are vampires...luckily there's an ad at the top of the page directing them on how to buy realistic fangs. Guess they don't grow them like they used to. :wah: :wah: Ooooh. Bet I'll get bitten for that one.
It's just so tough nowadays for our vampire youngsters. We adults just don't understand.
These, from the sounds of it, kids, actually believe they are vampires...luckily there's an ad at the top of the page directing them on how to buy realistic fangs. Guess they don't grow them like they used to. :wah: :wah: Ooooh. Bet I'll get bitten for that one.
It's just so tough nowadays for our vampire youngsters. We adults just don't understand.
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Vampires alive and not so well
I just had to come back and re-visit this thread! This deserves some jokes attached. I hope that's okay with you Koan!
TOP 10 COMPLAINTS OF MODERN-DAY VAMPIRES
10. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from undead.
9. Three words: Daylight Savings Time
8. Can't enjoy a meal at BURGER KING without some redneck
yelling, "Look...it's Elvis!!"
7. After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find
clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
6. No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
5. All the crucifix-wearing Madonna clones make finding easy victims
difficult.
4. No warm blood for miles around DC.
3. Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."
2. Fat-free blood tastes like crap!
AND THE #1 COMPLAINT OF MODERN-DAY VAMPIRES:
1. Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards!
THE PROS & CONS OF DATING A VAMPIRE*
Pro
-----------
Long relationships
Allowed to stay out late
Easy weight loss
Centuries of experience
Immune to all diseases
Always has amazing stamina
Loves neck nibbling
Rarely interested in arguing religion
Never comes home with garlic breath
Doesn't snore; sleeps like the dead
Con
-----------
You always feel tired (loss of blood)
Kissing can be lethal
Monogamy is a problem
Always has cold feet and hands
Pet names that give you chills
Strange friends
Giggles at funerals
Hard to win an argument
May forget own strength
What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel.
Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.
Why was the vampire so grumpy when he first woke up?
He woke too early in the mourning.
What's fast food to a vampire?
Someone with HIGH blood pressure.
Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
Because people are dying to get in.
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
To see if she was his type.
What do you get if you meet a vampire on the coldest night of the year?
Frost-bite.
How do vampires begin letters?
Tomb it may concern.
Why do vampires never get divorced?
They prefer to bury their problems.
Three vampires went into a bar and
sat down. The barmaid came over to
take their orders. "And what would
you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"
The first vampire said, "I'll have a
mug of blood." The second vampire
said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The third vampire shook his head at
his companions and said, "I will have
a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order,
went to the bar and called to the
bartender,
"Two bloods and a blood light."
A vampire bat came flapping in from
the night covered in fresh blood and
parked himself on the roof of the
cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats
smelled the blood and began hassling
him about where he got it.
He told them to knock it off and let
him get some sleep but they persisted
until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me," he said and flew out
of the cave with hundreds of bats
behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the
other bats excitedly milled around
him.
"Now, do you see that tree over
there?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all
screamed in a frenzy.
"Good," said the first bat, "Because
I DIDN'T!"
TOP 10 COMPLAINTS OF MODERN-DAY VAMPIRES
10. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from undead.
9. Three words: Daylight Savings Time
8. Can't enjoy a meal at BURGER KING without some redneck
yelling, "Look...it's Elvis!!"
7. After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find
clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
6. No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
5. All the crucifix-wearing Madonna clones make finding easy victims
difficult.
4. No warm blood for miles around DC.
3. Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."
2. Fat-free blood tastes like crap!
AND THE #1 COMPLAINT OF MODERN-DAY VAMPIRES:
1. Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards!
THE PROS & CONS OF DATING A VAMPIRE*
Pro
-----------
Long relationships
Allowed to stay out late
Easy weight loss
Centuries of experience
Immune to all diseases
Always has amazing stamina
Loves neck nibbling
Rarely interested in arguing religion
Never comes home with garlic breath
Doesn't snore; sleeps like the dead
Con
-----------
You always feel tired (loss of blood)
Kissing can be lethal
Monogamy is a problem
Always has cold feet and hands
Pet names that give you chills
Strange friends
Giggles at funerals
Hard to win an argument
May forget own strength
What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel.
Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.
Why was the vampire so grumpy when he first woke up?
He woke too early in the mourning.
What's fast food to a vampire?
Someone with HIGH blood pressure.
Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
Because people are dying to get in.
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
To see if she was his type.
What do you get if you meet a vampire on the coldest night of the year?
Frost-bite.
How do vampires begin letters?
Tomb it may concern.
Why do vampires never get divorced?
They prefer to bury their problems.
Three vampires went into a bar and
sat down. The barmaid came over to
take their orders. "And what would
you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"
The first vampire said, "I'll have a
mug of blood." The second vampire
said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The third vampire shook his head at
his companions and said, "I will have
a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order,
went to the bar and called to the
bartender,
"Two bloods and a blood light."
A vampire bat came flapping in from
the night covered in fresh blood and
parked himself on the roof of the
cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats
smelled the blood and began hassling
him about where he got it.
He told them to knock it off and let
him get some sleep but they persisted
until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me," he said and flew out
of the cave with hundreds of bats
behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the
other bats excitedly milled around
him.
"Now, do you see that tree over
there?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all
screamed in a frenzy.
"Good," said the first bat, "Because
I DIDN'T!"
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Vampires alive and not so well
Glad you're having fun.
A couple of eye rolling groaners in there, though.
Of course I don't mind! :-6 (I'm not a vampire)
A couple of eye rolling groaners in there, though.
Of course I don't mind! :-6 (I'm not a vampire)