casey
casey
:-3 :-3 "1hairdoc@comcast.net Hi everyone, I'm Casey new at this site
casey
hello and welcome...why did you put this in warfare forum?
casey
hey you are welcome here! just type away! ...hair doc? can you help me? i have long black hair and need a bob....i look like a witch....
casey
Can l just say she does not look like a witch, l heve rather alot of long dark curly hair myself1
take a bite out of life it's there to be tasted!!
casey
Hiya Casey pleased to meet you,......post away x
casey
hey casey don't over do the caffine too much you'll end up with the shakes!1 and that will cause some serious typos1:wah:
take a bite out of life it's there to be tasted!!
casey
:-5 :-1 i really need all the advice you all can give me, please help me. i have an adult son 27 yrs. old living home with my husband and i. he can't keep a job, and he's been living home with us for 25 out of 27 yrs. He moved in with a girlfriend for 2 yrs. it did't workout out so he moved bach home with us. We told him he had to work. He doesn't have a car anymore so my husband and i told him he didn't have to give us room and board just as long as he saved for a car. We have given him every opportunity and plenty of time to get his life together. He's lost all respect for us and there's lots of tension in my house. Well labor day weekend he and my husband had a huge fight, police came and my husband had him removed from our house.What can i do? i'm so worried for him, my sister was here labor day weekend. She saw it all happen and said he needed to be removed from our house that he mooched off us enough and he had to make it on his own. i know everyone is right about this but he doesn't have anywhere to stay, no money, and no car he's basically homeless almost. He's staying at my sisters till Tuesday then he's out on the street!!! All i do is cry about him, my husband is a wonderful man, it's Jays stepdad but he said he is not putting up with him anymore. ifear for my son, he has no one but me. His dad and brother both passed away. i'm so desperate!
casey
That truly sucks for you, Casey. I'm sorry you have to be going through this. Are you ready for some cold, hard advice, and not a pat on the hand? Because all you'll get here is what people really think, and sometimes it's tough to swallow. None of it will lack compassion, but it will be difficult to read. Folks here are pretty free with their advice, and their opinions of adult children still living with their parents.
I'll tell you what I really think, but only if you're sure you want to hear it.
I'll tell you what I really think, but only if you're sure you want to hear it.
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
casey
:-5 :-1 Hi babyrider, thank you so much for your reply. YES i need to hear objective point of views. please give me your advice i am at my wits end. i am a softy i always let my heart rule my mind. i need all the advice i can get. i also lost my oldest son, he was murdered. so after the pain of losing him believe me i can handle anything, i am really desperate. My son Jay is also very depressed but won't seek help. We've done everything we can do. i have to hear the truth about what i should or shouldn't do no matter how much it hurts. Tough love right?
casey
They say that Hindsight is 20-20 Casey, but it appears that a Tough Love Approach was needed many years back with your son. He's not likely to change given his present age and if he has no respect for you and your husband having him in your household would make three people miserable. Having him out of your house would make two people miserable.
casey
Yes ma'am, tough love is exactly right. Your son is 27. He is a full-grown adult who is responsible for himself, or at least should be. Unless he is forced to hold himself accountable for his own life, and stop sponging off his parents, he will continue to rely on your giving him everything he needs. Isn't one of the responsibilities of a parent to raise a productive member of society? How can he learn that if you continue to rescue him from every situation? He will never learn to be self-reliant, he will never be a MAN.
Please believe me when I say that I know full well the guilt associated with raising your kids. It comes with the job. But. If you continue to allow your boy to depend only on you to take care of everything, to bail him out at every turn, he will expect it as his due for his whole life, and then, when you're gone, what will he do? Wouldn't you rather see him making his own way and being responsible for himself before that?
It's the hardest thing you will ever do, I guarantee it, especially with the loss of your other son, but it is VITAL. Not important, not neccessary, VITAL and IMPERATIVE. You are doing him no favors by allowing him to rely only on you and not himself, and it sounds to me like you already know it. You just need to hear other people say it, as I'm positive others will.
We want the best for our kids, right? The best for your son is to learn, even if it's the hard way, that he cannot depend on mom and dad for everything. Help him when you can, of course, help him find a job, help him set up a bank account, you don't have to cut him out, but you do have to take the upper hand and FORCE him to be independent. You know, deep down that what is best is for him to become self-sufficient. Making that happen will not be pretty, or easy or fun, for any of you. But it is what's best for HIM. He will thank you for it, eventually.
My heart goes out to you. Nothing tears up a parent more than these kinds of brutal life lessons. But you can do it. And so can he.
Please believe me when I say that I know full well the guilt associated with raising your kids. It comes with the job. But. If you continue to allow your boy to depend only on you to take care of everything, to bail him out at every turn, he will expect it as his due for his whole life, and then, when you're gone, what will he do? Wouldn't you rather see him making his own way and being responsible for himself before that?
It's the hardest thing you will ever do, I guarantee it, especially with the loss of your other son, but it is VITAL. Not important, not neccessary, VITAL and IMPERATIVE. You are doing him no favors by allowing him to rely only on you and not himself, and it sounds to me like you already know it. You just need to hear other people say it, as I'm positive others will.
We want the best for our kids, right? The best for your son is to learn, even if it's the hard way, that he cannot depend on mom and dad for everything. Help him when you can, of course, help him find a job, help him set up a bank account, you don't have to cut him out, but you do have to take the upper hand and FORCE him to be independent. You know, deep down that what is best is for him to become self-sufficient. Making that happen will not be pretty, or easy or fun, for any of you. But it is what's best for HIM. He will thank you for it, eventually.
My heart goes out to you. Nothing tears up a parent more than these kinds of brutal life lessons. But you can do it. And so can he.
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
casey
:-5 Lon, thanks for your reply. being a mom is so hard. When my son Jay was 3 his dad died suddenly, then his older brother was brutally murdered. He was my only child left and i felt so bad for him. You're right! i should have done this yrs. ago considering he lost his dad, and brotheri guess i just felt so bad for him and i believed he would get his life together one day. i now know i did more harm then good. He is up in VT. with my sister right now. She said he should get a job there, and try it out for awhile but he won't. He's taking a bus back here on Tues. to go to court. He and my husband had a huge fight last wk. and he pushed my husband, so he called the police and had him removed from our house. All of your replies are needed very much, Please help me, God Bless all of you, i can't thank you enough.
casey
:-1 :-5 Hi babyrider, i can't thank you enough for your advice. You are so right on all you have said. i have to stick to my guns no matter how much it kills me for his sake! He'll be back here to go to court on Tues. Yes deep down inside i know this has to be for him to get a life. It probably hurts me more then it does him. He has options, i have a sister in VT. that's where he is now, he can try it out there, and he also has family in Wisc. He can make a new start in both states but that's up to him. Everyone is telling me he has to hit rockbottom, to realize there is no easy way out anymore. Mom isn't going to be there to pick him up anymore. He'll be back here on Tues. for court then he'll most likely have to go to a shelter. This reality if he goes there will surely tear him up as we live down the Jersey Shore in a modest house on the water in which he had his own room, tv, computer, etc. The reason i am saying all this is because he'll be going from having all this to having NOTHING. I have to be brutally honest guys i'm afraid he might do something stupid. i can only hope and pray he finally wakes up and takes full responsibility for himself! He's not a stupid person, he's very bright in a lot of ways. All i can do now is hope and pray he can make it on his own. All your replies are truly needed. God Bless all of you.1 Thank you for your comments, i will keep you all in my Prayers.
casey
DEAR LON, YOU SAID I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS YEARS AGO. WELL 8 YRS. AGO I HAD TO BURY MY OLDEST SON. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE JUDGING ME. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BURY YOUR HUSBAND AT 26 WITH 2 LITTLE BABIES TO CARE FOR. mY KIDS WERE MY WHOLE LIFE. I WORKED VERY HARD TO RAISE THEM ALONE AND I TAUGHT THEM ALL THE RIGHT THINGS IN LIFE, MANNERS,EMPATHY, WORK HARD, ETC. THEN IN 1997 MY SON WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED. I KNOW AND I BELIEVE PEOPLE CAN CHANGE I HAVE SEEN IT. YOU SAID IT'S UNLIKLY MY SON WILL DUE TO HIS AGE, BALONEY!! NEGATIVE REPLIES LIKE YOURS I CAN SURELY DO WITHOUT! WITHOUT HOPE WE HAVE NOTHING LON!! THANKS ANYWAY!!!!1
casey
Casey----------You have addressed two posts to me and I am not sure which one is meant for me. If it's the one in CAPS, no I am not judging you at all. If your son has no respect for you, how is it possibe that it will change. Will he change or you, or both? We all have to make tough choices some times and I do not envy the choices you will be making. I hope what ever choices you make, you will find some happiness.