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OpenMind
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Today, there is a special reminder on my calender. On the 29th February 2008, my daughter recognised me straight away for the first time when I went to visit her. She was just over 6 months old. It was a while longer before she recognised me after a 2-week break when her grandparents went away.

This might not seem much for some people, but for me, it was an emotional moment.:-4:-4
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To my daughter, Arabella Arlette, I think of you every day of my life. I will never forsake you.

I love you and you are forever in my heart even if I cannot be with you.

My pride and joy.
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Oh. The fruck and the frack and this and that and whatever else pisses you off.
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Today, it was my greatest delight to witness the appearance of ruby red buds against the backdrop of the Henry Moore museum. Spring has cometh.
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My avatar is so exemplary of how I feel towards my daughter. Why can't real life be like this?
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Last Friday, my contract came to an end. This was no sooner than I expected but sooner than I'd hoped. I've spent the day working out my cash-flow for the next few weeks as it's unusual to get any contracts this time of year before April. It's going to be very tight.

2009. I hope things start turning around for me this year. I want to retrain but it all costs money and I don't have that. Sometimes, for the last couple of years, I feel as though I have no option but to go with the flow.

My daughter is constantly on my mind. I know she is in good hands. But I miss her. I doubt she's given me a thought, bless her. She has such a busy day having fun. One day I hope she'll meet the rest of her family. All in good time.:-6

I keep faith.
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Well, I've had to have two important repairs done to the car today. I'm totally broke now and my account has gone into the 'reserve zone'. Luckily, I get paid on Friday for last week's work. Luckier still, I've got a short contract starting on Monday. So, I'll only be a week down. It might only be for a couple of weeks but hopefully, some major contracts will come up next month.

I've decided to take a trip out to Ilkley Moor tomorrow as I need the fresh air and exercise and if the weather's anything like today it'll be rather resplendent. A flask of tea and some sarnies. Very nice.
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It feels like any aeon but tomorrow, I see my daughter again. I feel ecstatic.

I wonder if she'll recognise me. I've grown a beard to save on razors.



Can any one here imagine what it feels like to only be able to see your baby for a few hours each week.



The bonding hasn't worked. She has never been given the chance to bond with me properly.



I don't deny that there is a lot of resentment towards the mother. I have given her two years to come to the table and she won't. She treats me like a leper and refuses to see how this will effect our daughter. There is a lot of hypocrisy here. Talk of love and compassion and all that stuff and working towards a friendship. Lies.



Her recent announcement that she is getting married was a surprise. Without any invite on my part, her betrothed emailed me. Clearly, I have no privacy where they are concerned. But it became clear through these emails that the father of her other three children was privy to the knowledge that they were to get married. Why am I treated so indifferently?

The only lesson I gain from this is that I should have been violent. It seems that women only respect violence.

But I am unable to be such a man.

In the meantime, I have to fend for my daughter.
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Today is my daughter's birthday. My thoughts have been with her all day and I hope she has enjoyed her day.

Even so, the more I think of her, the more it hurts that I cannot be with her on her birthday (yet again). To me, this feels so wrong and it hurts deeply.:-1
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Someday, Perhaps...a Hope for a New Decade | Healthy and Green Living

Someday, Perhaps…a Hope for a New Decade

posted by Dave Chameides Dec 29, 2009 11:01 am

filed under: Conscious Consumer, Conservation, Family Life, Health & Wellness, Healthy Home, Nature & Wildlife, New Year, News & Issues, Reduce, Recycle & Reuse, Sustainable Dave, Transportation

Someday, perhaps, all newly built homes will be required to generate their own power on site.

Someday, perhaps, public transportation will be the norm everywhere and private transportation a thing of the past.

Someday, perhaps, people will realize that our parents taught us how to act when we were children, and didn’t say that would change if we became wealthy.

Someday, perhaps, products that are sold publicly will contain lifecycle information so individuals can determine what the real cost of an item is and make truly informed decisions.

Someday, perhaps, success will be determined on the basis of how much we have helped society rather than how much we have acquired or how large our bank accounts are.

Someday, perhaps, people will realize that there is no “them,” that we are all “them” and they are all “us.”

Someday, perhaps, environmental education will be a part of every school system and children will graduate knowing that conserving resources and living with a lighter footprint are the only way to live.

Someday, perhaps, we will judge unique ideas not based on their right left or center leanings, but simply on whether or not they make logical sense and are intended to further the common good.

Someday, perhaps, all governments will have a Department of Peace to counteract and potentially make unnecessary their Department’s of War.

Someday, perhaps, we’ll look back and realize all the energy we used fighting over Global Warming would have been better spent bringing a renewable energy future to fruition.

Someday, perhaps, politicians will recognize that we are truly all created equal, and that that doesn’t change once we earn more money.

Someday, perhaps, my wife will realize that I didn’t lose the house keys, and that they will eventually show up like they always do.

Someday, perhaps, all governments will truly be by the people, of the people, and most especially, for ALL the people.

Someday, perhaps, a forward thinking city will ban plastic packaging all together and put it on the corporations to figure out what they want to do instead.

Someday, perhaps, public welfare will trump personal gain.

Someday, perhaps, the people will lead and the “leaders” will follow.

Someday, perhaps, all products we choose to use will be made locally and recycled completely.

Someday, perhaps, people will recognize that some “food” isn’t really food at all.

Someday, perhaps, our happiness will not be determined by what we buy, but by who we are.

Someday, perhaps, gasoline pump prices will be determined by the mpg of the car being filled up with less efficient vehicles paying more while more efficient vehicles would pay less.

Someday, perhaps, my children will wonder why anyone would have ever paid for energy let alone fought for it.

Someday, perhaps, all people will recognize that diversity is good and not to be feared, the ideas are a blessing and not a curse, and that all people throughout the world have value, even if their beliefs differ from our own.

Someday, perhaps…..
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The work I do to make a living is seldom advertised. No special qualifications are needed because the companies that employ me have people who have the relevant qualifications to qualify the end product. However, knowledge and experience is very important.

Becoming a panel wirer is initially achieved by word of mouth. Thereafter, you build your own reputation using all the tricks of the trade. The system used for selecting panel wirers is not necessarily based on workmanship and is often based on advertisement – good or bad. Occasionally, I have come across companies that look for quality of workmanship and with those companies, I have excelled. Mostly. Of course, I have come across clashes of character also. Such as those that expect you to use your own initiative but criticise everything you do when you’ve used it. Nonetheless, as a trade, it is an ongoing one.

Over the course of the last 30 years, this is how I have made my living – jumping between panel and machine wiring and telecomms work.

Telecommunications is the trade I trained up in. I did a full three year apprenticeship in this with Post Office Telecommunications in the London North Central area. Unfortunately, I found the work so boring, so mundane, that when I met up with a fellow telecomms guy who had just got a rock band together, in my second year of training, my interest in telecomms waned to the point of failure. My training officer did not understand.
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Working as a panel wirer, I found an industry full of ‘cowboys’. How these people got into the business, I’m not sure, except that they had the gift of the gab. I, For my part, had to learn new techniques to what I had learned as a telecomms apprentice. Though the knowledge for both was pretty much the same.

Over the years, I switched between the two and was able to observe the technological advances in telecomms as well as industrial control systems.

By the end of the 80s, as my reputation improved, I rarely found myself out of work. This fact became a constant even when I took a couple of career breaks during the 90s. It was hard not to be in work and this remained so until this year.



One of the many reasons I moved to Yorkshire was on the basis that I would be able to leave this industry and begin developing my own interests. This was an agreement and, as such, a binding one which I could have sued for if the agreement was broken. When the agreement did break down, I initially believed that I was the cause of it. It was another 9 months before I realised the truth and the real reason why it broke down. In fact, it didn’t break down, it was torn up and ripped apart in front of my very eyes. But it was done in a very clever and subtle manner so as to put the finger of blame on me. But, that’s another story.



For the last three years or so, I have continued and managed as a panel wirer, in spite of being in a completely different part of the country. I have had to work up the price scales again and there is evidence of more price controlling on the part of the agencies compared to down south. Nonetheless, I managed to keep my head above water. Until now!



In 2004, petrol prices were about 84/5p per litre. Today, they are £1.08 per litre.



Food and weekly shopping prices have risen similarly though wages have not. Though there is no evidence, the economy has been falsely inflated with excessive currency production and counterfeit currency.



My last job as a panel wirer was last December. Thanks to that job, I was able to buy some Christmas presents for my daughter. This was through an agency that doesn’t normally provide for the panel wiring industry. So, if I discount the last job, my last job in the regular panel wiring industry was last November.
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Today, I find myself in an unbearable situation. This is exacerbated by the pension I receive from BT. Paid quarterly, it is now worth about £55 per week. This is deducted from what I receive from the Jobcentre. It leaves me in the unenviable position of being unable to pay my bills and rent.

My rent is due to be paid in two days’ time. I do not have the funds. By the end of this month, I expect to be evicted.



So, once again, I will be unable to visit my Internet community and friends. Worse, those of my possessions that survived the soot and water as the result of the fire at the end of last May at my last place, will be discarded as refuse after my landlord repossesses his property. This includes those items of great sentimental value. I will be unable to acquire a council property because the council do not rehouse people who are evicted for not being able to pay the rent.



Nonetheless, I will invoke the law on behalf of my daughter if needs be to ensure her right to visit me is fulfilled. That will be the first thing I will attend to on the day I am evicted.
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I don’t have much left to sell. Most of everything I have has been stained with water and soot. My albums, books, even my Encyclopaedia Brittanica. I had a set of beautifully crafted porcelain birds of prey and I have a lot of respect for the un-named fireman who placed the broken pieces back into its box.



Never mind. At least I survived that day. Though certain aspects of that day reek of arson. I can’t prove it though. I was asleep when it started and was awoken by the firemen at 4:30 in the morning.
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As things go, this may be my last chance to post on FG.

Forum Garden is the first Internet forum I became a member of. I made many friends here. It is the forum through which I met the mother of my daughter. I have no regrets with this forum.

Let me say a few words about my daughter. I am not particularly child oriented. I have only ever tolerated children in small doses - mainly because they are such gripey people. They are like little old people.

I have never known a child like my daughter. Maybe I am biased because she's my daughter - but I don't think so. She is benign and generally content. If she ever does get the whinge up, I've only to look at her in a certain way and she's laughing again. She is as content to sit on my lap for hours on end as she is to be playing. She loves a sing song and London Bridge in particular (she loves the last line - "My fair Lady"). Her memory is as sharp as a knife. She can wrap me around her finger, yet she knows when I mean what I say. She never asks "What can I do", she goes and does it instead.

The day I turned 50, I resigned myself to the fact that I was never meant to have children and at the age of 50, it would be unfair on the child. I am still conscious of that fact but I could not have asked for a better child than Arabella.

I want her to have the happy childhood memories that I was denied. Though, under the circumstances, I can only wish this.

I guess that it's fair to say that she's important to me. I just wish I could be more of a father for her.
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It might be that something may yet turn up in my favour. Just the same, on the basis that it doesn’t, I would like to remember those with whom I shared an honest to good online friendship.



ArnoldLayne (Snowfire), Raven, Voodoo, Odie, Spiderlily, Rapunzel, Oscar, Kathy Ellen, Uncle Kram, Cherandbuster, Bryn Mawr, qsducks, buttercup, Uncle Fester, SuzyB, Fuzzy Butt, Nomad, Kayleneaussie, Jester (Far Rider), Dubs, Amber Sun, Bez.

Carla. A very special lady. I still have my beard, though it's whiter than it was.



Those on my daughter’s mother’s side. I shared a good friendship and dialogue with them until things went tits up. I won’t mention their names as I am sure they no longer want the association. Pride and prejudice and all that.



Pinkchick with whom I share a daily dialogue. Without whom I would be truly insane and lost already.



And, of special memory and fondness, Minks. I had my first virtual dance on FG with this wonderful woman. There are a lot of things I cannot put into words without rewriting the rule book.



God bless you all. You have all meant so much to me – through thick and thin – from the day I first joined.



Thank you, Forum Garden, for putting up with me.



Though I have not posted much of late, being my first, I have a special fondness for you.
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This won't be my last post here just yet.

If things work out or if they don't, I'll let you know either way.
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Update.

Yesterday, I received a housing benefit payment. Apparently, the claim was dealt with very quickly and my local friends were very surprised at how quickly it was sorted out.

The actual amount I am to be paid each month is £10 short of my rent but I have another month to look for work. I am very lucky.

This weekend, I shall be looking at all my bills and other financial commitments and seeing what I can do about those.

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