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Helen
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Post by Helen »

ive sat here several times tonight and attempted to put things down in words !! but when you get accused of being a drama queen................ the wall goes up again and everything gets buried once more !!!
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

had to renew me subscription for FG today,

god knows why !! think i must be in invisible mode or something !!!!!
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

having a few days doing some theraputic gardening at my daughters now, in other words im still blocking out the fact im going to have to do something about my housing situation !!! very soon.

its getting to the point where my youngest is going to step in and have a go at my landlord because, despite repeated requests, they still wont write me a letter, explaining the situation, to my local council housing association.

she dosnt mince her words im afraid..................

only got four weeks left now so god knows where im going to end up or who with............

got a feeling it could be in another bedsit with drunks,druggies and late night partys !!! at least where i am now i know my very few belongings i have left are safe and wont be stolen and sold for drug money !!!!!
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

im really sorry if there are any local authority council people, who are in charge of allocating housing to people, reading this but for gods sake get yer ruddy act together and at least have the decency to find out what other members of your staff are doing before handing out false or mis leading information to people who are about to be made homeless :-5

if your rules have changed, how the devil are ordinary folk supposed to know unless you tell us.

this has been one of the worst days of my life.............. how would you feel if all you thought was going to happen to you in 5wks time was that you were going to be turned out on the street with no hope for anything.

my situation is NOT my fault, my hubby didnt die on purpose to cause you trouble so a little more understanding from someone who is going home at the end of a days work to a safe and secure enviroment would be very helpful !!!!!!!!!!!!!



it was once suggested by someone on FOCERS to type your feelings out on here and even if you didnt post it, it would make you feel better, wells she was right and im still gonna post it anyway !!!
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

i have been let down VERY BADLY by one of the junior members of my family this week.

how she could do this to me is totally beneath my understanding.

everything i have "down sized " from here before i move out has been given to her, ive taken her out, bought her drinks and food, paid for taxis to get her home and she does what she did to me.

im gutted, totally destroyed right now.................... and right at this moment, im tempted to say to hell with the bloody council and family and everything else and move to where i was asked to go in the first place.

i dont need this........................

perhaps i could post a new profile piccy on here and some of you could check to see if ive got something tattooed on my fore head that makes people treat me like they do !!!
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

more boxes packed, more stuff thrown out. im really not going to have anything left before long.

got an appointment with the "homeless persons " officer tomorrow !!! that looks scarey now ive actually writen it down............. been told already im to be expected to re home or put my dog to sleep.

how have they got the right to do that ???? its not his fault............ or mine ,come to that.

they even allow pets in old peoples homes these days cos the stress of parting with them devastates their owners. WTF do they think it does to people like myself ??

ive been told its highly unlikely that the council will re home me for at least SEVEN YEARS !!! because of all the people who have had their houses re posessed. while i know how bad that is for them, i have already been on the housing list for nearly 4yrs already so why should i take second place after all that time ???

dont think i did my chances much good when i said all id need by then was a hole in the ground to bury me in and even the council couldnt deny me that !!

ive fallen out with two members of my immediate family. i dont want them to solve my problems............. i just want someone to talk to now and again so i dont feel so bloody alone.

as one of them said last time i was going through this, if she dosnt help me move then she wont have to see me go and get upset by it. excuse me ???? what does she think its doing to me ??

i know that ive damaged or broken a small bone in my foot again cos the pain is awful so its strapped up. im off my face on pain killers cos i just cant afford to be put in plaster and on crutches again for 6wks.

oh well, ive had me moaning session................... onward and upward........... at least ive got the black rap music from upstairs to keep me company while im feelin sorry for meself !!!
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

been to view a couple of places so far, have actually applied for eleven. four are council propertys so will have to wait til next weekend or after to see if im lucky.

got two to see on monday and tuesday. one im pretty sure i might be able to get. its in a really pretty location BUT its a block of former holiday lets so im not sure how the heating will work, thats usually pretty expensive and its right next door to a riding stable so i might just have another shot at riding while i can still get me leg over so to speak :o:wah:

i will only have a few yards to walk in either direction and the dog will have more freedom than he's been used to for a very long time.

sadly he is the reason ive been turned down for several places too but im not givin up on him.

one would actually take him but NOT me cos i smoke !! at least i know he will have his own flat even if i cant get one !!!:D

just got to bide my time now and see what happens................... which is going to be hard :rolleyes:

i can have the few bits of furniture ive got here as it will only be scrapped if i dont and it will do me til i can replace it. to be honest, the cancer research shop has some beautiful stuff so it wont cost me a lot.

the only real draw back is i might not have the internet, at least for a while......

keep your fingers crossed for me folks................... hopefully this might be the upward turn i need .....................
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

well, just been phoned about the place i was going to veiw today, the owners had let it already and hadnt told the estate agents !!!!

the one i looked at yesterday was ideal !! a little on the small side, with a washing machine and cooker already installed, a lot better than ive got now BUT there wasnt even a drawer to put yer cutlery in let alone any storage space :-5 and no room to add anything either. the heating was on full blast, obvoiusly to try and dry it out a bit but the damp patches were already starting to show through the new paint work on the walls.

for this they want £900 up front and £100 a week !!every one ive looked at, obvoiusly need a credit check on me but at over a £100 each time ???? which i dont get back............... so if id actually filled in the application forms, for all the ones id gone for and sent them off, it would have cost / lost me in the region of £1300 so far !!!

begining to get down in the dumps again now................... 16 days left and still no sign of any where to go................ really dont know whats going to happen now..........
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

well, ive trawled the estae agents from one end of town to the other, looked on notice boards and bought the local paper and NOTHING !!!

looks like im going to have to put what ive got back into my lock up and will have to do the best i can................... sounds overly dramatic i know but it really looks like im gonna end up on the streets with the rest of societys drop outs.

havin a really bad day at the moment and have got to the stage where im thinkin if i shut meself away in here, they might forget about me and at least i'll have a roof over me head !!!

phoned about the place i went to see the other day to see if they had any with two beds, that way i might be able to fit some sort of cupboard or something in to put me food in and they want £600 a month for it !!! thats all they are, empty rooms, no airing cupboards. no storage units, nothing then i got all the bills on top of that too.
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

a bit of an update here now ...........

ive just a call from an estate agent offering me a flat ............... and if im a good girl, i can strike up a deal with the landlord to keep the dog if i tidy, on a regular basis, a small communial area out the back !!!

broken bottles, beer cans, household refuse, dirty nappies and drug related items thrown from windows or left outside the back door by the other tennants !!!!!!!!!!! cos they are too bloody lazy to put it in the skip !!

is that what ive come to ?? is that all people think im worth or am i just being too picky ???
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Post by Helen »

got a few hours today to make up my mind about another place i found on friday. again another £900 up front !! £100 per week.

very quiet location but not far from main town and shops BUT no hot water and one small "holiday let " style electric fire !!

im sure you know the sort i mean, cos heating isnt needed very much in these places in the summer, the price per unit is bumped right up so they make some sort of profit out of it.

there is a cooker in it but the hot plates on the top are well rusty so i doubt its got much life left in it.

got ten days left here now, got to do something soon...................

i was well up for it on friday but have had the weekend to think about it and now the doubt has crept in again.

im wondering if thats all i can expect now. they do seem to trade on the fact im desperate for somewhere to live and that i wont get rid of my dog..............

on the other hand, all i have to do is give my freind money for petrol for a van to pick my stuff up, move up to devon and all MY problems will be solved.

my kids will disown me, already been told its about time i put my family first !! considering the thousands of pounds they all owe me, the work ive done on their houses and gardens and hours of baby sitting ive done over the years, i think thats a bit of a joke and now i need help, they cant be seen for dust !!

anybody got a magic wand ???.............................
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

well, im finally moving on tuesday.

was supposed to go yesterday but was expected to move in my 2hr break in my double shift at work, my youngest's friend was going to do it but when i said it was impossible, she was supposed to have given him my phone number so i could make other arrangements but he never called.

the oldest then said she knew someone who would do it but again, no one contacted me so ive had to pay out full price for a proper furniture removal firm.

ive got nothing to sit on when i get there and to top everything the building plans for here have to be submitted again so ive just been told i could have stayed here for at least another 2 months !!!

anyway this will be the last time for some while that i will be posting here or anywhere else for that matter, as i will no longer be on line.

thanks for the friendship, laughter, tears etc.

its been good to know you all xx:-4
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

may 21st, 2009

back again at the chippy for the bank holiday, the most hectic of the season with a big car rally on sunday not yards from our door.

my boss has gone away for her 60th birthday so im baby sitting the shop and keeping her grandson company cos he dosnt like being here on his own.

been pretty busy for three days and its gonna get a whole lot busier.

the weather is brilliant and looks to continue.

the new place is working ok at the moment but im going easy on things like electric and water cos they are all on quarterly bills and ive not had to pay any of those for nearly four years, just hand over my rent and it was all taken care of for me.

it was pretty cold in there to start with cos i dont think it had been lived in for a while. laminated floors right through dont help much and the dog tip tapping about on them takes some getting used to :rolleyes:

had all my hair chopped off, a bit like fern britton on gmtv. went to a darts presentation and no one recognized me til i went to pick up a trophy and they called my name out :-3

ive lost a bit of weight with all the walking to work and back and ive got further to go to let the dog have a good run too.

trying to work out the best deal i can get to get back on line at the moment but until i can make sure i can make ends meet with everything else, its had to go on the back burner for a while.

didnt miss it too much when i first moved cos i had lots to do and ive even read a couple of books !! might be a different story when im back at home on monday lol

its quite odd being back in here, really feels like the last five weeks of my life havnt happened.......... and ive not been away at all.

if i get any time to myself i will be back on here to say hello to everyone, sorry ive done it this way for now.

must go to bed as its 12-35 am and ive got a long day tomorrow,
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

well we were far busier than we thought we would be, barely had time to eat, even with all that food around us :D

the weather has turned a bit and now expecting thunderstorms today !!

got all my stuff packed up again, got more spuds to do then if im a really lucky girl, i get the rest of the day and tomorrow off :rolleyes:

certainly dont think i will be doing this, this time next year. its begining to get too much to cope with now. i can put up with peeling spuds OR being on the counter but not both any more. specially when faced with a load of drunken lads on a stag party, the temper started to get a bit frayed then :-5

well, better put this away now and get on with it i suppose.

take care everyone xxxx
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Post by Helen »

sunday,aug 30th 2009.

hi everyone, another bank holiday and im back at the chippy for a couple of days. now using my boss's pc cos i still havnt had mine fixed yet. the only time i managed to get it to the shop, they were shut !!! :-5:-5

the weather isnt too good, surprize surprize lol but at least it aint rainin !!

life goes on much the same as usual for me. the same old routine of work, sleep and dog walking.

ive just bought my first pair of size 16 jeans !!!! a size ive not been able to get into for what seems like a hundred years :wah:

im enjoying my new place and my independance and peace and quiet and its lovely to be able to cook proper meals at long last though i still have my fair share of stuff from work :rolleyes:

going to have a wander round the site now and see whats been happening while ive been away....................

hope everyone is keeping well and happy xxxx
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

hi folks, finally back on line after 6 long months.

got time off work for a while as the fryer has broken down, it keeps going bang every time they turn it on :-3

looks like a lot of it has got to be replaced so it could take a while.

the weather here is bootiful but chilly but i can put up with that. not much else happening really. back to playing darts again

this weekend is going to be a bit hard for me, it will be 4yrs since i lost my beloved barrie. my friend took me to put flowers on his grave last saturday and i was dismayed at the state of the place. obviously no one has been there for a very long while and it was such a mess. its a long way from me and i have no transport to get there.

what makes me even crosser is the fact his family made such an effort to keep me away and take everything he had and now cant be bothered to even and look after his last resting place but i guess thats families all over isnt it ??

well, dog walking time again so i guess i better get at it !!!
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

i truely dont think ive seen weather this bad for a long time. couldnt even get across the road this morning as the wind kept blowing us back and at one stage i had to grab hold of the wall to stop myself from falling over, not good when theres a whole hotel full of people,sittin next to the windows, havin their breckfast and watching me at the same time :o:o:o

the rain is coming down in sheets and as ive got a flat roof on my place, its like living inside a drum.

ive just realized im turning into my mum !! as im watching the rememberance service and humming along to the music as she once did........................
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Post by Helen »

cant believe the change in the weather today, bright sunshine, NO WIND and people scraping ICE from their car windscreens first thing. ive done all my house work and washing which is outside drying !!

feeling a little angry this morning with a couple of freinds of mine......... one has had a bereavement, also his 14mth old grandaughter may have swine flu and i was phoned at midnite last nite to ask for advice. he has used my ever sagging shoulder to cry on all weekend, which of course i dont mind but today, ive heard nothing from him. ok, he must have things to do but surely some sort of aknowledgement wouldnt hurt.

the other is someone who i know fulwell has used me to get to an ex of hers, because hes a good friend of mine. when she found out i knew him, she befriended me and couldnt do enuff for me.

stupid fool that i am, i have lent her money, only a few pounds, ive fed her and put petrol in her car.

now she has finally come to realize this guy wants nothing to do with her, its actually ME hes interested in and she cant believe he would, in her words, give up someone younger and more stunning :-2 to be with me.

yes, you are all right, i dont need someone in my life like that and the fact she hasnt contacted me for a couple of days cos shes found something better to do now is just going to make it easier for me to break contact with her !!

trouble is,lonelyness is a hard thing to combat and even her company at times is better than nothing at all :(
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Post by Helen »

this seems to be turning into the weather channel rather than my journal :wah:

i was looking out of my window, just watching the rain and a huge flash of lightening shot across the sky, i dont know who jumped the highest, me or the poor dog !!

my little flat is sheltered behind other buildings so it didnt seem to be so bad, however i filled a flask with boiling water and found some candles, just in case the power went, which it did in some places so i was lucky.

finally got the dog out for a proper walk this afternoon and although it had calmed down a lot by then, the sea was still pretty spectacular to look at.

ive not wasted my days indoors, i have now finally sent off to auction, the last few bits that belonged to my late partner. its been four years now and i feel ready to do it. having only one bedroom here, things were a little cramped and ive now been able to rearange my bedroom furniture and make it look a little more homely.

ive had an early bath and pj night, accompanied by by a cream cake and some sweeties :D and i shall have an early night, work again tomorrow :-5

sposed to be a better day,weatherwise, tomorrow................ we shall see.
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

another wet windy day !! i HAD to take the dog for a proper walk this morning, not just a comfort break, cos thats all he had last nite before i went to work.

OMG, cant believe the wind out there again,

it was blowing foam, like giant snowflakes, off the sea and at times i had to stand still, to stop myself being blown over.

im now on "holiday" for 2wks !! my boss's children are going to florida to surprize my boss, who is already there. i hope they have a good time BUT it would have been nice for them to tell me a little earlier then i might have managed to do something other than sit here waiting til they come home !!

im still a little " miffed " with one of my friends. ive helped him out yet again....... if what ive done for him works out he will save ( and get back ) a huge amount of money but yet again, ive been ignored all weekend.

hes lost his home as from the end of this month, and his marriage is just about over and what makes me really mad is that even though his wife knows what im doing for them and has agreed to me doing it, im not allowed to talk to him while shes around !!!!! and im sposed to be the only friend shes got !!!

theres just no pleasing some folk is there ??
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

ive just read a post on a friends journal where she said it just helps a bit to put things down in words and try to make sense of things !!

you're right mrs, it does !!

since i posted this morning, things are starting to fall into place slightly. im praying that im wrong but i dont think i am.

right now, i think ive been taken for an absolute mug by someone i once trusted with my life because he literally saved it along time ago.

all i can say at the moment is i have to wait until next weekend or a comment made on another site by his significant other to see if what im thinking comes true then i can kiss goodbye to my faith in human nature and a LARGE amount of money !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

Helen;1261064 wrote: cant believe the change in the weather today, bright sunshine, NO WIND and people scraping ICE from their car windscreens first thing. ive done all my house work and washing which is outside drying !!

feeling a little angry this morning with a couple of freinds of mine......... one has had a bereavement, also his 14mth old grandaughter may have swine flu and i was phoned at midnite last nite to ask for advice. he has used my ever sagging shoulder to cry on all weekend, which of course i dont mind but today, ive heard nothing from him. ok, he must have things to do but surely some sort of aknowledgement wouldnt hurt.

the other is someone who i know fulwell has used me to get to an ex of hers, because hes a good friend of mine. when she found out i knew him, she befriended me and couldnt do enuff for me.stupid fool that i am, i have lent her money, only a few pounds, ive fed her and put petrol in her car.

now she has finally come to realize this guy wants nothing to do with her, its actually ME hes interested in and she cant believe he would, in her words, give up someone younger and more stunning :-2 to be with me.

yes, you are all right, i dont need someone in my life like that and the fact she hasnt contacted me for a couple of days cos shes found something better to do now is just going to make it easier for me to break contact with her !!

trouble is,lonelyness is a hard thing to combat and even her company at times is better than nothing at all :(


well, shes finally gone !!!

and it happened over the sillyest thing. she totally cut me dead on monday nite cos her latest "hobby" was at darts with us so that made me angry to start with but im bigger than that so i let it go.

they supply food at these matches, sandwiches cut into quarters, of which i picked up two and about 6 chips, when at the top of her voice, she yelled at me to remember there were others in the team who hadnt yet had any............... again i let it go............simply cos i wasnt going to show myself up in the pub.

this lad that shes chasing was practically swallowing them whole while she gazed fondly at him and what he didnt eat, she shovelled down her throat.

im afraid instead of saying anything to her then, i went home and stewed on it all night so by the time the morning came, id just about lost the plot.

so when i got my usual morning phone call from her, she got the full force of anger and frustration thats built up in me for the last 9mths that ive known her.

shes sent several text messages apologizing for what she did, which i havnt replied to and even though, i now havnt seen or spoken to another soul for three days, i dont care. its got to be better than putting up with her. !!
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Post by Helen »

Helen;1265129 wrote: ive just read a post on a friends journal where she said it just helps a bit to put things down in words and try to make sense of things !!

you're right mrs, it does !!

since i posted this morning, things are starting to fall into place slightly. im praying that im wrong but i dont think i am.

right now, i think ive been taken for an absolute mug by someone i once trusted with my life because he literally saved it along time ago.

all i can say at the moment is i have to wait until next weekend or a comment made on another site by his significant other to see if what im thinking comes true then i can kiss goodbye to my faith in human nature and a LARGE amount of money !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


well, ive waited all weekend for the above mentioned post on another site !! but it didnt actually come from them but a freind of theirs, who wants to meet up tonite at 7pm to say goodbye, now wether ive mistaken the fact its the freind whose leaving or them, i dont know but right now it just seems to be a bit of a coincidence that somebody is leaving !!!! we shall see !!!
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Helen
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Post by Helen »

Helen;1267485 wrote: well, ive waited all weekend for the above mentioned post on another site !! but it didnt actually come from them but a freind of theirs, who wants to meet up tonite at 7pm to say goodbye, now wether ive mistaken the fact its the freind whose leaving or them, i dont know but right now it just seems to be a bit of a coincidence that somebody is leaving !!!! we shall see !!!


everything comes to those who wait was a favorite saying of my old mums !! and its true !!!

an innocent comment left on this other site has told me what ive suspected all along !!

i was actually on the phone to one of the people concerned with this when i read it, he denied all knowledge of it and swiftly changed the subject then said goodbye !!!

theres not a bloody thing i can do about it !!!
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Post by Helen »

Helen;969525 wrote: just said to a friend of mine, who wrote that shes feeling a bit down and dosnt really know why, that for some strange reason, im feeling the same way.

my extra hours at work have definately been cut now, in fact ive had a day off today !!

perhaps its because, for the last few weeks, all ive done is go to sleep planning what ive got to do the next day, getting up and doing it then back to bed again to do the same thing all over again.

ive now realized just how tired i am and wasnt even going to come on here tonight, cos i keep dozing off as i sit here and thats something i dont do very often.

im so glad my health has improved by leaps and bounds because i dont think i would have coped with it all otherwise.

yet another summer has passed me by, not that i missed much :rolleyes: the dark nights are drawing in, which i hate anyway.

i have a very big decision to make, something that i cant talk on here, that will affect my life, should i choose to do it.

gut instinct is a wonderful thing and right at this moment its telling me id be making a mistake cos i think, six months down the line i might be regretting it.perhaps when ive caught up on my sleep and had a little more time to think, things will be a little clearer.


having nothing better to do right now, i thought id go back to the begining of my journal and read right through it !!!

this is something i posted here on sept 1st 2008 !!!!

HOW RIGHT I WAS IS ALL I CAN SAY !!!!!
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Post by Helen »

this so called freind of mine up'd sticks and moved house without a word to anyone. not even her landlady knew she was doing it until she read what had happened on facebook.

her marriage has now ended, ( her husband went home from work 10 days ago to find an empty house !! ) she refuses to tell anyone where she is, even her family...............

as i said on an earlier post, along with her has gone a large amount of money and any inclination i will ever have to help anyone else ever again !!!
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Post by Helen »

WELL ITS NEARLY THE END OF ANOTHER YEAR...................

i have actually acheived wot i set out to do and that was improve my living conditions. ive downsized a massive amount of "memories " and feel a lot better for it.

ive made a few new friends and sadly lost a few on the way but im better off without them.

im feeling a little sad for some reason, i think its a little bit of the " empty nest " syndrome, still havnt got used to not havin loads of xmas preperations to do, even after all this time and the children all have money now instead of presents and that kind of takes the fun out of it too.

lets see what 2010 brings.................... my 60th birthday for a start........... now thats what i call scarey !!!!!:rolleyes:
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Post by Helen »

its that awful lull between christmas and new year now, all the sales are on in the shops but no one has got much money left to take advantage of it :rolleyes:

its bitterly cold today with a strong wind blowing but the sun is out.............

i had a good xmas, went to my eldest, where i did most of the cooking whicn i did enjoy. shes got a staffy puppy who thought my dog was the bees knees but he'd had enough of her after about 3hrs and hid under the computor desk to stop her swinging on his ears :-5

got another week off work as far as i know, i wont want to go back again at this rate................... getting rather fond of being tucked up in my little nest :D

we've been forcast with more severe snow by the middle of next week and depending on where the warm and cold fronts meet aparrantly, will be the hardest hit and at the moment it looks like it could be the southwest that gets it.............:D

my youngest grandaughter has never seen snow before so that should be fun !!!

oh well tea time for me and the dog............................
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Post by Helen »

so much for the snow !!! theres more water out there now than ive seen in a long time :mad:

just spent a couple of hours sorting out my bedroom and ive emptied 3 boxes and a small suitcase of paperwork.

dont you keep some weird stuff :-3 i found an old phone bill with the last call i ever made to my mum on it !!! ( nearly NINE years ago ) at the time it was so important to me............. but i can see her now, shaking her head and saying " for gods sake girl, chuck it out " so i did !!!

as my boss said ages ago, you will know the time is right to do this and i guess this is it.............

im making a news years resolution NOT to make any resolutions this year :wah:

i think people set their sights too high at this time of year, eg giving up smoking and going on a diet etc and expect too much then im afraid it defeats the main objective when one or the other goes down the pan !!

im going to take each day as it comes this year, perhaps my main aim is to have a decent holiday somewhere along the way, not neccesarcerily ( not spelt right lol ) aboard cos theres alot of this country ive not seen before.............. who knows.

anyway back to the bedroom:rolleyes:
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Post by Helen »

as the year drawers to a close and despite saying " no new resolutions " im filled with grim determination to try and concentrate on ME for a change !!

i really have to tell my boss that i can no longer lift those heavy bags of potatos and i have to learn how to say no to my kids and to others who expect me to solve their troubles for them while the world drifts over them and they carry on as normal :-5

im also thinking, as i write this, that if im still on this site this time next year, and i drag this post up again, will i be saying to myself............. well that didnt work then did it ?????:wah:
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Post by Helen »

four days into the new year already, daylight has increased by 20mins already from the shortest day of the year, not a lot i know but it already makes a difference when im waiting for the bus to go to work in the evenings................

all the decorations have gone for another year and my kitchen and living room have been " spring cleaned "

im feeling so much more positive than i did this time last year............ maybe because i had such a good xmas and new year and because, although its bitterly cold, the sun is shining !!!:-6 its surprizing what a difference that makes.

lets hope it continues..........................
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Post by Helen »

i was going to keep this light and cheery this year cos i think folks have had enuff of me moaning about everything BUT......................

I had a text message fro my eldest last nite at 12=30am asking me for a loan of £1200.............:-2:-2 what the devil for i dont know, that part didnt get divulged..........

LOAN ??? thats a bloody joke in itself !! :yh_rotfl id never see the money again, even if i had it to give !!!!!!!!!!

ive just had a major hissy fit at her via a facebook pm cos i actually couldnt bear to talk to her :mad: and i pointed out that her husband gets paid more an hour as a security guard than i do for a whole shift at the chippy, up to my elbows in cold water in sub zero tempretures that we've had over this last few weeks !!!

where does she think im gonna get that amount of money from anyway :-3 ive barely worked over this last two months, ive got a frightening electricity bill to pay plus all my main utility bills for the year come in within the next 6wks too

i doubt she will speak to me now..................... but i dont care rite now......... ive said NO..................... my new year resolution has been accomplished............... ive actually said NO :)
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Post by Helen »

well here we are............ 7-20am sunday morning.............. another sleepless nite !!!

it appears ive upset another family member by not handing over another fairly large sum of money !!!

my 19yr old grandson passed out of the army on friday, i asked him for a photograph to go with my " granny " collection that adorn my living room wall, not one that could be posted on facebook.

he said he would have to pay for it and could i lend him the money to do it so of course i said yes and asked how much............................. £150.......:-2:-3:-3

in the mean time his mother had posted them on the other site for me and when i went back to have another look at them, they had been deleted and he wouldnt talk to me................ obviously cos i didnt cough up the cash. then i found out he was on his way home on a weeks leave so i can presume the money was to spend in the local pub when he got back !!!!!!!

the other thing that has peed me off is that ive been seeing this guy for a while and he came to a darts match with me 2wks ago............. the single sister of one of my team mates made a play for him right in front of me and i objected to it (very quietly which is somewhat unusual for me ) since then, ive been virtually ignored so im waitjng to see what happens when i turn up tp play tomorrow night !!!! :rolleyes:

all this is just leading up to me wondering if im actually supposed to have anything of my own or is it my mission in life to hand things to others on a silver platter so they dont have to work to get it !!!!!!!!:confused:
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Post by Helen »

been a relatively quiet few weeks.

the weather is bright but very cold and we've been promised MORE snow for the weekend !!!

i lost the last of my mums plants in the last cold spell we had, i thought that by covering them up, that they would survive but forgot they were water logged from the previous rain we had.............. so sadly they froze !!

things are picking up slightly at work, usually about 10mins before we close, everyone decides they will have fish and chips for supper :rolleyes::-5

off out to play darts again tonight, managed to win another trophy on monday night in the mixed pairs and i say " managed " :-2 cos how we won i dont know. i had a new partner, who is a very good player. i was scared stiff i would let him down plus our first game was against an even better team and i so wanted to win !!! so of course my darts were going everywhere other than where they should have been and i guess they guy who owns the pub is busy filling the holes in the walls i made as we speak :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

its nearly time to walk the dog............... im trying very hard to ignore the big brown eyes that are staring straight at me right now...............he's very good at ESP !!!!! :D

I shall be glad when it warms up a bit and i can get him clipped, getting a bit fed up with cutting unmentionable things out of his long hair.
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Post by Helen »

what a fabulous day here !!! though a little chilly........................

ive done my housework, been to the shops, walked the dog and its only 11-30am !!

ive also bought some new pots for the little patio ive got outside and given all my plants a make over...................... very hard with a springer spaniel watching every move :rolleyes:

its all..............where you been, where you going,can i come, why you puttin that in there,whats in that bag,i can do that,ooooooooh look shiney lights, i can catch them,even better,mud and water,i can make neat patterns on the clean kitchen floor with that !!!!!!!

he wears me out :D:wah:

now going to have a cuppa and a rest :D
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Post by Helen »

just realized that in another 6wks, i will have been living here a whole year !!!!!:-3

i cannot believe how quick the time has gone. ive just read some of the posts i put on here at the time................. i forgot about the panic and insecurities i was going through then.

well i havnt died, starved or got into massive amounts of debt :rolleyes:

still get a bit lonely at times but havent, as yet, been reduced to talking to myself, though im afraid the dog comes in for a bit of ear bending at times !!:D

dont see a lot of my neighbours but when i do, they always pass the time of day with me as do some of the folk who live along the street.

ive made new friends cos im playing darts at a different pub and we've got a sort of little community going amongst ourselves.

theres one particular elderly lady i meet when im walking the dog. she belongs to the "cinnamon trust " they walk pets for owners who can no longer excercise their dogs................ wallace loves her cos she keeps dog biscuits in her pocket:rolleyes: and we have a good old gossip every sunday morning !!!

cant see for the life of me why i was so worried about it all :o:wah:
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Post by Helen »

OMG !!! the day has finally arrived....................... THE BIG 60 is here !!:-3...................

where have the years gone ??

i dont feel any different than i did yesterday :rolleyes:

its a beautiful sunny day but weve had quite a hard frost, im off to get my hair "tidied up " later............. sadly the owner of my original hair salon passed away a few weeks ago and theyve now closed down so ive had to go to a new one so heaven knows what im gonna end up with today :-2

im a bit funny with things like that........ vets doctors etc, once i get one i trust then i stick to them.

cant help thinking about my mum today of course............. shes not been with me for 9yrs this year............i can remember the house i was born in............ a white cat we had that apparantly gave me hysterics every time it came near me :rolleyes: and even helping my dad paint the walls in a bedroom with a kiddies beach bucket and an old shaving brush :wah:

there are a lot of things that i wish id done differently but then we all do that dont we ???

oh well, lets see what the day brings........................
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Post by Helen »

well, the day was brilliant, the sun shone, i had loads of cards and presents and my freinds at darts threw an even bigger party than i was expecting, banners on the walls, loads of food and a massive choccy birthday cake, with, thankfully only 3 candles on it !!!

my boss also gave me a couple of tickets to the big catering exibition cos she knows i love going there, i made full use of the free samples................. had to drive home with the window open cos i was feeling pretty sick by the time we left :rolleyes::o

ive had a good week all round cos my freind has had a weeks holiday so we've been doing a bit of gadding about,

im off out to darts tonight so i better get ready......................
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Post by Helen »

MOTHERS DAY !!!

got one mention on facebook !!.................. every year i hope its gonna be different but it never is.

theyve got one birthday and one mothers day to remember but theres always some excuse that they dont................

i shall be glad when this month is over.............and then it will happen again next year and i will go through the same thing again, you would have thought id learnt my lesson now wouldnt you ???
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Post by Helen »

dont take simple things for granted !!!

like getting up, washed and dressed, ready for the day....................

its taken me over an hour to do that this morning.............this is when the frustration sets in :-5 specially when you get yourself settled back into your chair then find you've left your glasses in the bedroom :rolleyes:

i have a step down into my bedroom, which causes no problem going down !! but to get out again, i have a kitchen chair on the step, sit on it, swing the legs round, lift my walking frame over my head and then get back on my feet again.......:D

im finding muscles i didnt know i had but sadly its not doing much for my bingo wings :(:wah:

patience is not a virtue in my case :mad: so this might actually teach me a valuable lesson :rolleyes:
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Post by Helen »

went back to hospital on friday and had a full cast put on......... the bruising was horrific, hardly surprizing really i suppose.

been through stages of accute depression and highs........... frustration aswell.

you certainly get to find out who your freinds are and the ones who HAVNT bothered are the ones that have suprized me most !!!!

25 days and counting til i can attempt to start walking properly again............

taking the dog out again is filling me with dread right now, specially covering the ground where it happened :-2

i will just have to be extra carefull wont i ?? :rolleyes:
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Post by Helen »

woke up this morning in a very strange mood :-2

i had such a good night, no pain or discomfort, just lay in bed for an hour, til it was time to get up, in the warm...........

and for some odd reason, when i got myself sorted and settled in the front room i just burst into tears :-2

it suddenly hit me that for most of my life, ive been galloping around like attilla the hun on speed, throwing horses and bales of straw over one shoulder and big bags of potatos over the other, taking charge and overcoming all sorts of problems, mine and other peoples and now suddenly i cant function without help :-5

think ive just realized im no longer a " young " woman and its sort of scarey !!!!
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Post by Helen »

12 DAYS TO GO !!

im surprized how quickly the time has gone............... and to be honest im sort of dreading having the cast off now :-3 its like being in a protective cocoon and walking on it again, without any support, is worrying me a bit.:rolleyes:

im just going to have to grit my teeth and remember NOT to do try to get back to normal too fast. as i said once before.... patience is NOT one of my strong points :wah:

think the dog will be a bit shocked when im the one who starts taking him out again........... hes had a string of willing lady fans to go out with him :D and has even gone into town to do some shopping :rolleyes:
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Post by Helen »

SIX DAYS TO GO.....................

i was sooooo hoping to go and see my 16yr old grandaughter arriving at her school prom tonight but the weather at the moment says i shouldnt try it :(

been desperately trying to find someone to walk the dog for the last couple of weeks im incapacitated, even got a list of dog walkers from the vets but most of them seem to have given up doing it now. just dont want things to go wrong at this late stage !!
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Post by Helen »

well, the weather got better and i got to see my beautiful beautiful 16yr old grandaughter in her prom dress :-4

cant believe it was 12yrs ago i walked her to school on her very first day. she did us all proud and i love her to bits :)

3days to go.............
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Post by Helen »

havin a bad day !!!

gettin sick of my own company.

got some stuff back yesterday that ive had in storage, quite a lot of it was my mums !!

left a message on facebook thanking this person for looking after it for me and within 24 hours the vultures, namely my eldest and her girls decended on me

(the first time ive seen them in two months )

i just gave in and let them take what they wanted, which is now going to cause a row with my youngest............ but hell, it cant get get any worse can it ??

got another 3wks in this damn air boot....... its hot heavy and bloody uncomfortable.

applied for my pension yesterday and apparantly ive not made enough contributions to apply for it in my own right so they are going to see if my ex husband has done so then i can claim from his national insurance.......... he, who i havnt seen for over 20yrs, he, who led me such a violent and frightening 3yrs before i left home and lived where and how i could because i was too frightened to come out into the open til i was sure he was too far away to do me any more damage.....................

are they allowed to do this ????

ive paid that bloody electric bill, they wont check the meter so ive had to pay it or they will cut me off............. anyway, the next one wont be so big, ive had no heating on for two months, even though ive been stuck in this damn place 24/7 !!!

right now, ive given up, dosnt seem theres much else i can do !!!
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Post by Helen »

another bank holiday coming up, the first one ( a big car rally ) ive not worked for a long time........ gonna miss it.......

go back to hospital next friday and i will find out how much longer i will be laid up !!!

things are slowly getting back to normal, have given up the zimmer frame, now using just one crutch to get around with indoors, got round the super market with out the wheel chair at the weekend and also went for a drink ( coke :p ) at one of our local pubs with a veiw over the harbour.............. it was like being let out of prison ( i presme ;) )

bootiful day here but its sposed to rain tonite, going to attempt another trip to the local shop in a moment to do the lottery................ you never know do you ????:D
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Post by Helen »

well its been FOUR months since my accident !!! things have improved from hopping about on one leg with a zimmer frame to having to buy a pair of size 12 trainers to match a pair ive already got so i can get my very swollen foot into a shoe. when i get up in the morning, my foot is normal size but within a few minits, its doubled !! i still have to use crutches to get around outside.

im still very much housebound, which is now begining to wear very thin !!! the dog goes to day care cos i still cant walk him and that makes the place seem even more desolate.

so yes just now and again, i do have a touch of the miseries........... and it dosnt help much when my so called freind comes round and tells me its about time i pulled myself together !!

im not used to being idle and although i can now do my housework, that takes about an hour a day so that leaves a lot of time on my hands.

im now on my 11th library book and i think i know most of the people on tv on intimate terms now lol

be so glad when this is over though how much longer that will be, ive got no idea !!!!
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found out that my bestest buddy is moving up to bedfordshire with his job, cant express how devastated i am......... alright he's 150 miles away now and thats bad enough but he managed to get down here pretty regularly, now its going to be impossible. hes not going to do a 600 mile round trip just for one day over the weekend.

its likely the job will last for 3yrs and thats a long time to be without someone you care about so much. specially at my age !!!

he needs this job badly, the child support agency is taking every penny he earns, despite no proof he is the father of this child, hes been off sick for a month with high blood pressure so cant drive the big machines they are using to build a big relief road where the olympic games are being held in 2012 so i certainly cant begrudge him going but that dosnt mean i have to like it does it ????

my so called freind, the one thats been hanging round me to get to him, is lapping it up right now, a case of she cant have him, neither can i now !!! i swear to god if she pats me on the back and says "there there, never mind " with that smirk on her face just once more, like i was a 5yr old, i wont be responsable for my actions.
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Post by Helen »

WELL, THE END OF ANOTHER ERA !!!

the fish and chip shop has now gone into recievership and im now one of the great unwashed and unemployed...............

not sure what im feeling at the moment, im not a great one for change and now the unknown future is staring me in the face.......... do i retire gracefully or try, at my age, to get another job ??

ive had 5mths of "house arrest " as it is but knowing i could do nothing about it, has made it easier to bear !! doing it willingly is a whole other ball game........... plus weve got about 7wks of our summer season left here and thats gonna make it all the harder to find employment.

well, ive got the weekend to think about it, its too late on a friday afternoon to do anything right now !!!!

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