Scottish terrorist humour

A forum to discuss local issues in Scotland.
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buttercup
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Scottish terrorist humour

Post by buttercup »

Newsflash - Terrorists named

Singed Majeep

Burnt Maheed
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buttercup
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Scottish terrorist humour

Post by buttercup »

I hear the bastard who was driving the jeep is in hospital enjoying himself feasting on haggis, neeps, tatties, shortbread & whiskey





Apparently he's in the burns unit
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buttercup
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Scottish terrorist humour

Post by buttercup »

Pinky;653436 wrote: :lips: :wah: :lips:

I came across those but didn't dare post them!


Awww but Pinks the scots have a fantastic sense of humour, its laughing that gets you through ;)
Carl44
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Post by Carl44 »

its your jokeler manor very good :wah: :wah: :wah: :wah:
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buttercup
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Post by buttercup »

Good old mastercard

5 litres of petrol - £4.55

2 calor gas bottles - £32.50

buying a second hand cherokee jeep - £2.500

Watching terrorists burn - PRICELESS !!!!
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Chookie
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Post by Chookie »

It comes with pictures too....

Attached files
An ye harm none, do what ye will....
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Imladris
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Post by Imladris »

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl



Brilliant!!!
Originally Posted by spot

She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy





Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
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Uncle Kram
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Post by Uncle Kram »

Chookie;653470 wrote: It comes with pictures too....


Stunning :wah:


THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN PUN
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buttercup
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Scottish terrorist humour

Post by buttercup »

Some headline's



GLASGOW AIRPORT RETURNS TO DRUNK FILLED NORMALITY

"Now it's only dangerous if you look at someone the wrong way," says BAA spokesman





AIRPORT ATTACK INSPIRED BY TOP GEAR, SAY POLICE

"Richard Hammond was approached by Al-Qaeda back in April," confirms BBC spokesman



BOMB DOCTORS STRUCK OFF FOR WORKING SATURDAYS

Foreign bomb doctors have brought "disgrace" on their profession by breaching rules on out of hours work, according to the British Medical Association.Senior medics say the bomb doctors should be struck off for attacking Glasgow airport on a weekend afternoon when they should have been playing golf, or drinking heavily.
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Rapunzel
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Post by Rapunzel »



Liverpool airport was also shut for 8 hours due to a "suspicious car".

Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it.

Flame grilled:

MacDonalds have announced the introduction of their new Flamin MacMuslim Burger but regret it's currently only available at the Glasgow Airport Drive Thru

I've now got coke coming oot ma nose with these ones! :wah:
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Rapunzel
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Post by Rapunzel »

buttercup;653433 wrote: Newsflash - Terrorists named

Singed Majeep

Burnt Maheed


Wonder if they were charged with smoking in a public place . . . :D
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Rapunzel
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Post by Rapunzel »

If Saturday's incident had happened in a US airport, compared to Glasgow Airport Eyewitness accounts.



America: "Oh my God! There was a man on fire, he was running about, I just ran for my life...I thought I was going to die, he got so close to me"

Glasgow: "k*nt wis running aboot on fire, so a ran up n gave him a good

boot, then decked him"



America: "I just want to get home, away from here...I just want to get home, I thought I was going to die"

Glasgow: "Am no leaving here till am oan a f*ckin' plane!"



America: "there was pandemonium, people were running in all directions, we didn't know what was happening ; I thought I was going to die"

Glasgow: "fook this, moan we'll get a pint in"



America: "We thought he was gonna blow us all up he had a gas canister, and was trying to get into his trunk, I thought we were going to die, I just ran for my life"

Glasgow: " A walked by the motor that wis on fire, and the dafty couldnae even open his boot, he wis in fire annaw so a ran up n gave him a good boot to the baws"

America: "I'm too traumatised even to speak, I thought I was going to die"

Glasgow: "here mate, gees 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear, if am gonna be oan the telly a want her tae tape it"

And finally, two quotes from an eye-witness......... John Smeaton (these are real)



John has just surpassed his interview on the National ITV news.



ITV Interviewer asked: "What message do you have for the bombers"



John replied: . "This is Glasgow we'll set aboot yae"



John was interviewed yesterday on CNN



CNN Interviewer asked: "How did you manage to restrain the terrorist?"



John replied: . "Me and the other folk were just tryin to get the boot in and some other guy banjoed him"!



Mr Smeaton - Local Hero!



A Glaswegian friend has also pointed out that this is the only time you'll have got Celtic and Rangers fans on the same side! :wah:
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buttercup
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Scottish terrorist humour

Post by buttercup »

Raps your on a roll today :yh_rotfl
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buttercup
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Post by buttercup »

John Smeaton speaks - this is Glasgow, we'll set about you !!!!!!!!!!!!!





We all went in for a kick at him



John braveheart Smeaton - Arise Sir Smeaton - DEFENDER OF SCOTLAND









Those hapless al-Qaeda boys were to find out that Glasgow has no respect for international terrorism. Nobody gets between 10,000 Weegies and a £99 week in Ibiza booked on Thursday night through Barrhead Travel.



And most of all, no-one messes with The Polis. Not in this city.
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buttercup
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Scottish terrorist humour

Post by buttercup »

Some info on John Smeaton :wah:



Once a cobra bit John Smeaton’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

John Smeaton uses his abs to smooth diamonds

John Smeaton does not dodge bullets. Bullets dodge John Smeaton

Everynight before the bogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for John Smeaton.

John Smeaton doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants

It was once believed that John actually lost a fight to a terrorist, but that is a lie, created by John himself to lure more terrorists to him

Smeaton went tae the same school as Charles Bronson and stole his dinner money everyday.

John Smeaton isn’t afraid of the dark…the dark is afraid of John Smeaton.

John Smeaton once killed a lion with his bare hands.

John Smeaton is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f**king Jeep.

John Smeaton rarely wears a watch. HE decides what time it is.
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Rapunzel
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Scottish terrorist humour

Post by Rapunzel »

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

buttercup;653647 wrote:

John Smeaton is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f**king Jeep.




Ma cuppa tea came oot ma nose!

Brill!!! :wah: :wah:
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buttercup
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Post by buttercup »

Here's the badges & bottle openers for sale on e-bay :wah:

Attached files
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Chookie
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Post by Chookie »

AIRPORT ATTACKERS TO BE CHARGED UNDER ANTI-SMOKING LAWS

TWO men who drove a lit car into the main concourse at Glasgow Airport are to be charged under Scotland's tough anti-smoking laws.

The attackers were caught on CCTV as they lit-up a four litre Jeep Cherokee and then allowed it to burn in an enclosed public place.

Eyewitness Janice Bramble, 34, from Girvan, said: "Not only was the car emitting smoke but one of the men lit-up a petrol bomb right in front of me.

"It's incredibly rude. Why should I have to go home with my clothes stinking of petrol bombs?"

Scotland has some of the toughest anti-smoking laws in Europe with penalties including the cat o' nine tails, death by lions and a £50 fine.

Maureen Moore, director of Ash Scotland, said: "Emitting smoke is a form of terrorism. Yes it is, shut up."

She added: "Petrol bombs contain 275 known carcinogens, and that's just the petrol.

"If people want to throw petrol bombs they should do so in their own living rooms when the children have gone to bed."

Detective Inspector Bill McKay said: "This incident may seem like nothing more than playful high-jinx, but we take smoking in public places very seriously indeed.
An ye harm none, do what ye will....
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spot
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Scottish terrorist humour

Post by spot »

We might as well let they doctors back to work at the hospital, they're obviously outclassed.

The eBay thing is building. Here's another item:



A single boot, Doc Marten, with steel toe cap as used by John Smeaton, hero and role model, at the attempted bombing of Glasgow airport.

The boot has some marking and scuffs from heavy suitcases being dropped on it, and bite marks from wee nippy dugs. It also has scorch marks, petrol has stained some of the leather, and there are dark marks around the toe of a dull red colour. There is the imprint of a face on the sole, with a tooth lodged between the treads.

The boot has been signed "Big John says This is Glasgow, OK?". The signature is on the other side from where I took the phoatie so you won't be able to see it. I have been unable to confirm the authenticity as yet, mainly because John has been so busy.

NOTE: This item will be delivered to a UK address only. It will NOT be allowed to leave the country. This boot is a part of our culture, tradition and history.
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Chookie
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Post by Chookie »

It gets better(?)

O John of Smeaton,

When will we see your like again?

That fought and panned in

Two al-Qaeda men.



And stood against him

Osama's army

And sent him homeward

Tae think again.



The airport's bare now

And Cherokee's lie burnt and still

O'er land that is saved now

Which brave Sir Smeato held



And stood against him

Osama's army

And sent him homeward

Tae think again.



Those days are passed now

And in the past they must remain

But we can still rise now

And be the nation again

That stood against him

Osama's army

And sent him homeward

Tae think again.
An ye harm none, do what ye will....
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spot
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Post by spot »

Damn, I was just working up a version of South Park's What Would Brian Boitano Do but there's no way I can beat that.
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Chookie
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Post by Chookie »

I would like to claim the credit, but it wisnae me who came up with that.
An ye harm none, do what ye will....

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