anger and hate

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Tue Mar 15, 2005 11:05 pm

dizheafta wrote: hello all, I'm new here cause i have no where else to turn, me and my girlfriend have mean parents, her parents are abusive to her and take **** out on me.they are very rude to me and i'm nuthin but nice out of respect to her, my mom hates her and refuses to talk to her. we both live at home and were trying to save for a house, we are both very much in love and plan on getting married. i've tried to talk to my mom about stuff and she wont hear it. what should I do about all this immature crap? should i just ignore it and move out and start life over with her? please help thanks
How old are you and your girlfriend?

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Wed Mar 16, 2005 8:34 am

There needs to be a reason for your parents attitude? Are you young & do you have the financial ability to be on your own? These are important questions in order for anyone to help you?

RedSoxFan · Post by **RedSoxFan** » Wed Mar 16, 2005 1:49 pm

I used to have the same problem with my mom. She never showed any feelings toward my girl friends and never gave her opinion. I would always ask her why she didnt like any of them, and she would never say anything. In recent years my mom has become more involved in getting to know my girl friends before jumping to conclusions. And now I asked her why she was like that. She said its because she could tell from looking at them that they werent right for me. I have no idea how she could tell, but thats what she said. Personally I think its because, she thinks that she is going to lose me. My brother is getting married in July and now my mom realizes that shes not the only woman in my brothers or my life. When your mom realizes that she isnt always going to be the only woman in your life shell come to grips with everything. That my opinion.

David813 · Post by **David813** » Wed Mar 16, 2005 2:20 pm

Very touching RedSock. You do have a softer side! In your mother's eyes you'll always be 12 years old, even when you're 40! In later years you'll learn to appreciate her in ways that are likely unimaginable now.

RedSoxFan · Post by **RedSoxFan** » Wed Mar 16, 2005 5:38 pm

dizheafta wrote: we both do have jobs that pay well and can support each other, we just want a house rather than pay rent which is pointless, but her parents are very abusive and call her stupid and tell her she will never mount to anything, thats not a parent in my eyes, she will be graduating in 2 months with her bach degree in engineering, so she doesnt work at mcdonalds.just dont get them

Parents like this should be punished. Isnt one of the jobs of a parent to support their kids in everything they do? I would understand if you two didnt have good jobs and didnt have a plan. But its clear to me if shes gonna graduate with a Bach. Degree, then you have plans and will be able to support yourselves. So I would say screw the parents and if they cant treat her and you with respect, dont invite them to the wedding.

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Wed Mar 16, 2005 6:06 pm

RedSoxFan wrote: Parents like this should be punished. Isnt one of the jobs of a parent to support their kids in everything they do?
RSF, no. The job of a parent is to support everything good that their kids are. Kids do lots of stuff, and much of it should never be supported. (Like breaking curfew, drinking, dropping out of school, etc.) Now, I seriously doubt that you were referring to such obvious things as that, but for some reason, I felt I should point out the difference.

Diz, as for your girlfriend...clearly her parents have been unable to keep her down so far. That says wonderful things about her.

But...let me get this straight.

1) You want to live at your parents' house for free so you can save money for a house of your own.

2) You want her parents to treat her better so she can live there longer for free.

3) You want your parents to approve of your relationship with her while you live at home, also for free.

What I'm hearing is that you want all things your way. Maybe you need to start thinking more independently before buying a house and getting married. Just my two cents, and not intended to be offensive.

Let us know what you decide to do.

RedSoxFan · Post by **RedSoxFan** » Wed Mar 16, 2005 7:40 pm

A Karenina wrote: RSF, no. The job of a parent is to support everything good that their kids are. Kids do lots of stuff, and much of it should never be supported. (Like breaking curfew, drinking, dropping out of school, etc.) Now, I seriously doubt that you were referring to such obvious things as that, but for some reason, I felt I should point out the difference.

Of course I dont think a parents should support the drinking and other things listed above. I did forget to mention about them supporting the good stuff, not the bad.

Post by **kensloft** » Wed Mar 16, 2005 9:12 pm

Welcome to the forum. Lots of good people here to answer your ideas. Have fun posting.

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Wed Mar 16, 2005 10:17 pm

RedSoxFan wrote: Of course I dont think a parents should support the drinking and other things listed above. I did forget to mention about them supporting the good stuff, not the bad.
Exactly!

But, who gets to define what is good and bad?

RedSoxFan · Post by **RedSoxFan** » Wed Mar 16, 2005 10:22 pm

A Karenina wrote: Exactly!

But, who gets to define what is good and bad?

Thats a fine line, from family to family.

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Thu Mar 17, 2005 8:27 am

dizheafta wrote: thats what we were thinking, were just trying to hold on and save more money so we can get a sweet house, its hard up here in the north east cause houses are expensive and hard to find good ones but i cant understand why our parents act the way they do but there lost i guess,

Where are you in the Northeast? It doesn't seem to make any sense why people who have a daughter ready to receive a degree in engineering degrade her? Are her parents dis-satisfied with you?

Try to talk to them, it is always good to get things off your chest. Good, Bad or Ugly, everyone needs to talk and understand each-other, otherwise you are on a road to no-where. :driving:

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Thu Mar 17, 2005 3:36 pm

My dad is usually perty good but when I had my last car wreck I called to have him help pull it out.

5AM and he comes no problem great dad.

However after getting the car out of the police impound lot when we go to change the tire he claims that my messy trunk is what caused me to have the accident.

And he believes this. Not much you can do when people believe their own lies.

I was never that great with the gals. My wife was the first woman I had ever brought home to meet the parents intentially. There were a couple they met by accident. Still hurting that they were late to meet her. But my mom is always late to everything. Lucky her employer puts up with it.

What you have to learn is that it is their problem. I don't think my parents ment to be insultive by being late. You can try talking with them but whether or not that works may depend on how reasonalble they are. I saw one eposode where even Dr Phill just put up his hands.

Lotto

http://www.flalottomagic.net/cgi-local/ ... elcome-344

MagicZ4941

Post by **kensloft** » Thu Mar 17, 2005 4:33 pm

dizheafta wrote: well we are up here in NH, but she has alot of brothers and sisters so i dont know why her parents do that **** to her, its wrong cause she is a good girl, doesnt do anything bad so maybe there just dissapointed in her,
If they are blaming her because of your spelling then you had better wonder what they are trying to tell you. If you don't laugh then you are in big trouble. Tell her it will be OK because you love her. Maybe the parents are trying to empty the nest?

kmhowe72 · Post by **kmhowe72** » Sat Mar 19, 2005 11:03 pm

When I had anger related problems along time ago. I went to Acorse called dbt. Delect behavior treatment. And now I use those skills instead of taking nasty pills. :p

ilona17 · Post by **ilona17** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 7:15 am

Exactly if you love her just move out and go live together then both of you're parents will have to understand that you're serioues. tell you're parents that if they dont accept what you want and what you're going to do. they will lose you. And then in turn they will come round if you prove that you're love will last