What people think

Discuss Mental Health topics & issues.
Happy Gram
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What people think

Post by Happy Gram »

Hi all.....

I've struggled for years..... over people's reactions to things.... most certainly from my highly critical mother and sister who were abusive to me..... my question is: how does one get over thinking and caring (and obsessing) what people think of you... your choices, etc.... I literally avoid any situation that might make me be judged or ridiculed... but it makes for a tough existence... any thoughts, ideas?:-5
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Santanico
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Post by Santanico »

Firstly, hi & welcome :)

I struggled for a long time with wanting people to like me, and doing & saying things I didn't really agree with just so they wouldn't think less of me, and I guess there's no one answer to how to stop thinking that way. When you're ready, you will stop caring so much. I heard it put really simply, and I've always remembered it this way:

You're an apple. There's always going to be people who don't like apples, so you can try to be a banana, but you'll be a second rate banana, because you're an apple. Then you have to remember there are people who don't like banana's either, so you can try to be an orange. But of course, you'll be, at best, a second rate orange. So all you can really do is be the best apple you can be, and try to surround yourself with people who like apples.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than be liked for who I'm not.
Happy Gram
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What people think

Post by Happy Gram »

Well, in the fruit salad of life... you're the cherry on top! thankyou for the most delightful reply!!! Now... about the "name" one.... I'd enjoy your insight.....
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spot
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Post by spot »

Happy Gram;822493 wrote: how does one get over thinking and caring (and obsessing) what people think of youShock therapy. Join your town's amateur dramatic company.
Nullius in verba|||||||||||
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game!
Happy Gram
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What people think

Post by Happy Gram »

Believe me, I put myself out there...... and I SHOULD be on stage........first stage leavin' town!!
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Santanico
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Post by Santanico »

fuzzy butt;822509 wrote: Is that you Pete?


Happy, Spot or I?
gmc
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Post by gmc »

Happy Gram;822493 wrote: Hi all.....

I've struggled for years..... over people's reactions to things.... most certainly from my highly critical mother and sister who were abusive to me..... my question is: how does one get over thinking and caring (and obsessing) what people think of you... your choices, etc.... I literally avoid any situation that might make me be judged or ridiculed... but it makes for a tough existence... any thoughts, ideas?:-5


You are the one that decides whether you are happy or not. You are also the one who decides whose opinions matter to them. You practice not caring and after a while it becomes a habit. You can also practice being in a good mood

Have worry breaks. There are two kinds of worry. The ones you can do something about in which case decide what to do and get on with it. Then thee is the more serious ones like what if the sky falls on your head. Worrying won't change anything so stop wasting time. What your mother or sister think only matter if you decide it does. The trouble is family life conditions you and it's only later in life you can look back and realise why you feel the way you do and think the way you do. Prejudice is learned and can be unlearned, low self esteem is what you acquire through life experience and you can decide to change it
RedGlitter
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Post by RedGlitter »

Hello Happy Gram,

Welcome to the forum. :)

When you have had that type of abuse for a good part of your life, I don't think it ever leaves you completely, but lingers to gnaw at the self esteem you've managed to acquire, some days more than others. For some of us it's a constant struggle. I have my days where I care too much what others think of me, even strangers, but I have a good friend who reminds me they don't count. He's slowly getting me to come around to his way of thinking and I think part of the reason I am so receptive to him is because it often occurs to me that I am only getting one chance on the mortal coil. I get one life here. That's it. Do I really want to waste it worrying over what people think of me or my actions? After a while, you say "no!" I think you have to teach yourself that you deserve to live your life the way you want to live it and everyone else can live theirs as they see fit.

And at the risk of being cliche`, you can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself.

Work on that. It gets easier, believe me. :-6

PurpleChicken
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Post by PurpleChicken »

I also used to spend a lot of time worrying what other people think of me. And at times I still do. But Santanico has hit the nail right on the head. You have to be the best apple you can be.



Easier said than done, I know, and I think getting to the point at which you know that you are an apple and are comfortable in that can be difficult. But if you aren't happy in yourself, then other people will see right through it. And don't forget that it takes so much more energy trying to be someone you're not. Much better to invest that energy in yourself - being the best than you can be.



Anyone who doesn't like apples, can hang out with the other fruits!
Patsy Warnick
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Post by Patsy Warnick »

Happy Gram

Don't avoid or run from a situation or decision due to opinion.

This is where you become strong and stand for what you believe in your life.

not what others believe your life should become..

Get out there - make mistakes & learn from the good & bad & ugly..

Watch body language - it's a great indicator where one stands without saying a word..

The older one gets - the less one worries about what others think/grade/judge you.

Find yourseld - Be yourself

Patsy
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Post by pantsonfire321@aol.com »

Don't be worried about what people think ..its their loss . People often make assumptions ..thats their mistake . Be honest ..don't hurt people and love yourself ...good luck :-6.
Can go from 0 - to bitch in 3.0 seconds .:D







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WonderWendy3
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Post by WonderWendy3 »

Great advice already, don't think I can add anything else, except my opinion that goes along with many others....be true to yourself, and don't let others pull you down.

I am a very sensitive person (believe it or not) and when I hear or read things that people say/said about me, it bothers me for days and days, but eventually I get over it and move on...so I understand that its easier said than done to say, "don't let anyone bother you with what they think".... but as Patsy said, as you get older, it does get easier...honest....:-4
sofemme
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What people think

Post by sofemme »

Hi Happy,

You have gotten some good advice here. There really isn't much to add but I have a couple of tricks that work for me. My problem is not being able to defend myself when I think others are being ugly, or their way off base in what they think I said, etc....you get the picture. When I have a meeting and the attitude of the person behind the desk sucks....i tend to feel off balance and threatened. I worry about saying the wrong thing or coming off like a heifer or worse...look like an idiot.

I realized that I was my own worst enemy in that I can kick myself harder and put myself down better than ANYBODY else. I had loops of thought that would run over and over in my mind......your stupid...they're gonna laugh at you...they'll hate you....who the hell do you think you're foolin'....and so on....many were a lot worse. Anyway....I read it in a book somewhere and tweaked it to fit me.lol

Be conscious of what you are thinking....when you catch yourself thinking poorly about You....touch your tongue to the roof of your mouth and mentally yell, "Stop", as loud as you can in your mind. Then picture yourself giving the person that is causing your discomfort a raspberry.....or you smiling at them and saying, "F**k you...have a nice day....or grab them by the ears and kiss 'em"..... It helps to break the tension of the situation for the moment so you can handle whatever is going on with intelligence and your own personal charm.

You can teach yourself to derail your worry before it gets out of hand but it takes being consciously aware of your thoughts. It ain't easy....but when you think you need a lecture you can always fuss at yourself in the bathroom mirror when you're alone.....just be sure to give yourself pep talks too.;)

One more thing....if you want whatever it is that you are doing to go a certain way.....dress for it. Put on whatever makes you feel the most confident and go strut your stuff. Always smile....no matter what....people are less likely to be as guarded when faced with a smile or they may think your nuts and it'll make them worry. lol Hang in there.
Skylar
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What people think

Post by Skylar »

Happy Gram;822493 wrote: Hi all.....

I've struggled for years..... over people's reactions to things.... most certainly from my highly critical mother and sister who were abusive to me..... my question is: how does one get over thinking and caring (and obsessing) what people think of you... your choices, etc.... I literally avoid any situation that might make me be judged or ridiculed... but it makes for a tough existence... any thoughts, ideas?:-5


I always ask myself if I'm going to care in 100 years what anyone thinks of me. Nope. So why should I care now? Lifes too short.

and if you second guess their thoughts, you'd probly be wrong. and if they out right tell you, tell then to take a flying leap and screw off.
southern yankee
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Post by southern yankee »

I think when i was young it mattered more then it does now. Now i have become a little selfish. I want to do, say, and be what makes me happy.. Time is too short to worry about what people think. but it took many years to get there. i had wonderful parents. but my peers and my teachers who were nuns. were very cruel to me. i felt almost all my life. i was not good enough. Now i think back all the years i waisted. but not anymore.
nok
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Post by nok »

A lot of people that know me tell me that I'm eccentric and very strange because I don't talk like other people ( I express my own viewpoints even when others' don't think the way I think), I don't dress like other people ( I have my own style. I don't " follow" fashion but most people do. ), and I don't act like other people ( I don't go with the flow. I go on my " own flow". )

Everytime someone tells me I'm wierd because I'm not like everyone else, I always think, " Why should I be like everyone else ? What is the purpose of that (really ?) I can't be like everyone else because I'm not them. I'm me ! I can only be me, not someone else. "

As for what people think of you ( especially when it's negative), I guess the only advice that I can give you is to love yourself. Just tell yourself that these negative people have a problem and you're not ( NOT !) going to let their problem be your problem because they're just not worth it.
Happiness is not a destiny. It is a daily goal. :)
Clodhopper
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Post by Clodhopper »

All the advice here is good. I'm largely with Redglitter: I doubt you ever really get over the truly bad stuff from your childhood. All you can do is learn to live with it - and some people will love, admire and respect you for that.

My reason for adding to this thread though is to point out that the tensions this creates in your life can be used to produce art. Spot mentioned the stage. I'd suggest painting and writing as other alternatives, a "cry created as the bow of sin/ Is drawn across our trembling violin." as WH Auden said (if I've remembered it right).

And what better response to abuse than to create beauty from it?
The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"

Lone voice: "I'm not."
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kazalala
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Post by kazalala »

Clodhopper;1104655 wrote: All the advice here is good. I'm largely with Redglitter: I doubt you ever really get over the truly bad stuff from your childhood. All you can do is learn to live with it - and some people will love, admire and respect you for that.

My reason for adding to this thread though is to point out that the tensions this creates in your life can be used to produce art. Spot mentioned the stage. I'd suggest painting and writing as other alternatives, a "cry created as the bow of sin/ Is drawn across our trembling violin." as WH Auden said (if I've remembered it right).

And what better response to abuse than to create beauty from it?


I love that:)




FOC THREAD PART1

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

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Odie
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Post by Odie »

Don't be worried about what people think ..its their loss . People often make assumptions ..thats their mistake . Be honest ..don't hurt people and love yourself.
Life is just to short for drama.
southern yankee
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Post by southern yankee »

nok;1104615 wrote: A lot of people that know me tell me that I'm eccentric and very strange because I don't talk like other people ( I express my own viewpoints even when others' don't think the way I think), I don't dress like other people ( I have my own style. I don't " follow" fashion but most people do. ), and I don't act like other people ( I don't go with the flow. I go on my " own flow". )

Everytime someone tells me I'm wierd because I'm not like everyone else, I always think, " Why should I be like everyone else ? What is the purpose of that (really ?) I can't be like everyone else because I'm not them. I'm me ! I can only be me, not someone else. "

As for what people think of you ( especially when it's negative), I guess the only advice that I can give you is to love yourself. Just tell yourself that these negative people have a problem and you're not ( NOT !) going to let their problem be your problem because they're just not worth it. well i always heard if you have$$$ then you are ECCENTRIC. If you are POOR, your just PLUM CRAZY:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl like me
nok
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Post by nok »

southern yankee;1105343 wrote: well i always heard if you have$$$ then you are ECCENTRIC. If you are POOR, your just PLUM CRAZY:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl like me


Southern,

I wouldn't mind being PLUM CRAZY ! :D
Happiness is not a destiny. It is a daily goal. :)
ur_next_ex
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Post by ur_next_ex »

southern yankee
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Post by southern yankee »

nok;1105575 wrote: Southern,

I wouldn't mind being PLUM CRAZY ! :D i just walk to a different beat of the drum:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
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Lone Wolf
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Post by Lone Wolf »

i havent been out of my flat in 9 days,1st time was today i waited till dark ran to the nearest shop, for some bread and Milk .

3 people saw me that was enough, i looked at no one.

my fear is im getting worse by the day, and can also feel my phyisical health getting worse, some of you no my problems and may understand a little.

other who have never experienced this recognised illness can never understand

it becomes to be on your mind 24hrs aday..the fear of what people may think

i dont think ill be going back out for a while.
Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.

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Hope6
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Post by Hope6 »

lostidentity;1120781 wrote: i havent been out of my flat in 9 days,1st time was today i waited till dark ran to the nearest shop, for some bread and Milk .

3 people saw me that was enough, i looked at no one.

my fear is im getting worse by the day, and can also feel my phyisical health getting worse, some of you no my problems and may understand a little.

other who have never experienced this recognised illness can never understand

it becomes to be on your mind 24hrs aday..the fear of what people may think

i dont think ill be going back out for a while.


:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_hugs
Skylar
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Post by Skylar »

lostidentity;1120781 wrote: i havent been out of my flat in 9 days,1st time was today i waited till dark ran to the nearest shop, for some bread and Milk .

3 people saw me that was enough, i looked at no one.

my fear is im getting worse by the day, and can also feel my phyisical health getting worse, some of you no my problems and may understand a little.

other who have never experienced this recognised illness can never understand

it becomes to be on your mind 24hrs aday..the fear of what people may think

i dont think ill be going back out for a while.


:-2 what are you so afraid of?
princessladedah
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Post by princessladedah »

I agree with Red, for me it took39 years, I am now 41 , god doesnt make junk, therefore , you shouldnt feel embarassed, or insecure, I really think it is a small person who does that crap anyway.

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