What You Must Believe to Be a Good Republican...

Political photo parodies, jokes, and more!
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Saint_
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Joined: Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:05 pm
Location: The Four Corners

What You Must Believe to Be a Good Republican...

Post by Saint_ »

What You Must Believe To Be A Good Republican

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a popular conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs overseas.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is evil socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.



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Boogalette
Posts: 170
Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2004 5:01 pm

What You Must Believe to Be a Good Republican...

Post by Boogalette »

heehee!

I find the humour is that as the heavy right wing conservatives I've met have actually stated many of the above. Every day conservatives don't seem to spout these sort of statements or agree with them.

Most conservatives are people who want the best for their country, and don't feel the need to label liberals, or to divide the voters into red or blue.

And that gate swings two ways, I might add.... ;)
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.~ De Seuss
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Bryn Mawr
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Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:54 pm

What You Must Believe to Be a Good Republican...

Post by Bryn Mawr »

Boogalette;1333755 wrote: heehee!

I find the humour is that as the heavy right wing conservatives I've met have actually stated many of the above. Every day conservatives don't seem to spout these sort of statements or agree with them.

Most conservatives are people who want the best for their country, and don't feel the need to label liberals, or to divide the voters into red or blue.

And that gate swings two ways, I might add.... ;)


Might I introduce you to the "conservative" Americans on this board :wah:
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Boogalette
Posts: 170
Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2004 5:01 pm

What You Must Believe to Be a Good Republican...

Post by Boogalette »

Bryn Mawr;1333799 wrote: Might I introduce you to the "conservative" Americans on this board :wah:


Yes, it seems as though this board is level headed and does not encourage such a black and white political mentality. I like that there is no name calling, seems more mature and civilised.
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.~ De Seuss
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Tightwad
Posts: 92
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2010 2:22 pm

What You Must Believe to Be a Good Republican...

Post by Tightwad »

Bill clinton in the 1960's ??????? What the hell is that all about??????????
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Scrat
Posts: 1406
Joined: Mon Sep 20, 2010 9:29 pm

What You Must Believe to Be a Good Republican...

Post by Scrat »

Good one Saint, a lot of that does ring true.
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flopstock
Posts: 7406
Joined: Sat Dec 29, 2007 2:52 am

What You Must Believe to Be a Good Republican...

Post by flopstock »

Tightwad;1333978 wrote: Bill clinton in the 1960's ??????? What the hell is that all about??????????
I believe he didn't inhale while he wasn't avoiding the draft..
I expressly forbid the use of any of my posts anywhere outside of FG (with the exception of the incredibly witty 'get a room already' )posted recently.

Folks who'd like to copy my intellectual work should expect to pay me for it.:-6

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