Punography

General humor & jokes. Share funny photos and jokes. Must be "R" rated or below.
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superhorn
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Punography

Post by superhorn »

Here are some puns . Please forgive me !

Did you hear about the guy who named his two dogs "Rolex" and "Timex "? They were watch dogs .

Why did the bumblebee wear a yarmulka and a star of David ? He didn't want to be mistaken for a wasp .

What's Dracula's favorite place to visit in New York ? The Vampire State Building .

Why are demons and ghouls always spending so much time with each other ? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend .

What do you get when you throw a bomb into a French kitchen ? Linoleum blownaparte .

If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you're in Seine .

The Conference of Catholics and Jews in America has just come up with a joint Catholic /Jewish hymn called "Oy Vey, Maria ."

What was Beethoven doing after he died ? Decomposing .

Fedex and UPS are merging , and the new organization will be called "Fedup ."

What do you call a laughing piano ? A Yamahaha .

What's the difference between a piano and a fish ? You can't tuna fish .
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tude dog
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Post by tude dog »

image hosting
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
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tude dog
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Punography

Post by tude dog »

images upload
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
Mark Aspam
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Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 12:00 am

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Post by Mark Aspam »

My all-time favorite:

Why did the young mother name her quadruplets Eenie, Meenie, Mynee, and Irving?

Because she didn't want no Mo'.
Mark Aspam
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Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 12:00 am

Punography

Post by Mark Aspam »

What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

You can't hear a vitamin.
ZAP
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Joined: Wed Jul 05, 2006 12:25 pm

Punography

Post by ZAP »

superhorn;1506995 wrote: Here are some puns . Please forgive me !

Did you hear about the guy who named his two dogs "Rolex" and "Timex "? They were watch dogs .

Why did the bumblebee wear a yarmulka and a star of David ? He didn't want to be mistaken for a wasp .

What's Dracula's favorite place to visit in New York ? The Vampire State Building .

Why are demons and ghouls always spending so much time with each other ? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend .

What do you get when you throw a bomb into a French kitchen ? Linoleum blownaparte .

If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you're in Seine .

The Conference of Catholics and Jews in America has just come up with a joint Catholic /Jewish hymn called "Oy Vey, Maria ."

What was Beethoven doing after he died ? Decomposing .

Fedex and UPS are merging , and the new organization will be called "Fedup ."

What do you call a laughing piano ? A Yamahaha .

What's the difference between a piano and a fish ? You can't tuna fish .


LOVED these!
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tude dog
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Punography

Post by tude dog »

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
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tude dog
Posts: 5121
Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 11:48 am

Punography

Post by tude dog »

imagur
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
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Bryn Mawr
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Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:54 pm

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Post by Bryn Mawr »

It's time for Gravy to have a Knighthood, a true honour to Bisto upon him.
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tude dog
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Post by tude dog »

Bryn Mawr;1507090 wrote: It's time for Gravy to have a Knighthood, a true honour to Bisto upon him.


I must admit, I had to look that up.
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
ZAP
Posts: 3081
Joined: Wed Jul 05, 2006 12:25 pm

Punography

Post by ZAP »

tude dog;1507092 wrote: I must admit, I had to look that up.


Me too.
ZAP
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Post by ZAP »

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to

take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or

changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Read them carefully. Each is an artificial

word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are

terrifically innovative:







1. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until

you realize it was your money to start with.



2. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.



3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops

bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,

shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.



4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the

subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.



5. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.



6. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the

person who doesn't get it.



7. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are

running late.



8. Hipatitis : Terminal coolness.



9. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extracredit.)



10. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these

really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's,

like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day

consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when

they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after

you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your

bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in

the fruit you're eating.



And The #1 pick:



17. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.
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Bryn Mawr
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Post by Bryn Mawr »

tude dog;1507092 wrote: I must admit, I had to look that up.


Ah, that must be a local joke then - it worked well for me :-)
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Bryn Mawr
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Punography

Post by Bryn Mawr »

Have you seen the new hotel right next to the dividing wall in Bethlehem - they've called it the Walledoff Hotel :-

Banksy hotel, The Walled Off, opens in Bethlehem - BBC News
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tude dog
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Post by tude dog »

Bryn Mawr;1507106 wrote: Have you seen the new hotel right next to the dividing wall in Bethlehem - they've called it the Walledoff Hotel :-

Banksy hotel, The Walled Off, opens in Bethlehem - BBC News


pic hosting
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
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tude dog
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Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 11:48 am

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Post by tude dog »

Bryn Mawr;1507105 wrote: Ah, that must be a local joke then - it worked well for me :-)


Local, yes. But it worked for me.
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
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magentaflame
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Location: Victoria, Australia

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Post by magentaflame »

Two vomits were walking around a neighbourhood and one vomit began choking back tears and the other vomit asked why he was crying.

The vomit sobbing replied ,this street is where i was brought up.
The 'radical' left just wants everyone to have food, shelter, healthcare, education and a living wage. Man that's radical!....ooooohhhh Scary!
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tude dog
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Post by tude dog »

If you are Russian when you go into a bathroom and Finnish when you come out, what are your in between?

European
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
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magentaflame
Posts: 3007
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 4:11 pm
Location: Victoria, Australia

Punography

Post by magentaflame »

Omg! I actually had to think about that. Thats hilarious!.
The 'radical' left just wants everyone to have food, shelter, healthcare, education and a living wage. Man that's radical!....ooooohhhh Scary!
ZAP
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Joined: Wed Jul 05, 2006 12:25 pm

Punography

Post by ZAP »

tude dog;1507354 wrote: If you are Russian when you go into a bathroom and Finnish when you come out, what are your in between?

European


That IS funny!! :yh_rotfl
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Bryn Mawr
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Post by Bryn Mawr »

tude dog;1507354 wrote: If you are Russian when you go into a bathroom and Finnish when you come out, what are your in between?

European


Magnificent :wah:
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magentaflame
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Location: Victoria, Australia

Punography

Post by magentaflame »

I repeated that pun yesterday in the pub. After a weird look and a seconds silence there was much laughter and discussion (mainly those explaining it to others) a grin and a shake of the head as men passed me to go to the toilet.

Keep em coming.! :)
The 'radical' left just wants everyone to have food, shelter, healthcare, education and a living wage. Man that's radical!....ooooohhhh Scary!
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tabby
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Post by tabby »

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
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tabby
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Location: Virginia

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Post by tabby »

Two hats are hanging on a hat rack. One says to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
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