Time To Reconsider

[LawYeR]

time to reconsider

trapped, lost and abandoned

all the gates are shut

and all the doors locked.

the hour glass is pleased.

snowballs seem to cascade.

time is runninG up,

but who cares??

No 1 is here 2 complain

it seems like i want to die.

life is not my heaven.

the blood in my veins are blocked.

but my tears flow though in a race.

i try to prevent it,

God knows how,

as a shield from shame,

a mask from embarrasement,

but they over power me.

how long will it take 4 u 2 understand?

that my tears are pure.

that my heart beats and drink the wounds,

though they r deadly.

will it kill u 2 give me a chance?

just 1, i beg u.

to try and understand me.

i am a 'fool' if u must say,

or try to call me by a name...

yes, u may label me.

i am a hurt scar next to my identity.

all i needed was ur broad shoulder,

to lean on in despair.

and these twilight eyes

that stare through mine,

and burns my soal...

not though i was bathing in hell,

but shamed innocently, femininly...

as though u understand me.

as though u can read between the lines,

my lines...

as though my soul speaks to u,

and ur ears tend to listen,

or atleast it appears to be real.

all i needed was ur firm grip,

your strong hands...

to hold my fragile corpse whenever i feel faint.

to cover those tears that sting my eyes,

and my pale ghostly face...

all i needed was understanding...

years passed like autumn leaves

scattered on the ground.

brown, yellow, green, and oranGe.

my days were trodden leaves..

do u know what kills???

when i know that the person,

i thought understood,

was the same person who stepped

on my leaves..

who bruised me with injuries,

leaving unforgotten marks..

Ah ....it kills..

when i know 4 sure,

when i am afraid 2 consider,

that i have proof...

and what frightens me is true.

sad but true...

painful but true..

i know that i am right.

but how pathatic i am,

how i wish if i was wronG...

like a butterfly with no winGs,

i was Granted my freedom.

But then i lost the sense of direction.

the urge to lean on my back,

by myself..

mabe it is me who must understand myself.

mabe i must not blame u.

maybe i am too harsh.

maybe i am rushing myself.

yes, i trusted u.

but it is in my nature to trust.

i know it leads to danger,

however it comforted me...

i am not as soothed around,

any 1 else..

but yes, it seemed as though u understood..

as thouGh u cared.

as though i was ur first priority.

i do not know whether it is in human nature or not

to love when some 1 is far,

or distant from ur heart,

and when that love approaches,

opens up her heart,

u back away...

i do not whether it is right

to fear providing advice at first hand,

or mabe ur too coward,

so u just complain ?

i know though every 1 makes mistakes..

however some r larger than life..

too huge to control..

maybe i drank venom.

disguised as 'love.'

maybe my elixir, my passion,

or maybe u,

was a glimpse of my imagination.

maybe i thought i knew u.

maybe i thought u were some 1 else.

maybe i thought i understood u,

maybe i thought u understood me.

maybe i fell in love with the idea of love,

and not the person..

maybe i made u the knight of my dreams,

i molded u in the way that suited me.

but i am afraid that is not u.

if that is so then i must not blame u.

i must not wave a bye.

maybe i thought i trusted u.

maybe i was right.

since i did and still do.

but maybe i am too selfish,

2 ask for ur trust in return.

maybe i must not do so.

no, i will not..

since i cannot face a heart,

to swallow emmotions,

which are not available in the first place..

however these hurst incidents

of my scattered past,

built bricks around me..

shelter from misfortunes, players, losers..

i do not care anymore.

whenever some1 shares sweet emmotîons

toward me..

if u love me good 4 u.

if u dont, damn with u,

i do not care..

do not be offended,

i know i seem cruel.

or appear malicious.

but i force this side of my personality

to build up.

since it is the only way i can

protect myself, pluck up courage,

gather my broken heart pieces together..

my scattered bits..

i know that it will take ages

to stand firmly on the ground,

and glide joyously again..

i know now, that my walks are

hesitant. as if i was a hunch back.

maybe this is what they call 'experience.'

so please try 2 understand me,

for once in ur life.

every1 have tantrums.

though it is not in my nature,

to make some1 else's day a living hell,

though i was rotting in it..

but try to understand..

if u see that i am backinG away,

maybe even too far than expected.

it is not because i want 2 or yearn so.

it is not becoz i am playinG games.

lord no, God knows how,

i wish to hug u tightly,

kiss ur forehead respectfully..

but i have to...

to gather up myself,

to gather up my strength,

to protect me...