New Poet

limitless · Post by **limitless** » Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:42 pm

I had a direction,

then I started researching it.

Papers, forms, telephone calls.

Slowly my bubble burst.

I had my future planned.

Career, location and family.

I had a direction,

then I came back to reality.

I have recently started to let people read my poetry and was hoping for feedback?

cheers

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Sat Nov 12, 2011 8:43 am

Pretty negative

limitless · Post by **limitless** » Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:43 pm

Lon;1375414 wrote: Pretty negative

.. . Highly likely that since I wrote it I know it's negative, I was hoping for constructive criticism thank you

theia · Post by **theia** » Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:51 pm

For me, I felt there was so much truth in what you wrote

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:53 pm

I don't know what is considered good or not so good poetry, but for what it's worth, I see what you're saying. I enjoyed reading your poem.

limitless · Post by **limitless** » Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:33 pm

theia;1375449 wrote: For me, I felt there was so much truth in what you wrote

Thank you (:

limitless · Post by **limitless** » Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:34 pm

I'm glad you enjoyed it, that's all I want people to be able to do , is read enjoy and connect with it on some level

Post by **jones jones** » Sun Nov 13, 2011 4:26 am

limitless;1375378 wrote: I had a direction,

then I started researching it.

Papers, forms, telephone calls.

Slowly my bubble burst.

I had my future planned.

Career, location and family.

I had a direction,

then I came back to reality.

I have recently started to let people read my poetry and was hoping for feedback?

cheers

More often than not our plans come to nothing.

You have a way with words. In four very short stanzas you have conveyed exactly how you feel. Brevity is an exceptional trait. I am envious as in my case, if something can be said in a single sentence, I will usually take four or five!

Welcome to FG. We have a lamentable shortage of poets and writers here.

Thank you for showing me yours ... I will show you mine.

limitless · Post by **limitless** » Sun Nov 13, 2011 4:56 am

jones jones;1375485 wrote: More often than not our plans come to nothing.

You have a way with words. In four very short stanzas you have conveyed exactly how you feel. Brevity is an exceptional trait. I am envious as in my case, if something can be said in a single sentence, I will usually take four or five!

Welcome to FG. We have a lamentable shortage of poets and writers here.

Thank you for showing me yours ... I will show you mine.

Oh wow, thank you very much for your kind words (: I used to write like you and use 3 or 4 sentences when I could easily have used 1.

I'm glad to be joining this group of writers and poets (: and I'm looking forward to reading yours (:

Lady J · Post by **Lady J** » Sun Nov 13, 2011 10:56 pm

limitless;1375448 wrote: .. . I was hoping for constructive criticism thank you

limitless your poem does bring about a certain feel but how much constructive criticism do you want?

When building a poem one can use all the scaffolds they need but those structures should be removed so that the reader is not distracted by idol thought but left to make their own.

I had a direction,

Then I started researching it.

Slowly my bubble burst.

I had a direction,

I had my future planned.

Then I came back to reality.

I am by no means a critic I just know how many times this bit of information has been drilled into me.

Best to you and welcome to The Garden.

Lady J

limitless · Post by **limitless** » Mon Nov 14, 2011 12:26 am

Lady J;1375625 wrote: limitless your poem does bring about a certain feel but how much constructive criticism do you want?

When building a poem one can use all the scaffolds they need but those structures should be removed so that the reader is not distracted by idol thought but left to make their own.

I had a direction,

Then I started researching it.

Slowly my bubble burst.

I had a direction,

I had my future planned.

Then I came back to reality.

I am by no means a critic I just know how many times this bit of information has been drilled into me.

Best to you and welcome to The Garden.

Lady J

I am only young and I don't know whether my poetry is enjoyed by the audience,

I didn't build this poem there's no secret reasoning as to why certain words were used and Im unsure as to why I wrote in cuplets.

However, by constructive criticism I meant if you enjoyed it let me know, if you didn't tell me why

Thank you

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Mon Nov 14, 2011 4:47 pm

For what it's worth (I'm no poet and never likely to be) I liked it. I liked the symmetry of it, the pallindromic nature of the centre section with its contrasting of what you wanted against what defeated it worked well, the repetition of the first and last stanzas with their positive opening and subsiding second line. The poem as a whole draws a sine wave of emotion and, I think, draws the reader with it.

You certainly get your feeling across so I think you have to count it a success.

limitless · Post by **limitless** » Tue Nov 15, 2011 3:28 am

Bryn Mawr;1375688 wrote: For what it's worth (I'm no poet and never likely to be) I liked it. I liked the symmetry of it, the pallindromic nature of the centre section with its contrasting of what you wanted against what defeated it worked well, the repetition of the first and last stanzas with their positive opening and subsiding second line. The poem as a whole draws a sine wave of emotion and, I think, draws the reader with it.

You certainly get your feeling across so I think you have to count it a success.

:') , thank you and I think I will count this one as a success (:

I'm glad you told me what you liked about it , I want to write for not only myself but for others to read and connect with