I blame Jack Kerouac

[KB.]

My life can be summed up by a piece of cheap leather. Nothing fits me anymore. My belt included. I stand up and my pants are falling off of me, with my belt on, and then I loosen my belt and attempt to make it a little tighter. But it won’t go any tighter; there are more holes there, in the belt, but if I go further down that piece of leather it gets too tight. My pants bunch around my hips and look awkward. It is tight enough that it hurts my waist. So I have two options, too loose, or too tight. At least too loose doesn’t hurt.

Do they even teach what a metaphor is anymore? A metaphor is language that directly compares seemingly unrelated subjects. It is a figure of speech that compares two or more things not using like or as.

“Add another hole.” “There ain’t enough room.”

The middle ground disappeared years ago. I blame Jack Kerouac.

“I was going to be left alone on my butt at the other end of the continent. But why think about that when all the golden land's ahead of you and all kinds of unforseen events wait lurking to surprise you and make you glad you're alive to see?”

-Kerouac



I read too much of that **** when I was a kid. On the Road, Catcher in the Rye, and Bob Greene’s Be True to Your School ruined me. Then along came Dante walking through Purgatory, Hell, and Heaven; forever screwing up my thoughts on religion. I still believe in purgatory. William Golding just had to write The Lord of the Flies and peak my interest at the thought of a Utopian society and original sin. Joseph Conrad apparently spent 8 years in the Congo and decided to write a story within a story called The Heart of Darkness. It made me think about one man’s ability, no matter how ****ing crazy, to control those around him.

Don’t forget Homer, not Simpson, and his epic poem of Odysseus. I was introduced to the world of Sirens and Muses. I read about a man’s ten year journey back home. I read about the **** a man will go through, never giving up, to just get his tired ass back home.

Then there was Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus, a philosophical essay where Camus introduces his philosophy of the absurd. ****ing perfect. Man’s futile search for meaning, clarity, and unity in an unintelligible world devoid of God, eternal truths, and values. Thanks Albert I appreciate the little push towards bat-**** crazy you gave when I was 18. Stupid Honors English and Humanities classes. I didn’t understand how to use a semicolon and thought sentence fragments were the devil; but I could breakdown the societal flaws in The Lord of the Flies using Albert Camus philosophy set forth in The Myth of Sisyphus.

Bat-**** crazy.

Hey George Orwell thanks for Animal Farm. I’m on watch lists because of sounding like a “Communist Sympathizer.”

I don’t care what Mrs. Huey said there is not always a Christ Figure in every story.

My brother and my mom bought me a $50 dollar gift card to Books-A-Million for Christmas. I already have most of those books sitting on my bookcase but I think I’ll go purchase the ones I do not tomorrow.

Moby Dick, the book every High School to College aged kid dreads to read. At last count I’ve read it 21 times. And it has been almost a year since I read it last. I rarely even finish it or start at the beginning anymore. I read that first paragraph every couple of weeks. “Call me Ishmael.” I have a copy of the book somewhere that I have crossed out every Ishmael and replaced it with “Bob”.

“Call me Ishmael. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off - then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.”

Kiss my ass Melville, and Bob, you can kiss my ass too.

Too many books, too many movies, and too many Allman Brother’s songs.

I am anti-social, I get nervous around crowds, and I am probably a little bit agoraphobic. I don’t go smoke every thirty minutes because I want to. I do it because it feels like I’m going disappear within the crowd. I am all of those things and I still work retail, I have worked with the general public since I was 15 years old. Seventeen long ass years. I don’t even like people. Sisyphus pushing a rock up a mountain only to have it come crashing down and roll over him. Again, and again, and again.

I lost my train of thought.

Kevin

[AussiePam]

Hey I've read most of the same books and remained totally normal, and I'm unanimous in this!!

[mikeinie]

10,000 maniacs

YouTube - 10,000 Maniacs - Hey Jack Karouac / Eat for Two