Chess Pie, Guitar Hero, and ah who cares?

[KB.]

I am a little eccentric; well if I had any money I would be a little eccentric, but since I'm broke I guess I'm just crazy.

It is 2:30 in the morning I have been up for 18 hours, I just got finished making some Chess pie squares which have 25 minutes left to cook, I drove 40 miles round trip to go to a Wal-Mart in Milan so I could get the ingredients for said sweets because I cannot stand to go to the Wal-Mart that is less than a mile from my apartment, I listened to a 13 year old Tupac CD on the way there and the Allman Brothers on the way back, I helped run a Guitar Hero tournament at work tonight and when two very young children, one a boy and one a girl, lost early on I felt bad and bought them a game out of my own pocket because, ****, they did the best they could and the deserved something for the effort, I was happy to have someone else cook for me this morning as I ate breakfast before work, I was pleased to see the kitchen and the dishes were clean when I got home, I watched Step-Brothers and laughed until I snorted, I took a Chihuahua named Bella outside, I talked sports with my best friend, I "pouted" when my hand was removed from the stomach of the most hard headed woman I have ever met, and now I'm sitting on my couch typing this on my brother's laptop.

I hate typing on a laptop.

The Chess Pie squares smell great. They should be done in about 10 minutes. I can't eat them, I'll have to settle for a small taste to see if they pass muster and hope they then pass muster with the person I am cooking them for. I couldn't even lick the spoon. I had images of me running my finger along the inside of the mixing bowl but had to douse that image with a drink of flat Diet Dr. Pepper. In Two and a half months I will have been insulin dependent Diabetic for 22 or 23 years; I really don't remember, and I have cooked brownies and now a Chess Pie in the last five days.

I'm an almost 32 year old man, damn where did the time go, and I'm writing about baking. It is a metaphor or an analogy. Not really. It is more like I ain't ever happy taking the easy way out.

As I drove around taking the long way back from my post midnight grocery shopping I thought about why turning 32 seems to bother me so much. It is a ****ing weird age to be bothered by. 30 didn't bother me and neither did 31. I thought about being 14 and watching my Mother cry as I sat in handcuffs talking to Sheriffs from two different counties, I thought about being 16 and being able to get drunk off of half a six pack, I thought about being 30 and being able to swallow a fifth of Vodka a day and walk around like I was stone sober. I thought about driving home from a friend's house every weekend for a couple of years and being blackout drunk so many of those weekends that I have no idea how I made it to the house. I don't remember.

I wondered if I am too sensitive and I remembered the last time I really cried to the point it shook me physically. It's been, what, over 16 years now? You were 8, you were 4, and you were still shitting your diapers. I know the next time it will happen. My tired Grandmother will eventually go to sleep and not wake up. I'm amazed she has made it this long; it has been almost a year since her husband of 68 years gave up the ghost and went on home. I wonder if anyone will put a hand on my head and tell me it is going to be alright. I wonder if I should tell the people who make my work schedule to kiss my ass and give me my Sundays back so I can spend some time with that beautiful old woman. Just to give her a kiss on the top of her head and tell her I love her.



You're thinking, "There is no way he thought about all of this crazy **** on a trip back and forth to Wal-Mart."

But I did. And I thought about a thousand other things that mean little to nothing to anyone but me. I'm not finished writing about them either. The great thing about a "story" written out into words is that there is no one in front of you telling you to shut-up, be quiet, stop, or asking how the hell you got to here from there. It is fantastic.

The Chess squares? I think the little bite I had tasted damn good. I'm glad I can cook. I'm thankful I was raised seeing my dad and my mom share the cooking. I can do more than make a ham sandwich and if I eat fried bologna for supper it is because I wanted too and not because that is the limit of my cooking abilities. I just went back and had another little taste. I murdered that ****. Yes I used the phrase, "murdered that ****" in conjunction with baked goods. Because I did. Murder it. That is prize winning material.

Four eggs, two sticks of real butter, 8 ounces of cream cheese, a pound of powdered sugar, and a box of yellow cake mix. Maybe 20 minutes of prep time and 45-50 minutes of oven time at 350 degrees. I think I'll go visit the folks tomorrow and take them some of that confectionary goodness. They'll be proud because even the simplest things deserve to be recognized.

About two hours into that silly Guitar Hero tournament tonight one of the younger participants asked if he could sit up on top of the boxes of the game in question we had set out in the middle of the aisle. I told him he could sit by me if he wanted so he could see the game better and he climbed to the top of those boxes that stood almost as tall as he did. His name is Ty and as he sat there next to me watching the guy he was going to have to play against he looked up at me. I asked him if his mom or dad was there to watch him but he shook his head no and said he was there with his brother. I looked around and asked Ty where his brother was, "He's over by the other game where the better people are playing." "Well, Ty, I tell you what I'm not supposed to have any favorites here but I'll pull for you." "Thanks." "Sure thing. How old are you Ty?" "Six." "Six is a good age. You're still young enough to get away with things but old enough to understand you are getting away with it. Makes it more fun." "Yep."

Ty lost but unlike the other kids his age who lost he didn't cry. Why would he? There wasn't anyone around to care. He turned around as soon as the other guy beat his score and asked me when the next tournament would be and if I would be there. I told him I wasn't for sure but we would take signups for a couple of weeks before we had it and if I saw his name on the sheet I would be sure to be there. "You did good Ty; only two other people did better. I had fun watching you play." "But I didn't win." "Who cares? You still tried and you still did a good job." "Thanks."

Ty ran off looking for his older brother. He lost but he had a smile on his face. Too bad there wasn't anyone there to see it.

I drove around tonight and I thought about all of the old friends I still have and all of the old friends I will never see again. I wondered why some of them were gone and I was still hanging around. The cosmic card game of fate, luck, and strategy doesn't give one damn who you are or who you know. It doesn't care how good of a man or woman you are. It could give a **** about what you think you are entitled too.

I drove around tonight and I thought about who I am and if I should change. If maybe I ask too much. If maybe I think too much. Talk too much. Then I walked in the door, made some Chess Pie Squares at 3 in the morning just because I figured it might make a lovely woman smile when she heads for work, and then I wrote a little story with no clear point.

Its 4:30 in the morning, I'm going to go smoke, refuse to proof read this, and go to bed. Try and make someone smile today. Tell somebody they did a good job. Reach out and hold the hand of the person you love. And always remember we are never promised another day.

Kevin

[Rooshe]

Hey Kevin, i thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Really hits me in the heart. And if you don't mind I would love to use this in compitition. Would that be alright?

[Bryn Mawr]

Rooshe;1329101 wrote: Hey Kevin, i thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Really hits me in the heart. And if you don't mind I would love to use this in compitition. Would that be alright?


Kevin no longer posts in the Garden and therefore cannot give you his permission.

The work is under his copyright and therefore not free to be used, in a compitition or otherwise.

[KB.]

Good looking out Bryn. Thank you.

[Bryn Mawr]

KB.;1352549 wrote: Good looking out Bryn. Thank you.


And very welcome back you are too Sir :-6

How the devil are you?

[KB.]

Decent. I've had some health issues the past year and a half after returning from Montana back to Tennessee. Diabetic neuropathy to be exact. That has slowed me down and I haven't really been more than 40 miles from home since October of '09. I'm restless to say the least.

[Bryn Mawr]

KB.;1352554 wrote: Decent. I've had some health issues the past year and a half after returning from Montana back to Tennessee. Diabetic neuropathy to be exact. That has slowed me down and I haven't really been more than 40 miles from home since October of '09. I'm restless to say the least.


Ouch - not good news. Good that you're starting to be restless and wanting to get back into the world and I wish you well in that.

I hope that the Garden can help for those times you're home and that you can spread your wings a lot more soon.

I guess that having started so young you have the glucose control sorted out? That's always been the problem for the diabetics I've known but they're all late onset and have a job adjusting their lifestyles.

[KB.]

Yea, my diabetes is actually under great control. My doctor told me I was in the best shape he had ever seen me in and he has known me for 20 plus years. Of course I had just spent 5 months hiking and climbing mountains so it figures I would be in better shape. The neuropathy is just something that tends to happen over time with diabetics and I have been one for almost 25 years now.