Twas the night before Christmas

[martin@livingthesimplelif]

It Twas the night before Christmas and all through my pad;

Not a creature was stirring, not even my Dad;

The stockings were hung on the fireplace, hung with great care;

In hope that Saint Dick, soon would be there;

I call him Saint Dick, because of Christmas’s in the pass;

When he always left a note telling me to kiss his ass;

My stocking is always full but I dare not reach inside of it;

Because every year it is completely full of smelly reindeer ****;

I wrote him many letters but, he will not budge;

For a jolly old soul, he really holds a grudge;

I went to visit him one time and the elves they did scoff;

Santa had them throw me out, and then flip me off;

Each year I say sorry and try to get him to forgive;

All this just because I lased his cookies with a laxative.

[Rapunzel]

martin@livingthesimplelif;1079538 wrote: It Twas the night before Christmas and all through my pad;

Not a creature was stirring, not even my Dad;

The stockings were hung on the fireplace, hung with great care;

In hope that Saint Dick, soon would be there;

I call him Saint Dick, because of Christmas’s in the pass;

When he always left a note telling me to kiss his ass;

My stocking is always full but I dare not reach inside of it;

Because every year it is completely full of smelly reindeer ****;

I wrote him many letters but, he will not budge;

For a jolly old soul, he really holds a grudge;

I went to visit him one time and the elves they did scoff;

Santa had them throw me out, and then flip me off;

Each year I say sorry and try to get him to forgive;

All this just because I lased his cookies with a laxative.


Twas the night before Christmas when Santa ran

As fast as a Santa can run... to the pan

He wished it was summer... and he was out playing golf

Instead of pooping more poop than even Rudolph!

He pooped in the stockings that were hung with great care

He sat on the edge of his sleigh... and pooped in the air

Twasn't snow that fell that night, all crisp, clean and white

But chocolate drop Santa's... and boy were they shyte!

He pooped the world over... he pooped all night through

He arrived home at dawn... when he'd run out of poo

He screamed at the elves "Which one of you did it?

Who made me cover the whole world in my ****?"

Well some elves whimpered and some elves cried

But one elf stood up and called out with pride

"Twas I Santa, I'm the bad elf called Martin

I'm the one who caused all your poopin' and fartin'

I thought the Christmas cookies would be more fun if

Their chocolate coating was laxative.

I forgot that you eat three million... not three

I'm sorry if I made you doo poo and poopee."

Well Santa's face was as red as his coat

And his beard twisted up like a mean Billy Goat

With a twist of his arm and a flick of his wrist

The whole room was filled with a magic Christmas mist

And when the fog lifted and the whole room was clear

Martin the elf had been turned into a reindeer!

"You'll run behind Rudolph" they heard Santa say

As he tied his new reindeer up to his sleigh

And from that day to this, whenever Santa flies

Martin is the second reindeer to take to the skies

Unfortunately Rudolph can land in one spot

Also unfortunately, Martin cannot

Rudolph the reindeer, with nose so red

Stops abruptly on roof or flowerbed

Martin the reindeer, who was an elf in the past

Unfortunately cannot stop as fast

This brown-nosed reindeer, for his crime

Will be brown-nosed til the end of time

And the moral, my friend, is never to trick

Our laughing, but devious, Olde Saint Nick!

:wah: