Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

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KB.
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Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

Post by KB. »

So I had dinner with this lovely woman on Monday night. We went to an Italian place in town called Baudo’s. I had Chicken Marsala on wild rice and she had bread sticks.

She has the most amazing eyes, deep blue but not like a royal blue; more of a cerulean (Google it) and even then they were dark and light at the same time. Warm. I don’t use the word warm to describe blue eyes, but they were. She should thank her mother for those eyes. She has an easy smile and it was contagious, catching, you could not help but to smile when she looked up and smiled at you. Especially with those cerulean eyes to back that smile up. What a duo; a combination punch to the heart. I was reeling, about to fall down.

Then I heard her laugh. I was done. I just wanted to pick her up and hold her to my chest, hold her high in the air for everyone to see. People commented all night about just how cute she was. I felt pride creeping into me, and I lost the last bit of my pride early in the summer. Here it was though walking slowly towards me. It got close and it said to me, “Hello Kevin, I am Pride, let a little of me back into your life. All things in moderation”.

This woman though she is far too young for me; hell I am old enough to be her father.

Her skin is so soft and smooth. Her hair is a light brown and short. The cutest little toes you have ever seen. I held her hand in mine every chance I got. She would get distracted and as young women tend to do find something new to hold her attention, but she always came back.

On the way home she got a little upset and I rubbed her sweet little face until she fell asleep.

Monday was her birthday, I wanted to give her a kiss good night but she was sleeping nicely, she had just turned eight months old.

Bless my gypsy soul.



I was nervous for the first time in months; I stood and looked at flowers for half an hour. I finally picked out the bouquet that had the least amount of pitiful in it and headed for the baby section. I looked and looked for a teether that was in the shape of flowers. None to be found. Now there is no way I can take this woman flowers and not bring the babe something as well. That is just rude, how would that little girl feel to see mom getting a gift and she, after all it was her birthday, not get anything? I settled on a water filled ring that had Winnie and Tigger on it. I wondered to myself if she would be able to use it immediately or if it would need to be washed first.

I looked at the flowers again and went back to see if maybe some fresh ones had been put out.

I looked at my phone to see the time and hurried to the checkout; I’m not one to be late. It was time to go.

I had flowers for mom, her first in a long time; and something for the little one to throw around, drop, chew on, and look at as if she were seeing things for the first time.

A date to not be late for; first one of those in a long time as well.

What the hell kind of man wouldn’t jump at the chance to take these two beautiful women out for dinner and conversation. His loss; my gain. I got the better deal by far.

I’m a stupid, backwards working, fool of a man. First date conversation should not include talk of keeping in touch after I move. The time to get to the half way point of that distance should not be after dinner conversation. The phrase, “The next few months will be the hardest” should not be uttered.

“I think it will be good we can get to know each other better.”

That was an interesting observation made by the person I was looking at. It’s true at least where I am concerned. I don’t talk nearly as well as I write (which to some people probably isn’t that good either), and if you can make it through the distance and the time then you can make it through anything; right?

God bless my rambling heart and all of the beautiful people that tried so hard to grab on to it. Thanks for taking the time and putting forth the effort. Thank you for helping to make me who I am.

At least I’m not leaving the state. I’m just moving to the other side. I’m going to make a better life and as horrible as it is, money plays a part in that. I need a place I can call a home, I want a place with enough furniture that to move would be just too big of a pain in the ass. It will take me about 47 minutes to pack tomorrow. That is stupid.

Maybe someone will decide that before they lose too many years to the things inside of them they would like to come on out and make it impossible for me to just pick up and move. What a lovely day that will be.

“I’ll try. I’ll try too”.

Let me see if I can get the point across with a lyric from one of my favorite songs.

“When I wake up in the morning

love

and the sun light hurts my eyes

and something without warning

love

bears heavy on my mind.

Then I look at you and the worlds alright with me”

~Bill Withers – Lovely Day

Seriously it is that simple.

Do you realize how hard it is to pursue someone when you are moving in the opposite direction? It is almost as hard as not moving at all. This place is too small for me; claustrophobic, it suffocates me sometimes. It suffocates you too doesn’t it?

The air is clearer in the mountains.

Never forget you are a wonderful woman, a good mother, easy to talk to. Never forget. Be still a minute and see yourself as I see you. Keep on keeping on, don’t give up, and don’t give into what some one tried and still tries to put into your head. Damn a worthless man who loves to break a woman’s spirit. I swear if I ever see him I’ll pull his nasty tongue out of his throat and choke him with it. I’ll snatch the evil right out of him.

People, especially all of you beautiful women; never let some half assed piece of scum who just happens to have a dick and a pair of testicles determine your own self-worth. The world is full of shitty people, just look past them and remember that there are good folks out there as well. There is always someone willing to fight for you; someone who thinks you are worth more than gold. We get a little tired sometimes but a wink or a baby’s kiss always brings us right back. We don’t need much; most times all we want is to see you not give up. To see your eyes as you realize there is something much better out there, and that you are worth it.

God bless your weary hearts.



“The history of all times and of today especially, teaches that ... women will be forgotten if they forget to think about themselves.”

~Louise Otto



You know I talk a lot about wanting someone to write to me the way I write for everyone else. Well I cleaned out the trunk of my poor car today. It has things in it from as far back as my trip home from Houston and I didn’t even have the car then. I found a little box with a few pictures in it and a few letters. One of those letters was from my dad; he wrote it for me before I moved to Houston. I really never realized how wise his words were until about five minutes ago as I sat outside smoking and reading that letter again for the first time in seven years.

Most days my father is a man of few words. He has his stories he tells, and he tells them well. I am like him in a lot of ways. I always do better when I write my thoughts out.

Kevin,

Just remember home will never be the same. You can come home and stay as long as you need. Just to let you know I love you. I may not say it as often as I need to, but everything I have done I just tried to prepare you; believe it or not I’ve been there, and it took the love of your Mother (remember to pay attention to the words people put emphasis on, capitalize, and say more than once – he capitalized Mother) to keep me here.

Love you,

Dad

I’m a lucky man; I just hope I get to share that with as many people as I possibly can.

Remember, always remember, no matter how blue it gets, no matter how heavy the world starts to feel, and no matter how bad you feel about yourself. There is always someone, some where, who cares.



KB



Why the hell will somethings embed and others not?
Life ain't linear.
RedGlitter
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Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

Post by RedGlitter »

KB, this feels less like a story than it does a personal letter from you. That's why I'm going to say this is the piece I have enjoyed most so far. Don't take that to mean that I didn't enjoy many of the others because that's not so. This one...I admit, I bit at first having no clue you were talking about a baby, and that made me smile when I got there. Picturing you shopping for teether rings warmed me. And of course your request that women know their own self worth was not lost on me either. That you would share a private letter from your dad just seems to bring it all home for me.

Yeah. This one has the most human touch or maybe it just struck something in me. Something I put away for another day.

Good call. :-6
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WonderWendy3
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Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

Post by WonderWendy3 »

K.B. That was great! It touched me deeply and I really enjoyed reading it!

I got teary eyed a few times there....thanks for sharing!:-4
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KB.
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Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

Post by KB. »

look at this picture.







Tell me how a man throws that away. Not just throws it away but would rather sign over any rights to her than to pay child support. The half dead bastard.
Life ain't linear.
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WonderWendy3
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Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

Post by WonderWendy3 »

KB.;694571 wrote: look at this picture.







Tell me how a man throws that away. Not just throws it away but would rather sign over any rights to her than to pay child support. The half dead bastard.


She is Gorgeous and I understand how you feel, I have 3 beautiful children that a good for nothing Male pretends to be a Dad once a month and pays the least amount possible to help out with those beautiful boys....never offers to help with anything and if he's asked, be prepared to hear excuses and sad songs.



It is sad that People are selfish, but they are and there is nothing you can do to change that, other than MAYBE pulling his tongue out and choking him with it, and when you get done with him, I have a few more for you to take care of!:-5
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KB.
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Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

Post by KB. »

WonderWendy3;694576 wrote:



It is sad that People are selfish, but they are and there is nothing you can do to change that, other than MAYBE pulling his tongue out and choking him with it, and when you get done with him, I have a few more for you to take care of!:-5




Think I'll make a hobby of it.
Life ain't linear.
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WonderWendy3
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Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

Post by WonderWendy3 »

KB.;694579 wrote: Think I'll make a hobby of it.


I've got 3 for you in the state of Virginia if you ever need a change of scenery!!
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KB.
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Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

Post by KB. »

Well, I'll be a hell of a lot closer come Sunday. I plan on a trip that way sometime next year.
Life ain't linear.
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nvalleyvee
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Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

Post by nvalleyvee »

K.B. what wonderful feelings to express.

I had a similar life uplifting experience from a neighbor when my ex was leaving me when I was going through chemo. She came over just to spend a couple of hours with me, make me tea and hold me while I cried. I will never forget the absolute warmth from her. It gave me much strength through the following months. We are forever friends now.

It is because of people like you that some of us are here today. :-4

I hope I can repay it someday to someone else.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
weeder
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Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

Post by weeder »

Ill write to you.. the way you write for everyone else. The writing part is easy.. it is the baring of ones soul publicly that is hard. There havent been many men who have crossed my life with a heart like yours, or having the rarest of places deep within them, that feels the way you do. There was one, a very long time ago..... having been fortunate enough to discover that they do exist, is what keeps this heart hoping that another one will come along. It was a cold, grey,empty Sunday. The thought of school the next day, hung over my head like a virus. Knowing that the end of my free time was near, and that I would have to be subjected to the monotone ramblings of teachers, who merely recited information, while they scratched at dandruff, or cleared their throats loudly, and reguarly. The ground was covered with snow. An unexpected storm in early March. With nothing great to do, what did I do? what girls do.. I washed my hair.

No sooner was I wrapped in a towel, that the phone rang. My best friends cousin had come to town, from a town close by, with 5 of his male friends.

They were coming to get me. We all piled into a volkswagen bug, girls on top of guys, cold, but very, very, warm. When we arrived at Debs house, we went in, took stock of each other, and let our hearts bond with the mates who touched our souls. Mine, who turned out to be the love of my young life, put his arm around me, and said to the roomful of guys" This girl is mine" It was the winter of 1969. I fell in love with his eyes, and the way that his golden eyebrows were barely there. Thinking of him now, which I do every day, I know that he was a baby. But at that time he was everything masculine to me. Blonde and strong, wild, yet kind. He was the leader of the pack, with a penchant for living on the edge, and inspiring others to love the thrill of living the same way. He drove me wild, waiting for phone calls. He was a pied piper, and everyone, always wanted a piece of him. He ran with the guys, he rode with them too. But he saved the best pieces for me. I was gone the moment he announced to that room that I was his, and any aspirations I had on this earth went off with a huge gust of wind. He was someone to be proud of, and someone to be proud to be with. We had a very short time together, short but very intense. He owned my heart. He loved motorcycles, and he is the only one I have ever ridden on the back with. Thirty eight years later, I can feel my arms wrapped around his waist, smell the leather, the wind whipping past my face, the sun warming us, hear us laughing, and feel my heart racing from the sound of his voice. That June we danced on the terrace of an old and historic hotel. He was wearing a white tuxedo, I can smell his cologne. I can feel my cheek close to his, he whispered in my ear " I want to squeeze you to death" Later, under the stars, he kissed me, held my face in his hands, and said" I want to breathe you in" I didnt know it then, but he was my muse. I lost him twenty days later. He went to a place that I couldnt go. Although, I almost did follow him because he took a huge piece of me with him. Or maybe he left a huge piece of himself with me. Maybe he really did breathe me in, and took me to an ethereal place, above the clouds. Because from the time he was gone, I never felt anything the way that I did when I was with him. I went on to live my life, as a female who emulated many of the traits in him, that I found so appealing. Everything I did, I felt was either a tribute, or a gift, or a thank you. Thank you for loving me, the way you did. Riding bikes, living on the edge, drawing people to me, but never ever, letting anyone else come close to breathing me in. Hell, Ive been married twice, and not one night with either one of them has ever moved me, like that night under the stars.

Hey, KB.... This is your time. This is it. Move if you have to ( for a while) but come back and get her. Get the baby too. There is nothing more worthwhile on this earth, than really loving someone. You know that. I am so thrilled for you. Thrilled for her too. We never know what is coming tomorrow. We have to grab on to good and rare things that come our way. What a lucky mama and child.
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KB.
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Then I heard her laugh. I was done.

Post by KB. »

That was nice Weeder. Thanks for the story. I've read it before, but not with so many details.
Life ain't linear.
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