Recapturing the Joy

Debb · Post by **Debb** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 10:20 am

I am under 24 hours new to the forum and in searching the site today, I was pleased to find this forum for bereaved parents. Of which I am one. And I look forward to chatting with others whom this role has been thrust upon. The role of bereaved parent is never one of personal choice, for sure.:-6

Rain · Post by **Rain** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 10:23 am

Debb, My sincere sympathy goes out to you from one parent to another. Hugging.

Debb · Post by **Debb** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 10:41 am

Hi Rain, Thankyou for your post and a big hug back to you as well. I know we will have some great chats !:-6

Niamh · Post by **Niamh** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 11:07 am

hello Dear Debb .

I'm the grandmother of 3 girls, 2 of which are just 18 day old twins. I send you all my love and very best wishes and hope your poor broken heart will soon be happy again.

take care, Debb

much love, Niamh xx ((((((((((big hug ))))))))))))))))

Debb · Post by **Debb** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 11:27 am

Hello Niamh,

Thankyou for your kind wishes. Actually my broken heart is healed, finally. It took many years but I have in fact recaptured my joy of life. Once a bereaved parent, always a bereaved parent but becoming a healed bereaved parent and restoring happiness is a long journey - however, have managed it and supporting other bereaved parents is a passion for me. Love, Debb xoxo:-6

Niamh · Post by **Niamh** » Wed Aug 16, 2006 12:37 pm

Hi Debb. !!

So pleased that the happy memories have flooded back at last.You are a great inspiration , not only to bereaved parents, but to all of us.

Life goes on !! Enjoy !!

love Niamh xx

Debb · Post by **Debb** » Thu Aug 17, 2006 8:22 pm

Checking in to see how everyone is doing today.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 10:51 am

Hi everyone many years ago when i was a young man my partner and i SAM had a beautiful little dark haired big brown eyed baby girl called Natasha as any parent knows we were over the moon but within a few minutes of the birth it became obvious some thing was very wrong the doctors took our little girl away . we were beside our selves with worry after half an hour the doctors came back with no baby , i was told my beautiful daughter would not make it till the morning we sat up all night praying and to the amazement of the doctors she made it and the next day she was rushed to a special baby unit in London she made it through another day and we thought maybe just maybe she would be OK but early the next morning i woke up with a start and don't ask me how but i knew she was going i woke up SAM and we went to see our 8 and a half pound beautiful girl just fade away the nurses and doctors were crying tears as well it was every parents nightmare unfolding in front of my very eyes . why oh why SAM screamed our daughter was twice the size of every baby in there we later found out as Sam's waters had broken 3 days earlier and was taken into hospital she was not given antibiotics and an infection had set in Natasha's lungs it was very hard to take i can tell you . so i had a girlfriend wearing a nursing and had milk was cradling a cushion and howling with grief .. moving on 13 months we have a beautiful new baby called Chantalle we never ever forgot Natasha Chantalle gets loved twice as much . but some thing is wrong SAM is depressed we go to America to see her parents then she hits me with the bombshell she is not coming back to England so i move to the u s but visa problems mean i have to go home many terrible months pass just a few letters now and again and then about a year later i get a letter Jim i cant cope come and get your daughter so i sell up everything i have and bring her back to England .. we live happy for three years its not easy but my Chantalle is the most loved little girl in the world i send her mom pictures every week or so and ring her mom and let my little girl talk to her mom .. then Chantalle goes to school we are happy then it happens the bottom falls out of my world her mum has met some one and wants our daughter back i go to see a solicitor and its hell we were not married i have no rights to my daughter .. i have to choices take my daughter and run knowing she will never see her mom again or hope SAM will be fair and let me see her when i can.. i decide to take a chance on SAM surely no woman can take losing two children and i know she knows losing Chantalle would kill me .. i take her to the u s and say my goodbyes SAM says you can see her at Easter i send my letters no reply i keep sending nothing comes back and slowly but surely it dawns on me my girl is gone ... moving on 8 years its been a living hell I've thought about taking my own life a million times the only reason i have for living is hoping to see my daughter some time and i would not want to dump a truck load of grief and misery on my brothers and sisters with the help of a certain Mr jack Daniels i against the odds pull through .. i go to stay with my cousins SAM and Jess and work with my brother Casey against the odds i meet someone she has 2 kids and we are happy Christmas and Chantalle's birthday are hell but I'm getting there life seems live able just move on another year I've moved in with sue and the green shoots of a life i once had are sprouting jumbo is nearly happy then one morning 3 years ago bang bang on the door i look out the window wtf does he want i rush down stairs he is crying we go into the kitchen and says I'm sorry Jim your brother Casey has died in a house fire . i stand there a million thoughts a racing through my head is it a joke but I'm afraid its not my lovely bro has gone .. six months down the line my cousins SAM and Jess have really been there for me i had rented a flat it was not fair on sue for her to see me drunk and battling my old foes grief and pain again but battle i did and hard i stopped drinking and started training with my cousin SAM getting fit made me feel better SAM and i were inseparable every day after work we would meet up we had such plans to see the world do things together i had a life again he was the greatest man i ever knew .. move on 3 months I'm asleep in my bed bang bang on the door i open it Gareth a work mate of my cousin Jess , Jim SAM has been attacked get to the hospital to this day i cant remember getting there i see SAM laying there tubes and electrodes every there he looked like if i nudged him he'd wake up he fought for his life until his two children got to the hospital and then he slipped away i was alone totally and utterly alone grief and pain were having a field kicking me in and i could not fight back , i will never forget the look on his kids faces as they lowered him down ever the next few months are a blur Mr Daniels you really did your job i remember nothing i get a call from sue;s brother sue is in hospital i go to see her and as i see her laying there i strange thing happens i realise i still love her i have something to live for i want her to get better she had been pregnant with our child but it was in her tube they would have to remove it we are sad but hey life goes on she comes back home and i move back in we had been seeing each other now and again , but she still looks ill the next week she is rushed back into hospital very very ill something is very wrong she nearly dies the hospital had taken out the wrong tube so now they have to take out this one too and of course the baby with it .. she gets a bit better in time but not before she has two more ops ....and then it happens after year after of searching for my daughter i accidentally email the wrong British shoppe in the us .. they email me back they know Chantalle and she rings me i tell you i heard her voice for the first time in ten years i cant understand what she is say in she is crying so musc and she cant understand me for the same reason . i went out to see her in July we hugged and kissed and cried it turns out she had been looking for me all along too .. we have a great future now imagine if in my darkest hours and yes there have been a few too many i had taken my life what would that of done to my little girl now .. don't ever give up your family would be devastated if you did ,, i geuss i'm tryin to say no matter how much your in pain now how bad things are now no matter how much you lose there is a life a happy life it will take time and you have to fight for it for it wont come to you.. sorry if the grammer and spelling are over the show i've been crying as i wrote this but if only one person reads this and they get just a crumb of comfort or one ray of hope it will be worth it .. if any one needs to talk about things pm me thats fine only people that have lost a child a perant a brother can truelly no how you feel and lets face i.ve lost all three but i'm happy now .... jimbo

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Sep 09, 2006 3:28 am

sorry if the grammer and spelling are over the show i've been crying as i wrote this but if only one person reads this and they get just a crumb of comfort or one ray of hope it will be worth it
You did just fine. I hope you remember, the next time life hands you a blow, the comfort and the answers aren't found in the bottom of a bottle. My heart goes out to you. May God bless you.:-6

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Sat Sep 09, 2006 3:39 am

Oh Jimbo, I cried reading your post!

When my son was born he was very sick and had to have an operation when only a couple of days old. Then he had kidney problems for a couple of years and had to have regular hospital checkups. When he was 2 my daughter was born & she seemed very healthy at first. But at 18 months she had a very severe asthma attack and the doctors said she wouldn't survive the night. I prayed desperately for her and begged God to let me keep her. He works miracles in mysterious ways because - through a series of coincidences - I got my miracle and my precious baby survived. She was on a life support machine for a week and in hospital for weeks after that, but she pulled through, Thank God.

She has suffered throughout her life with asthma, but just this past year has been doing better and needs less medication. I was pregnant with twins when she was on the ventilator and I miscarried them later. I miscarried another baby last year. Had I lost her I don't know that I could have carried on my life. But because she survived, I survived. We have had many troubles throughout life and I have had a lot of health problems recently, but throughout it all I have thanked God for my miracle and could not ask for any more.

So in a way I understand how desperate you felt but am glad that you kept your hope alive and that through a strange coincidence, you too found your child again. God works in mysterious ways and we have both been blessed.

My heartfelt hugs go out to Debb also, who is obviously a very strong person and a survivor. I hope you both continue to post here and find a measure of comfort and friendship to warm you and comfort you. You're even allowed to chuckle here and relax from the pressures of life. God Bless you both and Welcome to the Garden.

:yh_hugs Debb :yh_hugs Jimbo

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sat Sep 09, 2006 7:08 am

thanks for the kind words ,of course the bottle is not the answer but at the time it seemed the only answer . i remember when my daughter had first gone away i was sitting in a bank with my head in my hands i must of looked exactly what i was a pathetic wretch of a human being dying of a broken heart not being able to cope without hope and to be honest it was painful just to breath , then a voice said i don't know what your problems are mate but whatever they are you can get up you can walk away from all this and if your up for the fight you can start again . i looked up slowly and there in front of me was a guy of about 45 in an electric wheel chair he did not have a neck nor any arms that i could see, his face was deformed and his chin disappeared into his chest he controlled his wheel chair with two deformed fingers that seemed to come from his rib cage , I've never felt such shame in my whole life there was this man without legs arms being so brave telling me a 6 foot 2 -225 pound guy to pull himself together to fight back i stopped feeling sorry for myself in an instant i spoke briefly with this giant of a man on the inside and i never looked back . whenever i go through Virginia waters i always look for him but I've never seen him since so if any of you know this guy just tell him Jim says thanks he saved my life

Debb · Post by **Debb** » Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:11 am

Hello Everyone ~ It has been a while since I have been into the forum but for only good reasons!

To all bereaved parents: Check out my new website WIN-WIN PUBLISHING - Home and when you click on the Recapturing the Joy link, you can access 3 links at the bottom of the page. TV interview and video I have produced for all of you. Enjoy !!

Leave me a note on the guest book if you wish, I would love that !!

Keep knowing you are not alone, ever !! Love, Deb xoxo