New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Discussion group for bereaved people.This forum offers support, understanding, compassion and hope to bereaved people, struggling to rebuild their lives after the death of their loved ones.
Glittergirl
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2009 5:39 pm

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by Glittergirl »

hello

my 'little' brother, aged 40 died 11 weeks ago tomorrow. He suffered from bipolar disorder and during a manic episode he climbed over my father's 7th floor balcony and plunged to his death. My father couldn't get to him in time to stop him.

This all happened in Cape Town, South Africa and now I am back 'home' in London. I am lucky to have a couple of good friends, but at night time the horror and grief come on me and I feel desperately lonely and wish I had someone to cry with. I don't feel able to phone friends at 2am so I am hoping this forum and the people in it can offer some support.

Having lost my mother unexpectedly too over 13 years ago I am not new to mourning and grief, but somehow this is different. I am still finding it hard to believe that my brother is dead.

I had some counselling in Cape Town which was wonderful and was pleased to find that counselling was available here in London. However, I didn't like the counsellor here, felt she was too cold, intellectual; I was unsure as to whether or not she had ever experienced a close death or not, which somehow seems to make a difference to me. I decided to stop seeing her after two sessions and feel it might be better for me to write about my grief and pain here in a more welcoming and empathetic forum.

I had one of those horrid moments today when I was watching the news and saw that Federer had won the French Open and I just wanted to pick up the phone and chat to my brother about it - he once trained to be a professional tennis player and continued to follow it keenly - it was just awful realising that I couldn't have that conversation with him. Does anyone else get annoyed when people say, things like 'you can still talk to him/her/them' and feel that the truth is 'NO, YOU CAN'T'?

Has anyone in the UK phoned the Samaritans when they have felt the grief was too much?

Well, thank you for reading this, it helps me to cry when I write. I need to cry and cry and cry.

:-1:-1:-1:-1:-1:-1:-1:-1
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Rapunzel
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Joined: Thu May 12, 2005 5:47 pm

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by Rapunzel »

Hi Glittergirl and welcome to FG.

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news and can understand the pain and loss you are feeling right now. Of course you are welcome to come and talk to us anytime. We're a global forum so there's always someone, somewhere in the world, online here reading or chatting.

However, you sound as if you need to chat to someone in a 1 to 1 conversation. I haven't used the Samaritans but I used to work as a volunteer for Parentline Plus which is like the Samaritans but for parents. With Parentline Plus there was one telephone number but 7 offices around the country so when you ring you might speak to someone in London or Scotland or on the south coast, etc. That way, if you don't like the person you're speaking to, you can call again and speak to someone else. Alternatively, if you do like them you can ask for their details and speak to them again next time. I expect the Samaritans have a very similar system.

My advice would be to google such helplines and just talk and talk and talk. Don't forget you're still in shock and grieving and grief can make us do and say strange things. Talk it through as much as you need. You should also see your doctor as he/she can help you to cope and can set up some grief counselling for you.

Come and chat to us too. We have all seen a lot of life and are here to support each other in good times and bad. Meanwhile, take care of yourself and have that good cry, it really helps. :yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_flower
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minks
Posts: 26281
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 1:58 pm

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by minks »

Welcome to FG I hope we can offer up a place for you to find any kind of relief.

So sorry to read about your loss

M
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

― Mae West
Victoria
Posts: 727
Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2007 10:33 am

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by Victoria »

Welcome.

I can understand your grief I lost my brother to suicide on feb 22 2009 he was 41.

He had been depressed but seemed to be over the worst.

Its a terrible shock and not helped by the social stigma that suicide still carries which can make it difficult to talk about.

I also understand the unreal feeling you have, esp as this all happened overseas because although I live in Holland my family are in London so its not like I can just pop in for a cuppa anytime I want.

I hope you find the support you need to get you through and if you want you can always p.m me.



Take care xx
farmer giles
Posts: 2213
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2009 6:08 am

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by farmer giles »

hello GG

first my disclaimer i am a moron any improvements to your life following any advice i offer is entirely coincidental :o:o

i have lost two younger brothers the older one not so long ago aged just 31 :-1

i have also lost my beautiful daughter Natasha i think of them all every day and sometimes its hard to believe they are gone :thinking:

my brother Casey was a fan of the same football team as me and when we win a game my first thoughts are yes i'll ring case but then reality kicks in and i of course realise he is gone :thinking:

time does not heal my friend time just makes things a little less sore

first my advice dont try to forget why would any one want to forget their lost brother or child ???

when you hurt its because you love them the more you hurt and scream and cry into your pillow at night the more you know you loved them

when people say they know how you feel they dont unless they have been through how could they ???

take your time people who say snap out of it or you be over it ... just kick in the nuts/crotch they are bigger morons than i am :thinking:

if you ever need to talk just talk ...there are some great people on fg and oscar who is banned :rolleyes:

peace to you my friend :-6
mikeinie
Posts: 3130
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2007 3:43 am

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by mikeinie »

Very sorry to hear of your losses. Welcome to FG, I hope that you can find some comfort here, there are good people on this forum.
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Sunshine
Posts: 1366
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 9:23 pm

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by Sunshine »

Welcome to the forum Glittergirl. I hope we can be of some comfort to you.
Chockygirl
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 6:15 pm

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by Chockygirl »



Oh,Glittergirl,how sorry I am to read of the death of your brother.:-1

My 'baby' brother died suddenly from a massive heart attack five years ago,and the sadness and loss I feel is still strong with me today.

I do hope you can find some help/counselling to help ease the pain a little.

Very sad to read of your losses as well,Farmer Giles and Victoria.
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Kathy Ellen
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Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 4:04 pm

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by Kathy Ellen »

hmmmmmmmmm:rolleyes:...........Samaritans....
Glittergirl
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2009 5:39 pm

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by Glittergirl »

Dear All

Thank you for your wonderful support and kind words. Very much appreciated. It is good to know that there are people in the world who understand what I am going through and who take the time to care.

Glittergirl
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along-for-the-ride
Posts: 11732
Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 4:28 pm

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by along-for-the-ride »

My sincere condolences for the sudden loss of your brother. You are always welcome to post here. We are here to listen.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
tracy829
Posts: 88
Joined: Thu May 14, 2009 7:06 am

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by tracy829 »

Very sorry for your loss.
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Odie
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Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:10 pm

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by Odie »

so very sorry for you loss.
Life is just to short for drama.
peeba10
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2009 2:37 pm

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by peeba10 »

Hi Glittergirl,

I've only just joined this forum so i'm not sure if this thread is still being used but i thought i would post anyway.

In a weird way, it's sometimes good to hear other peoples stories about losing loved ones. I lost my older brother on the 8th of march 2007 really suddenly to an undiscovered heart condition. It came as such a shock as he was such a healthy, sporty guy and so happy. I was 19 at the time and i'm now 21 and the pain is almost just as bad now as it was then. I had a long conversation with my mum tonight about it and it just feels like my whole family has hit a brick wall, and none of us have any energy to do anything. I have been left with one younger brother, who has just gone off to study at university and I now live at home with my mum and dad after leaving university a year and a half ago.

So I guess this is just a place to maybe vent some stuff and share my experience, if anyone is still interested! And I think it'll be good to have some support from other people that have had similar stuff.

Thanks for reading

Pete x
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Kathy Ellen
Posts: 10569
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 4:04 pm

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by Kathy Ellen »

peeba10;1256082 wrote: Hi Glittergirl,



I've only just joined this forum so i'm not sure if this thread is still being used but i thought i would post anyway.



In a weird way, it's sometimes good to hear other peoples stories about losing loved ones. I lost my older brother on the 8th of march 2007 really suddenly to an undiscovered heart condition. It came as such a shock as he was such a healthy, sporty guy and so happy. I was 19 at the time and i'm now 21 and the pain is almost just as bad now as it was then. I had a long conversation with my mum tonight about it and it just feels like my whole family has hit a brick wall, and none of us have any energy to do anything. I have been left with one younger brother, who has just gone off to study at university and I now live at home with my mum and dad after leaving university a year and a half ago.



So I guess this is just a place to maybe vent some stuff and share my experience, if anyone is still interested! And I think it'll be good to have some support from other people that have had similar stuff.



Thanks for reading



Pete x


Hi Pete,



I'm sorry about the loss of your brother:(



Welcome to the garden. Why don't you post an introductionary thread to say hello to everyone and tell us a bit about yourself:-6
Brenda Rathmell
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:53 am

New here - grieving the lost of my brother

Post by Brenda Rathmell »

Hi I googled berevment councelling and found this website and your message. I live now in Cape Town and I was looking for some support groups as my husband died in December. I'm originally for the UK, so we have a reverse situation you there and me here. You mentioned you had councelling in Cape Town, where did you go and can you recommend them. I know what you mean about wanting to talk to them, I've started thinking each time I answer the phone it''s going to be Martin on the other end of the phone, I think I'm loosing it and need some support/help. The tears will keep coming for a long time but it does you good to cry as much as you like!!!!!!!!1

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