I Want To Share This

Discussion group for bereaved people.This forum offers support, understanding, compassion and hope to bereaved people, struggling to rebuild their lives after the death of their loved ones.
scholle-kid
Posts: 765
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 3:53 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by scholle-kid »

To One In Sorrow

Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,

And let me take your hand.

I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.

Let me come in--I would be very still beside you in your grief;

I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,

Tears bring relief. Let me come in--and hold your hand,

For I have known a sorrow such as yours, And understand.



-Grace Noll Crowell





I wanted to share this with all the very special people here in The Garden , It is as close as I can come to describing the real support and true caring that is shown here from one to an other without any hesitation . It really is a comfort to know people like you all.
There are no savage and civilised peoples; there are only different cultures.
User avatar
along-for-the-ride
Posts: 11732
Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 4:28 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by along-for-the-ride »

So true that people in sorrow do not need to feel all alone in their grief.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
fuzzywuzzy
Posts: 6596
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by fuzzywuzzy »

You just made me cry ...............................................thankyou :o
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

I Want To Share This

Post by Oscar Namechange »

scholle-kid;1152491 wrote: To One In Sorrow

Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,

And let me take your hand.

I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.

Let me come in--I would be very still beside you in your grief;

I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,

Tears bring relief. Let me come in--and hold your hand,

For I have known a sorrow such as yours, And understand.



-Grace Noll Crowell





I wanted to share this with all the very special people here in The Garden , It is as close as I can come to describing the real support and true caring that is shown here from one to an other without any hesitation . It really is a comfort to know people like you all. Beautifull words. Sometimes those of us who have lost can not emotionally discuss their feelings with those closest to us. I know i don't. I think it's a defence mechanism plus those closest to you are hurting as well. We fear that to show our distress in front of our closest one's, will upset them, so we don't do it. We log on here to what started as total strangers because it's so much easier to tell some-one here what we feel. They only see our words, not our faces or our tears. For eg, i just would not say to one of my sister's children 'Know what? I really missed your mum today' because i know they'd cry and i don't want to see them cry. So instead, i'll make a crap joke about the how often she pranged the car or something. When their deaths are un-fair, un-justified and un-timely, we also feel rage and anger that we can't vent on our closest, so we put on a smile and tell them we're OK. Well, sometimes we're not OK are we?

I also thank the members of Fg who have me the opportunity to speak a little of my lost family. It is some-thing we must all do and never stop doing. To speak of them a little each time we come here is to keep their memorie alive within us.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
Kathy Ellen
Posts: 10569
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 4:04 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by Kathy Ellen »

Beautiful Scholle:-4 Thank you:-6







scholle-kid
Posts: 765
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 3:53 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by scholle-kid »

Oscar, you so hit the nail square on the head, When in a room with another person who misses and loved the one who's passed on, just as deeply and as true you , sometimes the feelings are to strong so a little happy memory is shared as someone is walking out the door ,



Thank you Kathy.

I came to a conclusion a while back about sharing grief online in a ' close knit' community' like The garden .

the grief is real i know it and you know it , without question, but you don't have to 'deal with my grief , so that leaves you to hold close the memories you or blessed with of your loved one and i can do the same with my memories , but, we aren't alone ,, I don't know if that makes any sense but after more then 6 years of lurking and joining grief support online sites that is a conclusion I have figured out.
There are no savage and civilised peoples; there are only different cultures.
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

Thoughtful words.

I can never release my grief until I am completely alone. It is as though I feel I am not supposed to draw attention to myself, to not be selfish and, being a man, I am not supposed to cry. Yet, I always feel as though I need someone just to hold me just as Grace offers to do in her words.

:-4:-4
scholle-kid
Posts: 765
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 3:53 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by scholle-kid »

OpenMind;1152889 wrote: Thoughtful words.

I can never release my grief until I am completely alone. It is as though I feel I am not supposed to draw attention to myself, to not be selfish and, being a man, I am not supposed to cry. Yet, I always feel as though I need someone just to hold me just as Grace offers to do in her words.

:-4:-4


((((((((((OpenMind))))))))))



I feel when a man shows emotions during an emotional situation he is only doing what is healthy and natural. I worry more about a man, close to me ,that refuses to admit to or show 'un manly' emotions because then anger uaslly replaces those emotions and thats never a good thing.
There are no savage and civilised peoples; there are only different cultures.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

I Want To Share This

Post by Oscar Namechange »

OpenMind;1152889 wrote: Thoughtful words.

I can never release my grief until I am completely alone. It is as though I feel I am not supposed to draw attention to myself, to not be selfish and, being a man, I am not supposed to cry. Yet, I always feel as though I need someone just to hold me just as Grace offers to do in her words.

:-4:-4 OM..... we have been here before. As you know, i often talk in music and their words to save my own. Remember the song i posted for you a while back on your thread? Here it is again.

YouTube - Ugly Kid Joe - Cats In The Cradle

You have the precious gift of your beautiful little girl. Remember this song sent a chill up your spine?
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
mrsK
Posts: 3342
Joined: Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:23 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by mrsK »

OpenMind;1152889 wrote: Thoughtful words.

I can never release my grief until I am completely alone. It is as though I feel I am not supposed to draw attention to myself, to not be selfish and, being a man, I am not supposed to cry. Yet, I always feel as though I need someone just to hold me just as Grace offers to do in her words.

:-4:-4


OM:-4



I think it is great if a man can show emotion & cry.

Nothing wrong with it at all.

Men who hold in their emotions must suffer no end.:-4
It's nice to be important,but more important to be nice.
User avatar
Odie
Posts: 33482
Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:10 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by Odie »

scholle-kid;1152491 wrote: To One In Sorrow

Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,

And let me take your hand.

I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.

Let me come in--I would be very still beside you in your grief;

I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,

Tears bring relief. Let me come in--and hold your hand,

For I have known a sorrow such as yours, And understand.



-Grace Noll Crowell





I wanted to share this with all the very special people here in The Garden , It is as close as I can come to describing the real support and true caring that is shown here from one to an other without any hesitation . It really is a comfort to know people like you all.




beautiful words.
Life is just to short for drama.
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

scholle-kid;1153367 wrote: ((((((((((OpenMind))))))))))



I feel when a man shows emotions during an emotional situation he is only doing what is healthy and natural. I worry more about a man, close to me ,that refuses to admit to or show 'un manly' emotions because then anger uaslly replaces those emotions and thats never a good thing.


Usually, for me, finding somewhere to be alone isn't a problem.
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

oscar;1153380 wrote: OM..... we have been here before. As you know, i often talk in music and their words to save my own. Remember the song i posted for you a while back on your thread? Here it is again.



YouTube - Ugly Kid Joe - Cats In The Cradle



You have the precious gift of your beautiful little girl. Remember this song sent a chill up your spine?


Yes. I remember well that feeling. But there has been more than one occasion for me. My parents, some of my family, etc.
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

mrsK;1153381 wrote: OM:-4





I think it is great if a man can show emotion & cry.

Nothing wrong with it at all.

Men who hold in their emotions must suffer no end.:-4


Thank you. I get it out in the end.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

I Want To Share This

Post by Oscar Namechange »

OpenMind;1153552 wrote: Yes. I remember well that feeling. But there has been more than one occasion for me. My parents, some of my family, etc.


It's funny in that way that society believe's 'men don't suffer the same emotions as women'. My husband is probably one of the most sensitive people i have ever known. If the world had more, we wouldn't be in the mess we are now.

What i meant by adding that song again was that you have a chance to right the wrongs you have suffered in life in the new life of your daughter. One day when she's grown, she'll look back and remember every happy day with you and she will grow old knowing that you gave her every moment of your time as i look back on my father.





'The greatest gift you can give your child is your time not your money' My dad.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

oscar;1153709 wrote: It's funny in that way that society believe's 'men don't suffer the same emotions as women'. My husband is probably one of the most sensitive people i have ever known. If the world had more, we wouldn't be in the mess we are now.

What i meant by adding that song again was that you have a chance to right the wrongs you have suffered in life in the new life of your daughter. One day when she's grown, she'll look back and remember every happy day with you and she will grow old knowing that you gave her every moment of your time as i look back on my father.









'The greatest gift you can give your child is your time not your money' My dad.


I know, Oscar and I understand the meaning behind the song. For as long as it is within my power, I shall not let this happen to my daughter and me. If it is not in my power, all I can do is pray.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

I Want To Share This

Post by Oscar Namechange »

OpenMind;1153720 wrote: I know, Oscar and I understand the meaning behind the song. For as long as it is within my power, I shall not let this happen to my daughter and me. If it is not in my power, all I can do is pray. I won't go into details on here but some-one very close to me was in the same position as you. Whatever happens or how it turns out, if you are parted, she will come looking for you. You know yourself that our strongest memories are from a young age. These memories of her happy times with you will always be the strongest and what will bring her back to you. Never give her a bad memory and you will reap the rewards.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

oscar;1153725 wrote: I won't go into details on here but some-one very close to me was in the same position as you. Whatever happens or how it turns out, if you are parted, she will come looking for you. You know yourself that our strongest memories are from a young age. These memories of her happy times with you will always be the strongest and what will bring her back to you. Never give her a bad memory and you will reap the rewards.


In actual fact, I have no memory of what my Dad looks like. The memory of him was replaced by another man, an RAF man, who she married. I remember my Father's presence and that he made me happy but that is all. My experiences, however, gave me a low impression of myself and I never thought that I should look for my Father. To make it harder, his surname is very common.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

I Want To Share This

Post by Oscar Namechange »

OpenMind;1153737 wrote: In actual fact, I have no memory of what my Dad looks like. The memory of him was replaced by another man, an RAF man, who she married. I remember my Father's presence and that he made me happy but that is all. My experiences, however, gave me a low impression of myself and I never thought that I should look for my Father. To make it harder, his surname is very common.


I could help you with that but not on here. There are ways through records. Yes, it takes a bit of time and searching but it's knowing who to approach first of all. Having said that..... it opens up a whole new arena of dissapointment and possibly resentment once contact has been made. It's not some-thing to go into lightly.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

oscar;1153753 wrote: I could help you with that but not on here. There are ways through records. Yes, it takes a bit of time and searching but it's knowing who to approach first of all. Having said that..... it opens up a whole new arena of dissapointment and possibly resentment once contact has been made. It's not some-thing to go into lightly.


I have wondered about that also. There is resentment on my part but I feel no anger. I believe he thought he was doing the best thing at the time. It would be nice to know more about my Father's side of the family. I would only contact him if he wanted this also. But I would also want something good to tell him. I'm not entirely sure but he must be at least 71 if he's still alive.

My concern for now is to get myself into a better position to be a good Father for my own daughter. This is more important to me now, that and fulfilling my purpose in life.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

I Want To Share This

Post by Oscar Namechange »

OpenMind;1153763 wrote: I have wondered about that also. There is resentment on my part but I feel no anger. I believe he thought he was doing the best thing at the time. It would be nice to know more about my Father's side of the family. I would only contact him if he wanted this also. But I would also want something good to tell him. I'm not entirely sure but he must be at least 71 if he's still alive.

My concern for now is to get myself into a better position to be a good Father for my own daughter. This is more important to me now, that and fulfilling my purpose in life. Not at all, your needs are important as well. Imagine growing old, looking back and wishing you had made contact when it's all too late. When tracing a parent it is best to use a third party as the go between. Some adopted children grow up with no disire to trace their biological parents but for most, they have to know their roots. You say you have no reason to contact him yet i bet he thinks of you as much as you do of him. One thought that will be going through his mind will be if he has any grandchildre. If it's something you want to do, this is the perfect time and reason to do it.......To show him his beautiful grandchild and give her a sense of her ancestry for when she's older.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

oscar;1153768 wrote: Not at all, your needs are important as well. Imagine growing old, looking back and wishing you had made contact when it's all too late. When tracing a parent it is best to use a third party as the go between. Some adopted children grow up with no disire to trace their biological parents but for most, they have to know their roots. You say you have no reason to contact him yet i bet he thinks of you as much as you do of him. One thought that will be going through his mind will be if he has any grandchildre. If it's something you want to do, this is the perfect time and reason to do it.......To show him his beautiful grandchild and give her a sense of her ancestry for when she's older.


It would be worth doing the research just to know more about my Father's side, I think, even if contact never happened. Contact would be a bonus then. But, as I say, my present concerns are with my daughter.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

I Want To Share This

Post by Oscar Namechange »

OpenMind;1153773 wrote: It would be worth doing the research just to know more about my Father's side, I think, even if contact never happened. Contact would be a bonus then. But, as I say, my present concerns are with my daughter. It is an emotive issue and one i know well due to having children in my family that are adopted. You could still do the research about your father without contact. You are admirable in your persuit to put your daughter first. Very few have the privilage of having such fathers and i know i am one of them. I thank my father every day for the time he invested in me and his un-conditional love. I miss him so hard sometimes, it hurts but he left me with a life of happy memories and an un-dying pride in everything that he was and stood for. His legacy at least lives on in us and his grandchildren.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
scholle-kid
Posts: 765
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 3:53 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by scholle-kid »

OpenMind;1153773 wrote: It would be worth doing the research just to know more about my Father's side, I think, even if contact never happened. Contact would be a bonus then. But, as I say, my present concerns are with my daughter.




I can tell you some of tjhe positive and negitive points are about finding , contacting , meeting and trying to build a realsonship with a parent ( mother) that left 3 little babies, ages 3 yrs. 14 months old and 6 weeks old . She was found when the 6 week old baby was 30 years old with 3 kids of her own.
There are no savage and civilised peoples; there are only different cultures.
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

scholle-kid;1153895 wrote: I can tell you some of tjhe positive and negitive points are about finding , contacting , meeting and trying to build a realsonship with a parent ( mother) that left 3 little babies, ages 3 yrs. 14 months old and 6 weeks old . She was found when the 6 week old baby was 30 years old with 3 kids of her own.


Was it a happy ending, SK?
scholle-kid
Posts: 765
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 3:53 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by scholle-kid »

OpenMind;1153920 wrote: Was it a happy ending, SK?


There were a lot of questions answered . Alot of the 'ideas' that lids will get and carry with them into adulthood was proven or dis proven .



Most if not all the emotions and questions that this statement of yours contain was either answered or dealt with.

I have wondered about that also. There is resentment on my part but I feel no anger. I believe he thought he was doing the best thing at the time.


A happy ending like is it a happy, healthy making up for lost time kind of ending ? No.

But , the 'babies' and their kids are better for not having that part of their lives a huge question mark. And to have this kind of knowledge It would be nice to know more about my Father's side of the family sure helps when filling out a background form at a doctors office.
There are no savage and civilised peoples; there are only different cultures.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

I Want To Share This

Post by Oscar Namechange »

scholle-kid;1153931 wrote: And to have this kind of knowledge sure helps when filling out a background form at a doctors office. This is the problem with one of the kids in the family who is adopted. There is not enough imfo as his biological father is 'Unknown'. He could have all kinds of hereditary health problems that we just don't know of. :(
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

scholle-kid;1153931 wrote: There were a lot of questions answered . Alot of the 'ideas' that lids will get and carry with them into adulthood was proven or dis proven .



Most if not all the emotions and questions that this statement of yours contain was either answered or dealt with.





A happy ending like is it a happy, healthy making up for lost time kind of ending ? No.

But , the 'babies' and their kids are better for not having that part of their lives a huge question mark. And to have this kind of knowledge sure helps when filling out a background form at a doctors office.


Thanks for sharing this, SK. I'll certainly make a start sometime this year. I'd love to find the time to do a family tree and the two quests would go together.
scholle-kid
Posts: 765
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 3:53 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by scholle-kid »

Because you said that you would only contact him if he was willing , if you know his date of birth , place of birth and full name write him a letter , and seal that in an envelope , write what ever you want on that envelope. Take it down to your nearest social security office ,what happens then is the social security people will trace his SS# with the info date of birth,place and full name.They will put your sealed letter into one of their official envelopes and send it on to him . Now what he does with it is totally up to him. You will not know anything ,nothing. Unless he decides to contact you . If he tosses it all in the trash can or picks up the phone and calls it's entirely his decision. My oldest brother wrote the letter and dropped it off at the SS office in Dracut Mass. in January of 1991 and got a phone call from her in July of 1991. My youngest brother and her was living less then 5 miles from each other in the suburbs of Denver Colo. when she made the call to my oldest bro . in Mass.
There are no savage and civilised peoples; there are only different cultures.
User avatar
Peter Lake
Posts: 1031
Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:02 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by Peter Lake »

OpenMind;1153941 wrote: Thanks for sharing this, SK. I'll certainly make a start sometime this year. I'd love to find the time to do a family tree and the two quests would go together. Hi Open Mind, I'm Oscar's husband. Just a thought here but do you think there's a possibility that your father may have been searching for you and lost the last contact address?
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

Peter Lake;1154104 wrote: Hi Open Mind, I'm Oscar's husband. Just a thought here but do you think there's a possibility that your father may have been searching for you and lost the last contact address?


That has often crossed my mind but my Grandmother who adopted me told me he told her he would step completely out of my life. Whatever his reasons were, he would have been highly emotional at the time I would think. Perhaps, later, he may have regretted the decision but stuck to his promise.
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

scholle-kid;1153983 wrote: Because you said that you would only contact him if he was willing , if you know his date of birth , place of birth and full name write him a letter , and seal that in an envelope , write what ever you want on that envelope. Take it down to your nearest social security office ,what happens then is the social security people will trace his SS# with the info date of birth,place and full name.They will put your sealed letter into one of their official envelopes and send it on to him . Now what he does with it is totally up to him. You will not know anything ,nothing. Unless he decides to contact you . If he tosses it all in the trash can or picks up the phone and calls it's entirely his decision. My oldest brother wrote the letter and dropped it off at the SS office in Dracut Mass. in January of 1991 and got a phone call from her in July of 1991. My youngest brother and her was living less then 5 miles from each other in the suburbs of Denver Colo. when she made the call to my oldest bro . in Mass.


I'm not sure if our SS provides that facility. It might be worth asking should I get that info of my Dad.
scholle-kid
Posts: 765
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 3:53 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by scholle-kid »

OpenMind;1154163 wrote: I'm not sure if our SS provides that facility. It might be worth asking should I get that info of my Dad.


Does the certificate of live birth or whatever it is called where you are from have info about both parents on it somewhere? Here it is on the back ,fathers name and mothers maiden name and place of birth for both . Do you have something like SS #'s or ID numbers there ? I'm only asking because the subject has never come up while I was talking to a person from another country. And I have never been out side of the USA .
There are no savage and civilised peoples; there are only different cultures.
User avatar
Peter Lake
Posts: 1031
Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:02 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by Peter Lake »

OpenMind;1154162 wrote: That has often crossed my mind but my Grandmother who adopted me told me he told her he would step completely out of my life. Whatever his reasons were, he would have been highly emotional at the time I would think. Perhaps, later, he may have regretted the decision but stuck to his promise. He may of stepped out at the time for all manner of emotive reasons but even a few years down the line he may of deeply regretted it and thought contacting you would upset your Grandmother?
scholle-kid
Posts: 765
Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 3:53 pm

I Want To Share This

Post by scholle-kid »

OpenMind;1154162 wrote: That has often crossed my mind but my Grandmother who adopted me told me he told her he would step completely out of my life. Whatever his reasons were, he would have been highly emotional at the time I would think. Perhaps, later, he may have regretted the decision but stuck to his promise.


If someone had told me to take all the 'ideas ' and 'I'm sures' and the 'I would think' about her and just forget them all ,before my brothers found her ,I am not sure how I would have reacted. I don't know anything about your situation ,but if you were a very young child,and from the conversation between you and Oscar it sounds like you were, then our situations have that in common. If all the info you have has come from the adults that were involved in the decision making at the time , then their memories are a bit fuzzy and clouded with the intense emotions from that time. I am not saying that whatever you have been told is wrong. I am saying that 'it is human nature' to remember a situation differently from what someone else might . So when you do get 'face to face' with your dad don't be surprised if his memories are totally different from anything you have heard . There was a lot of guilt clouding our mothers memories and that alone was the main reason the whole 'finding her and contacting her didn't turn out to be a happy ending. I am not telling you what to expect, just sort of trying to fill in some of the blanks that may come up sort of like a 'sucker punch' from behind. I hope none of those kind of things are in anyway a part of your deal . Meeting a parent for the first time as an adult is a very intense emotional rollercoaster for the adult child ,simply because as the 'innocent' victim of the decisions made 'back then' by the adults leaves you with a clean slate and them with years and years of intense anger,guilt, love , etc.. whatever happens or comes up from the past just try to take a step back away from it and let the ones that were there deal with it. The clean slate is what you and your dad has to start with. One of the things Anne couldn't get a grip on was ,she left 3 babies and came back to find 3 adults and 8 grand kids. I will just say one more thing and quit all this 'unsolicited advice. No matter what the deal was that bought about you dads leaving , it wasn't a healthy happy loving relationship. Just be alert for some of the 'residue from whatever caused the actual spit .Keep in mind you and your family are the ones willing to make room in your life for him not the other way around. Good luck with your quest and with the start of what i hope will be not a happy ending, but a happy beginning for all involved. Kat.
There are no savage and civilised peoples; there are only different cultures.
User avatar
OpenMind
Posts: 8645
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:54 am

I Want To Share This

Post by OpenMind »

scholle-kid;1154192 wrote: Does the certificate of live birth or whatever it is called where you are from have info about both parents on it somewhere? Here it is on the back ,fathers name and mothers maiden name and place of birth for both . Do you have something like SS #'s or ID numbers there ? I'm only asking because the subject has never come up while I was talking to a person from another country. And I have never been out side of the USA .


I only have my adoption certificate but our certificates had nothing like that kind of information on them back in the 1950s and 60s.

Thanks guys for your advice. I shall keep this thread permanently marked for reference.

Return to “Bereaved People”