Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Discussion group for bereaved people.This forum offers support, understanding, compassion and hope to bereaved people, struggling to rebuild their lives after the death of their loved ones.
RedGlitter
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by RedGlitter »

I am hesitant to say this because I'm sure I wore everyone down these last couple years with all my previous posts about losing my mom. Well, June 4 2008 was the two year mark and life has gone, by just one day blending into the next pretty much. I asked my dad recently "What the hell have we done for two years without Mom?!" He said "Not a damn thing. Eat. Sleep and go grocery shopping."

It's fairly true. I used to be on the move, always doing something, going somewhere, had plans. It's different now.

I'm not feeling sorrowful and I'm not depressed but I'm thinking there must be something for me to do. I'm not working in animal rescue anymore and won't be in the near future and that's what defined me for the last almost nine years.

I have little interest in old hobbies and things I used to enjoy, my finances are tight all the time so going out has to be planned and I worry about my dad because he has even less in his life than I do right now.

Blablabla...I'll keep it short. Sorry.

Those of you who know how this goes, is this to be expected? Where is the life after death for the still living?

How do I get back in the loop? :o
kayleneaussie
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by kayleneaussie »

Red I lost both my mum and dad within a year of each other. Its weird really because I never thought about them dying. I loved my parents ever so much and I was the baby girl. They were the best parents a girl could wish for. Dad died the month before I was getting married for the 2nd time and mum died the day I came home from giving birth to my son:( That was 20 years ago and to this very day I am still in a slump. I cant believe they are not still here with me. I do fostering which I started doing 16 years ago and I put all the love I have within me to these children. At the moment my 2 babies have just recently left and I feel down but I shall be ok as you will be ok. Red if you love animal rescue get back into it again. Thinking of you :-4:-4:-4
FOC THREAD PART 1
mikeinie
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by mikeinie »

I am very sorry for the loss of your mom, but is this what she would have wanted for you?

It is too easy to give in and give up. Stand up, shake yourself off, and get out there and start living again, I imagine that it is what you mother would have wanted.

The fact that you are asking yourself these questions, is a sign that you are healing.
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mrsK
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by mrsK »

:-4 For your loss Red.

Since my nephew & BIL died it has been like living in a vacuum one day blends into another. Time has gone by & I have noticed not much these past 18months.

This year I decided to do something I have wanted to do for years.

Had another set back last month but I am plodding away & changing my life as I go.

Slow & steady.

Pick a goal & go for it,doesn't matter what it is,when you reach that goal make another one.

Baby steps,few forward some backwards a hiccup here & there,you can do it.:-4:-3
It's nice to be important,but more important to be nice.
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Carolly
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by Carolly »

Oh Terri.....and I hope you dont mind me calling you that but this I feel is such a deep and personal thread I feel I have to talk to you like the real life friend you have become away from this forum.

Both Kay and Mike are so right but I know only to well how hard it must be for you.I can still remember moment for moment losing my mother......a mother that wasn't very nice to me as a child ......but thats another story.....but if you like we "found" each other in her last days and as she spoke about all the wasted years and I begun to understand why she had been like she had been my love for for her exploded into something that I still feel to this day......many years later.I think of her every day and the tears still come.....some of regret....some of memories but the biggest ones are the ones of missing her and my love for her.I know you dont believe in certain things so all I can tell you is what I know......Terri I know shes still around....I know she has helped me through such alot at times...even to near death......the thing is I know your mother is watching you and wants to hug you and make you see she is ok but of course she cant.Sweetheart you have so much hurt in your heart and pain, that you are keeping that love of yours hidden and it shouldn't be.....Kays right.....put it into those animals that so need it.....but most of all put it back into your own life.

Terri I wrote a poem once that I want to tell you about.I had never written a poem in my life before....never even read one....infact didn't even like poetry.....then one day after my mother had died I was looking through a bag of hers and the hurt was to great and I broke down in floods of tears.....suddenly I found myself going downstairs to find a pen and paper and writing words that just came out.....yes it was me doing the writing but I felt my hands were being controlled.After that many more came out....I would wake 3am in the middle of the night and be writting for hours.This so helped me may I add but the first poem I ever wrote is the most precious thing I posses and hand you it with the love it was written with my dear friend.I called it The Message.......

Dont weep that I have gone

Cause I'm always at your side

Dont mourn for me to much

Just remember I have not died

If you could only see

Thats I am now free of pain

And my friends and relations

Are all with me again

Then maybe your hurt

Would turn into peace

And all your heartache would forever cease

Just remember that I love you

And I'm always at your side

So my darling daughter

Please remember..........I have not died...................
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
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Carolly
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by Carolly »

Terri you dont have to say anything here babe....I got yer pm and thats enough..........thankyou;)
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
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Carolly
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by Carolly »

jimbo;889189 wrote: my dear friend terri :-6



please pull up a chair and take a while sitting in grand central despairville for a while , lets both wallow in a bit of feeling sorry for ourselves why the hell not if you cant feel a bit down with losing much loved members of your family what can you feel down about ?? you know what i miss my brothers , my uncle fred ,my cousin sam my grandfather my gran every minute of every day



oh how i wish a had a loving member of my family to give me a hug and a kind word instead of going through my private hell all alone every day with my daughter who has mental health problems , she is horrible to me i would say vile in fact every one has had enough of her its only me left now in her life i'm worn out and in total despair , what with being a taxi service a mobile food and cash dispenser a walk in the rain till two in the morning when she is having an anxiaty attack i could go on and on but you get the idea , terri you miss your mother its the most natural thing in the world it just shows how much you love her



i know one day things will get better thats why i hang on in there , its what you must do too my friend :-6:-6
;)
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
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Betty Boop
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by Betty Boop »

Maybe the fact the animals are gone is somone saying it's now time for you to concentrate on you. You are already doing so as Mike said. Maybe a complete change of direction is needed for you to move onto the next phase of your life.



Hang on in there Terri, you'll be fine. :-6:-4
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chonsigirl
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Post by chonsigirl »

Life changes direction after the loss of a loved one. You just need to find the way you would like to go, it could be something totally different than things that interested you before. :-4
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kazalala
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by kazalala »

I'm not really sure what to say to you, but just felt the need to be here and let you know you are in my thoughts:-4

had a thought though about your work, you say you are not in animal rescue any more, but i know you still and always will love animals. When i was at the vets recently i saw notices advertising pet minding,, they were saying you could leave your pet at their home where they would look after it in the same way you do as in if it was a dog they would give it walks the same time you normally would etc. and it would be in a loving home rather than boarding kennells. Its just a thought but i think you would be a wonderful pet minder, and it would bring some money your way;)

I hope you find something soon to make you feel better:-4




FOC THREAD PART1

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Martin Luther King Jr.
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Hugz
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by Hugz »

Terri,:-4

It totally slipped my mind that June 4 was the two year date of loosing your Mom. I wish I could Hug you for real. Just in the short time I have known you I have noticed a peace about your saddness of loosing your Mom. She is still with you every day, in you heart you know it.

She wants you to be happy and fullfilled in your life. However you my find it. That's what all loving Mothers want for their children.

Please don't get down on yourself for the things you can't control. Even the smallest events in your life can bring great joy. Keep looking for them,and they will find you.



Luv&Hugs

:)
Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love. - Talleyrand

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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along-for-the-ride
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by along-for-the-ride »

I hope all these words of encouragment do help you. I would like to say here, to Jimbo as well, you are not alone. I may not be physically there with you, but I'm there in spirit. As a friend who cares. Even in your darkest hours, you are not alone. From my heart to yours.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
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Kathy Ellen
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by Kathy Ellen »

Hello my friend Terri:-4

Terri, you and Dad are still grieving for Mom. It takes a long time to come to terms with the loss of a dearly loved one. My parents died quite a while ago, and my family and I still grieve for them.

I wish you and Dad the best of everything good that life has to offer. You are definitely one of the nicest people in our garden. As Along would say, you are one of our angels.

I'm sorry that you're not involved anymore in animal rescue...that made you so happy. May I ask why you're not doing that anymore? I like Kaz's idea of setting up an animal daycare center:-6

Take care Terri and know that you are special and loved here by many people:-6
Patsy Warnick
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by Patsy Warnick »

Teri

One day you'll know - you'll wake up one day and want to try something different/new. Your still grieving, and the want or desire to have a interest isn't there yet.

You've been thru a trauma - no one can tell you when to snap out of it or how it works etc..

suggestion - start with short walks, fresh air, time alone(your time), talk to her, cry and keep walking and take a deep breathe.

Sometimes putting up new kitchen curtains - rearrange furniture is a start to the new you.

One day you'll know - it's a light bulb moment

don't allow too much time to slip by - I'll have to come over and drag you out of that house.

You know this is all from my experiences

Jimbo's experiences & & we care

Patsy
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Chezzie
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by Chezzie »

Hi Red, I cant top the good advice thats already been given but If I may id like to make an observation.

Your a very intelligent woman with a big heart and a passion for learning new things and discovering new places. I know money is tight but could you start up a fund in memory of your mum and save each week towards achieving one of your goals or visiting a place of interest. Then next year when your mums anniversary comes round, you wont feel empty and the need to ask your Dad what you have done because you will know your saving for your trip/event in memory of your dear mum. Im sure that will give off some positive vibes and give you a goal which is whats missing right now. You can do other things like set up a blog about your trip/event and keep friends updated. You could sell stuff on ebay to contribute to your fund. Its just an idea. I just feel you need to have a goal set to keep your mind busy and help you out in the long run.:-6

Good luck in whatever you decide :-4
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Chezzie
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Post by Chezzie »

Big hugs to my mate Jimbo:-4
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mrsK
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Post by mrsK »

jimbo;889189 wrote: my dear friend terri :-6



please pull up a chair and take a while sitting in grand central despairville for a while , lets both wallow in a bit of feeling sorry for ourselves why the hell not if you cant feel a bit down with losing much loved members of your family what can you feel down about ?? you know what i miss my brothers , my uncle fred ,my cousin sam my grandfather my gran every minute of every day



oh how i wish a had a loving member of my family to give me a hug and a kind word instead of going through my private hell all alone every day with my daughter who has mental health problems , she is horrible to me i would say vile in fact every one has had enough of her its only me left now in her life i'm worn out and in total despair , what with being a taxi service a mobile food and cash dispenser a walk in the rain till two in the morning when she is having an anxiaty attack i could go on and on but you get the idea , terri you miss your mother its the most natural thing in the world it just shows how much you love her



i know one day things will get better thats why i hang on in there , its what you must do too my friend :-6:-6



I can actually feel your sadness in this post.

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

People do care even if we think at the time we are the only ones on this earth that have all this pain inside us,there are others feeling the same.

So I am reaching out to you & offering you a bit of comfort.:-6
It's nice to be important,but more important to be nice.
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WonderWendy3
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by WonderWendy3 »

Big hugs to Terri and Jimbo and all my friends here that are going through hard times!!:-4:-4

Terri, I liked what Mike said, the fact that you are acknowledging it, is a part of the healing process!

I hope only happy thoughts for you :-4
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minks
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by minks »

:-6 Beams Aw RG I havent' much more to offer beyond what the others have said. But feel free to lean on your friends.

Jimbo say goes for you.

Huggs to you both
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

― Mae West
RedGlitter
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by RedGlitter »

I have been looking in on this thread since last night, letting everyone's words sink in. You guys are very caring and I appreciate that. Everything each of you has said to me makes good sense.

Kathy Ellen asked why I gave up rescue, well....

I gave up animal rescue when my Mom became too ill to continue. You know she was still doing rescue even when she was getting chemo and radiation...? She never gave up. Our group was always a little rag-tag and some moved away, some were unreliable, some got burned out on it like I did. Rescue is a worthy endeavor but it sure does drain a person.I couldn't handle it anymore, I was too softhearted. It was just time to stop, we thought. Plus with me not driving, that is a big problem. I stopped doing an excellent job and started doing a "good enough" job and that's when I decided to stop, when I wasn't giving my best to the animals. They deserved better than what I had left in me. Who knows what might happen in the distant future though. If not rescue, there are other animal things I can do. I like the pet sitting idea and I have done that for friends. I still have a voice and I use it to get the word out about all the animal causes I believe in, so I haven't cashed in completely yet.

Chezzie, I'm going to try your idea about saving for the fund...that sounds fun and I never thought of doing anything like that before. Good idea!

Everyone....Kaylene, Mike, Kathy Ellen, Jimbo, Patsy, Minks, Chezzie, Betty Boop, Ducks, MrsK, Carolly, Chonsi, Kaza, Hugz, AFTR, Wendy...thank you, all of you, for giving me an ear when I needed it. :-6
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Carolly
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Two years after....Red Hits a Slump.

Post by Carolly »

RedGlitter;889732 wrote: I have been looking in on this thread since last night, letting everyone's words sink in. You guys are very caring and I appreciate that. Everything each of you has said to me makes good sense.

Kathy Ellen asked why I gave up rescue, well....

I gave up animal rescue when my Mom became too ill to continue. You know she was still doing rescue even when she was getting chemo and radiation...? She never gave up. Our group was always a little rag-tag and some moved away, some were unreliable, some got burned out on it like I did. Rescue is a worthy endeavor but it sure does drain a person.I couldn't handle it anymore, I was too softhearted. It was just time to stop, we thought. Plus with me not driving, that is a big problem. I stopped doing an excellent job and started doing a "good enough" job and that's when I decided to stop, when I wasn't giving my best to the animals. They deserved better than what I had left in me. Who knows what might happen in the distant future though. If not rescue, there are other animal things I can do. I like the pet sitting idea and I have done that for friends. I still have a voice and I use it to get the word out about all the animal causes I believe in, so I haven't cashed in completely yet.

Chezzie, I'm going to try your idea about saving for the fund...that sounds fun and I never thought of doing anything like that before. Good idea!

Everyone....Kaylene, Mike, Kathy Ellen, Jimbo, Patsy, Minks, Chezzie, Betty Boop, Ducks, MrsK, Carolly, Chonsi, Kaza, Hugz, AFTR, Wendy...thank you, all of you, for giving me an ear when I needed it. :-6
Only what you so deserve and only what you have done for so many;)
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.

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