Left behind ...

Amie · Post by **Amie** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 4:57 am

My best friend died unexpectedly on the 25 February. She was 28 years old. It was a huge shock. She had an ankle reconstruction two weeks prior to her death. The hour before she died, they say a blood clot travelled up her leg, into her lungs, before finally hitting her brain causing a brain embolism and killing her.

Anyway... I miss my friend. I feel like it's just not right, it should have been me.

I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of breaking down completely. I don't know what to do, or even if I want to do anything.

This world's no good without her.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:06 am

you are probably feeling guilty as you are alive and she is dead , but life goes on its only early yet grief lasts for years , your friend would not want you to grieve for too long , think of the good times you had and try to be happy :-6 :-6

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:07 am

I'm sorry to hear that Amie...I'm quite sure she wouldn't want you to be upset about it...Some things happen, and life can't always be the perfect scenario, no matter how much we all wish it was...I'm sure she was more than honored to have you as a friend, but I'm almost as sure that she would want you to move on and to be the best person you can be, all the while she will be with you in your heart...I know she wouldn't want you to be sad about it, as she knows how much you cherished her friendship, as much as she cherished yours...We're all here, and couldn't think of a better reason than to be your friend either.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:21 am

I was 19 when my best friend died. I'm 46 now and I still miss him. time makes it easier. While it doesn't seem like it now, it DOES get easier. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, even one minute at a time. PM me any time. We're all here for you.

CrazyCruizChick · Post by **CrazyCruizChick** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:23 am

So sad to hear about your friend Amie , keep being strong .

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:33 am

Hiya Amie, a friend of mine called Trevor from Ireland died in the same way. He went over to LA when he was young and became a very successful model maker, he built models for all the big movies and their effects (he helped build the ship in Titanic) he was a talented, successful, good-looking, lucky guy, and he was a nice fella with it. Then 3 years ago, he was working in Thailand on a movie, on the models, one night he just died, he was 34, people started rumours saying it was drugs, but the autopsy found that a blood clot has developed in his leg (possibly during the flight from LA to Thailand), it moved up his body, and killed him, so senseless, such a terrible thing to happen. What can you do?

I had another friend who was beaten to death in Prague in the Czech republic in November 2005 during a mugging, he was 35, a musician and a lovely fella as well. Life is awful sometimes, I don't have any advice on what you should do, just hope that you get yourself through you own feelings of loss, and support your friends other friends and family if you know them. Take care. :-6

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:34 am

What Peg has said is true, it will be a little better over time. As long as they live in our hearts, they are always with us.

Amie · Post by **Amie** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:18 am

I just don't breathe right anymore. I'm so angry. When I'm not angry, I'm in complete despair.

I sit at work and want nothing more than to just pack my **** up and walk out. There just seems to be no point to anything. I get up in the morning and get in the shower and get out and get dressed and then go to put my make-up on, and I see my reflection .. my eyes, and the next thing I know.. it's 40 minutes later and I haven't moved an inch. Then I turn around and glaring right at me is a picture of her with me at my wedding. Smiling at me, and i get so angry she never got to go to her own.

I just can't breathe right.

Amie · Post by **Amie** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:20 am

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I'm not really sure why I posted here, or what I was hoping to get from it. I think I just wanted to not feel so alone in this agony. Maybe one day those kind words will help me, and bring me comfort, but ..... that day is not today. :-1

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 7:02 am

Oh sweetheart, nothing we can say will make you feel this loss any less. Just know that we all feel for you and send our love to you.

It's going to feel raw and unbearable for a long time, lean on those who love you and loved her. Cry, rage, howl, whatever you need to do. One day I promise you, you will be able to remember her and smile whilst you cry.

Pm your friends here when you want support or just a listening ear, I hope that if I can help you will let me know.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 7:30 am

Imladris;570669 wrote: Oh sweetheart, nothing we can say will make you feel this loss any less. Just know that we all feel for you and send our love to you.

It's going to feel raw and unbearable for a long time, lean on those who love you and loved her. Cry, rage, howl, whatever you need to do. One day I promise you, you will be able to remember her and smile whilst you cry.

Pm your friends here when you want support or just a listening ear, I hope that if I can help you will let me know.

thats what i meant :-4 :-4 :-6

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 7:52 am

Amie, My heart breaks for you as you are feeling this pain.

You have already found that when you need support there are people here that will give it to you.

I know that its hard to post your feelings, and I admire that you took that step to share basically with complete strangers. The truth is, most if not all of us have lost loved ones, so our deepest sympathies are for you only.

I look forward to getting to know you better, and I am praying that your days will get better.

If you need someone just to talk to, I am here for you.:-4

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 8:09 am

Amie! I am so sorry to hear about your friend. My heart goes out to you.:yh_hugs

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 8:11 am

chonsigirl;570638 wrote: What Peg has said is true, it will be a little better over time. As long as they live in our hearts, they are always with us.

I must agree also, in time it will get a little easier, but you will never forget. Try to remember the fun things you did.

Romany · Post by **Romany** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 9:16 am

Like the others, i'm so sorry that you've lost your friend! I can only imagine how hurt you must be feeling right now.

Always remember, that though your friends body is no longer here, her spirit is and i'm sure she's with you now. Think of your friend, and all the good times you shared over the years....because i know she's there watching over you, waiting to dry your tears and comfort you.

If I could wave a magic wand and make all the pain go away, i'd do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunatley i'm just as human as you are. Although it's gonna take time, there WILL come a day when you find yourself smiling again, I promise you.

Stay strong and keep the faith hunny x

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 9:29 am

Hi Amie :yh_hugs to you. Take time to grieve, remember the good times and also remember that your friend wouldn't want you to beat yourself up about this. :-4

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 10:31 am

Hi Amie,

I know about the breathing. I lost my mom in June and thought I was getting a grip on it when one day I wasn't breathing right and I felt chest pains, and thought I was having a heart attack. I thought about my mom and was awash in tears. But that stopped the pain and the funny breathing. I still have breathing trouble sometimes and I think it's just part of grief. Grief does things to the body. Do not try to hold back your sorrow because that won't work in the long run. We all have our jobs to do while we are on the earth. Some of us get done faster, and get to go home sooner. It's hard for us mortals to understand that. I am sorry for all your pain. Death in a friendship has its own pain becaue you chose that person and they are a special part of you. But they always will be and death can't touch that,. You can be sure your friend loves you now just as much as or even more than she did when she was here. Death can't change love. Maybe you should talk to her. You can't see her but she knows what's going on with you. She doesn't want you to hurt. Allow yourself as much time as you need to grieve and while you're doing that, concentrate on carrying on each day, just one at a time and do that in her honor. In the meantime, the breathing, the displaced anger, all part of grief. Talk about it as much as you can. Talking helps. Knowing people understand helps. You're not alone in this. :-4

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 3:13 pm

RedGlitter;570826 wrote: Hi Amie,

I know about the breathing. I lost my mom in June and thought I was getting a grip on it when one day I wasn't breathing right and I felt chest pains, and thought I was having a heart attack. I thought about my mom and was awash in tears. But that stopped the pain and the funny breathing. I still have breathing trouble sometimes and I think it's just part of grief. Grief does things to the body. Do not try to hold back your sorrow because that won't work in the long run. We all have our jobs to do while we are on the earth. Some of us get done faster, and get to go home sooner. It's hard for us mortals to understand that. I am sorry for all your pain. Death in a friendship has its own pain becaue you chose that person and they are a special part of you. But they always will be and death can't touch that,. You can be sure your friend loves you now just as much as or even more than she did when she was here. Death can't change love. Maybe you should talk to her. You can't see her but she knows what's going on with you. She doesn't want you to hurt. Allow yourself as much time as you need to grieve and while you're doing that, concentrate on carrying on each day, just one at a time and do that in her honor. In the meantime, the breathing, the displaced anger, all part of grief. Talk about it as much as you can. Talking helps. Knowing people understand helps. You're not alone in this. :-4

well said red , people really know how each other are hurting in this place none of us are alone in our pain ...... no one has to hurt alone ... no one :-6 :-6