Bereaved People

Discussion group for bereaved people.This forum offers support, understanding, compassion and hope to bereaved people, struggling to rebuild their lives after the death of their loved ones.
RedGlitter
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Post by RedGlitter »

I notice we have a forum for people whose children have passed on...would it be possible to have a forum for all bereaved people? I have a personal interest in it, having just lost my mother, but I would think it would help quite a few people who might need a little support. Thank you.
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Im sorry to hear about mom. I lost mine a few yrs ago, its an unsettling experience. How long ?
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Carl44
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Post by Carl44 »

good one red



i do talk to a lot of people that have been through this tragedy and believe it or not talking to some one else thats been through it is one thing that really helps



both for the person that has lost a loved one and the person talking :-6
RedGlitter
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Post by RedGlitter »

Hi Nomad, thank you. I am sorry you know this pain too. It will be five months on November 4. And November 13 would be my mom's 66th birthday. :(



Hi Jimbo, you are so right about talking being helpful to both! I'm not a support group type of person, but in this case, I've been reaching out to people a lot instead of withdrawing inside myself. I still find myself faltering when it comes to knowing what to say to someone else who's lost someone though. :o I try hard but sometimes I have to be honest and say I don't really know what to say...but I can listen. I can do that much.



:) Two of my favorite FG men right here! How cool is that? :-4
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Post by Carl44 »

RedGlitter;440968 wrote: Hi Nomad, thank you. I am sorry you know this pain too. It will be five months on November 4. And November 13 would be my mom's 66th birthday. :(



Hi Jimbo, you are so right about talking being helpful to both! I'm not a support group type of person, but in this case, I've been reaching out to people a lot instead of withdrawing inside myself. I still find myself faltering when it comes to knowing what to say to someone else who's lost someone though. :o I try hard but sometimes I have to be honest and say I don't really know what to say...but I can listen. I can do that much.



:) Two of my favorite FG men right here! How cool is that? :-4





sorry to hear that red everyone deals with grief in there own way i don't think any one way is the right way each to there own i guess



one thing i do know is that losing a child hurt much more than losing my mom who at least had some life



you don't come into this world expecting to carry your child's coffin to the grave its against the natural order of things some how



but you do expect to one day have to bury your grandparents and parents



it something that you expect to happen one day its more acceptable some how of course this does not in any way make it hurt any less but it seems to go with the natural process of life and death as i know it



when my Natasha died i needed to talk to other parents that had lost children to see some how that they survived the tragedy and learned to live again gave me some hope some how, and when i have talked to other poor souls that have lost their children it made me feel better some how knowing that I'd helped these poor people over the greatest loss life can throw at them
RedGlitter
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Post by RedGlitter »

Aw Jimbo...I hope you didn't think I was saying it wasn't important to talk, because it certainly is! I've been saying things wrong all night tonight for some reason. :o I'm sorry!



I have heard others say just what you have said, about the awful grief of childloss. I don't doubt it at all. I knew my mom wasn't long for this world but yet I still wasn't in full realization of it. That makes no sense I know. Well, maybe it does. It's just weird. Losing a parent, maybe especially one's mom, is losing the love that created you while losing a child is losing the love you created. You're right, it isn't natural order. :( I just cannot imagine the scope of your loss, Jimbo, and I'm so sorry for your pain. I really hope you know that.



Hamster, thank you too.



You guys are wonderful.



:yh_flower
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Accountable
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Post by Accountable »

My Mom died when I was twelve. Devatating of course, but I've had a long time to mend.



It's different when you lose a parent as an adult, I'm sure, but certainly no less painful - if for no other reason than that they've been there for you for so very long and now they're not.







My condolences to you all. :yh_flower
Carl44
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Post by Carl44 »

RedGlitter;441074 wrote: Aw Jimbo...I hope you didn't think I was saying it wasn't important to talk, because it certainly is! I've been saying things wrong all night tonight for some reason. :o I'm sorry!



I have heard others say just what you have said, about the awful grief of childloss. I don't doubt it at all. I knew my mom wasn't long for this world but yet I still wasn't in full realization of it. That makes no sense I know. Well, maybe it does. It's just weird. Losing a parent, maybe especially one's mom, is losing the love that created you while losing a child is losing the love you created. You're right, it isn't natural order. :( I just cannot imagine the scope of your loss, Jimbo, and I'm so sorry for your pain. I really hope you know that.



Hamster, thank you too.



You guys are wonderful.



:yh_flower



lovely red you really dont have anything to say sorry for honest did not even think along those lines



my pain has been here so long i dont even feel it except for her birthday day she died and of corse christmas



jimbo is fine honest ... :-4
RedGlitter
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Post by RedGlitter »

Accountable....I'm sorry. :(

It seems there are no shortages of the ways in which the passing of our loved ones hurt us all.



For me it is still surreal. Seems like yesterday and seeems like a year ago all at the same time. :(



Thank you all. :yh_flower
RedGlitter
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Post by RedGlitter »

jimbo;441132 wrote:



jimbo is fine honest ... :-4



Jimbo...you truly are... :)
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cherandbuster
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Post by cherandbuster »

flopstock;441182 wrote: She must have been wonderful. I envy you that.:-4



hugs

diane



Floopy :)

I feel sad for you when you share things about your childhood. Every child deserves good and loving parents.

Red :)

It's wonderful that you and I had Moms worth mourning over -- we are the lucky ones. We get to look back on *years* of wonderful memories.

And our Moms will *always* be with us -- they live on in our hearts and souls :-4
Live Life with

PASSION
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Carl44
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Post by Carl44 »

cherandbuster;441188 wrote: Floopy :)



I feel sad for you when you share things about your childhood. Every child deserves good and loving parents.



Red :)



It's wonderful that you and I had Moms worth mourning over -- we are the lucky ones. We get to look back on *years* of wonderful memories.



And our Moms will *always* be with us -- they live on in our hearts and souls :-4



honestly cher you are an inspiration to me :D
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cherandbuster
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Post by cherandbuster »

jimbo;441244 wrote: honestly cher you are an inspiration to me :D



Right back at you Jimbo :-6
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Carl44
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Post by Carl44 »

in my earlier post i never meant to imply that losing a parent is not as bad as losing a child obviously any death be it a pet grandad or a child is unbearable sorry for any offence caused to any one



it takes one to know one



by that i mean only if you have had a mother or father or a child pass away can you really understand what people are going through



obviously a thread along these lines could help out many people who are really overwhelmed by the greif and pain that comes with losing a loved one and it possibly could be good for the person that has healed a bit from their losses to talk about it if they can :)
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cherandbuster
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Post by cherandbuster »

jimbo;441373 wrote: in my earlier post i never meant to imply that losing a parent is not as bad as losing a child obviously any death be it a pet grandad or a child is unbearable sorry for any offence caused to any one



it takes one to know one



Jimbo :)

I understand what you meant about the 'natural order' of things and took no offense

In fact

I completely agree with you :-6
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Carl44
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Post by Carl44 »

cherandbuster;441381 wrote: Jimbo :)



I understand what you meant about the 'natural order' of things and took no offense



In fact



I completely agree with you :-6



thanks cher it takes me so long to type anything you would think i would have actually had time to think about what i'm saying before i say it but obviously not :o
RedGlitter
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Post by RedGlitter »

Nah, Jimbo, you do just fine. :)

Shoot, I'm always correcting myself on here!

So I just ordered a special thing for my mom. It's a white memorial angel, solar powered, for her grave. It will take another month and a half before her headstone is ready to be put up and it kills me that there is only that flimsy little standard I.D. marker at her grave. I was going for a solar cross I had seen when I happened upon the angel and I knew that was the thing to get. It will glow during the night.



My mom glowed all the time.

Everyone talks about finding their soul mate. Mine is my mom.

:-4
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Post by RedGlitter »

flopstock;441182 wrote: Ah glitter, that sucks!:(



I have no problem talking with folks that have lost someone. I genuinely enjoy hearing those funny and memorable stories from the time they did have with someone, especially a parent. It becomes a special memory to me about that person and their love for a parent or spouse. I don't mind tears in the telling of it. Tears are a natural gift for someone that you miss and still love deeply, IMO. I wish that I had been able to have the type of memories that were worthy of tears of loss.



So, yeah.. I think it would be great to have a forum specifically for loss and dealing with it. But also, for remembering the life and what it brought to you...

She must have been wonderful. I envy you that.:-4



hugs

diane



Flopstock, those are wonderful things for you to say. :-4 Very compassionate and kind. And I agree with you- I too would love to hear people's happy memories as well as the sad things. Thank you for reminding me of that, Flop.



:)
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Accountable
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Post by Accountable »

My beloved lived with her grandmother from 12 years old. She was a wonderful old woman, and I would have given my eye teeth to be able to speak to her. Unfortunately she was Okinawan and even her Japanese was rough. She really liked Americans, even better than Japanese people, and had a hair pin made from a melted down silver dollar.



Toward the end her eyesight had faded so that she could only distinguish light & dark, then her hearing went. I can't imagine the isolation. One of our last visits, we got real close before we touched her, so she would see the shadows and wouldn't be startled. Then we yelled "OBAH!!" (Japanese for Grandma). She asked who was there, and my beloved spoke her own name. Grandma couldn't understand. Then I yelled my name. Still no understanding. She groped with her hands until she found my face. Her own face showed confusion; she didn't recognize me ......... until she grabbed my honker of a nose (proud Irish/Scottis/Saxon/whatever - long & straight). A huge toothless smile spread across her face as she said my name.



She passed at 99 years old.

(Now excuse me. I have to find a tissue)
RedGlitter
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Post by RedGlitter »

That's a wonderful memory, Accountable. Sad but yet so sweet in your telling. And funny about your nose. :) I love the silver dollar hairpin. That's pretty neat that she liked Americans so well. And an honor if I may say so.

I read your story earlier but I had to think about it before replying as you really moved me.



Thank you.



:-4
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Post by Carl44 »

my friend paddy is coming round today to take sue's daughter ice skating



with his daughter , his son has gotten much worse the cancer has spread to his brain he wont live very much longer



i really dont have any idea what to say to him



i think i will let him do the talking or should i say sorry to hear your son is worse



any way i have been through it i'm there if he needs me



it does make you think how lucky you are really doesnt it :(
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Post by RedGlitter »

Mrs K, I'm really sorry.

I have depression too and I know what it can do to a person. Seven hundred people paying their respects. That's really something.

May your nephew know peace.
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Post by RedGlitter »

jimbo;443063 wrote:

i really dont have any idea what to say to him



i think i will let him do the talking or should i say sorry to hear your son is worse



any way i have been through it i'm there if he needs me



it does make you think how lucky you are really doesnt it :(



It sure does, Jimbo.

If you ask me, I'd just see how it goes first and let him say what he wants to say about it and take it from there. He'll probably tell you first, I would imagine but if not, I have a feeling you'll know just the way to say things. A simple "I care" goes a long way.
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Post by Carl44 »

mrsK;443031 wrote: My beautiful nephew took his own life last month.



What a waste of a lovely young man.He had just turned 29 & had everything going for him,well liked,great career,buying a house,owned his car.



Then the dreaded bloody depression set in.



He kept telling everyone he was so tired & wanted to sleep,we just assumed he was tired as he would work all day & then DJ at night.

Then he would say he had no friends,well if only he knew,700 people attended his funeral,family ,friends & business people alike came to say goodbye.



We all miss & love sweet boy.



i am so sorry to hear that my uncle hung himself 4 years ago strangely he did it because he thought he was really ill and was going to die , i saw him about a month before his death he was over the top friendly to me always he was always funny and we got on really well he asked me to go round and see him i never did .. of course you always feel guilty for not doing more when they were alive but now i take much more notice if some one seems a little off



make the most of your friends and family for you never know when they maybe taken from us



mrs k i really feel for you its a terrible way to lose a loved one ....jim:(
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cherandbuster
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Post by cherandbuster »

Acc, that was a touching story. Thanks for sharing it with us :-6

Mrs. K, my love to you and your family. :-4

Jimbo, the good thing about having gone through so many sad things is that you have an unending compassion for others. That is the gift you got and it's a wonderful gift to share with others :)
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PASSION
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Carl44
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Post by Carl44 »

cherandbuster;443172 wrote: Acc, that was a touching story. Thanks for sharing it with us :-6



Mrs. K, my love to you and your family. :-4



Jimbo, the good thing about having gone through so many sad things is that you have an unending compassion for others. That is the gift you got and it's a wonderful gift to share with others :)



thanks cher



as always nice to hear from you



cher do you think it would be in bad taste to post a photo of paddy myself and his daughter
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cherandbuster
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Post by cherandbuster »

jimbo;443205 wrote: cher do you think it would be in bad taste to post a photo of paddy myself and his daughter



Oh please do it!

I'd love to see it, my friend :-6
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Carl44
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Post by Carl44 »

cherandbuster;443250 wrote: Oh please do it!



I'd love to see it, my friend :-6



here is paddy and myself look at the car reg OMG one of sue's kids noticed it



i went out with paddy we had a long chat i waited till he bought up the subject of his boy he broke his heart and was asking questions about how i coped after my daughters death



he knows his son will die in november i have my 2 sons and my daughters birthdays are in november it seems so unfair all of it



i said paddy i really dont know what to say to you i cant make you better i cant take away your pain but i can promis in time the hurt will lesson and if you need to talk i'm here for you mate ,you have to make your daughter your whole universe now . the poor girl is so brave she has been to the hospital all the time and has had to clean her brothers bed



its so strange that he has come into my life :thinking:



its almost like devine intervention honest :-6


RedGlitter
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Post by RedGlitter »

Hi Jimbo...



That license plate is no coincidence. :)



I think you handled everything wonderfully.
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Post by Accountable »

mrsK;443531 wrote: Thanks to everyone who has helped & offered reassuring words & friendship:-4



I don't usually post things like this as I am afriad I will stuff up with the wording & upset someone for saying something the wrong way.Different sides of the world have different meanings to the way things are spoken & taken.

That's why I usually just post one liners.



I put off posting about my nephew,but I am so pleased I did.

I usually keep things to myself & I usually just want to go along thinking I can help everyone else & cheer them up.



But this time I needed some help as well,& I would like to thank all of you , as it does help to talk about this with different people & also share our losses.

It helps to know others are or have felt the same way I do atm,which is a horrible feeling.

.

Once again I am so sorry for everyone who has lost someone they loved dearly & if it helps to talk I am willing to listen.

Love to you & yours

:yh_hugs

:yh_hugs


:yh_hugs

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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

RedGlitter;442255 wrote: Nah, Jimbo, you do just fine. :)

Shoot, I'm always correcting myself on here!



So I just ordered a special thing for my mom. It's a white memorial angel, solar powered, for her grave. It will take another month and a half before her headstone is ready to be put up and it kills me that there is only that flimsy little standard I.D. marker at her grave. I was going for a solar cross I had seen when I happened upon the angel and I knew that was the thing to get. It will glow during the night.



My mom glowed all the time.

Everyone talks about finding their soul mate. Mine is my mom.

:-4



That sounds very cool. After you posted this I went to my moms grave, I hadnt been there in a couple of yrs. I never know what to do when I get there so I just reflect for a few moments. Im glad your mom left nice memories. Most of mine I spend trying to forget.
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Carl44
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Post by Carl44 »

Nomad;443681 wrote: That sounds very cool. After you posted this I went to my moms grave, I hadnt been there in a couple of yrs. I never know what to do when I get there so I just reflect for a few moments. Im glad your mom left nice memories. Most of mine I spend trying to forget.





like you buddy i spend most of my time trying to forget my mother and its horrible to say i have not been to her grave since she died



but i figure she did some terrible things to me when she was alive and if she was still alive i dont think she would of changed much ... some things are better off just left alone



i dont torture myself about her any more and till i read your post i had not even thought about her in ages



i found my peace buddy i hope you have found yours ...jim
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Tombstone
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Post by Tombstone »

RedGlitter;439927 wrote: I notice we have a forum for people whose children have passed on...would it be possible to have a forum for all bereaved people? I have a personal interest in it, having just lost my mother, but I would think it would help quite a few people who might need a little support. Thank you.



Setting it up now. Great idea. It will be in the "Personal Forums" area - I will be moving the Bereaved Parents forum there as well...
Please use the "contact us" button if you need to contact a ForumGarden admin.
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Post by Carl44 »

yaay way to go red:-4
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Post by RedGlitter »

All right!! Thank you Tombstone!! :) :) :)
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Post by RedGlitter »

Well....today marked the fifth month since my mom's crossing over. I find on the fourth day of every month, I must tell at least one person about it, just to have acknowledged it with another human being. And I did that this morning (thank you Pal) and I am now here too.

I am sure at some point I will come to have a special ritual I do for this day and for other important ones as well but I am not to that point yet. I know it's important to get there, but it's like having a gaping wound on your person and being forced to look into it.



This day has sucked. It is the first time I have been completely alone since she left. I'm doing okay with it, I just wish I didn't feel so drained of energy. I slept on the couch most of the day and still couldn't get enough sleep.



I miss my mom. And no amount of time or grace is going to stop that. :(
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Post by Accountable »

RedGlitter;449844 wrote: Well....today marked the fifth month since my mom's crossing over. I find on the fourth day of every month, I must tell at least one person about it, just to have acknowledged it with another human being. And I did that this morning (thank you Pal) and I am now here too.

I am sure at some point I will come to have a special ritual I do for this day and for other important ones as well but I am not to that point yet. I know it's important to get there, but it's like having a gaping wound on your person and being forced to look into it.



This day has sucked. It is the first time I have been completely alone since she left. I'm doing okay with it, I just wish I didn't feel so drained of energy. I slept on the couch most of the day and still couldn't get enough sleep.



I miss my mom. And no amount of time or grace is going to stop that. :(

Okay, we now know you miss her. Tell us why. Give us a good story. A funny one would be great. :-6
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Post by RedGlitter »

Accountable;449846 wrote: Okay, we now know you miss her. Tell us why. Give us a good story. A funny one would be great.



One of my favorites!!



I've always had a bad habit of interrupting people. Especially my mom and particularly when I was younger. One time coming back from L.A; we stopped at a drive-thru car wash. I was in the back seat, Dad was driving. Mom was talking up a storm. I saw her window was open and I said "Mom, your w-" She said "Terri, I'm talking." I said, "But Mom-" Again, "Terri! I am talking to Dad!" We continued to enter the car wash tunnel and I tried a third time. "Mom! Roll up your-" This time it was "TERRI! Don't make me tell you again!" So I shut up. We cruised through and Mom's window was still wide open. The first giant soapy brush thing starting coming toward us as Mom blabbed on and when it got to her window, the flappy things on it started to whip my mom in the head! Soap suds were flying as Mom quick rolled up the window, all the while getting slapped in the head by the car wash brush! We were cracking up! I couldn't help saying, "MOM! I TRIED to tell you!" :wah: She had soap bubbles all over her hair! I almost peed myself laughing. After we got out of the car wash, we parked at Del Taco and got out- soap suds were still stuck on her head! For years after, every time we'd hit a car wash I would have to remind her about her "shampoo." :wah: :D



Thanks for suggesting the story, Acc! I forgot how much I love to tell that one. :)
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Post by Accountable »

:yh_rotfl Now THAT'S a story!



I believe that's the proper way to honor a memory. Well done.
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Post by RedGlitter »

Accountable;449856 wrote: :yh_rotfl Now THAT'S a story!



I believe that's the proper way to honor a memory. Well done.





;)....
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Post by Lady G »

RedGlitter;439927 wrote: I notice we have a forum for people whose children have passed on...would it be possible to have a forum for all bereaved people? I have a personal interest in it, having just lost my mother, but I would think it would help quite a few people who might need a little support. Thank you.



Hi all, just joined this evening. RedGlitter I am sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my father almost 10 years ago and still miss him.

My mother lost her husband and found there was nowhere to turn, nowhere that truly helped so she started up bereavement counselling. Her organisation is large and she goes all over the world doing workshops and seminars.

I tried to post the URL for her website but am not allowed until I post 15 posts....?

So the name of her organisation is: The Ruby Care Foundation. Type it in Google and you'll get there.

She's a great person my mom, a diamond.
RedGlitter
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Post by RedGlitter »

Hi Lady G,

Welcome to the Forum Garden!! :)

Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for your loss too. I appreciate what you said about your mom...you're another lucky one for having a mother like that. :)



I think I've heard something about that 15 post rule. I will go to the link you gave us and look around. Thank you! I think it's great that your mom created a special organization for people to be helped.



Mrs K! Thank you! I'm glad you liked my story! Accountable had the right idea. Do you know after I posted my story, I wasn't sad anymore. :)
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Post by Carl44 »

mrsK;476960 wrote: We recieved news that a friend of ours who has been battling cancer for the past 6yrs passed away last night.



I spoke to his wife & she is holding up well & knew it was inevitable,she is finding it hard as her son died earlier this year .



The family are bringing his ashes out here to scatter them on our property we used to own,that was his last request:-4

sorry to hear your bad news ,this poor lady some people just have so much to deal with sending her special big bald hugs and special jimbo happy beams :-6 :-6 :-4

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