My Sister

Discussion group for those recovering from substance abuse. This is the place to talk about your struggles and success in regards to addiction.
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Shes going to lose everything. Her husband, the kids, the house, everything.

4 yrs ago when I found an empty Oxycontin bottle on the beach near her boat I talked to her about it but the denial was mind blowing and overwhelming. Her husband told me to butt out, I think she intimidates him.

So he swept it under the rug and now it seems to be coming to a head.

Shes been getting a free ride and its going to blow up in her face.

I told her today that theres a strong possibility she will lose her kids if they get seperated.

She denied using drugs even though the day my wife got out of surgery she called here wanting to come by and pick up some of my wifes painkillers.

The other day another doctor refused to treat her, he said she was drug seeking.

She denied this ever happened even though her husbands mom was with her and she told my wife what happened.



The call I made to her today was in the hopes the thought of losing her children (its happened before) was a real possibility, but all she could say was I was crazy and I had no idea what I was talking about.



I feel sick to my stomach, in some way I understand why her husband is a coward but I think he has a responsibility in letting this go on as long as it has.

He had an obligation to the kids to give her an ultimatum a long time ago.

I cant pursue this anymore because shes fiercely protecting her drug use.

Shes convinced I dont understand whats really going on so she pretends like its not real.



I havent seen her not stoned more than a handful of times in the last years but shes very clever in her denial and so Im second guessing myself but Im fighting that. I know Im right.



I dont have the heart to be the one to have the knock down drag out fight its going to be. Anyway I guess she just might have to lose the kids and get well or she wont have to buy cough syrup to pretend anymore, shell be free to just start drinking again and die.
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Kathy Ellen
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Post by Kathy Ellen »

Hi Nomad:-4

I'm so sorry to hear this news... All of my thoughts are with you and family. It's heartbreaking to know that you're so helpless when it comes to some family issues. I had some similar problems with a close family member and found that counselling for ME helped a great deal in dealing with these issues. I learned how to cope, understand, appreciate. love and help this member of my family. In fact, I helped raise his children for many years. I was there for the children alway and still am. It's good to reach out to the children:-4

You're a wonderful brother to feel such compassion:-4.

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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

You're a wonderful brother to feel such compassion





All I feel right now is ill.
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Sheryl
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Post by Sheryl »

I understand how you feel. I have a sister in same shoes, except her kids have been taken away, and she doesn't care. I alternate between a feeling of helplessness and bitter anger. It's hard to want to help someone, when they don't care to help themselves.
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Sheryl;776042 wrote: I understand how you feel. I have a sister in same shoes, except her kids have been taken away, and she doesn't care. I alternate between a feeling of helplessness and bitter anger. It's hard to want to help someone, when they don't care to help themselves.




You cant.

Right or wrong I have to concentrate on my own sobriety or it all gets flushed down the toilet for me.
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Kathy Ellen
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Post by Kathy Ellen »

Nomad;776027 wrote: You're a wonderful brother to feel such compassion





All I feel right now is ill.


You are a wonderful brother Nomad, otherwise you wouldn't care. I think that I know how you feel Nomad. because I've been there. Issues tend to get worse before they get better because every negative issue has to come out in the open at once. Therapy is a very painful experience because your soul is wide open for everyone to see. And then anger happens because you have to bare your soul to your loved one.

But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel...problems are not totally resolved, but you know that you're on the road to recovery.

I truly believe that you have to deal with your own feelings before you can help others....and always help the children first:-4
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Yes, the children.
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Kathy Ellen
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Post by Kathy Ellen »

Nomad;776043 wrote: You cant.

Right or wrong I have to concentrate on my own sobriety or it all gets flushed down the toilet for me.


Then that's right Nomad...You have to help yourself before you can help others. Take care of yourself and then give support to sis later on.

I believe that you should focus and take care of yourself right now....Good luck luv and know that we're all here for you.:-6 You know that you can pm anyone of us and have a great chat:-4. You know that we love ya:-4
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Kathy Ellen;776048 wrote: Then that's right Nomad...You have to help yourself before you can help others. Take care of yourself and then give support to sis later on.



I believe that you should focus and take care of yourself right now....Good luck luv and know that we're all here for you.:-6 You know that you can pm anyone of us and have a great chat:-4. You know that we love ya:-4




Thank you very much. :-4
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kayleneaussie
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Post by kayleneaussie »

Nomad, what a wonderful brother you are, some would turn their heads the other way. I have been down this road myself with a very close family member. I remember feeling physically sick and depressed as I seemed to be hitting my head against a brick wall. Be there for the children, let her know you will be there always if she needs you but you cant help someone on drugs until they want the help themselves.

I wish you all the best in the future and chin up:yh_hugs
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Peg
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Post by Peg »

:yh_hugs Nomad. A heartbreaking story all the way around. :-1
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CARLA
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Post by CARLA »

:yh_hugs Nomie your doing all you can. You shouldn't feel bad she is responsible for her actions. You care and that is always painful. Denial is an ugly thing especially when it involves Children they would be my only concern their health, and well being is first and foremost now. I don't know their ages but I can imagine they have seen more than you know.

Your sister will either wake up and smell the coffee or she won't and it really is that simple. Her husband is not helping by covering for her and hopefully at some point he will come to his senses as well. They are both enabling each other and that is dangerous. It is quit possible the kids will be taken from both of them if the courts get involved and it is deemed a un-safe environment for them. :(

You have to take care of yourself first then, and only then can you be of assistance to your Sister. Until she owns up to her drugs problems there is nothing you can do but watch out for the kids the best you can.

Know this we are here for you always and I have you, your family and your sister in my prayers tonight. :-4
ALOHA!!

MOTTO TO LIVE BY:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.

WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"

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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Thank you everyone. My mind is right. Well..........
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littlemissgiggle
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Post by littlemissgiggle »

I am not sure what to say in a situation like this or if i was in your shoes but are being a wonderful brother and I hope sis gets sorted out before its too late.

always here for you Nommie :-4
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Chezzie
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Post by Chezzie »

Wow Nomad, I always think of you as Mr Fun and didnt realise you were going through so much sorrow and heartache.

Like its already been said, your a very caring and warm person who obviously loves his sister and her family very much. I hope their is a good outcome for them. For you Nomad, remember we want you to be happy cos we think so highly of you and will always be here for you.:-6:-4
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Betty Boop
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Post by Betty Boop »

:-4 to you Nomad. Thinking of you all.
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Marie5656
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Post by Marie5656 »

Stay strong, Nomad, and know you always have friends to talk with. Best of luck to your sister, and I hope she realizes her need to recover.
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abbey
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Post by abbey »

My love to you nomad,

You're a good brother. :-4
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chocoholic
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Post by chocoholic »

Nomad, have only just seen this thread, don't have any experience of this situation but you are all in my thoughts:-4
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minks
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Post by minks »

Aw Nomad not much else in life is tougher than walking away from a loved one because you are rendered helpless. It's pure hell to watch them fail, and some recover and some never do. It's when you have to succumb to the greater good, and yes you are right, you have to concentrate on you and keep yourself afloat.

Nommy I have lost 5 dear people to death in a span of 15 months, I have suffered through a hellish divorce but all in all my friend the toughest thing I ever experienced was telling my daughter to leave my house and never come back. Sometimes Nomad we just gotta say... I can't take it, I have to make my life the best I can and remove ourselves from those who won't accept help or change.

Keep your chin up buddy, and lean on your friends.

Huggs M
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Doesnt matter. She disowned me and declared me dead.

Beautiful song though.
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Pheasy
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Post by Pheasy »

Nomad;778499 wrote: Doesnt matter. She disowned me and declared me dead.

Beautiful song though.


That is not what she truly feels I am sure. It is hard being the one they love. :-4:-4
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Chezzie
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Post by Chezzie »

Nomad;778499 wrote: Doesnt matter. She disowned me and declared me dead.

Beautiful song though.


well you tried Nomad, no one can say you didnt...Know you have to get on with you and when shes ready, be there for her...x
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Pheasy
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Post by Pheasy »

fuzzy butt;778555 wrote: Pheasy If she is in denial then I can garrentee she does mean it . Nomads sis is going to have to hit rock bottom I'm afraid .


What I mean is, usually in a time of crisis you turn on the ones trying to help you/ the ones you loves. Yes I agree she does mean it right now, but when she comes through this , the ones she loves need to forgive her and forget what she did not really mean at the time. Its hard to ignore, but this is not her speaking.
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Accountable
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Post by Accountable »

Nomad, you're the stronger one, and you know your limitations. I'm with ya buddy.



On a similar note, my brother hit bottom, then sank a little, then bounced back. He's over 50 so his odds really suck and he was having real trouble finding work, but somehow he stayed off the bottle. He's working now, earning a living. I hear about him third and fourth hand, but that's because of his personality not from any hostility. What I'm saying is, you've done well. Any other help you can do is only in the psychic & prayer departments. The rest is up to her. She shares your DNA; odds are she'll bounce just fine.



:-6
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Uncle Kram
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Post by Uncle Kram »

Top bro Nomad, but it's a real shame you can't help until she wants to be helped. Maybe the shock of losing her kids will jolt her out of her denial. Lucky she's got you there mate, but it's gonna be a rough ride for sure.


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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

My brother in laws sister left a message today. She heard what happened and wants to pursue an intervention. Shes recovering herself and would be highly useful in this drama thats about to unfold. My hope is my sis will end up hating all of us and not just me. :-3

I havent called her yet but I will this evening.
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CARLA
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Post by CARLA »

Great idea may be the only way to get her into treatment. She will hate all of you equally now for sure. ;)

[QUOTE]My brother in laws sister left a message today. She heard what happened and wants to pursue an intervention. Shes recovering herself and would be highly useful in this drama thats about to unfold. My hope is my sis will end up hating all of us and not just me.

I havent called her yet but I will this evening.[/QUOTE]
ALOHA!!

MOTTO TO LIVE BY:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.

WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"

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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

CARLA;779227 wrote: Great idea may be the only way to get her into treatment. She will hate all of you equally now for sure. ;)


:wah:

Its the most I can hope for.
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Accountable
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Post by Accountable »

Here's to hate!
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WonderWendy3
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Post by WonderWendy3 »

Hugs to you Nommie....

At least hate is an emotion she can still feel huh? Meaning that she is here...she can be helped, it is just going to be a long hard road....I've never experienced what you are going through, well not to that extent, I've dealt with alcholics and my brother going to jail and leaving a wife and child homeless....and me being the only person (single mom with 3 boys) that can take them in....

My heart goes out to you and I am praying for you, my sweet friend.:-4
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Update:

The family had a pre-intervention meeting on Sat.

The guy thats going to do this has been all over the world devoting his skills to getting people into treatment.

The facility will be Hazelden which is in a class by itself.

Its like the Mayo Clinic of treatment facilities.

We have a meeting here Fri. night with all involved to go through whats going to take place Sat. morning at my sisters house.

She will be presented with the option of treatment right then or there will be severe consequences.

Her choice.

Everyone is nervous but excited.

This is a very good thing happening on many levels.

My father whom I havent spoken to in too long will be involved and I look forward to resurrecting my family and my place in it.

Thanks for all the great replies.

Brian
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G#Gill
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Post by G#Gill »

Nomie, that is so encouraging. I hope for all your sakes and particularly your sister's, that she makes the right decision. My heart goes out to you, and I shall be thinking of you and your family. xxx
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Thank you very much.
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Betty Boop
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Post by Betty Boop »

Nomad;791197 wrote: Update:

The family had a pre-intervention meeting on Sat.

The guy thats going to do this has been all over the world devoting his skills to getting people into treatment.

The facility will be Hazelden which is in a class by itself.

Its like the Mayo Clinic of treatment facilities.

We have a meeting here Fri. night with all involved to go through whats going to take place Sat. morning at my sisters house.

She will be presented with the option of treatment right then or there will be severe consequences.

Her choice.

Everyone is nervous but excited.

This is a very good thing happening on many levels.

My father whom I havent spoken to in too long will be involved and I look forward to resurrecting my family and my place in it.

Thanks for all the great replies.

Brian


Good luck with everything, hopefully your sister will accept the options. :-4
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Me too Boops. If she doesnt shes going to be in a world of hurt.
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Chezzie
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Post by Chezzie »

Great News and good luck for Saturday:-6
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Chezzie;791230 wrote: Great News and good luck for Saturday:-6


Thank you.
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Bryn Mawr
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Post by Bryn Mawr »

Nomad,

Much respect for the efforts you're making.

May they bare fruit and may your sister make a full recovery.
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WonderWendy3
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Post by WonderWendy3 »

:-4Big hugs to you Nomad and your family, I can only imagine how hard this is for all of you. :-6:-6
weeder
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Post by weeder »

Best of luck, Brian. Theres a lot of love swarming around your sister.... she very fortunate.
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Kathy Ellen
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Post by Kathy Ellen »

Best of love and luck to you Nomad...You are definitely a wonderful brother:-4

And I mean that damn it...I really do...

I could never have the guts to do that with a family member, and I'm sorry that I didn't....:-1 For the rest of my life, I will always regret not having an intervention for one of my close family members. You did it and should be proud of yourself:-4
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Accountable
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Post by Accountable »

Nomad;791197 wrote: Update:

The family had a pre-intervention meeting on Sat.

The guy thats going to do this has been all over the world devoting his skills to getting people into treatment.

The facility will be Hazelden which is in a class by itself.

Its like the Mayo Clinic of treatment facilities.

We have a meeting here Fri. night with all involved to go through whats going to take place Sat. morning at my sisters house.

She will be presented with the option of treatment right then or there will be severe consequences.

Her choice.

Everyone is nervous but excited.

This is a very good thing happening on many levels.

My father whom I havent spoken to in too long will be involved and I look forward to resurrecting my family and my place in it.

Thanks for all the great replies.

Brian
That's incredibly great news, Brian. You've got lots of opportunities presenting themselves all at once. Best of best wishes to you, bro.
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Uncle Kram
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Post by Uncle Kram »

Good luck mate. Make sure you wear that tin foil hat.


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qsducks
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Post by qsducks »

Good luck with your sister and I hope everything works out - Keep the faith:)

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