Parental Bonding with Children..

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 1:28 pm

I've seen some arguing over who has the strongest bonds with their children, mothers or fathers. Some are going to argue that the mothers have the strongest bond because they gave birth to the child. Is this right or wrong? Why is it that people think fathers do not have close bonds to their children? And what about the women who can have kid after kid, but careless about the kid once it's born?

Frankly, I don't think it's a matter of what gender you are that decides how close you are going to be as a parent. I think it's more of a matter of how you raise you kid, how much time you spend getting to know your child, how much you help with the day to day raising of the child, that's going to determine your bond.

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 1:31 pm

Sheryl;796448 wrote: I've seen some arguing over who has the strongest bonds with their children, mothers or fathers. Some are going to argue that the mothers have the strongest bond because they gave birth to the child. Is this right or wrong? Why is it that people think fathers do not have close bonds to their children? And what about the women who can have kid after kid, but careless about the kid once it's born?

Frankly, I don't think it's a matter of what gender you are that decides how close you are going to be as a parent. I think it's more of a matter of how you raise you kid, how much time you spend getting to know your child, how much you help with the day to day raising of the child, that's going to determine your bond.

I agree 100% Sheryl.

I know my husband loves my kids the same as I do, yes I gave birth to them but he sowed the seed with me, helped me in the labour room and had helped for the last 10 years to raise them...

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 2:02 pm

My husband has a very strong bond with our kids. I know he would lay his life down for them, ( yes he has spoilt them:-5):wah: I think a mothers bond is very strong,, but thats cos im a mother and thats how i feel,, i cant say what others feel man or woman

i think when a mother has such a strong maternal love it is so strong she feels no one else could ever feel as strong a love as she does for her kids, this is probably just natural,, i know i have actually felt that way at times. :-3 even though i know my husband adores his kids with all his heart, and he is very family orientated. still i have to admit to feeling like i have the strongest love.. i know thats wrong,, but im just saying how i feel,, emotion taking over logic really:o

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 2:59 pm

I understand where you are coming from Kazalala, but I never bonded with my biological mother. If had any sort of mother/daughter bond with anyone it was my grandmother. That's why I think who's the closest bonding wise isn't based giving birth to the child, it's who worked on developing that close bond with the child. That make sense??

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 3:07 pm

I think for us lucky ones, the overwhelming, indescribable feeling when you hold your little bundle after labour is beyond words. My husband was the first to hold both of our babies - the memories of the look in his eyes as he stared into theirs, brings tears to my eyes even now.

I remember him giving Minime a bath in the hospital, he was terrified, bless him :wah:

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 3:18 pm

I know that with my mother, I had the strongest bond with her. My father, was just a person who worked and kept a roof over our head. He was not a very affectionate person that I remember when I got older. He was one of the types that basically thought that kids should be seen and not heard. As far as I'm concerned, one out of two ain't bad. I would hate to have had a life when I was younger that I felt I had no one to go to or lean on.

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Mar 08, 2008 10:25 am

Sheryl;796533 wrote: I understand where you are coming from Kazalala, but I never bonded with my biological mother. If had any sort of mother/daughter bond with anyone it was my grandmother. That's why I think who's the closest bonding wise isn't based giving birth to the child, it's who worked on developing that close bond with the child. That make sense??

Yes it makes sense and i agree. Thats what i mean, sometimes emotion takes over from logic when a woman has a very strong bond with her children,, making her feel no one can love them as much as her. Therefore sometimes it makes her feel that because she feels that way then every mother must feel that way, which is of course not the case.

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 7:34 am

I totally agree 100% with chezzi - hubby is always saying to the kids when they are in trouble, etc. "I will give the shirt off my back to help you" and is way more attentive to them then his father was to him. Helps out with everything, homework, coaching, etc.