Should I Phone or Write to Them or Forget Completely????

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 10:02 pm

Long story. When I first moved to Vancouver in 1964, I met a girl in orientation for new kids at the school. We became really good friends. She was cute, and my brother put his sites on her a couple of years later. They later married, and unbeknownst to us all she was pregnant. We never found out until the baby was born that day. D&D never made out too well after that, and they split. He went on his way and she went on hers. D (my sister in law) did not have a very positive mother because she was being always the wife and it was quite well known that her dad was a bit of a pric, and he was busy running around with other women, and I know Mrs. S. never had a very high opinion of men.

Anyways, I lost contact so fast with my friend, because of my brother, and because I was young and going 100 miles an hour myself, and I married and moved away to Texas.

So, I come back nearly 15 years later and find out from my brother that he has had a few contacts with her but only for sexual boinks, and that is it. He never paid alimony, child support or nothing. My parents never seen the child after they split, and never pursued it, because my ass-hole brother said not to. After I came back from Texas, I told my brother I would like to see them again, and he told me that it would not be a good idea, cause she "doesn't want to see you." I accepted that then, but now I realized I am the only aunt he really has, and maybe the mom (my good old friend) might just want to see me.

I had a bit of history from talking to my brother of where they might live and I can hook that up now by finding two addresses in the phone book which are the same for both the son and his mother (he obviously is living in a basement suite).

I have not seen my brother since my mother's funeral in 2001, and there will be no chance of contact with him.

Now my question is, do I have a right to try and contact him or his mother, who was a really dear friend to me in the first place? I am uncomfortable about what to do with this information, and I just need some feed-back about what would you do? I guess I am getting a littler older now and feeling family is important. Please advise, I will certainly will take everything into consideration and thanks in advance. Sorry this is so long.

grh · Post by **grh** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 10:29 pm

Is the child a blood relative or did your brother marry someone carrying another mans child?If this is your nephew and you are serious, by all means pursue it. If this is not your blood nephew, you're still right, you are the only aunt he has.

But if you are not prepared to work for the relationship, don't put the kid through the process of getting rejected again in life. What your brother thinks is totally irrelevant, IMO. Anyone that thinks they can tell others not to be involved with a child is a horses ass. To be honest, I'm not real thrilled with your parents reaction in this myself, but you aren't looking for a family critique, just thoughts on the nephew.

I don't see how you can not contact them. Especially since you quite obviously are dying too...

:-6

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 10:43 pm

This nephew is my blood. I don't know other than the fact that my brother did not let my parents pursue this, even though she was always a welcome commodity in my household since we started being friends. My mother, who listened to that no good prick, never could really say much about it, I believe because of embarassment. Now, if it was me who did all that crap, I am sure she would have had something to say. Different years and generation, but that does not make things right. Thanks for your input.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 11:14 pm

I say contact him.

What does your heart say?

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 12:10 am

I dont have any family really due to not knowing who my father was.I must admit I miss that so much.You go girl and follow your heart because if you dont make no mistake you will always regret it and one other thing........dont you think they will be thinking about you also.......

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 1:58 am

Maybe it would be better getting in touch with your friend before contacting your nephew.

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 4:26 am

Write your old friend a letter saying you've recently moved back into the area, giving your address and 'phone number, and that you'd like to see her again.

Then leave it to her to make contact if she wants to.

el guapo · Post by **el guapo** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 6:05 am

write a letter she was your friend after all:)

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 8:01 am

I agree that it would be best to contact your friend first and see her response.

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:45 am

Thank you all for your input, I will try and put something together over the weekend and mail it to my friend, and see where that goes from there. I will let you know how it turns out. Thanks again.

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:47 am

Good for you. I'm glad you decided to - otherwise you will always wonder :-6

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Sat Jan 19, 2008 8:37 pm

Pheasant - Such a cute avitar - I want him!!