What's the Family Limit?

Clint · Post by **Clint** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 5:46 pm

What would it take for you to tell your mother or father or both to stop calling, e-mailing, visiting or contacting you and any way? What offense against you or behaviour on their part would call for action that drastic?

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 6:14 pm

I wrote off my mother - she married a crazy man who put a gun to my head - so that was a no brainer. I did contact her once she was single again.

I've written by brother off a couple of years ago - I told him to take me out of his directory, since he was not around to support my sister & I when her son was killed.

I don't regret my decisions.

Patsy

P.S. good to see ya Clint

koan · Post by **koan** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 6:36 pm

my brother trashed my house, that he was supposed to buy from me. He had been renting it until they got approved for a mortgage. He then gave me one months notice and moved out.

I asked him for one more month so my daughter would be done school in another district and I wouldn't have two homes to pay for. He said no.

I didn't speak to him for two years and still wouldn't if my mother hadn't forced it.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 6:50 pm

i made the decision last year and told my dad that i would no longer be coming to see him when he was drinking and to not invite me..i didnt want to ..and he was always welcome to my home sober but not drinking..it was hard and hurt.. i have seen him maybe few times in the last year..we pass on the street and chat ..about it..he has not came up here except to stop in the road and talk to me a moment maybe twice and i have not gone to his house but a few times and immediately left as soon as i saw he was drinking..

to him i have abandaned him as a daughter ...to me i have loved myself to say i deserve better...

i have lost a father to alchohol and he has lost me and my kids because of his choices...

A few months later my brother did the same thing and told him the same thing i did..

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:03 pm

Funny you should start this thread now. Just last week I told my dad to forget my phone number. This comes on the heels of not speaking to my mother for the last 14 months. A cancer starting eating my family around 20 years ago, as the result of a sister who was a lifer drug addict and died at 38.My family gradually became more and more dysfunctional. Everyone of us carries some kind of hurt resentment anger etc....... The issue with my mother and dad is that they have absolutely no loyalty towards me. No respect for me. If someone tells them I did something or said something, they just believe it. They dont even give me the opportunity to defend myself, and obviously they think nothing of me at all. I dont need to be around people who make me feel like a pile of crap. And so, now my father can join the pile with my mother. At 55 Im tired of trying to prove myself.

Bye Bye... Take care.

Lisa · Post by **Lisa** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 8:16 pm

My mom and stepdad have always made a big differance between me and my 12 year younger brother.He is thiers together,I am from my mom's first marriage. But they started dating when I was four. My stepdad was very mean to me always. I do let my daughter go to thier house some weekends. She is the only grandchild.They seem to be crazy about her. I told them both they are not to spank her or yell at her at all.and if they did ,they would see her no more.

They hardly ever see me. Two or three times a year maybe on holidays.They only live ten miles away.My husband takes her there on his way to work,when she is not with his aunt.and I am at work on the weekends.

I am trusting them because they act like they have changed.I want my daughter to know her grandmother,it's her only one.

My real father left when I was three. He went on with his life.seen me very little as I was growing up. for the last seven years he has tried to get back into my life.even sends me money for christmas,birthdays.I keep his money, but blow him off.he owes back child support anyway.

I pray my child never wants to cuy me out of her life.

:)

Clint · Post by **Clint** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 10:03 pm

Patsy Warnick;690615 wrote: I wrote off my mother - she married a crazy man who put a gun to my head - so that was a no brainer. I did contact her once she was single again.

I've written by brother off a couple of years ago - I told him to take me out of his directory, since he was not around to support my sister & I when her son was killed.

I don't regret my decisions.

Patsy

P.S. good to see ya Clint

Thank you Patsy. My question has a lot to do with why I've spent some time away. I need to understand why people make the choices they do about family.

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 12:41 am

FuzzyNavel;690649 wrote:

I pray my child never wants to cut me out of her life.

:)

I totally agree with Weeder and FuzzyNavel's great comments above.

My Mum and Dad haven't spoken to me for the last three years. Its a long story.

I was very hurt by their attitude and sank into a deep, deep depression.

But I'm starting to get better now and I realise that my mum has never, in my entire life said even one nice thing to me. Just constant criticism and nit-picking that destroy your self-confidence.

And I am beginning to realise that I am not the horrible person she seems to think I am. My friends love me for who I am but, until now, I have always believed her not them and thought that really I must be a horrible person inside.

I don't know why she is like this. But it's no longer my cross to bear - it's hers.

I don't need that in my life.

But the main point that I wanted to make was that I am constantly telling my kids I love them. I hug them and kiss them and they know that nothing they could ever do will make me stop loving them.

Emotional and mental abuse cuts deep and is hard to cure. And either you follow your parents example or you break the cycle. I have cut out the dead wood and I am a much better parent to my kids than my parents were to me. I have turned my parents negativity into something positive by making sure I don't follow their path. I think thats the best you can do. Use your family's example as a bad example and make sure you don't go there. Good luck!

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:35 am

I can't stand confrontations, fall outs etc of any kind and happily have never been in the position where I have felt I needed to cut someone out of my life or been cut out of anyone else's life.

There have been cirmstances where relationships in my family have been on a rocky road.....that's life..... it's taken a lot of effort to smooth the road again.

......however there are circumstances where I would cut someone out of my life.....child abuse, violence, murder, severe dis-respect of a person or property and so on.