My friend has just found out that her son, aged 16 years (just), is having sex with his girlfriend. Understandably she is very upset about this. She has banned him from going out with her and said she does not want the girl anywhere near.
I understand that she is upset. But now that he has 'done it' how is she going to stop them. He has a car, sees her at school every day, and is not at home under her watchful eye 24/7.
I was trying to think how I would handle this situ. Hopefully I have longer to think about it as my kids are still only 12yrs and 6yrs.
I am thinking that once this line is crossed, how can you prevent it from happening again. You don't want to encourage it, however would it not be safer now this has happened to talk about safe sex, rather than hoping it will 'go away'.
I would be interested to hear what peoples views are on trying to deal with this situation.
Sexually Active Child
Sexually Active Child
ThePheasant;624847 wrote: My friend has just found out that her son, aged 16 years (just), is having sex with his girlfriend. Understandably she is very upset about this. She has banned him from going out with her and said she does not want the girl anywhere near.
I understand that she is upset. But now that he has 'done it' how is she going to stop them. He has a car, sees her at school every day, and is not at home under her watchful eye 24/7.
I was trying to think how I would handle this situ. Hopefully I have longer to think about it as my kids are still only 12yrs and 6yrs.
I am thinking that once this line is crossed, how can you prevent it from happening again. You don't want to encourage it, however would it not be safer now this has happened to talk about safe sex, rather than hoping it will 'go away'.
I would be interested to hear what peoples views are on trying to deal with this situation.
All she's done in to guarantee that he keeps on seeing his girlfriend and ensure that he never allows her to find out about anything else.
As an exercise in futility it might work but as a practical solution it sucks.
As he thinks he is an adult, treat him like one. Apart from talking it through with him, explain that with the freedoms and the pleasures come the responsibilities and here's what you've taken on
I understand that she is upset. But now that he has 'done it' how is she going to stop them. He has a car, sees her at school every day, and is not at home under her watchful eye 24/7.
I was trying to think how I would handle this situ. Hopefully I have longer to think about it as my kids are still only 12yrs and 6yrs.
I am thinking that once this line is crossed, how can you prevent it from happening again. You don't want to encourage it, however would it not be safer now this has happened to talk about safe sex, rather than hoping it will 'go away'.
I would be interested to hear what peoples views are on trying to deal with this situation.
All she's done in to guarantee that he keeps on seeing his girlfriend and ensure that he never allows her to find out about anything else.
As an exercise in futility it might work but as a practical solution it sucks.
As he thinks he is an adult, treat him like one. Apart from talking it through with him, explain that with the freedoms and the pleasures come the responsibilities and here's what you've taken on
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
Sexually Active Child
ThePheasant;624847 wrote: My friend has just found out that her son, aged 16 years (just), is having sex with his girlfriend. Understandably she is very upset about this. She has banned him from going out with her and said she does not want the girl anywhere near.
I understand that she is upset. But now that he has 'done it' how is she going to stop them. He has a car, sees her at school every day, and is not at home under her watchful eye 24/7.
I was trying to think how I would handle this situ. Hopefully I have longer to think about it as my kids are still only 12yrs and 6yrs.
I am thinking that once this line is crossed, how can you prevent it from happening again. You don't want to encourage it, however would it not be safer now this has happened to talk about safe sex, rather than hoping it will 'go away'.
I would be interested to hear what peoples views are on trying to deal with this situation.
Very good subject...I was thinking about this, this morning actually. I have an 18 year old son (which most of you know) and I ask him periodically if he's "done it" He has told me no, last time I asked about 2 weeks ago after Prom....I know some of you may have your opinion about this...and I've been made fun of when I come out with the statement that I KNOW my son is still a virgin. I'm not really sure that he is anymore, but imo that is his business. I know I can't stop him, I pray that he's being responsible. He has always said that he wants to wait for his bride to be the first one...which I always thought was awesome, very few young men feel that way. I know all about hormones taking over that way of thinking too.
I have raised my boys to be open and honest with me, if they try to lie to me, we have a good laugh about it, becuase they can't...I can look at their faces and tell them that they are lying...and then they either laugh or get mad!! :-4
As to the lady trying to lock up her 16 year old...Not good if you ask me...that just breeds more rebellion! Of course, you don't want to pay for the hotel room either... It's not an easy call, but telling a kid NO, usually results in them doing it anyway....:-5 :-5
I understand that she is upset. But now that he has 'done it' how is she going to stop them. He has a car, sees her at school every day, and is not at home under her watchful eye 24/7.
I was trying to think how I would handle this situ. Hopefully I have longer to think about it as my kids are still only 12yrs and 6yrs.
I am thinking that once this line is crossed, how can you prevent it from happening again. You don't want to encourage it, however would it not be safer now this has happened to talk about safe sex, rather than hoping it will 'go away'.
I would be interested to hear what peoples views are on trying to deal with this situation.
Very good subject...I was thinking about this, this morning actually. I have an 18 year old son (which most of you know) and I ask him periodically if he's "done it" He has told me no, last time I asked about 2 weeks ago after Prom....I know some of you may have your opinion about this...and I've been made fun of when I come out with the statement that I KNOW my son is still a virgin. I'm not really sure that he is anymore, but imo that is his business. I know I can't stop him, I pray that he's being responsible. He has always said that he wants to wait for his bride to be the first one...which I always thought was awesome, very few young men feel that way. I know all about hormones taking over that way of thinking too.
I have raised my boys to be open and honest with me, if they try to lie to me, we have a good laugh about it, becuase they can't...I can look at their faces and tell them that they are lying...and then they either laugh or get mad!! :-4
As to the lady trying to lock up her 16 year old...Not good if you ask me...that just breeds more rebellion! Of course, you don't want to pay for the hotel room either... It's not an easy call, but telling a kid NO, usually results in them doing it anyway....:-5 :-5
Sexually Active Child
I left home when I was 16. A large part of the reason was because I felt that my parents didn't recognize my freedom. I don't say "give me freedom" because it's not theirs to give or take by the time a kid reaches that age.
Sexually Active Child
The more she tells him to stay away, the more he'll want to be with her. IMO she needs to talk to him about safe sex. If he is too embarrassed to buy condoms, I would do it. It's not giving him permission, it's about trying to protect them both.
Sexually Active Child
It does seem like she is also giving her son the message that sex is wrong.. or bad,, or unnatural? I dont think thats a good message. It would be better to talk openly about it, so that he knows it is ok to tell his mother anything. I agree with Bryn, he will probably become secretive.
FOC THREAD PART1
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Sexually Active Child
Oooo boy this hits home for me being the mother of 2 girls. I found the first one to be active around 16 ish and all I could think to do was take her aside and tell her about safe sex. Then I made a Dr. appointment for her and she started with birth control. I knew I had no control over her sexual activities so could only offer up all the protection and education I could muster. Needless to say her dad was madder than a wet hen as he believed this would promote promiscuity (I can't spell and am to lazy to dictionary.com that word) I did NOT care, it's about safe sex and health bottom line.
Daughter number 2 started a little earlier and I did the same thing and received the same flack from her dad, but again I did NOT care. Unless we hogtie our kids or scare the hell out of them we can not control their every move.
I think I did a fair and good job about instilling responsibility upon my girls. As well I am blessed with 2 fine boys who have been with my girls for 3 and 1.5 years and nobody is "playing around" :-6
Daughter number 2 started a little earlier and I did the same thing and received the same flack from her dad, but again I did NOT care. Unless we hogtie our kids or scare the hell out of them we can not control their every move.
I think I did a fair and good job about instilling responsibility upon my girls. As well I am blessed with 2 fine boys who have been with my girls for 3 and 1.5 years and nobody is "playing around" :-6
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
― Mae West
― Mae West
Sexually Active Child
Children are always inclined to do the exact thing their parents tell them not to, its just the way they are. I guess if i was in this situation I would hope that my children could come and share things with me and I could be as open as possible in this situation. I know its hard for a parent to come to the realisation that their 'child' is sexually active but at 16 and in our time it is to be expected that many children will begin to experiment around this age. you've just got to hope that children will be safe and use some form of birth control. If you can't stop them doing it, at least you've got to agree its best you help them to realise the consequences of not using birth control rather than just being repressive and possibly making them want to rebel more. Then again i am not suggesting she should go out and buy them a pack of condoms for their 16th birthday, don't wanna give them any ideas :p
Sexually Active Child
beautyful;624945 wrote: Children are always inclined to do the exact thing their parents tell them not to, its just the way they are. I guess if i was in this situation I would hope that my children could come and share things with me and I could be as open as possible in this situation. I know its hard for a parent to come to the realisation that their 'child' is sexually active but at 16 and in our time it is to be expected that many children will begin to experiment around this age. you've just got to hope that children will be safe and use some form of birth control. If you can't stop them doing it, at least you've got to agree its best you help them to realise the consequences of not using birth control rather than just being repressive and possibly making them want to rebel more. Then again i am not suggesting she should go out and buy them a pack of condoms for their 16th birthday, don't wanna give them any ideas :p
birthcontrol and condoms teens are somewhat brain dead still and I think they need to be well armed against pregnancy and std's.
birthcontrol and condoms teens are somewhat brain dead still and I think they need to be well armed against pregnancy and std's.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
― Mae West
― Mae West
Sexually Active Child
I watched a documentary about sexually active teenagers and one girl(roughly 15 i think) regularly had unprotected sex and even after she had a scare, she seemed not to care. Her father insisted she had tests for STDS but even after that she admitted she would undoubtedly have unprotected sex again!
Sexually Active Child
minks;624954 wrote: birthcontrol and condoms teens are somewhat brain dead still and I think they need to be well armed against pregnancy and std's.
Are you agreeing with what i said? I am a little confused :-3
Are you agreeing with what i said? I am a little confused :-3
Sexually Active Child
beautyful;624962 wrote: Are you agreeing with what i said? I am a little confused :-3
oh yes I am
oh yes I am
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
― Mae West
― Mae West
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
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Sexually Active Child
I agree with you too Beautyful!!--just in case you are wondering!!
I went to a clinic as a young woman and I remember the nurse asking me how many men I've been with sexually and I would not tell her out of embarrassment and she told me how she had a girl about 3-4 years younger than me tell her that she's been with over 100 guys...the girl was probably 16 that we are talking about, thinking I was around 20 ish....(pregnant with first baby)...Even to this day as a 40 year old woman could not imagine being with that many people by the age of 16.:-1
I went to a clinic as a young woman and I remember the nurse asking me how many men I've been with sexually and I would not tell her out of embarrassment and she told me how she had a girl about 3-4 years younger than me tell her that she's been with over 100 guys...the girl was probably 16 that we are talking about, thinking I was around 20 ish....(pregnant with first baby)...Even to this day as a 40 year old woman could not imagine being with that many people by the age of 16.:-1
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RedGlitter
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Sexually Active Child
Sixteen is not a child IMO. I don't see the problem. You have to grow up sometime, sex is part of that and I personally don't see that 16 is too young. I think it was handled completely wrong.
Sexually Active Child
When my sons were 13 and 17, I belonged to a womens group, We would sit around talking about the " Kids" and I would say....." My sons are NOT having sex" They would all laugh at me. Well, about 6 months later, I walked into a room and " Caught" my then 14 year old son and his adorable little chocolate girlfriend having sex. She was 18. At 17, my older sons girlfriend got pregnant... she was 21. He married her. Sans my beautiful grand daughter. Trust me.... once they discover IT... you dont exist anymore. The more resistence you give to this situation.... the faster you will put him right into it. Your best hope is to talk about condoms, disease, and unplanned pregnancys.
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Sexually Active Child
RedGlitter;625137 wrote: Sixteen is not a child IMO. I don't see the problem. You have to grow up sometime, sex is part of that and I personally don't see that 16 is too young. I think it was handled completely wrong.
I completely agree, 16 is the age of consent here...equipe your children with all of the knowledge they need on STD's, contraception advice and how to build relationships.
I completely agree, 16 is the age of consent here...equipe your children with all of the knowledge they need on STD's, contraception advice and how to build relationships.
Sexually Active Child
What's wrong with having sex at 16 if you're ready? Is the age of consent different in the US then?
Sexually Active Child
Its interesting that I recently engaged in a discussion on this topic. The reason is because us old foggies..( who considered ourselves to be quite liberal in the 70s and 80s) have been very concerned about a young woman who we care about, who is involved with a much older man. The ramifications of a sexual relationship go far beyond the obvious issues of disease or unplanned pregnancy. There are psychological issues involved, as well. Sexual involvement ( for females mostly) brings the inability to see flaws in a partner. Or even if the flaws can be seen, often the female will stay in the relationship anyway because of the sexual involvement. Young people arent able to realize that sex slides down on the list of qualities needed to have a relationship be fufilling and to have it last. Sexual involvement at an early age replaces the focus on school, goals, and interests. It eliminates innocence and changes the way these young people view the world. When a sexual relationship ends badly, or sadly, it effects self esteem which is a personality component that can determine sucess in life. I know this sounds crazy to the young people reading this.... but it is all valid insight into the reasons why responsible elders frown on sexual activity for the very young. No, 16 is not ready. The body is ready. The brain is not.
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Sexually Active Child
its far better to educate and inform your kids...to be aware of their walk to adult hood and empower them with trust . trust in their choices. he has entered into the adult world of sexuality now and this mom is attempting to take him back out of it...its not going to work and may cause him to think irrational or bad thoughts about sex. it would be far better for this mom to discuss how her son should treat women...and the value of relationship now...and discuss with him protection and the results of carelessness..ie; pregnancy....stds that may kill him......teach him the value of treating his girlfriends as soemthing to value and not use.....
Sexually Active Child
I agree with you all on this one.
Sadly there is no telling her. I guess they are going to have to learn the hard way. Hopefully the resentment and resistance will not cause any problems. They very much operate on 'bully tactics' with him (not physically).
My Mum was always very open and supportive of us kids - we turned out ok, no unwanted pregnancies or worse. My kids know they can come and tell me anything (and do), they know they can discuss anything with me.
Its great to hear all your views on the subject.
Pheasy :-4
Sadly there is no telling her. I guess they are going to have to learn the hard way. Hopefully the resentment and resistance will not cause any problems. They very much operate on 'bully tactics' with him (not physically).
My Mum was always very open and supportive of us kids - we turned out ok, no unwanted pregnancies or worse. My kids know they can come and tell me anything (and do), they know they can discuss anything with me.
Its great to hear all your views on the subject.
Pheasy :-4